Getting Snappy

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I’m finding more and more these days that it’s a struggle to keep myself out of the ‘dark place’.  To keep my spirits up and try to look at each new day as something exciting or interesting, even if all I’m doing is my usual daily routine.

And I think I was kind of succeeding with this over the past few weeks despite the lacklustre goings on in my life.  I’ve been doing my best to just enjoy my free time by watching my favourite television shows (Doctor Who marathon anyone?), relaxing on my sofa, and relishing the rare opportunities to spend time with mates.

Unfortunately this hasn’t been going so well for the past week or two, and I’m finding myself stressed out and desperately looking forward to some well-deserved time off work next week (I’m off to Manchester next weekend with my best mate P from Scotland).

I know a lot of this stress and anxiety I’m feeling is due to a few changes at work (something I don’t tend to write much about on here..), where we’ve finally gotten some new staff in to replace the ones that quit/were fired over the holidays.  Normally I enjoy the challenge of showing new people how things work and the processes that need to be followed, but this time I’m finding it too much.

For some reason, it feels like it’s all coming down on me to show the newbies the ropes, which results in a constant bombardment of questions that pulls me away from the work I need to get done.

468737-stressIt’s not so much the questions themselves, but how it’s the same ones over and over again, mostly from this one particular guy.  He’s picked up most of the system processes, but anything else he feels this need to reconfirm on a daily basis, despite us telling him to write things down.

And sometimes he comes out with the most ridiculous questions that either don’t make any sense at all or are just plain stupid.

Gawd, how I hate using that word about someone, especially when I think he’s actually just insecure.  I keep trying to get him to think for himself, but instead he’d rather re-ask the same questions just to make sure.. which then makes me snappy and frustrated to no end.  And once he’s completed the tasks he’s been ‘told’ to do, he’ll just sit there and chill while the rest of us are still working away until end of shift (and beyond some days) as if there wasn’t anything else to do.. and he doesn’t ask if there is.

The worst was this past Friday when I was alone with all 3 of the newbies (my boss had booked the day off.. damn her hahaha), and I couldn’t get anything done.

But when it took me close to 2 hours to do one simple task because I was constantly having to give them directions or tell them what needed to be done next (which they should know by now), I couldn’t help snapping at them.  And that’s not like me at work at all.

too much to do at workSome of the management have commented in the past how I’m always calm and cool regardless of what is going on or what needs to be done.  And this is exactly how I want to be at work.

Unfortunately the stress of the day got the better of me, and I was frazzled all day long.  Something a couple of my colleagues in the office noticed and kept (discretely) checking in on me to see if there was anything they could do to help..

But not any of the management, surprisingly enough.  Hmmm..

Anyway, luckily the supervisor is back to work on Monday, and we’ll have a busy couple of days to ensure we get ahead of the game before I have my time off from Thursday.

Though hopefully it isn’t as bad for her while I’m off until the following Wednesday.. but then again, can’t predict anything I suppose.

Guess I’ll have to write a second post about the stresses in my personal life.. Watch this space. ;-)

Where’d My Drive Go?

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Back when I first moved to London, I seemed to always be on the go.  Checking out new areas, looking to meet new people, and just generally enjoying getting out there and exploring what my new city had to offer.

After reading an article a mate posted on Facebook this morning, it’s made me wonder where that person went.  Where that inquisitive and adventurous person disappeared to.

When did I become so complacent in my day to day life?

Basically, I’ve settled in and become a fixture on my own sofa.  I’ve lost that innate desire to explore the city and to try new things that I had when I first moved here.  I’ve lost my drive to make my life interesting and exciting.

But is that a bad thing?  We all get into routines from time to time,and sometimes life gets so busy that you just need that quiet time recharging on the sofa.  And boy, do I love my downtime!

airplane windowOr perhaps this is my subconscious telling me I need to try somewhere new to get those adventurous juices flowing again.  Maybe I just need to take a trip (preferably abroad, and somewhere sunny) to jump-start that desire within myself while living in London.

