Life is an adventure. So why spend it doing things that bore you or make you miserable?
Loads of people talk about finding your passion in life, and to look for ways to turn what could be a hobby into something more substantial. Or at least that’s the dream, right?
Inventory your talents
The first thing you need to do when looking for your passions in life is to figure out what you’re good at. And not just that, but what you’re good that excites you.
Perhaps your passion could even be something you enjoy doing but don’t think you’re good at. We are our own worst critics and tend to doubt our own abilities, even after others enthusiastically compliment us on them.
And who cares if others may not thing your passion is ‘practical’ or even common. Sometimes having a passion that is off the beaten path can lead to something amazing an unique from what everyone else is doing.
Pay attention to who makes you annoyed or jealous
We all have people around us that make us annoyed by how frivolously they live their lives. But have you ever taken a moment to think why that is?
Most likely, it someone who’s following their dreams and doing what they want to do in life. It could be someone who has quit a well-paid full-time job in order to start their own home business. Or it could be someone who’s left a stable (and possibly, boring) life to move abroad and live in another country.
Basically, why be jealous of those who are making their dreams a reality? And why live a life that everyone else expects you to have? That truly isn’t going to make you happy or satisfied in life, so get out there in the world and follow your own path.
You never know who it may inspire to follow you.
Think of what you loved to do as a child
Remember when you were a young child and what used to excite you? Was it making up stories for your toys, or dancing around your room to the music on the radio? Or maybe it was becoming fascinated with the worlds you could explore through books or movies?
Think back to what made you happiest as a child, and maybe you’ll be able to unearth your true passion in life.
Notice what you hate to stop doing
Like most people, you probably spend a fair amount of time at work watching the clock and wishing it was time to go home or it was the weekend already. How is that really any way to live? And it definitely doesn’t do much to encourage your ‘passion’ in life.
Think about how you spend your life and those activities that seem to melt the time away. When you’re immersed in these activities you don’t’ notice the time flow by, and you most definitely don’t want to stop once you’ve started.
That’s your passion. It’s something you could spend all day or night doing and never get bored of it. it’s something that allows you to get so involved that you’re actually sad that you have to stop.
See your passion hunt as a fun, joyful adventure
Finding and enjoying your passion should be one thing – a fun adventure of self-discovery. At no point should you be putting pressure on yourself to find a passion in life, as that’ll defeat the purpose.
And if you try some new activity hoping it could be your new passion, do not get down on yourself if it doesn’t work out. The whole point of this world of self-discovery is to enjoy different things in life that you may not have thought of trying before. It’s about seeing what you like, enjoy and are good at, not a competition to see who finds their passion first.
Allow yourself to be open to new opportunities and experiences. You just never know when you’ll find that magical activity that just lights you up inside.
This post was inspired by : Five Steps to Finding Your Passion | Psychology Today
Like most people, I tend to be a bit of an emotional sponge when it comes to other people’s energies. Perhaps I unwittingly mirror their attitude or demeanour on a subconscious level, allowing myself to be sucked into their negativity.
As well, I think I can at times project my own bad mood on others, causing them to come down to my level. It’s something I try hard to not let happen, but sometimes it just does.
Ultimately we all need to do our best to find ways to maintain our own positivity, while shielding yourself from the negativity bombarding you from all around.
Take responsibility for yourself.
It’s ways too easy to fall into someone else’s negative attitude and allow it to wash over you. For instance, who hasn’t had a co-worker who’s constantly berating everything around them – job, company, workload, boss, etc. And as they spew their negative views, you want to be support by listening or giving them some advise, but next thing you know you’ve joined them on their downward spiral.
Only you can and should be able to control how you’re feeling at any given moment. As often as we get testing by life around us, you need to make a conscious decision to not allow that negativity impact you, your life or your attitude. It may not always be easy, but it’ll be worth it longterm.
There’s a reason people will tell you to take a deep breath when you’re feeling frustrated or upset about something. Just the act of breathing itself can be very therapeutic, and can help you clear out the negative energy that has affected your mood.
