Stop Pushing People Away

Push away
Standard

Sometimes when we’re feeling down or vulnerable, we can’t help but push those that care about us away. Even when we don’t realise we’re doing it.

Sometimes we can be afraid to open up about what’s bothering us, or we’re afraid they may look at us as being too ‘needy’ (see previous post).

So when we’re feeling this way, we need to be proactive about how we interact with others and with ourselves really, and let people in when we’re vulnerable.  All it can do it make you feel better in the long run.

Identify the reasons behind it

Is there a specific reason you’re purposely pushing a certain person away?  What are you feeling when thinking about that person?  Nervous?  Scared?  Intimidated?

You need to have a good think about that person and visualise them in your head while paying attention to those feelings.  It’s the first step to breaking the habit of pushing people away during those times when you probably need them most.

Look within yourself

Need a hugSometimes the reason you’re pushing others away during a bad patch isn’t necessarily about them, but more about yourself and how you’re feeling about the situation or sometimes even yourself.

Let’s be honest, we’ve all been hurt at one point or another in our lives, and this can have a knock-on affect on our ability to trust other people or let them close.

In order to be a confident, strong person who let’s people in, you need to conquer these negative feelings within yourself in order to let others in again.

Talk things out

As much as we all try to be strong and keep things bottled up to deal with ourselves, sometimes it’s much more cathartic to talk things out as a way to realise that you’re truly not alone in your feelings.

You don’t have to go as far as speaking with a professional or go into intricate details, but opening up enough to unload those pent up feelings can be a world of help.

Build your self-confidence

your-strengthToo often when we’re feeling down on life, we can get down on ourselves and allow negative thinking to overtake our self-confidence.  This is clearly detrimental and will only make things worse in the long run.

Instead, why not make yourself a list of things that make you unique or that you like about yourself.  Or even get a friend to do it with you and then compare notes.  Not only will it help you focus on the positive parts of your life, but it could open your eyes to how others perceive you.

Tear down the wall

Don’t let your past experiences stop you from missing out of things that may be right in front of you. Not every person you meet is going to hurt you, and you can’t allow yourself to hide behind a barrier that prevents anyone from getting close.

Whether you realise it or not, there are people out there that love and appreciate you for who you are, not for what you can do for them.  Just let them in.

Fake it til you make it

Fake itLet’s be honest – as much as we’d all love to walk around with all our emotions showing clearly on our faces, that really won’t allow us to get on with our day to day lives.

Instead just go ahead and face the world with a big smile on your face, even if you don’t want to.  It’ll help project confidence to others, regardless of how you’re feeling inside, and eventually it should become reality.

Also, repeating positive mantras throughout the day can help you get past the rough patches.

Live Life

Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself, ignoring your friends or loved ones, can only be detrimental to you in the long run.  How will it help you get past things if you wallow in self-pity?

Instead, get off your ass and go live life to the fullest.  Be willing to do new things and take risks.  It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant you’ve never considered going to before, to even pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to do something new.  This is an instant confidence boost, and could lead you to meeting someone new.

This post was inspired by –>> How to Stop Pushing People Away: 7 Steps

Beach Daze

Brighton Beach 2
Standard

Ahhh.. the joys of living in the UK and the inconsistent weather during the summer. If you get a week or two of decent weather between June and August, you can count yourself lucky.  LOL

Ok, so that’s an exaggeration most people here tend to say about the weather. Some years are better than others obviously, and you will occasionally get a week or two of really nice weather before the dreary clouds make their way back in.

As much as we like to bitch about it, it really doesn’t rain all the time.  LOL

When we do get those rare and truly hot summer days, most of us take as much advantage of it as possible, and you’ll find most parks packed with people trying to soak in as much sunshine as they can.

This past weekend was one of those periods of truly lovely weather.  And for once I actually took advantage of the sunshine.