Or maybe it’s time to think about leaving London…

As my bestie P keeps asking me what’s really keeping me in London?  It’s not like I’ve some fantastic social life here, or tons of friends to spend time with, or some fantastic lover who’s career keeps them in town.  And it’s not like I myself have some amazing job that I can’t get anywhere else…

So what is it that’s preventing me from making such a big change?

Probably more than anything it’s nerves and being scared of the unknown.. which is a lame excuse considering the HUGE change I made when I first moved to London 6 1/2 years ago. All by myself.  I really can’t excuse being scared of such a change, when it pales in comparison to that.

Is it finances?  Yeah, that’s possibly part of it as well.  It costs money to move to a new city, and if you don’t already have a job lined up then you need enough to live on until you find something.

Before I moved to London I saved my pennies for most of a year, allowing me to move here with a nice little nest-egg that afforded me a month or two without working.  Luckily I found a job and a place to live within my first month here, so it all worked out.

However based on my current financial status, I’m barely scraping by each month.  So that doesn’t leave much breathing space to start saving for some big move.

Not that I have any clue where I’d want to move to …

A couple of years ago when I was first made redundant, I did consider moving south to Brighton.  I was doing alright financially at the time, and could afford the move itself.

I was so adamant that it was going to happen that I spent a bunch of time down there looking at flats and rooms to rent, but never really found anything I truly liked.  So I stopped trying.. and ended up staying in London, living through a year of unemployment and depression.

where nextI’m under no allusions that my life would have been better if I’d gone ahead with the move south.  Or even that I’d have found a job right away, let alone an actual social life.  But it does make me wonder what could have been…

Anyway… no point looking back on that when it’s time to look to the future.

Now just to figure out where the hell that future will take place.  ;-)

Laziness or Hibernation

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Yeah that’s right, I’ve been a right lazy ass over the past several weeks.  And I don’t just mean because of the lack of posts on here since the New Year, though that is part of it.

More than usual, all I seem to want to do lately in my spare time is relax on my sofa with Netflix playing on the laptop, while I play around on my iPad or read on the Kindle.

I get up.  I go to work.  I come home, and *plop* – my butt is firmly implanted on my little sofa in my bedroom, and I don’t generally move until it’s time to go to bed.

Other than dinner at a friend’s place a couple times and my monthly bowling night, the last time I really went out was on New Year’s Eve.  Hell, even when I hung out with a local mate this past Friday night, it was drinking wine on my sofa watching cheesy movies.

I’ve stopped what little social life I’d had before the holidays, and you know the funny thing?  I’m not really missing it.

'Hello, reception, can I have a wake-up call in spring please?'And no, I’m surprisingly not feeling depressed or upset with the world around me.  Instead it’s more of a hibernation.. I’m just doing my best to stay warm in my icebox of a bedroom (usually curled close to the weak electric heater).

Perhaps I’m just bored of the London scene, and how there’s never really anything new to do or anyone new to meet.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy going out and it would be nice to be able to.  I’ve been invited out a couple times by a dear friend, but I’ve had to turn him down due to being broke as hell (January has been a very tight month financially..).

It could partly be the finance side of things is what has been making me stay at home all the time, but I think it’s more than just that.

Before the holidays whenever I’d spend an entire weekend on my own, usually feeling sorry for myself, I’d feel frustrated that I was wasting entire weekends sitting at home.  That I could possibly be missing out on something by staying home all the time.  That I’d never meet someone interesting by watching Netflix all weekend.

But what I’m finding interested these days when those feelings start to crop up, I just seem to dismiss them as unimportant.  And then I continue to enjoy my time alone and watch another episode of whatever TV show I’m marathon watching (currently a mix of Merlin and the original Life on Mars).