The best thing you can do when the negativity is creeping up on you is to stop what you’re doing or thinking, sit back, and take a nice big deep breath, and then slowly let all of it go. Sometimes you may need to change locations before doing so, and that’s ok. Get a bit of fresh air and allow it to revitalise your energy.
Generally when a negative person is going on about who horrible things are, all they’re really doing is looking for an audience to bring down with them. For some it may be intentional, but others may not realise they’re doing it.
They literally are looking for someone to absorb their negativity, so why give them the satisfaction?
We all know negative people will continue to be that way no matter what you say to them, so why not just ignore them. It’ll pop their balloon in a way, and allow you to get on with your day.
You can’t make everyone happy.
If someone constantly complains about their life or whatnot, then all they’re really looking for is someone to bring down to their level not for you to help them work through their issue, realistic or not.
Ultimately you can’t make everyone happy. Really, you can’t, no matter how hard you try. When you give into these attention-seekers, you allowing yourself to get sucked in and allowing them to attack your own positive energy.
You need to work at maintaining your own upbeat attitude, and not allow these negative people waylay you from your own happiness.
This post was inspired by: 4 Ways To Stop Absorbing Other People’s Negative Energy
Where do I start…
It’s been well over a month since I last posted anything to my blog, and it hasn’t been due to a lack of things to write about. Life gets busy sometimes, and sometimes there just isn’t any time to catch up on things.
But maybe that’s just a bunch of bull.. there’s been plenty of time to write on my blog, and plenty of opportunities to log on. But for some reason, I just haven’t done it.
It’s not like I’ve been super busy with work or an amazing social life, because I haven’t been really. More than anything I’ve just fallen into a rut where all I seem to want to do when I get home from work is relax, watch Netflix, and sleep.
I haven’t been going out that much really. In fact I’ve continued my regular habit of spending my weekends at home, doing pretty much nothing.
But .. nothing.
For whatever reason I’ve just found it hard to sit down at the laptop and open up a fresh post, and put my thoughts to paper so to speak.
It’s not like I’ve stopped enjoying the writing process or the act itself, but I haven’t. If anything I’ve found myself itching to get back to it regularly.
I suppose a big factor in everything has to be environment.. in my current flat, I just don’t feel energised to be creative, or even have the energy to get off my ass and do what I want to do.
This probably has as much to do with how I feel about where I live as well as the environment itself. For whatever reason, my bedroom feels almost claustrophobic and dark, as if I was living in a basement instead of on the 2nd floor.
It also hasn’t helped that I’ve gotten into the habit of using my desk as a dumping point for post, dishes and whatnot, leaving hardly any room for my laptop let alone sitting at the desk and writing.
Not only have I done a massive clean up to reduce the clutter in my room (wasn’t messy per se, just needed a good clear out), but I’ve also given my notice to move.
That’s right, after almost a year living in this gloomy, dreary place, I’ve finally found a new place to live.. and will be moving by the end of October.
The sooner the better.
Not only is it closer to work (about 25 minutes by bus including a 10 minute walk to the bus stop), but it’s also more central and closer to my friends. So hopefully this will give me more of a push to get off my ass and live life more.
But I think the main reason I’m excited to move to this new place is my new flatmate. He seems really nice, friendly, and interested in having someone to share the flat with him, not just rent a room.
Oh, and he’s Italian. And gay. And yes, he’s cute.. but I won’t be looking to cross that boundary. LOL
I suppose this impending change has just gotten me excited about things a bit more again. And living in a flat where it doesn’t feel like I’m inconveniencing the other person.
Change is good, and I can’t wait for it to get here. :)
I’m not sure why, but lately I’m finding life a bit difficult. And I keep questioning where I am in life, and whether it’s time for a change. But the problem is, I’m not sure what that change should be – work, home, city or something I’m not even seeing.
Over the past few months, I’ve seen a few rooms to rent, some in decent areas and some in areas I couldn’t imagine living in. I get daily email notifications of new ads, but not many really get me excited to bother seeing them.
Or when I do see something I like, there’s always something that stops me from messaging the advertiser and setting up a viewing. Usually it’s the location, the cost, or it’s the people already living there. Or all three.
