Back to Reality.. 2 Weeks Ago

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Isn’t it sad how quickly time on holiday passes? Feels like just yesterday my mate P and I were headed down to Brighton for the weekend.

Meanwhile it’s been almost two weeks since we left and went out separate ways once back in London, with him heading home to Scotland.

Or maybe it seems like it passed quickly because we had a great time… though to be honest it didn’t really feel like we did much while we were there.

As usual when we go to Brighton, we headed to the nude beach on a couple of the afternoons.. which sadly wasn’t a good thing.

Despite the lovely sunny days (only rained on the Monday and briefly on the Saturday), it was way too cold for the beach.  Let alone taking it all off on the nude beach.

PARKA ON THE BEACHIn fact, the wind was so chilly there were maybe a handful of die-hards on the beach.  And there was even a guy sitting naked on the beach.. wearing a parka.

Yeah.. it was that cold. Dammit.

So instead we ended up spending more time drinking and chatting on a couple different terraces overlooking the sea.  And ended up getting farmer tans instead of the all over ones we’d wanted. Hahaha

Overall it just seemed like we chilled out all weekend really.  Sure, we went to the various bear parties for the Brighton Bear Weekender, but we didn’t really party like we had in past years.

Maybe we’re just getting old.  ;-)

To be fair, neither of us were really that bothered by the parties as it was more about hanging out together.  We went to most of them (skipped the underwear party at the underground kink club on the Sunday lol), but didn’t really get into the party atmosphere of the weekend.

In fact, when we say the pics of the weekend and the various parties/events, we weren’t in a single picture… making it almost seem like we weren’t there.

But to be honest, it wasn’t much of a surprise to not see pics of us.  The guys taking the pics all weekend only seemed to take shots of the party bears or the people they already knew.

Or maybe we didn’t do anything to really stand out from the crowds.  Maybe we stayed on the sidelines too much.

There were some who went out of their way to stand out, from outlandish outfits to a group of American bears who stripped to their underwear to dance on the podium Friday night just to get their picture taken.

Ready to goPersonally I didn’t even think they were that good looking to warrant the attention, but most of the guys had their mobiles out taking pics of them.  To each their own I suppose.

Anyway.. in the end, we enjoyed our annual weekend away for our birthdays, albeit a week early.  And we were both surprised how neither of us drank or ate too much.  So not like us at all.  LOL

I mentioned to P how next year maybe we should take a pass on the bear weekend thing.. and maybe give them all a pass in general.  Neither of us really feel like we fit in with the bear crowds, so seems pointless to spend so much money on these parties each year.

Well, we’ll see what happens.. meanwhile P’s suggested I come up to Edinburgh in October for the BearScots again.

So much for taking a break from the bears, huh?  LOL

Sleep Naked for a Healthier You

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What’s your sleeping ritual?  Is there something you must wear to feel comfortable enough to get a good night’s sleep, or are you more comfortable sleeping in your birthday suit?

Apparently sleeping in the nude is actually healthier for you and can improve certain areas of your life.. and not just your sex life either!

According to a couple of sites, approximately 8% of Americans sleep naked, whereas nearly a quarter of British adults are more likely to sleep naked.

So what are the benefits, and how can tossing the pj’s help us all?

Reduces insomnia

men naked sleepingAccording to a recent sleep study, when you wear heavy pyjamas or socks your body can’t release the heat necessary to drop your core body temperature to initiate sleep normally.

This inability of your body to release heat could cause insomnia, whereas sleeping naked allows the heat to release easier, which leads to you falling asleep faster.

This in-bed body temperature regulation may also help you achieve a deeper, longer sleep, which would result in feeling more refreshed upon waking and better to approach the coming day.

Prevents excess belly fat

Now, don’t get too excited!  This isn’t about some quick-slim diet secret, but instead is how sleeping naked helps you lower your cortisol levels. Cortisol functions to increase blood sugar through gluconeogenesis, to suppress the immune system, and to aid in the metabolism of fat, protein, and carbohydrate. (Source: Wikipedia)

Basically, deep sleep lowers cortisol levels to a minimum, then the glands that produce it work more actively to prepare the body for the next day, helping you feel energised when you wake up.  And when you don’t sleep properly, you wake with abnormally high cortisol levels, which stimulates your appetite for comfort foods that increase belly fat.