Is there a downside to all this time alone?  Of course there is, and surprisingly it’s not loneliness or feeling horny.  ;-)

I can’t stop freakin’ eating!! Hahahahahaha I’m snacking more now than I ever used to be, and have probably put on a few pounds, despite my efforts to eat lots of salads and such throughout the week.

Anyway, I know I’ve always been somewhat of a homebody, barely leaving the house unless I had somewhere specific I had to go.

River view towards Canary WharfBut there are times when I can’t help but think that maybe I should do something on my days off.  Like maybe go for a walk along the river, or go check out the (gay) pubs and such in nearby Greenwich.  Or maybe take my laptop to a coffee shop to a different area just for a change of pace (the local Starbucks is a 5 minute walk from my place lol).

Perhaps I’ve partly been such a shut in lately because of where I’m now living, as it takes a lot longer to get anywhere than before and it costs more (due to being further out from central).  But that’s probably more of an excuse than an actual reason.

I’m hibernating, plain and simple.  It be nice for someone to join me (like my mate did this past Friday night), but I’m not going to get my knickers in a twist because nobody will join me. Lol

Instead I’m going to continue to enjoy the quiet while it lasts, and do my best to keep this calm relaxed mentality I’ve seemed to have adopted since the holidays.

And look forward to a possible trip to Manchester end of next month with my bestie P from Scotland.  Finances willing, obviously. :)

New Year, New Mentality

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Just like most people, I look forward to New Years as a way to put the previous twelve months behind me and hopefully move forward with my life.

Or at least that’s what I try to tell myself.

This year, more than any other, I find that I need to revitalise myself and my attitude towards life.  That I really need to put the past to bed, and try to move ahead with where I want my life to go.

Easier said (or written) than done to be honest.

The past week between Christmas and New Years has been quite rough for me, and not just because of the sadness or loneliness I felt over the holidays.  Though it does play a big part in things.

don't chase peopleI’m not going to go into intricate details, but while feeling down last Saturday I had a blow-up with one of my mates.  Due to my own feelings of abandonment, I ended up lashing out about how I was feeling causing him to storm out of the coffee shop.  He then messaged that he no longer wanted to be my friend, and then blocked me from being able to contact him.

That really hurt.

But the more I thought about it, the more it was inevitable due to my pushing him with my anger and resentment towards my life and the world around me.  I let my emotions and insecurities get the better of me, and there was no way to change what happened (I tried to apologise obviously..).

All I really needed in that moment was someone to listen to how I was feeling, help me talk through the thoughts in my head.  And maybe a cuddle or two.

However, after it happened and I got over the initial shock of his response, I surprisingly felt quite calm.  As if that was exactly what I needed to vent the emotions I’d been bottling up over the holidays, and for the remainder of the weekend heading into New Year’s Eve, I didn’t feel as upset or angry as I was.

Ok, so the feelings didn’t completely go away overnight.  Was more that it was a wake up call about how I was reacting to things as they happened.  That I was kind of looking at the world as if it owed me something, like I had a sense of entitlement about how people should act towards me.

LifeIsPainful2And what this did was help me realise that it was all bullshit.  That the feelings themselves, although valid and real from my point of view, were stupid and only in my own head.  That I can’t expect people to be there for me when I’m feeling down if all I’m going to do is be angry about life.

And that the only person I can truly rely on to be there for me is ME, so I need to ensure I can approach my issues with a calm and level head.

Now do I still think I need to talk to a professional about everything I’ve been thinking and feeling over the past while?  Of course I do, but at least now it doesn’t feel like a life or death situation.

Don’t worry.  I haven’t necessarily been feeling suicidal, but I could easily see where certain thoughts could have lead down that path.  And that scared the shit out of me.

So now it’s a new year, and hopefully this means some new beginnings while putting the past behind me.  It’s not going to be an easy thing, but fingers crossed I can get where I need to be for me.