I’ve got a bad habit on the weekends.. Unless I’ve planned something, I tend to spent most weekends sitting at home, watching Netflix and lamenting at how dull my social life is without doing anything to change it.

And staring out the window at the sunshine, trying to get myself off my ass.

To be honest, this weekend’s frolics in the sun all started because I decided I needed a day off work to relax before my supervisor goes away on holiday for two full weeks. Which leaves me to cover the entire department, which only consists of the two of us.

So I chose to take Friday off for a long weekend, and luckily as the week progressed, the weather looked fairly decent down in Brighton.. so I used my cheeky day off work to lounge on the nude beach there.

Me on beachThis was definitely way overdue.. When my mate P & I went down for the Bear Weekend end of June, we were so disappointed by the weather.. it was cloudy and windy, leaving it way too chilly to get our bits out on the nude beach.

So this time my luck held out.  It was an absolutely gorgeous day out, with not a cloud in the sky.  And the beach was relatively busy too.. guess not many people work on Fridays when it’s nice out. LOL

I didn’t do much more than relax and enjoy the sunshine, trying not to chain smoke while I read on my Kindle and listened to music.  And yes.. I looked around a bit at the other sun-lovers, but there sadly wasn’t much eye-candy around me.

The only downside being there by myself was that I couldn’t reach parts of my back to apply sun-cream, so ended up with a bit of a burn.  But luckily it wasn’t too bad.

The next day, a friend decided to organise a group day out in London.. sunbathing near the Men’s Pond in Hampstead Heath. The pond area has showers, a changing area, toilets, a dock to swim off from, and a small nude sunbathing area just off the changing space.

We didn’t go in there though as just outside the entrance is a wide patch of grass where all the (gay) guys had their towels and blankets spread out to sunbath or have picnics, and this is where we set ourselves up.

And it was an absolutely amazing way to spend a Saturday afternoon in London.  It was sunny and hot, with a bit of a breeze, and there was lots of eye-candy around.

And some of those boys were just shameless.. got a few eyefuls as some were changing out of their swimsuits. And this wasn’t in the changing area. ;-)

But mostly it was fun just hanging out, chatting, having a few laughs and some food/wine with friends.  To be away from the usual scene and just generally do something different.

All in all was a lovely, relaxing weekend.  Exactly what I needed. :)

Hampstead Heath

Signs You’re Being Too Needy

too clingy
Standard

We’ve all had times in our lives where we’ve felt especially needy for whatever reason, and felt that if we just had a bit of attention then we’d feel better.  It’s a fairly normal reaction when you’ve had an especially stressful day, or something has happened that you just need to talk over with someone.

But what if you’re at the point when people are actively avoiding you because you’re continually coming across as too needy?  That you’re constantly acting like the whole world is abandoning you.

I know I do feel like this at times.. ok, a lot of the time really.  But perhaps that’s just my perception of how people view me, that they’re purposely avoiding me.  At times, it can stop me from reaching out to others when I’m feeling down or lonely because I don’t want them to think of me as being overly needy.

Could it still come across that way even when I’m trying not to let it?  Sure it can.. and it’s regularly made me wonder how I can change that perception.

Being Too Available

I generally never have anything planned when it gets to the weekend.  So I find myself trying last minute to find out what others are up to, which is usually met with a series of ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’ve already got plans’ responses.

too needySo instead of still getting out there and enjoying the weekend, I tend to just spend the time completely along at home.  And when I do get a last minute invite from someone, I tend to jump at it.

But to be honest, how unattractive is always being available to do things when someone messages last minute? Well, it’s time to stop that, hard as that may seems at times.

Focus on yourself and what you want out of life, instead of continually moaning about how boring your life is because you’ve got nothing planned.  Set yourself some personal goals and lead your life in the direction you want it to go in.

If someone else wants to be there to join you in your journey, then that’s just a bonus.