Healthier sex organs

Not only will will sleeping naked help your sex life, it’ll also help your sexual organs themselves.  It allows your skin and body parts to breathe and get exposed to free flowing air.

For women, it can prevent the growth of yeast and bacteria, while for men it helps keeping testes cooler which in turn keeps sperm healthy and the reproductive systems working normally.  When men wear tight briefs or restrictive clothing (in or out of bed), it can heat up the testes and lower their sperm count.

Prevents aging

According to some studies, sleep can trigger the release of growth hormones and melatonin, which are vital anti-aging hormones.  Which means the better you sleep, the more of these hormones you’ll produce, which in the end will help slow down the aging process.  And who doesn’t want to do that?

Increases skin-to-skin contact

When you have more skin to skin contact with your partner, it can release a boost of oxytocin in your body.  This ‘feel-good’ hormone is powerful, helps your orgasmic and sexual responsiveness, helps deal with stress, combat depression, reducing intestinal inflammation, and reducing blood pressure.

And obviously, when not sleeping alone, it removes any obstacles and encourages more sexual contact between you.  And that’s never a bad thing.

naked men in bed

Prevents skin diseases

Wet, restricted skin could lead to an increased risk for certain skin diseases like athlete’s foot or Intertrigo.  Which is why it’s important to all the skin all over your body to breathe, especially in areas like your feet, armpits or genitals.

Prevents type 2 Diabeties

According to a study published in the June edition of Diabetes, it was found that sleeping in the nude helped participants improve their health, with unhealthy fat starting to disappear within a few weeks.  The study found the colder temperatures when sleeping nude were linked to improving metabolisms, lowering blood sugar levels and even preventing type 2 Diabetes.

How amazing is that?

Improves blood flow.

Wearing restrictive clothing in bed – twisted t-shirts, tight socks, elastic bands around your waist – could cut off your circulation and restrict the body’s blood flow.  Sleeping naked will allow it to flow more freely and increase circulation, which in turn benefits the heart, muscles, and arteries as more oxygen-rich blood flows to your extremities.

Improves self-esteem and acceptance

cute bear sleepingGrowing up, most of us were taught that being naked was wrong or indecent, or even going so far to make us believe that the naked body is an ugly, unnatural thing.  Which is where a lot of body dismorphia could stem from, not to mention low self-esteem and low self-worth.

The more time you spend in the nude, regardless if it is alone or among others, the more comfortable you will feel in your own skin and more accepting of your body as it truly is, instead of the media’s ideals.

And the more confident you are in your skin, the happier you’ll be and you’ll appear more attractive to others.

So… why not boost your own health and sleep naked already.  It’s clearly so much better for you. ;-)

This post was inspired by — 10 Reasons Why People Who Like Sleeping Naked Are Healthier People.

Friends With Benefits – Can It Work?

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Life can be difficult and lonely when you’re single, regardless if you’re happy with singledom or not.  Sometimes it’s nice to just have someone to cuddle up to once in awhile, because deep down we all need a bit of human interaction.

Ok.. so it’s sometimes more about getting that ‘itch’ scratched, and you don’t necessarily want some impersonal hookup from one of those dating/chat apps some of us use.

So could finding a friend-with-benefits (FWB) be the answer to all your carnal and cuddly needs? Or is that just tempting fate too much?

And are there any actual rules in a FWB sexual situation?

I keep asking myself these questions a lot lately, mostly in regards to things with the Italian chaser.  Because let’s be honest, that’s exactly what we are – friends who sleep together.  I think..

We only seem to hookup once a month or so due to his busy schedule. We last got together after work one evening, going for dinner and then back to his to ‘relax’ naked.

Gay_Couple_togetherness_in_bed_01But it’s made me wonder if there were any rules of engagement (so to speak) for this sort of thing.

It’s been interesting and amusing reading ‘rules’ online, most of which are generally made up by the author themselves.  Though a few were downright impersonal.

One thing I noticed is that each of them drew the line between friends, FWB, and a relationship differently.. so maybe there isn’t a distinctive or comprehensive set of rules.