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Toxic Behaviours that Push People Away

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We all have certain behaviours or characteristics that could potentially push others away from us, even if we’re not aware of them.  Nobody is perfect (if only…) and we all fall victim at times of our own toxic mood swings from time to time.

I’ve always wondered if there were things I was doing that was pushing people away from me.  Friends would always reassure me that it was the other person, not me, and that they just weren’t worth my attention.  But when you think of the other side of things, obviously there were things I was doing that they felt were toxic and couldn’t stand being around.

Regardless of the situation, it’s more important to be able to recognise when you’re starting to show a toxic characteristic, and are able to change how you are reacting to whatever situation you’re in at the time.  It’s not easy, but once you recognise the behaviour it should become easier to stop it.

Hopefully.

‘Envy Green’ is not your colour

jealousyLet’s be honest, jealousy is not an attractive quality on a person.  When you’re constantly counting someone else’s good fortunes or wishing you had someone else’s life, that means the envy of others has gotten the best of you.

Instead look at what is going well in your own life, and if what you see doesn’t make you happy then change it and strive for what will make you happy.  Your life is just that, YOURS not someone else’s, so live it.

It’s nothing personal

Not everything that people think or feel about you is actually about YOU.  Sometimes it’s just about where they are in their own journey through life, and their own life experiences will affect how they react to you.  Unfortunately there are a lot of people who think everything is about them or a reaction to them is somehow an attack on them personally.  It is much better to take other’s reactions towards you with a grain of salt, and just follow your intuition.

Stop acting the victim

By constantly living in a state of victimisation and persistently complaining about life, you’re setting yourself up to be miserable.  The world is not against you, and only you can stop yourself from being stuck in this state of being.  We all have the power within ourselves to influence our lives and realise we are not helpless to affect our own lives.  Push past the hurt and move forward with your life.

Some-people-push-people-awayLet go of the past

Sometimes through guilt, anger, love or loss of something in your past, you can find yourself holding onto toxic experiences and allowing them to influence your present situation.  Letting go isn’t an easy thing to do, but if you can’t then you’ll continue to have the same situations pop up and bite you on the ass.  Be willing to let go and change for the present and whatever the future may bring you.

Holding onto negativity

Let’s be honest.  It’s extremely hard to be around people who are always negative about life or past experiences and aren’t willing to enjoy the life around them as it happens.  And if you’re that negative person, you may not realise you’re doing it until it’s too late and you’re left alone with your own negativity.  It’s not an easy habit to get out of, but once you do you’ll see a totally different side to life.

Being an overly emotional mess

It’s never fun being around someone who can’t control themselves emotionally.  These people tend to get upset or angry at the smallest slight, and tend to lash out at anyone and everyone around them.  These people generally have some underlying issues that are causing them to be so angry or sad all the time, and may need to get some outside assistance to work through whatever the problems are.

Judging a book by it’s cover

Being consistently judgemental of those around you, be them people you know or not, you’re being toxic in a completely mean or arrogant way.  We’ve all seen people like this.

They try to tear down others around them, sometimes trying to mask it as humour, but in the end all they’re doing is hiding their own insecurities.  They subconsciously (and sometimes actively) try to being others down to their level as a way to make them feel better about themselves.

helping-handThis list could go on and on.. There’s no exhaustive list of behaviours as everyone has different things they personally find toxic.

In the end, some of those people who show these behaviours could just be trying to cry out for help.  So if you can, be there for them and help them move past the toxic behaviours.

There’s nothing worse than when you’re trying to reach out for help and there’s nobody there to take your hand.

Feeling Funky.. and Not in a Good Way

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Life can be hard at times for pretty much everyone, though it can be harder for some than others.

However I sometimes wonder if I’m subconsciously making my life harder than it really needs to be.  That I let my emotions and negative thoughts take over my active behaviours, which sometimes leads me to pushing people away when I don’t mean to.

I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit over the past few days as I spend the holidays alone.  A couple of close friends stayed in town this year as well, but instead of us getting together like I tried to suggest, they each chose to spend the day on their own.