Communicate Too Much

There’s a reason they say communication is a two-way street.  If you feel like you’re doing all the work to start a conversation, or even keep one going, then maybe you need to determine if you’re communicating too much.

it's too muchIt’s all too easy to feel like you’re chasing after the other person to be part of your life, but maybe that’s what should clue you in that maybe your neediness by regularly messaging the other person is what’s causing them not to want to reply back to you.

The last thing you need is for the other person to feel like if they don’t reply back to you right away, that you’ll get all stroppy. You don’t want to become an obligation.

Instead of constantly checking your mobile for messages from that new crush or that friend you’d love to hang out with, go out and have some fun yourself.  That way you’ll have some fun stories to tell them the next time you get together.

Whatever They Want

There’s compromise in making decisions, and then there’s being completely passive.  Someone who’s overly needy will tend to always capitulate to whatever the other person wants to do.

This is perhaps down to some insanely ridiculous fear of losing the other person over suggesting something they might not enjoy but you would.

Silly, huh?  Who wants to be with someone who isn’t willing to state their needs and wants?  We all want someone in our lives who’s confident, who knows what they want, and is willing to fight for something they feel strongly for.

So why not be that person in your own life?  Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from being you.

Lose Yourself Outside Of The Relationship

We all have certain expectations in life, be it while dating someone or while spending time with friends.

truly caresBut when you stop doing things that make you truly happy and allow your own expectations go unfulfilled, you may find yourself trying to fill that void by spending more or all of your time with that other person.

This can only lead to resentment on both sides – theirs because you’re always there and expecting them to spend all their spare time with you; yours because you’ve stopped allowing yourself to enjoy life with or without that other person.

Don’t allow yourself to become distant from your friends or doing what you love.  You need to maintain a life of your own, outside of your dating activities.

Constant Reassurance

Needy people seem to continually need external validation that they’re good enough, or that people truly like them.  And those people tend to become disappointed when they don’t get it.

The only person that can tell you that you’re good enough is yourself.  You carry your own acceptance within you, and no other person can tell you whether you’re good enough or not.

Work towards becoming your own ideal version of yourself, and share that gift of self-acceptance with the only person that matters – you.

This post was inspired by —>> 5 Signs You’re Being Needy and What to Do About It –.

A Temporary Change of Scenery

Young couple moving into a new apartment. More files of this seires on port. Made with professional make up and styling.
Standard

I’ve been a bad blogger lately.

I’ve gotten so out of the habit of writing regularly that there’s been loads of things happening that I haven’t written about.  And it’s hard to determine where to start, or even if things that have happened are even worth still writing about.

The biggest thing at the moment is that I’ve moved – temporarily for a week and a half.  I’m cat-sitting for my old flatmate (who I lived with for 3 years in Vauxhall) and staying at his place in Camberwell while he’s away at Bear Week in Provincetown.

Sure, I could have come each day to feed the cat and stay at home, but it would have been a lot of travelling back and forth.  And that would have been especially difficult in the mornings since I start work at 8am… I get up early enough as it is.

But so far it’s been 4 amazing days.

I’d forgotten how great it is to live somewhat (south) central since I moved out of Vauxhall 2 years ago. It is so much easier to go out, see people and get home afterwards, like I did on Friday night after work.

man cooking nakedBut most importantly for me, it’s nice to have an entire flat to myself.  Even if it’s only temporary.

Oh and being able to walk around, go to the kitchen or bathroom, without having to put clothes on if I don’t want to. ;-)

I haven’t lived alone since my last couple years in Montreal, and it’s reminded me how much I miss living on my own (not that I can afford to do so in London).

It’s about having the option to just pop down the road to meet up with people – whether they be friends, a date, or even just a shag – without having to pre-plan things hours ahead of time due to transport… though finding shags isn’t a massive priority at the moment. lol

I obviously hate where I’m currently living, both for the location and the environment itself.  It takes me a good hour to get anyway central, and since I’m on a budget I have to find ways to avoid travelling on the tube or trains through Zone 1 (costs me extra per trip and it adds up quickly).