Emotional Attachments

The whole point of being in a friends-with-benefits situation is that it allows you the freedom to enjoy carnal desires with another person without worrying about the emotional needs of that other person. You can just bump uglies (so to speak lol) and get on with your lives, right?

But what if at some point will one or both of you develop an attachment to the other? Can you really have a sexual relationship with someone and maintain a cold, uncaring attitude towards them and their life?

Dinner & A Movie?

When meeting up with your FWB, should it solely be for sex or can you add in dinner, a movie or some other activity to your time together?  Or is that more of a date than just a shag?

The thing is if you were friends before the sex and not just a recurring hook-up, then I’d think other activities other than sex should happen as it would have anyway before you started sleeping together.

Public Persona

The difficult thing to figure out is how do you react to each other when out in social situations.

Man being comfortedDo you pretend you’re not having hot, sweaty monkey sex every couple weeks?  Do you flirt with each other as you usually do in private?  Or do you quietly suppress jealousy when they start flirting with someone else, while outwardly act like it’s no big deal.

It’s really hard when you’re used to being intimate with someone but feel like you can’t be affectionate with them amongst others.  Even if there’s nothing romantic between you, it can still be difficult to watch them flirt or go home with someone else.. or maybe that’s a sign that maybe a FWB situation isn’t for you.

Sharing Isn’t Always Caring

At what point are you over-sharing things with your FWB? It can’t only be about sex, right?  So maybe it’s good to chat occasionally, telling each other little things going on in your lives.  But at what point are you saying too much?

Not only are you pushing the boundaries between FWB and a relationship where you tell each other everything, you’re also running the risk of turning them off sexually. And let’s be honest, sex is the main reason for the two of you hanging out so maybe keep the details of your anxieties to yourself. It’s definitely not an aphrodisiac.

To Cuddle, Or Not To Cuddle…

In general, everyone loves a good cuddle.  It makes us feel better about ourselves, and it’s a great precursor to another hot session between the sheets. But is it too intimate or too romantic?

Men in Bed_thumb[7]Or perhaps it’s all about the connection between you and your own natural inclinations.  If you both normally cuddle afterwards, then what’s the harm?  It would feel odd to not cuddle afterwards if you didn’t.

I suppose in the end only you and your buddy can decide what the rules are, if any.  Best to keep things simple, light and most importantly, fun!

Here are a couple of other sites that wrote about this topic as well:

17 Rules For Friends With Benefits | Carlen Costa.

Rules for Friends with Benefits | Everyone Is Gay.

Overcoming Social Awkwardness

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It’s hard being someone who feels socially awkward at times.  It can be frustrating and uncomfortable to be out with a group of people and not know how to interact with them.

All too often people will dismiss or ridicule those who are socially awkward, and all that does is amplify the awkwardness for the person.  Socially awkward people aren’t boring, or disinterested.  They just aren’t sure how to join in.

There are several distinctive traits of social awkwardness, and apparently the more you have, the harder it is to interact with others.

Nervous in social settings

Socially awkward people find social situations to be more anxiety producing then joy inducing.  In fact a lot of socially awkward people will purposely avoid social situations just so they can avoid the anxiety.

The nervousness itself can cause you to act in odd ways around others, perhaps being inappropriate when you don’t mean to.  And once you realise this behaviour is happening, it can cause even more anxiety or nervousness.. leading you into a vicious negative cycle.

Not understanding social norms

The above nervousness could lead to misunderstanding or not recognising what is appropriate in certain social situations.  It’s like when out with mates and you suddenly tell some off-colour joke that isn’t appreciated, or when you act inappropriately.

Basically socially awkward people aim for a certain result, like people to laugh at a funny joke, but instead it arrives like a lead balloon or comes off as distasteful.

But it’s also about not knowing when and how to start a conversation, or even what to talk about.  Which can lead socially awkward people to either just not talk at all, making those around them think they’re either super shy or just plain weird.  And knowing people are thinking that of you compounds the feelings even more.

Simpsons - awkwardThe lack of conversation flow

It’s not uncommon for most people to have awkward silences in a conversation, or for a conversation to come to an abrupt halt.  But for socially awkward people this is the rule, not the exception.

Instead their conversations tend to be bumpy or inconsistent, and don’t usually seem to lead anywhere.  Or at least it always seems that way to them.