This was not a great feeling, and although I tried not to, I took it as a personal affront that they (seemingly) couldn’t be bothered to just spend the day together. Christmas is a time to spend with loved ones, be it family or friends, and I actually felt abandoned.

It wasn’t about doing some massive Christmas dinner or whatever, but more about having some friendly company.  Or at least it was for me.

What I found though, as I spent the past two days completely alone, that my emotions were getting the better of me.  I was sad and angry at the same time, and anyone who sent me a cheery Christmas greeting got a response full of sadness and negativity.

I couldn’t help it.  All I could focus on over the past couple days was how everyone else was out there enjoying their loved ones while I sat at home alone.

One person messaged me that I should have told them I was going to be alone at Christmas.. to which I replied that if they’d wanted me at theirs for Christmas, then they should have invited me.  That I shouldn’t have to broadcast to the world that I’m alone at Christmas so I could end up with a pity invite.

Maybe that was the wrong response and reaction to their message, but it was a knee-jerk answer and the anger came out.  Of course this was the same person who said they were home alone as well.. with their husband.  That’s not being alone if you ask me.

Of course it didn’t help things whenever I’d log onto Facebook and saw all the happy families and groups of friends having fun with each other.  After awhile I just had to close the site, and couldn’t even bring myself to reply to messages from people I care about.

In the end, I had a marathon viewing of RuPaul’s Drag Race on Netflix over the past several days (finished series 3 lol), as that was the most un-Christmasy thing I could think of to watch.  Plus I was hoping it would cheer me up somewhat.

Christmas-AloneSadly it didn’t.

Anyway, now there’s less than a week left of 2014 and I need to find a way to turn this frown upside down.  The last thing I want to do is start a new year in such a pissed off mood.

And I most definitely don’t want to spend NYE all alone.. again (had a bad flu last year, so couldn’t go out).  That was probably just as bad a feeling, if not worse.

So here’s hoping I can get myself out of this funk.. If not, maybe it’s time to speak to the doctor again for some help.  :-(

A Not So Joyous Season

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I’m doing my best to try to maintain a more positive, up beat attitude as a way to fight the normal negative thoughts that pop into my head uninvited.

And I think I was doing alright with that… Until this potentially soul-crushing festive period crept up on me – Christmas.

I think it really started to hit me end of last, or perhaps on the weekend, that once again I’ve got nothing planned for the ‘special’ day. I’d hoped to spend it with one of two friends (or both), but they’ve both decided to just have a quiet day at home alone.

Not that it matters anyway, as I wouldn’t have been able to have either/both of them over to mine as my landlord is having people over. So that would mean no opportunity to use the kitchen or space to hang out other than in my bedroom.

My landlord has said I’m welcome to join him and his friends tomorrow, but I’m not sure how much I’d enjoy spending Christmas with strangers.

And speaking of practical strangers, I did get a sort-of invite from a guy I’ve been chatting to for a couple weeks who lives nearby to join him and his flatmate for Christmas. But again, it be spending it with someone I barely know so dunno how well we’d get along.

Besides, who wants the first time meeting someone new you’ve been flirting with online to be on Christmas Day??

I would just hole myself up in my bedroom for the day, but that would just be shit as I’d be able to hear them in the lounge. Plus I won’t have time to pick up any food for myself (simple stuff since I probably wouldn’t get much of a chance to cook) as most shops are closing early in my area and I don’t know if I’d make it before they closed.

*Sigh* I don’t know. I kind of wished I’d planned something, like arranged a cheap trip out of town or something. Not that I could really afford that..

I do wish I could have afforded to fly home for the holidays this year. It’s been 3 years since the last time I went home, so it be great to see them. Especially after my mother recent went through heart surgery a little while back.

But it’s too expensive and I wouldn’t have been able to get the time off work, so no point wishing for something that couldn’t have happened anyway.