As for the environment itself, I’m not sure if that’s just what it is on face value or if it’s a product of my own discomfort of living where I am.  When I’m home, I’m basically stuck in my bedroom as the landlord is always in the living with the doors closed.  This makes me feel like I’d be intruding on his space or interrupting him in some way.

Or at least that’s the way it feels to me.  I could be making assumptions about it all, but he’s not that friendly when you come right down to it.  At least not in the way I’m used to when living with other people.

Or maybe it’s me that’s become unwelcoming in that environment by shutting myself off in my bedroom.  Hmmm…

Anyway, this experience of getting to live temporarily in an area I already like has given me a new perspective about what I want from a room for rent or flatshare, and where I am now isn’t it.

man in bathSo I think it’s decision time.  I think instead of vaguely looking around at flat ads and hoping to find something that will push me into action, I need to get off my ass and make a move.

I think I need to give my month’s notice so I have a deadline of when I need to move by instead of sitting around saying I’ll give my notice once I find somewhere new to live.

It’s scary to just jump off the deep end like that, and there’s no guarantee that I’ll find the ‘perfect’ place, but if I don’t do it now I’ll end up just staying put and feeling miserable about living there.

But until then, I’m going to savour every moment I’m staying at my mate’s place. :-)

Back to Reality.. 2 Weeks Ago

20150621_134241
Standard

Isn’t it sad how quickly time on holiday passes? Feels like just yesterday my mate P and I were headed down to Brighton for the weekend.

Meanwhile it’s been almost two weeks since we left and went out separate ways once back in London, with him heading home to Scotland.

Or maybe it seems like it passed quickly because we had a great time… though to be honest it didn’t really feel like we did much while we were there.

As usual when we go to Brighton, we headed to the nude beach on a couple of the afternoons.. which sadly wasn’t a good thing.

Despite the lovely sunny days (only rained on the Monday and briefly on the Saturday), it was way too cold for the beach.  Let alone taking it all off on the nude beach.

PARKA ON THE BEACHIn fact, the wind was so chilly there were maybe a handful of die-hards on the beach.  And there was even a guy sitting naked on the beach.. wearing a parka.

Yeah.. it was that cold. Dammit.

So instead we ended up spending more time drinking and chatting on a couple different terraces overlooking the sea.  And ended up getting farmer tans instead of the all over ones we’d wanted. Hahaha

Overall it just seemed like we chilled out all weekend really.  Sure, we went to the various bear parties for the Brighton Bear Weekender, but we didn’t really party like we had in past years.

Maybe we’re just getting old.  ;-)

To be fair, neither of us were really that bothered by the parties as it was more about hanging out together.  We went to most of them (skipped the underwear party at the underground kink club on the Sunday lol), but didn’t really get into the party atmosphere of the weekend.

In fact, when we say the pics of the weekend and the various parties/events, we weren’t in a single picture… making it almost seem like we weren’t there.

But to be honest, it wasn’t much of a surprise to not see pics of us.  The guys taking the pics all weekend only seemed to take shots of the party bears or the people they already knew.

Or maybe we didn’t do anything to really stand out from the crowds.  Maybe we stayed on the sidelines too much.

There were some who went out of their way to stand out, from outlandish outfits to a group of American bears who stripped to their underwear to dance on the podium Friday night just to get their picture taken.

Ready to goPersonally I didn’t even think they were that good looking to warrant the attention, but most of the guys had their mobiles out taking pics of them.  To each their own I suppose.

Anyway.. in the end, we enjoyed our annual weekend away for our birthdays, albeit a week early.  And we were both surprised how neither of us drank or ate too much.  So not like us at all.  LOL

I mentioned to P how next year maybe we should take a pass on the bear weekend thing.. and maybe give them all a pass in general.  Neither of us really feel like we fit in with the bear crowds, so seems pointless to spend so much money on these parties each year.