Feeling avoided or ridiculed by others

One of the signs people are picking up on your social awkwardness is if they avoid your company or exclude you from group activities.  Perhaps they see you as the ‘weirdo’ of the group, or just aren’t sure how to react to your social awkwardness.

Or if on the other hand they do include you but regularly ridicule or mock you, then perhaps they truly aren’t people you should be around to begin with.  True friends would embrace you for being yourself, and would try their to make you comfortable in whatever situation you’re in.

Lacking meaningful connections with others

Many socially awkward people have few friends with a very small social circle, and perhaps tend to spend a lot of time alone. This is mostly because they struggle meeting new people, making conversations, feeling at ease around others, or even expressing themselves effectively.

This leaves them feeling very unfulfilled socially, and perhaps even like they’ve been left behind while others around them develop meaningful relationships, both socially and romantically.

ACpost2.SocialanxietySo… what is a socially awkward person to do?  How does one overcome something that stifles your ability to enjoy life as it comes?

Well.. reading about is makes it seem like this is the easiest thing in the world to get over.  In fact, the article that influenced this one gave these three basic tips:

  1. Develop your social confidence
  2. Learn the basic social norms
  3. Get out there and get some experience

Really makes it seem so easy huh?  Obviously the more you do something, the easier it’ll become in the long run.  And that’s a good thing.

So the only advise I’d give is to just get out there and be yourself, weirdo and all.. and eventually you’ll find people who like you for you, and the awkwardness will fade.

This post has been inspired by – 6 Signs That You’re Socially Awkward and How to Fix This.

This Is Why You Are Attractive

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Too often we let perceptions of who we are, be them our own or from others, cloud our view of ourselves.  Who hasn’t looked at themselves in the mirror and been overly critical of their body, or lament that they wish they could look like someone else?

We are all guilty of a bit of self-hate, myself included, but what we need to do is focus on the positive aspects of ourselves that make us truly attractive to ourselves and others around us.

And let’s be clear – being considered attractive is a completely different than how one perceives beauty, as it isn’t necessarily about physical beauty.  It’s more about you as a person and how you treat those around you.

Let your heart shine through

These days it’s almost social suicide to show any sort of emotions, let alone that you actually care about another person.  Genuine care and concern for another’s well-being can make all the difference for someone who’s going through a bad patch or is feeling alone in the world.  Compassion is key.

Build strength from your past

Life generally isn’t easy so you have to be able to stand tall and show the world that you can take on anything it throws at you.  All of us have difficult situations and struggles we have to get past, and the more capable you are at doing so, the stronger you’ll be as you continue to move through life.

You’ve got to move forward, dust yourself off, and use these difficult situations to build yourself up to better handle anything else that may be tossed your way in the future.

Smiling is infectious

There is nothing more attractive than someone sporting a genuine smile.  Show off your pearly whites. Grin from ear to ear. Let your smile take over your whole face. It’s what will attract people to you, as it shows your happiness and love of life.

And sometimes when a complete stranger gives you a quick cheeky smile, you just can’t help but return it.

You have a brain and you use it

sapiosexual (n.): a personal sexually attracted to intelligence or the human mind

There is nothing more attractive than someone who uses their wit and intelligence in everyday interactions.  And those that continue to search to improve their knowledge bump things up even more.

sexy_einstein_xlargeAs well, use that intellect and thirst for knowledge to feed your curiosity about the world around you.  Never be afraid to ask ‘why’ about things you see, hear or read about.  You just never know what you may learn.

But be careful not to come across as a smarty-pants or know-it-all, as that’s a huge turn off.  Instead use your intellect to engage others in meaningful and interesting conversations. Conversations can be fun as well as informative, so don’t just restrict yourself to solely cerebral topics.

Laughter is the best medicine

Whether you giggle like a school-girl, enjoy a good belly laugh, or even let loose the occasion snort, life is worth laughing at. There’s more than enough darkness in the world, so why not laugh at the silliness around you.  Share the giggles, tickle someone else’s funny-bone, and spread the joy to those around you.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, even if it’s not something you agree with or think is right.  But that’s ok, because your ability to be open-minded to another’s perspective and see where the other person is coming from is a truly attractive quality and will show a mutual respect between you.