I don’t know. I’m just feeling a bit meh about the holidays, especially tonight. I’d agreed to meet with a mate after work for a bite and maybe a drink. Only to find out on my way to his work (my work let out early, shockingly) that he’d been asked to stay at work until 8:30pm.

So instead of waiting around an hour or so, it be well over 3 hours waiting. I’m not sure I want to do that or just go home. (I’m not blaming him, it just sucks cause I had no other plans..)

Or maybe I should just head to some pub and get pissed by myself. Not exactly a fun idea either… Getting pissed, yes. By myself, not so much.

I just feel like I’m at a loose end for the holidays with nowhere to turn and nobody to spend it with. Again.

Here’s hoping all your Christmases turn out better than mine is looking at the moment. xx

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Changing the Stigma of Being Single and Alone

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We’ve all been there.  Single, alone and wishing we had someone special in our lives.  And for some of us, this wanting of the ‘perfect partner’ can sometimes get in the way of living our actual lives.

Sometimes it can get to the point where we can’t see what’s actually around us that makes our lives amazing to begin with.

And of course, the stigma of being ‘alone’ can be a difficult one to get past.  Instead of relishing the freedom of our lives, we wallow in self-pity that nobody will ever love us or that we’ll die alone.

Perhaps that self-pity is what is actually stopping us from enjoying life on a daily basis, and even preventing us from meeting that special person.  And perhaps that self-pity is what’s making our friends not want to be around us at times.

no boyfriend no problemSadly in our society, we view people who aren’t in relationships as somehow inferior or damaged in some way, when in fact it’s probably the opposite.  Those who are happy being single tend to have more fulfilling and rewarding lives than those who may be in an unhappy relationship.

Instead, we need to revel in our singledom and enjoy each day as it comes, so let’s flip our perceptions of what it’s like to be single.

Coming home to an empty flat/bed

Yes, as nice as it would be to have someone at home waiting for you, instead you need to view your home as your sanctuary.  Use it as a place to recharge and pamper yourself.  cater to your own needs and wants.

Cook yourself a nice meal instead of something quick in the microwave.  Put on some soothing music while you relax in a nice bubble bath.  Make yourself your favourite drink and curl up on the sofa to read your favourite book.  Enjoy your time home alone to the fullest.

Nobody to comfort you after a ‘bad day’

Let’s be honest, we all have bad days from time to time.  And although it be nice to have someone at home to rehash what went wrong, you just don’t have that luxury when you’re single.

Instead use the time to go over what happened and look for the positives in the situation, your strengths and what you can do to improve.  And plan ahead for the next time something similar happens.  Build up the skills you use to deal with these ‘bad days’ so the next time it won’t affect you deeply.

A schedule for one

Since when is this a bad thing?  It’s your schedule, which means only you get to decide what you’ll do and when.  You’re in control and there’s no need to plan your life around a partner’s schedule.  There’s no compromising your own freedom.  Plan your schedule around your own goals, dreams and desires.

single_and_happy-166847You’ve got to pay all the bills yourself

It would certainly be nice to have a second income around to help pay the bills and all the day to day expenses that pop up.  But that also means you’re held accountable to another person for any sudden expenditures you make.

Instead look at it as you’re in control of your wallet and only you get to decide what you spend your money on and when.  There’s nobody there to criticise your purchases or to take you to task when they’re balancing the cheque book (does anyone still do that? lol).  Enjoy the financial control and freedom this allows you.

You’ve got to do all the chores yourself

Life can get busy as we all have loads of things piling up on our daily ‘to-do’ lists.  And although it be great if someone could help you with these tasks, instead look at it as only you will know if you haven’t completed something on the list.  You get to decide when you do things

You feel awkward at social events or around couples

happy-single-quotes-7This is more about how sometimes partnered people will give you that look of pity when they find out you’re single, and how you have to answer the question ‘why are you single?’  It can become frustrating and annoying, but it’s not something that should prevent you from going out and socialising.