Well, we’ll see what happens.. meanwhile P’s suggested I come up to Edinburgh in October for the BearScots again.

So much for taking a break from the bears, huh?  LOL

Sleep Naked for a Healthier You

Naked Men Sleeping (14)
Standard

What’s your sleeping ritual?  Is there something you must wear to feel comfortable enough to get a good night’s sleep, or are you more comfortable sleeping in your birthday suit?

Apparently sleeping in the nude is actually healthier for you and can improve certain areas of your life.. and not just your sex life either!

According to a couple of sites, approximately 8% of Americans sleep naked, whereas nearly a quarter of British adults are more likely to sleep naked.

So what are the benefits, and how can tossing the pj’s help us all?

Reduces insomnia

men naked sleepingAccording to a recent sleep study, when you wear heavy pyjamas or socks your body can’t release the heat necessary to drop your core body temperature to initiate sleep normally.

This inability of your body to release heat could cause insomnia, whereas sleeping naked allows the heat to release easier, which leads to you falling asleep faster.

This in-bed body temperature regulation may also help you achieve a deeper, longer sleep, which would result in feeling more refreshed upon waking and better to approach the coming day.

Prevents excess belly fat

Now, don’t get too excited!  This isn’t about some quick-slim diet secret, but instead is how sleeping naked helps you lower your cortisol levels. Cortisol functions to increase blood sugar through gluconeogenesis, to suppress the immune system, and to aid in the metabolism of fat, protein, and carbohydrate. (Source: Wikipedia)

Basically, deep sleep lowers cortisol levels to a minimum, then the glands that produce it work more actively to prepare the body for the next day, helping you feel energised when you wake up.  And when you don’t sleep properly, you wake with abnormally high cortisol levels, which stimulates your appetite for comfort foods that increase belly fat.

Healthier sex organs

Not only will will sleeping naked help your sex life, it’ll also help your sexual organs themselves.  It allows your skin and body parts to breathe and get exposed to free flowing air.

For women, it can prevent the growth of yeast and bacteria, while for men it helps keeping testes cooler which in turn keeps sperm healthy and the reproductive systems working normally.  When men wear tight briefs or restrictive clothing (in or out of bed), it can heat up the testes and lower their sperm count.

Prevents aging

According to some studies, sleep can trigger the release of growth hormones and melatonin, which are vital anti-aging hormones.  Which means the better you sleep, the more of these hormones you’ll produce, which in the end will help slow down the aging process.  And who doesn’t want to do that?

Increases skin-to-skin contact

When you have more skin to skin contact with your partner, it can release a boost of oxytocin in your body.  This ‘feel-good’ hormone is powerful, helps your orgasmic and sexual responsiveness, helps deal with stress, combat depression, reducing intestinal inflammation, and reducing blood pressure.

And obviously, when not sleeping alone, it removes any obstacles and encourages more sexual contact between you.  And that’s never a bad thing.

naked men in bed

Prevents skin diseases

Wet, restricted skin could lead to an increased risk for certain skin diseases like athlete’s foot or Intertrigo.  Which is why it’s important to all the skin all over your body to breathe, especially in areas like your feet, armpits or genitals.

Prevents type 2 Diabeties

According to a study published in the June edition of Diabetes, it was found that sleeping in the nude helped participants improve their health, with unhealthy fat starting to disappear within a few weeks.  The study found the colder temperatures when sleeping nude were linked to improving metabolisms, lowering blood sugar levels and even preventing type 2 Diabetes.

How amazing is that?

Improves blood flow.

Wearing restrictive clothing in bed – twisted t-shirts, tight socks, elastic bands around your waist – could cut off your circulation and restrict the body’s blood flow.  Sleeping naked will allow it to flow more freely and increase circulation, which in turn benefits the heart, muscles, and arteries as more oxygen-rich blood flows to your extremities.