And that’s ultimately more important and attractive than being ‘right’.

Be thankful

Being grateful for your life and appreciative of those who help you in life is incredibly attractive. That thankfulness will fill you more emotionally and spiritually than anything else you may be able to obtain to fill whatever void you may have.

And let’s be honest – if you’re not appreciative of those around you, how can you expect them to continue to be there for you in the future.

You are you

self-confidence-is-the-most-attractive-quality-a-person-can-haveJust be yourself.  Only you can be you, so why not be the best ‘you’ you can possibly be? Love yourself. Be comfortable in your body. Be confident through your actions and your smile. Remind yourself you are beautiful just the way you are, and don’t let anyone else tell you differently.

You are wonderful just the way you are, so why change that?  Embrace yourself, perceived warts and all, and let the world see you who you truly are. Life your life for you and don’t let anyone else’s misconceptions of how you should life it sway you.

This post was inspired by the post – 10 Reasons Why You Are Attractive | Life Hack.

The Staffing Issue…

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It’s been close to a year since I started my current job.  It’s not my dream job in any sense or even an industry I ever saw myself working in, but in the end admin work is admin work.

Not to mention that it’s been good to finally work in a non-call centre environment for the first time in well over a decade.

But now I’m thinking it’s time for a change.  I’ve gotten this experience under my best, so hopefully it’ll allow me to find something that pays a bit more, and isn’t so far away from the city centre (I’ve never worked in central London in the almost 7 years I’ve lived here..).

So why the change?  Why now after all this time?

Well it’s all about staffing.

Since I started this job back in July, the only constants in my department have been my supervisor and myself.  In the past 8 months or so, we’ve gone through about 7 different people.. just to bring our department up to 3 (or 4) people.

After a couple is misfires, we’d gotten up 4 of us in December.. but both of them left over the holidays – one was fired just before Christmas, and the other quit the day before NYE.

468737-stressSo there we were, during our busiest time of the year, with just the two of us.

Eventually they hired someone new, but she had a month’s notice to complete at her old job so wasn’t due to start until February sometime.

A week before she was due to start, a department downstairs learned it was due to close, so two new guys were moved up to us.. without us even knowing they’d be joining our little group.

So of course once the originally hired girl started we’d gone from a team of 2 to a team of 5 within a week.. but ironically this wasn’t to last.

A month or so later one guy was moved to another department as we truly didn’t need 5 people in our section, and he was chosen because it was felt he’d fit the faster pace of that area.

Then a few weeks later one of the girls from a different department left unexpectedly while her supervisor was on holiday. So upon the supervisor’s return, management decided to move the girl over there – the one who’d originally been hired for our department.

And then there were three… until this past week when the remaining guy was moved to a similar department downstairs as they’d lost someone the week before.

And there’s no plans to replace him…

Crazy huh?

Don’t get me wrong.  I enjoy a busy, productive day like anyone.  And I’m the type of person who’d rather do the work myself to ensure it’s been done right.  I work hard and have gotten a lot of praise for what I’ve accomplished over the past 9 or 10 months.

And we can kind of manage with just the two of us.. hell, we’ve been doing it pretty much since I started, despite the huge backlog of filing. My supervisor and I are a lot alike in our work ethics, so we’ve been able to keep things going.  Barely.

I guess what truly gets me frustrated about the situation is how it seems every other department than our own is fully staffed.  And we’re once again left to fend for ourselves.

too much to do at workI suppose it would just be nice to work somewhere that gives everyone the support they need to complete their work, and always ensures any staffing deficiencies are filled as soon as possible.

All in all I think I’m just tired of having to repeatedly go through this situation.

Interestingly my own supervisor has told me I should start looking for something new, and has even suggested certain job-sites that specialise in administrative work.  Obviously she’s going to look around herself…

Not good.. but hopefully something positive will come out of it in the long run.

Like a job that isn’t in the middle of the suburbs.  LOL

Follow-up: A Naked Opportunity

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Recently I wrote about an opportunity that had fallen into my lap (read previous post HERE) and how I was considering the freedom it would allow me to explore any interest I might have in social nudity.