Instead it gives you an opportunity to recount tales of your singledom (depending on the company, be careful what intimate details you give hehe), and show them how amazing your life is.

Show them how you’re accomplishing life on your own, how much stronger it makes you, how independent you are.

There’s nobody checking up on you when you’re running late

How is this a bad thing?  This means you can come and go when you feel like it, without the feeling that ‘nobody cares’.  Just like having the freedom to make your own schedule, this means you can do what you want, when you want it.  You don’t owe your time to anyone but yourself.

There’s nobody to focus focus your love and adoration upon

Now that’s just bullshit.  There’s always one person who needs your love and adoration – YOU.  You are the one person in the world who will always be there for you, so show yourself some appreciation and love.

This obviously doesn’t take anything away from dear friends or family members, as they’re people you can show affection for as well.  And well you should.  But ultimately, you’ve got to shower yourself with love first before others, otherwise there won’t be anything left for yourself.

You have nobody to be spontaneous with

Now that’s just not true.  In fact, it’s the absolute opposite!!  By yourself, you’re always able to be spontaneous and do things off the cuff.  You’re in control of your life, so if you suddenly get the idea to hop on a train to the coast for the day, who’s to stop you?  Cater to your own impulsiveness.

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Working Towards a More Positive Attitude

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One of the good things about having this blog and some of the topics I’ve written about over the years, is it has allowed me to become a bit more self-aware of my moods and attitudes towards life.

And what I’ve realised is that perhaps I’m that negative person everyone warns against.  The person who never has anything positive to say, who is always focusing on the bad things that are going on in life.  That could a gross overstatement, but if I can sense it in myself, I’m sure others can as well.

I don’t think I’ve always been like this.  I remember years ago being somewhat happy-go-lucky, optimistic, and even downright cheery at times.  Or at least it seemed like I was at the time.

But somehow I’ve become this pessimistic, sour, miserable sod who can only think of what isn’t in his life, instead of what actually is.

So maybe it’s time to try and focus on the good things going on, and look towards the light instead of sulking in the gloomy darkness.  It’s not something I can change overnight, but it definitely doesn’t hurt to give it a try…

Happiness is a Choice

We’ve all heard it.  We need to stop focusing on the bad stuff, and to choose to be happy and positive.  As if that was the easiest thing in the world, when it would feel at times that everything around us was conspiring to hold us down or make life so hard to life.

What we all need to realise and work on is not immediately looking for the blame when things go bad, but instead to look at the positives in the situation.  To look for the good and stop pointing fingers.  We need to realise we are in control of our reactions or attitude, and nobody else can change that.

Get Rid of the Negativity

bad-friends-pic-3A true friend will always be looking to help you to live a positive, happy life, and will be encouraging you to go for your dreams.  A true friend would be right beside you as you move down the road of life towards your happiness, and vice versa as well.

It’s not an easy thing to have to cut negative people and behaviours out of your life, and sometimes it’s even harder to determine who is actually encouraging and who is actually pushing you towards their own negative views on life.  But as hard as it is, you really have to do it in order to move forward with YOUR life.

Look For the Positive

Every situation you find yourself in can be both a positive or negative influence on your life or attitude, and it’s up to you to determine what you’re going to focus on.  It’s not always easy to truly see the positives, but if you look hard enough, it will be there.

The easy route is, once you’ve identified something negative, is to focus on that negativity and stop looking for the positives of the situation or the person you’re talking to.  When in a room full of negativity, it’s so much easier to just be caught up in their bad attitudes, and before you know it you’re acting just as negative as they are.

Instead, look for what’s good about the things happening around you.  For example, instead of getting sucked into your co-worker’s complaints about how shit work is, think about how great it is you have a job that allows you to live your life and put food on your table.

Reinforce Your Own Positivity

its a lovely lifeLike anything in life, you have to practice and practice before habits and attitudes will truly change for the better.  You have to train yourself to look for the positives, and then continue to reinforce that behaviour.