Improves self-esteem and acceptance

cute bear sleepingGrowing up, most of us were taught that being naked was wrong or indecent, or even going so far to make us believe that the naked body is an ugly, unnatural thing.  Which is where a lot of body dismorphia could stem from, not to mention low self-esteem and low self-worth.

The more time you spend in the nude, regardless if it is alone or among others, the more comfortable you will feel in your own skin and more accepting of your body as it truly is, instead of the media’s ideals.

And the more confident you are in your skin, the happier you’ll be and you’ll appear more attractive to others.

So… why not boost your own health and sleep naked already.  It’s clearly so much better for you. ;-)

This post was inspired by — 10 Reasons Why People Who Like Sleeping Naked Are Healthier People.

Friends With Benefits – Can It Work?

hands in bed
Standard

Life can be difficult and lonely when you’re single, regardless if you’re happy with singledom or not.  Sometimes it’s nice to just have someone to cuddle up to once in awhile, because deep down we all need a bit of human interaction.

Ok.. so it’s sometimes more about getting that ‘itch’ scratched, and you don’t necessarily want some impersonal hookup from one of those dating/chat apps some of us use.

So could finding a friend-with-benefits (FWB) be the answer to all your carnal and cuddly needs? Or is that just tempting fate too much?

And are there any actual rules in a FWB sexual situation?

I keep asking myself these questions a lot lately, mostly in regards to things with the Italian chaser.  Because let’s be honest, that’s exactly what we are – friends who sleep together.  I think..

We only seem to hookup once a month or so due to his busy schedule. We last got together after work one evening, going for dinner and then back to his to ‘relax’ naked.

Gay_Couple_togetherness_in_bed_01But it’s made me wonder if there were any rules of engagement (so to speak) for this sort of thing.

It’s been interesting and amusing reading ‘rules’ online, most of which are generally made up by the author themselves.  Though a few were downright impersonal.

One thing I noticed is that each of them drew the line between friends, FWB, and a relationship differently.. so maybe there isn’t a distinctive or comprehensive set of rules.

Emotional Attachments

The whole point of being in a friends-with-benefits situation is that it allows you the freedom to enjoy carnal desires with another person without worrying about the emotional needs of that other person. You can just bump uglies (so to speak lol) and get on with your lives, right?

But what if at some point will one or both of you develop an attachment to the other? Can you really have a sexual relationship with someone and maintain a cold, uncaring attitude towards them and their life?

Dinner & A Movie?

When meeting up with your FWB, should it solely be for sex or can you add in dinner, a movie or some other activity to your time together?  Or is that more of a date than just a shag?

The thing is if you were friends before the sex and not just a recurring hook-up, then I’d think other activities other than sex should happen as it would have anyway before you started sleeping together.

Public Persona

The difficult thing to figure out is how do you react to each other when out in social situations.

Man being comfortedDo you pretend you’re not having hot, sweaty monkey sex every couple weeks?  Do you flirt with each other as you usually do in private?  Or do you quietly suppress jealousy when they start flirting with someone else, while outwardly act like it’s no big deal.

It’s really hard when you’re used to being intimate with someone but feel like you can’t be affectionate with them amongst others.  Even if there’s nothing romantic between you, it can still be difficult to watch them flirt or go home with someone else.. or maybe that’s a sign that maybe a FWB situation isn’t for you.

Sharing Isn’t Always Caring

At what point are you over-sharing things with your FWB? It can’t only be about sex, right?  So maybe it’s good to chat occasionally, telling each other little things going on in your lives.  But at what point are you saying too much?

Not only are you pushing the boundaries between FWB and a relationship where you tell each other everything, you’re also running the risk of turning them off sexually. And let’s be honest, sex is the main reason for the two of you hanging out so maybe keep the details of your anxieties to yourself. It’s definitely not an aphrodisiac.