After seeing the flat and meeting the landlord I was willing to give it a go, regardless of any insecurities or discomfort I could see myself having while living in this situation.  A couple mates of mine had helped me work up the courage to just go for it and just try something new.

About a week or so after seeing the place and expressing my interest, I got a message from the guy that was moving out – I’d previously met him a couple of times the year before for drinks, but had never met up again after that despite talking about it.

I agreed to meet up with him for a coffee because he said there were things I needed to know about the landlord before deciding if I wanted to move in there..

A small part of me thought he might be using this as an excuse to meet up (we’d kissed and fooled around a bit previously..), but deep down I knew it was because he wanted to tell me all the bad things about the flat and landlord.

fuckable bearBoy was I right…

We met up at London Euston station for a coffee.. and for almost 2 hours he told me how bad it was living there, about the drinking/drug use, and how the landlord really couldn’t be trusted.

In fact he said the landlord had told him I hadn’t said I was interested in moving in, which was a total lie.. though unsure on who’s part.

Like anyone I took everything he said with a grain of salt, as I’m sure some of it must have been exaggerated based on his point of view (always two sides to every story).  Plus if it had been that bad living there, why the hell had he lived there for just over 2 years?

Even if only a tenth of what he told me was true, it definitely didn’t paint the place in a positive light, and with the reservations I’d already had it easily tipped me over into the ‘not interested’ category.

Then again I don’t think the landlord was all that interested in me moving in anyway, as I didn’t hear anything back from him for about a month after seeing the place.  He’d ended up having a ‘couch-surfer’ move in, but then the guy suddenly left last week after losing his job.

Which was when the landlord messaged me again.. But this time I told him I wasn’t interested at this time as I needed to sort other things out before I thought about moving.  I still haven’t moved or found a new place, but that’s ok as I’m going to concentrate on finding a new job first (a subject for another day..).

CheekyLooking back on it now though, I think because I wasn’t completely gung-ho about living in a full-on naturalist environment (he wanted it to be a house rule that you had to be naked.. and so did any guests you had over), there might have been problems down the road.

I’m still intrigued by the idea, but only if it was a ‘naked if you want to be’ sort of situation.

And with that guy’s warnings going through my head, I think things would have ended in a self-fulfilling disaster leaving me having to move once more.

As much as I dislike where I’m living, it is quiet and I have my own space (even if I don’t get to use the rest of the flat at all).  The plan for now is to make the best of the situation I’m in until something truly worthwhile comes along to push me into action.

Only time will tell…

What’s a Date Again…

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I sometimes wonder if we as gay men have completely forgotten what it’s like to actually date.

You know, meeting for coffee, a meal, a movie, or whatever as a way to get to know someone new.  To see if there’s some kind of connection between you, and to see if maybe there’s a possibility of seeing each again.  Before jumping into bed together.

You know, things we USED to do to meet new guys.

But now it seems all anyone wants to do is hook up and play casually first as a way to see if there’s some connection there.. and then maybe see if you’re compatible emotionally or intellectually. Or however you gauge a potential mate.

Doesn’t it seem like we’ve turned things upside down?  Especially with the increasing use of online apps that basically take all the mystery away – gawd forbid you not send at least half a dozen naked shots upon saying hello.  LOL

Maybe it’s the old naive romantic in me that wishes things were like they used to.  I’ve always preferred to meet for a drink and a chat to get to know someone before even considering anything sexual.

But when I do suggest doing just that nowadays? Well, I must be crazy to even consider the idea!

2014-07-15-TCdatingOr I get accused of being a prude because I won’t immediately jump into bed with each headless profile that opens a conversation with a ‘hey’ and several close-up shots of their junk.

And you know what? I don’t care. I’m not going to change how I want to meet people just to satisfy someone else’s need to have loads of anonymous sex. I enjoy sex, but it’s not how I want to first meet people.. well, at least not usually. ;-)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being judgemental of any of those people who just have sex for the sake of having sex.  I’ve been there, done that.  I’ve just found that right now, that isn’t for me.

I don’t care what someone looks like naked before I agree to meet with them.  I don’t care how big their dick is, or how hairy their chest is, or even if they shave their balls or not.