I don’t know if I’m just being picky, but I don’t want to spend any more than I already am in rent, and the last thing I want to do is move into a place sharing with 4 or 5 people, most of whom seem to be in their mid-20’s. I just want somewhere decent that I can call home and be comfortable having people over to occasionally.
The other thing that feels like needs changing really soon is my job. Or at least the amount of money I’m making.
I don’t particularly hate my job, but I do wish there was more support and a much better salary. Generally we’re expected to work harder and harder with no additional remuneration.
In fact, I’m currently in the middle of a two week period where my supervisor is on holidays, and I’m left to cover the entire department by myself (there’s just the two of us). Everyday last week I was so tired that once I got home the only thing I wanted to do was go to sleep.. forgoing cooking or cleaning up for a bit of extra time in bed.
And that’s not good. I shouldn’t be so exhausted after work that I’m not taking care of myself or actually living a life of some sort. And when it came to this weekend (a 3-day weekend thanks to a bank holiday on Monday), all I wanted to do was stay in bed even if I couldn’t.
It could just be that I really need a nice relaxing holiday, away from London and work. Somewhere sunny, where I can lay beside a pool or on a beach and just relax. And recharge. Not that I can afford that..
Or is it time for a much bigger change?
This week coming is my 7 year anniversary of moving to London and I’m sort of wondering if this is the fabled ‘7 year itch’ coming along.
However I have no clue where’d I’d move to if I did leave London. I have no plans of moving back to Canada, mostly because I think of the UK as home now.
My best mate P has said many times that I should move up to Scotland, and I do admit I’m quite tempted. If I did, we could hang out more often than the couple times a year we see each other.
But again I worry about the job prospects and how I could possibly afford such a move. My current job’s salary doesn’t leave me much room to save up for something like that, and despite trying to be careful, I’m finding myself using my credit card way too much.
I just don’t know what to do at the moment.. I’m feeling a bit stuck, and for whatever reason, afraid to make a leap of faith like I did when I first moved to London 7 years ago. That took a lot of guts (and money lol), and I think I need to find that adventurous spirit again.
I suppose only time will tell what will happen next..
Sometimes when we’re feeling down or vulnerable, we can’t help but push those that care about us away. Even when we don’t realise we’re doing it.
Sometimes we can be afraid to open up about what’s bothering us, or we’re afraid they may look at us as being too ‘needy’ (see previous post).
So when we’re feeling this way, we need to be proactive about how we interact with others and with ourselves really, and let people in when we’re vulnerable. All it can do it make you feel better in the long run.
Identify the reasons behind it
Is there a specific reason you’re purposely pushing a certain person away? What are you feeling when thinking about that person? Nervous? Scared? Intimidated?
You need to have a good think about that person and visualise them in your head while paying attention to those feelings. It’s the first step to breaking the habit of pushing people away during those times when you probably need them most.
Look within yourself
Let’s be honest, we’ve all been hurt at one point or another in our lives, and this can have a knock-on affect on our ability to trust other people or let them close.
In order to be a confident, strong person who let’s people in, you need to conquer these negative feelings within yourself in order to let others in again.
Talk things out
As much as we all try to be strong and keep things bottled up to deal with ourselves, sometimes it’s much more cathartic to talk things out as a way to realise that you’re truly not alone in your feelings.
You don’t have to go as far as speaking with a professional or go into intricate details, but opening up enough to unload those pent up feelings can be a world of help.
Build your self-confidence
Too often when we’re feeling down on life, we can get down on ourselves and allow negative thinking to overtake our self-confidence. This is clearly detrimental and will only make things worse in the long run.
Instead, why not make yourself a list of things that make you unique or that you like about yourself. Or even get a friend to do it with you and then compare notes. Not only will it help you focus on the positive parts of your life, but it could open your eyes to how others perceive you.
Tear down the wall
Don’t let your past experiences stop you from missing out of things that may be right in front of you. Not every person you meet is going to hurt you, and you can’t allow yourself to hide behind a barrier that prevents anyone from getting close.