To Cuddle, Or Not To Cuddle…

In general, everyone loves a good cuddle.  It makes us feel better about ourselves, and it’s a great precursor to another hot session between the sheets. But is it too intimate or too romantic?

Men in Bed_thumb[7]Or perhaps it’s all about the connection between you and your own natural inclinations.  If you both normally cuddle afterwards, then what’s the harm?  It would feel odd to not cuddle afterwards if you didn’t.

I suppose in the end only you and your buddy can decide what the rules are, if any.  Best to keep things simple, light and most importantly, fun!

Here are a couple of other sites that wrote about this topic as well:

17 Rules For Friends With Benefits | Carlen Costa.

Rules for Friends with Benefits | Everyone Is Gay.

Overcoming Social Awkwardness

how-much-phenibut-to-take
Standard

It’s hard being someone who feels socially awkward at times.  It can be frustrating and uncomfortable to be out with a group of people and not know how to interact with them.

All too often people will dismiss or ridicule those who are socially awkward, and all that does is amplify the awkwardness for the person.  Socially awkward people aren’t boring, or disinterested.  They just aren’t sure how to join in.

There are several distinctive traits of social awkwardness, and apparently the more you have, the harder it is to interact with others.

Nervous in social settings

Socially awkward people find social situations to be more anxiety producing then joy inducing.  In fact a lot of socially awkward people will purposely avoid social situations just so they can avoid the anxiety.

The nervousness itself can cause you to act in odd ways around others, perhaps being inappropriate when you don’t mean to.  And once you realise this behaviour is happening, it can cause even more anxiety or nervousness.. leading you into a vicious negative cycle.

Not understanding social norms

The above nervousness could lead to misunderstanding or not recognising what is appropriate in certain social situations.  It’s like when out with mates and you suddenly tell some off-colour joke that isn’t appreciated, or when you act inappropriately.

Basically socially awkward people aim for a certain result, like people to laugh at a funny joke, but instead it arrives like a lead balloon or comes off as distasteful.

But it’s also about not knowing when and how to start a conversation, or even what to talk about.  Which can lead socially awkward people to either just not talk at all, making those around them think they’re either super shy or just plain weird.  And knowing people are thinking that of you compounds the feelings even more.

Simpsons - awkwardThe lack of conversation flow

It’s not uncommon for most people to have awkward silences in a conversation, or for a conversation to come to an abrupt halt.  But for socially awkward people this is the rule, not the exception.

Instead their conversations tend to be bumpy or inconsistent, and don’t usually seem to lead anywhere.  Or at least it always seems that way to them.

Feeling avoided or ridiculed by others

One of the signs people are picking up on your social awkwardness is if they avoid your company or exclude you from group activities.  Perhaps they see you as the ‘weirdo’ of the group, or just aren’t sure how to react to your social awkwardness.

Or if on the other hand they do include you but regularly ridicule or mock you, then perhaps they truly aren’t people you should be around to begin with.  True friends would embrace you for being yourself, and would try their to make you comfortable in whatever situation you’re in.

Lacking meaningful connections with others

Many socially awkward people have few friends with a very small social circle, and perhaps tend to spend a lot of time alone. This is mostly because they struggle meeting new people, making conversations, feeling at ease around others, or even expressing themselves effectively.

This leaves them feeling very unfulfilled socially, and perhaps even like they’ve been left behind while others around them develop meaningful relationships, both socially and romantically.

ACpost2.SocialanxietySo… what is a socially awkward person to do?  How does one overcome something that stifles your ability to enjoy life as it comes?

Well.. reading about is makes it seem like this is the easiest thing in the world to get over.  In fact, the article that influenced this one gave these three basic tips:

  1. Develop your social confidence
  2. Learn the basic social norms
  3. Get out there and get some experience

Really makes it seem so easy huh?  Obviously the more you do something, the easier it’ll become in the long run.  And that’s a good thing.