I want to know the person behind the perfectly posed selfie they’ve chosen for a profile picture.  I want to know what makes them unique and special.  I want to have a conversation with someone that lasts more than a couple messages before agreeing to meet them.  I want to know what their interests are, and I don’t mean what they’re into in the bedroom either.

Interestingly I’d started this post back on Friday thinking maybe I needed to change my mentality when it comes to meeting new guys…

.. But then I had a date!  An honest to goodness actual date, where we met up at a coffee shop in Greenwich before heading over to a pub along the river.  It was nice that there didn’t seem to be any pressure to immediately jump into the sack, but instead it was all about getting to know each other.

holding-handsWas there an attraction between us?  Absolutely although he’s much too young for me (only 26!), but there was some mutual flirting throughout the evening.  In fact after we left the pub, he held my hand while we walked down the street to the bus stop.

Ahhhh… how sweet. :-)

And for the kiss goodbye? It was a quick, chaste peck on the lips.. though we both admitted to each other later online that we’d both wanted a proper kiss. LOL

We’ve talked about meeting up again soon (he’d suggested today but remembered he’d already made plans with his flatmate), and I’m sure there’ll be some kissing involved this time..

All in all it was a lovely evening meeting someone new that brightened up my day.  Regardless whether it’s just a flirtation or not.

Alone in a Crowd

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Sometimes I think I’m my own worse enemy when it comes to my social life.  I regularly complain that side of life is lacking, but rarely do I seem to do anything to change it.

In fact, I generally spend most weekends at home alone watching Netflix, when I’d really like to be out with people I like and maybe actually enjoying myself.

But when the rare opportunity does present itself, it’s almost like I sabotage myself.

Last Friday evening I was invited to 2 separate birthday parties – one for my Italian mate M, and the other for the partner of a guy I used to play with years ago.  Luckily they weren’t being held at the same time, so I was able to make both parties.

First up was my mate’s party at his Central London flat, where it was pretty chill with just a few people, a couple drinks, and some home-made chilli.  It was a nice low key celebration and it was great to just hang out and chat.

Once they were ready to leave (him and his partner were going to their place in Essex for the weekend), I headed down to Vauxhall to the other celebration at RVT, where it was the Hot Fuzz club night.  I’d been a couple times before ages ago, but hadn’t expected it to be so busy…

Unfortunately the group celebrating the second birthday didn’t show up at the club until almost 1am, by which time I’d been there close to 2 hours by myself, not really knowing anyone well enough to hangout with.

nightclubBecause it so damn busy there and there barely any room to move, all I got from the couple mates there within that group was a wave or smile across the crowd, and then I didn’t really see them again as they disappeared into the crowd with their friends.

I don’t know why, but because these mates didn’t physically say hi to me, it kinda upset me.  And because I didn’t know the other guys there that well, I found myself feeling more and more alone while standing in the middle of a packed nightclub.

Maybe I was expecting too much..

Or maybe I should have made more of an effort to find them in the crowd.  Find them instead of waiting for them to find me, and maybe join their group to enjoy the night.

But I didn’t.

Instead I got more and more frustrated that nobody was making an effort to interact with me (not that I could hear a thing in the club…), and I’d worked myself into such a state that I knew if I stayed, I wouldn’t have a good time.

So I left without saying goodbye to anyone.. not that it seemed anyone noticed I left.

The next day I message my mates about it, and it was interesting the different reactions from them – one was super apologetic and felt really bad about it all; the other seemed to try and blame me for not making more of an effort to find him.

But it’s made me wonder if I truly fit into that group of people.  They’re friendly to me when they see me, but it’s not like I’m generally invited out with them (the birthday invitation was a surprise really).

And on the very rare occasion when I am included, it’s usually by the same one or two people.

People Make TimeI do think it’s funny though, considering this situation.. the one who was super apologetic is always telling me I need to get out more, to be more social.

But when I actually make the effort, he’s off with his friends, seemingly ignoring me (which he ‘says’ he didn’t mean to do).

I do find it hard to ‘fit in’ with these people as they’re all so super social, something I’m not.  I had hoped by hanging out with them that it would bring me out of my shell more, but instead it’s caused me to retreat into it more a bit.

Or maybe I just need to put my own needs and ego aside, and just go with the flow.  Guess we’ll see what happened the next time I get invited to something.

If I get invited that is..