Whether you realise it or not, there are people out there that love and appreciate you for who you are, not for what you can do for them. Just let them in.
Fake it til you make it
Instead just go ahead and face the world with a big smile on your face, even if you don’t want to. It’ll help project confidence to others, regardless of how you’re feeling inside, and eventually it should become reality.
Also, repeating positive mantras throughout the day can help you get past the rough patches.
Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself, ignoring your friends or loved ones, can only be detrimental to you in the long run. How will it help you get past things if you wallow in self-pity?
Instead, get off your ass and go live life to the fullest. Be willing to do new things and take risks. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant you’ve never considered going to before, to even pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to do something new. This is an instant confidence boost, and could lead you to meeting someone new.
This post was inspired by –>> How to Stop Pushing People Away: 7 Steps
Ahhh.. the joys of living in the UK and the inconsistent weather during the summer. If you get a week or two of decent weather between June and August, you can count yourself lucky. LOL
Ok, so that’s an exaggeration most people here tend to say about the weather. Some years are better than others obviously, and you will occasionally get a week or two of really nice weather before the dreary clouds make their way back in.
As much as we like to bitch about it, it really doesn’t rain all the time. LOL
When we do get those rare and truly hot summer days, most of us take as much advantage of it as possible, and you’ll find most parks packed with people trying to soak in as much sunshine as they can.
This past weekend was one of those periods of truly lovely weather. And for once I actually took advantage of the sunshine.
I’ve got a bad habit on the weekends.. Unless I’ve planned something, I tend to spent most weekends sitting at home, watching Netflix and lamenting at how dull my social life is without doing anything to change it.
And staring out the window at the sunshine, trying to get myself off my ass.
To be honest, this weekend’s frolics in the sun all started because I decided I needed a day off work to relax before my supervisor goes away on holiday for two full weeks. Which leaves me to cover the entire department, which only consists of the two of us.
So I chose to take Friday off for a long weekend, and luckily as the week progressed, the weather looked fairly decent down in Brighton.. so I used my cheeky day off work to lounge on the nude beach there.
This was definitely way overdue.. When my mate P & I went down for the Bear Weekend end of June, we were so disappointed by the weather.. it was cloudy and windy, leaving it way too chilly to get our bits out on the nude beach.
So this time my luck held out. It was an absolutely gorgeous day out, with not a cloud in the sky. And the beach was relatively busy too.. guess not many people work on Fridays when it’s nice out. LOL
I didn’t do much more than relax and enjoy the sunshine, trying not to chain smoke while I read on my Kindle and listened to music. And yes.. I looked around a bit at the other sun-lovers, but there sadly wasn’t much eye-candy around me.
The only downside being there by myself was that I couldn’t reach parts of my back to apply sun-cream, so ended up with a bit of a burn. But luckily it wasn’t too bad.
The next day, a friend decided to organise a group day out in London.. sunbathing near the Men’s Pond in Hampstead Heath. The pond area has showers, a changing area, toilets, a dock to swim off from, and a small nude sunbathing area just off the changing space.
We didn’t go in there though as just outside the entrance is a wide patch of grass where all the (gay) guys had their towels and blankets spread out to sunbath or have picnics, and this is where we set ourselves up.
And it was an absolutely amazing way to spend a Saturday afternoon in London. It was sunny and hot, with a bit of a breeze, and there was lots of eye-candy around.
And some of those boys were just shameless.. got a few eyefuls as some were changing out of their swimsuits. And this wasn’t in the changing area. ;-)
But mostly it was fun just hanging out, chatting, having a few laughs and some food/wine with friends. To be away from the usual scene and just generally do something different.
All in all was a lovely, relaxing weekend. Exactly what I needed. :)
We’ve all had times in our lives where we’ve felt especially needy for whatever reason, and felt that if we just had a bit of attention then we’d feel better. It’s a fairly normal reaction when you’ve had an especially stressful day, or something has happened that you just need to talk over with someone.
But what if you’re at the point when people are actively avoiding you because you’re continually coming across as too needy? That you’re constantly acting like the whole world is abandoning you.