So the only advise I’d give is to just get out there and be yourself, weirdo and all.. and eventually you’ll find people who like you for you, and the awkwardness will fade.

This post has been inspired by – 6 Signs That You’re Socially Awkward and How to Fix This.

This Is Why You Are Attractive

love_yourself
Standard

Too often we let perceptions of who we are, be them our own or from others, cloud our view of ourselves.  Who hasn’t looked at themselves in the mirror and been overly critical of their body, or lament that they wish they could look like someone else?

We are all guilty of a bit of self-hate, myself included, but what we need to do is focus on the positive aspects of ourselves that make us truly attractive to ourselves and others around us.

And let’s be clear – being considered attractive is a completely different than how one perceives beauty, as it isn’t necessarily about physical beauty.  It’s more about you as a person and how you treat those around you.

Let your heart shine through

These days it’s almost social suicide to show any sort of emotions, let alone that you actually care about another person.  Genuine care and concern for another’s well-being can make all the difference for someone who’s going through a bad patch or is feeling alone in the world.  Compassion is key.

Build strength from your past

Life generally isn’t easy so you have to be able to stand tall and show the world that you can take on anything it throws at you.  All of us have difficult situations and struggles we have to get past, and the more capable you are at doing so, the stronger you’ll be as you continue to move through life.

You’ve got to move forward, dust yourself off, and use these difficult situations to build yourself up to better handle anything else that may be tossed your way in the future.

Smiling is infectious

There is nothing more attractive than someone sporting a genuine smile.  Show off your pearly whites. Grin from ear to ear. Let your smile take over your whole face. It’s what will attract people to you, as it shows your happiness and love of life.

And sometimes when a complete stranger gives you a quick cheeky smile, you just can’t help but return it.

You have a brain and you use it

sapiosexual (n.): a personal sexually attracted to intelligence or the human mind

There is nothing more attractive than someone who uses their wit and intelligence in everyday interactions.  And those that continue to search to improve their knowledge bump things up even more.

sexy_einstein_xlargeAs well, use that intellect and thirst for knowledge to feed your curiosity about the world around you.  Never be afraid to ask ‘why’ about things you see, hear or read about.  You just never know what you may learn.

But be careful not to come across as a smarty-pants or know-it-all, as that’s a huge turn off.  Instead use your intellect to engage others in meaningful and interesting conversations. Conversations can be fun as well as informative, so don’t just restrict yourself to solely cerebral topics.

Laughter is the best medicine

Whether you giggle like a school-girl, enjoy a good belly laugh, or even let loose the occasion snort, life is worth laughing at. There’s more than enough darkness in the world, so why not laugh at the silliness around you.  Share the giggles, tickle someone else’s funny-bone, and spread the joy to those around you.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, even if it’s not something you agree with or think is right.  But that’s ok, because your ability to be open-minded to another’s perspective and see where the other person is coming from is a truly attractive quality and will show a mutual respect between you.

And that’s ultimately more important and attractive than being ‘right’.

Be thankful

Being grateful for your life and appreciative of those who help you in life is incredibly attractive. That thankfulness will fill you more emotionally and spiritually than anything else you may be able to obtain to fill whatever void you may have.

And let’s be honest – if you’re not appreciative of those around you, how can you expect them to continue to be there for you in the future.

You are you

self-confidence-is-the-most-attractive-quality-a-person-can-haveJust be yourself.  Only you can be you, so why not be the best ‘you’ you can possibly be? Love yourself. Be comfortable in your body. Be confident through your actions and your smile. Remind yourself you are beautiful just the way you are, and don’t let anyone else tell you differently.

You are wonderful just the way you are, so why change that?  Embrace yourself, perceived warts and all, and let the world see you who you truly are. Life your life for you and don’t let anyone else’s misconceptions of how you should life it sway you.

This post was inspired by the post – 10 Reasons Why You Are Attractive | Life Hack.