And this is especially true when looking at yourself and your life in general.  Remind yourself what is good in your life, what you like about yourself, how far you’ve improved over the years, or any other sort of thing that helps reinforce that positivity.

It’s ok to be critical of yourself, but only in a positive and constructive manner.  Tearing yourself down or reminding yourself about what you don’t like about yourself will only help you slide back down that slope into your previous negative attitude.  Try looking at things from the other side for once.

Sharing is Caring

To put it simply, being nice to others and sharing your positivity with those around you is the best way to continue to help yourself down your road to positivity.  Tell a loved one how much you care about them.  Tell a co-worker how they’ve done a good job.  Show appreciation to those who’ve helped you, even if it’s the barrista who’s made your morning latte or the person who held open a door for you.

It’s not always an easy thing, that’s for sure.  But the more positive you are towards others, the more positive they’ll be to you.  And the more positive you’ll be towards yourself, which is the ultimate goal.  Strive to be encouraging and supportive of everyone around you, and you’ll amazed at how quickly it comes back to you.

Believe in yourself and remember that a positive outlook is a choice that you can always make.

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It’s My Blog-iversary!

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It can be amazing how quickly time can fly, and you don’t realise when you’ve hit certain milestones.

In my case, it wasn’t until I logged into WordPress today (14-Dec-2014) that I realised that it was my anniversary writing on this blog – 6 years ago today, I took the plunge and created this site on the recommendation of a work colleague, who used to have a cycling blog on here.

I’d originally created the site as a way to document my travels and settling into life in London, as I’d just moved here a few months prior (4-Sept-2008 to be exact).  And I thought this would be a great way to keep my friends and family back home up to date on how things were going, while also having a platform to showcase some of my writing.

At that time, I never for once considered that I’d keep it going this long, or that I’d write about the various topics I have over the years – love, sex, life-coaching articles, dating, depression, marriage equality, politics, film/book reviews, and probably a couple dozen other things.

It’s been quite the ride, and it’s allowed me to have a little voice in the vastness of the internet while meeting some amazing people over the years through comments and visits from other bloggers.

It’s also helped me work through personal issues over the years, as writing about my feelings can be very therapeutic, while hopefully being able to give a little bit of advise to others in the same/similar situations.

As well, it’s helped give me some confidence in my writing itself, even if I haven’t been doing it as much as I’d like to lately.  Just in the past year alone, I started two different books – a fantasy novel with a gay twist, and an e-book compiling some of the self-help articles I’ve posted here over the years (albeit, both of them are gathering virtual dust…).

In the end though, is my life where I want it to be?  Of course not.

I still don’t have much of a career, especially after the redundancy a couple years back.  I’m still single and overly obsessed with the lack of action (pardon the pun lol) in my dating life.  I’m still renting a room in someone else’s home, despite wanting a place of my own (too expensive in London..).

I could go on and on about where my life ISN’T right now, but that’s not why we’re here today.

Roller Coaster Great RideInstead, I want to celebrate where I am currently and how far I’ve come over the past 6 years.  Looking at the stats on here, over the past 6 years I’ve had just over 61,000 hits!!!  Talk about amazing! :D

Other than the stats, it’s more about how I’ve created this safe space for myself to tell my tales, talk through my woes, try to motivate myself (and hopefully others) to be a better ME, and generally have this one spot on the net that is solely mine.

And to have people like yourselves, who take the time to read what I write, leave comments and likes, and sometimes even give me advice or words of wisdom of your own.

bigbang-6th-anniversaryAnd I thank each and every one of you for every single comment, like, share, and so forth you’ve given me over the years.  At times it’s helped me continue writing when I thought about giving up and closing this site.

So.. what now?  Where will the next year (or 6) lead me and this site?  Who knows, but here’s hoping it’s a fun and exciting ride that we can take together.

Love, Mx