I know I do feel like this at times.. ok, a lot of the time really. But perhaps that’s just my perception of how people view me, that they’re purposely avoiding me. At times, it can stop me from reaching out to others when I’m feeling down or lonely because I don’t want them to think of me as being overly needy.
Could it still come across that way even when I’m trying not to let it? Sure it can.. and it’s regularly made me wonder how I can change that perception.
Being Too Available
I generally never have anything planned when it gets to the weekend. So I find myself trying last minute to find out what others are up to, which is usually met with a series of ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’ve already got plans’ responses.
But to be honest, how unattractive is always being available to do things when someone messages last minute? Well, it’s time to stop that, hard as that may seems at times.
Focus on yourself and what you want out of life, instead of continually moaning about how boring your life is because you’ve got nothing planned. Set yourself some personal goals and lead your life in the direction you want it to go in.
If someone else wants to be there to join you in your journey, then that’s just a bonus.
Communicate Too Much
There’s a reason they say communication is a two-way street. If you feel like you’re doing all the work to start a conversation, or even keep one going, then maybe you need to determine if you’re communicating too much.
It’s all too easy to feel like you’re chasing after the other person to be part of your life, but maybe that’s what should clue you in that maybe your neediness by regularly messaging the other person is what’s causing them not to want to reply back to you.
The last thing you need is for the other person to feel like if they don’t reply back to you right away, that you’ll get all stroppy. You don’t want to become an obligation.
Instead of constantly checking your mobile for messages from that new crush or that friend you’d love to hang out with, go out and have some fun yourself. That way you’ll have some fun stories to tell them the next time you get together.
Whatever They Want
There’s compromise in making decisions, and then there’s being completely passive. Someone who’s overly needy will tend to always capitulate to whatever the other person wants to do.
This is perhaps down to some insanely ridiculous fear of losing the other person over suggesting something they might not enjoy but you would.
Silly, huh? Who wants to be with someone who isn’t willing to state their needs and wants? We all want someone in our lives who’s confident, who knows what they want, and is willing to fight for something they feel strongly for.
So why not be that person in your own life? Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from being you.
Lose Yourself Outside Of The Relationship
We all have certain expectations in life, be it while dating someone or while spending time with friends.
But when you stop doing things that make you truly happy and allow your own expectations go unfulfilled, you may find yourself trying to fill that void by spending more or all of your time with that other person.
This can only lead to resentment on both sides – theirs because you’re always there and expecting them to spend all their spare time with you; yours because you’ve stopped allowing yourself to enjoy life with or without that other person.
Don’t allow yourself to become distant from your friends or doing what you love. You need to maintain a life of your own, outside of your dating activities.
Needy people seem to continually need external validation that they’re good enough, or that people truly like them. And those people tend to become disappointed when they don’t get it.
The only person that can tell you that you’re good enough is yourself. You carry your own acceptance within you, and no other person can tell you whether you’re good enough or not.
Work towards becoming your own ideal version of yourself, and share that gift of self-acceptance with the only person that matters – you.
This post was inspired by —>> 5 Signs You’re Being Needy and What to Do About It –.
I’ve been a bad blogger lately.
I’ve gotten so out of the habit of writing regularly that there’s been loads of things happening that I haven’t written about. And it’s hard to determine where to start, or even if things that have happened are even worth still writing about.
The biggest thing at the moment is that I’ve moved – temporarily for a week and a half. I’m cat-sitting for my old flatmate (who I lived with for 3 years in Vauxhall) and staying at his place in Camberwell while he’s away at Bear Week in Provincetown.
Sure, I could have come each day to feed the cat and stay at home, but it would have been a lot of travelling back and forth. And that would have been especially difficult in the mornings since I start work at 8am… I get up early enough as it is.
But so far it’s been 4 amazing days.
I’d forgotten how great it is to live somewhat (south) central since I moved out of Vauxhall 2 years ago. It is so much easier to go out, see people and get home afterwards, like I did on Friday night after work.
Oh and being able to walk around, go to the kitchen or bathroom, without having to put clothes on if I don’t want to. ;-)
I haven’t lived alone since my last couple years in Montreal, and it’s reminded me how much I miss living on my own (not that I can afford to do so in London).
It’s about having the option to just pop down the road to meet up with people – whether they be friends, a date, or even just a shag – without having to pre-plan things hours ahead of time due to transport… though finding shags isn’t a massive priority at the moment. lol
I obviously hate where I’m currently living, both for the location and the environment itself. It takes me a good hour to get anyway central, and since I’m on a budget I have to find ways to avoid travelling on the tube or trains through Zone 1 (costs me extra per trip and it adds up quickly).
As for the environment itself, I’m not sure if that’s just what it is on face value or if it’s a product of my own discomfort of living where I am. When I’m home, I’m basically stuck in my bedroom as the landlord is always in the living with the doors closed. This makes me feel like I’d be intruding on his space or interrupting him in some way.
Or at least that’s the way it feels to me. I could be making assumptions about it all, but he’s not that friendly when you come right down to it. At least not in the way I’m used to when living with other people.
Or maybe it’s me that’s become unwelcoming in that environment by shutting myself off in my bedroom. Hmmm…
Anyway, this experience of getting to live temporarily in an area I already like has given me a new perspective about what I want from a room for rent or flatshare, and where I am now isn’t it.
I think I need to give my month’s notice so I have a deadline of when I need to move by instead of sitting around saying I’ll give my notice once I find somewhere new to live.
It’s scary to just jump off the deep end like that, and there’s no guarantee that I’ll find the ‘perfect’ place, but if I don’t do it now I’ll end up just staying put and feeling miserable about living there.
But until then, I’m going to savour every moment I’m staying at my mate’s place. :-)
Isn’t it sad how quickly time on holiday passes? Feels like just yesterday my mate P and I were headed down to Brighton for the weekend.
Meanwhile it’s been almost two weeks since we left and went out separate ways once back in London, with him heading home to Scotland.
Or maybe it seems like it passed quickly because we had a great time… though to be honest it didn’t really feel like we did much while we were there.
As usual when we go to Brighton, we headed to the nude beach on a couple of the afternoons.. which sadly wasn’t a good thing.
Despite the lovely sunny days (only rained on the Monday and briefly on the Saturday), it was way too cold for the beach. Let alone taking it all off on the nude beach.
Yeah.. it was that cold. Dammit.
So instead we ended up spending more time drinking and chatting on a couple different terraces overlooking the sea. And ended up getting farmer tans instead of the all over ones we’d wanted. Hahaha
Overall it just seemed like we chilled out all weekend really. Sure, we went to the various bear parties for the Brighton Bear Weekender, but we didn’t really party like we had in past years.
Maybe we’re just getting old. ;-)
To be fair, neither of us were really that bothered by the parties as it was more about hanging out together. We went to most of them (skipped the underwear party at the underground kink club on the Sunday lol), but didn’t really get into the party atmosphere of the weekend.
In fact, when we say the pics of the weekend and the various parties/events, we weren’t in a single picture… making it almost seem like we weren’t there.
But to be honest, it wasn’t much of a surprise to not see pics of us. The guys taking the pics all weekend only seemed to take shots of the party bears or the people they already knew.
Or maybe we didn’t do anything to really stand out from the crowds. Maybe we stayed on the sidelines too much.
There were some who went out of their way to stand out, from outlandish outfits to a group of American bears who stripped to their underwear to dance on the podium Friday night just to get their picture taken.
Anyway.. in the end, we enjoyed our annual weekend away for our birthdays, albeit a week early. And we were both surprised how neither of us drank or ate too much. So not like us at all. LOL
I mentioned to P how next year maybe we should take a pass on the bear weekend thing.. and maybe give them all a pass in general. Neither of us really feel like we fit in with the bear crowds, so seems pointless to spend so much money on these parties each year.
Well, we’ll see what happens.. meanwhile P’s suggested I come up to Edinburgh in October for the BearScots again.
So much for taking a break from the bears, huh? LOL