A Naked Opportunity

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As I think I’ve posted previously, I’m not all that happy with my current living situation. Oh who am I kidding, I’m out right hating it at the moment.

It’s not so much one specific thing that’s brought me to this point, but more a variety of things..

Firstly, it’s waaaaaaaay too far away from central London, my friends and work.  It takes a good hour at least to get anywhere… And if I want to visit my friends living in SW London, then I have to travel through Zone 1 (Central London)  and pay extra for each trip.

Which brings me to the second main reason – money. For something that was supposed to be kinda cheap, I’m finding I’m paying more per month than I have in years for rent, bills and transport.. And I can’t afford that.

And thirdly, I’m not comfortable here at all. The landlord has created an environment (which I maybe fed into a bit) where I don’t feel welcome in the rest of the flat. He spents all his free time in the lounge with the door closed, so it makes me feel like I’d be intruding into his space… So instead I spend all my time in my bedroom, including when I’m eating meals.

And speaking of food, I’ve never met anyone who monopolises the kitchen so much. It seems he takes ages to cook his dinner every night. So there are times where I only get a small window to put something together, and I’ve fallen into the bad habit of basically eating ready-meals most days, or a quick pre-made salad that I can just open up.

I’ve basically stopped cooking, and that’s not healthy.

So I’ve been looking around a bit, although I haven’t given my notice as yet, and found an intruguing opportunity through a social website a mate introduced me to a few months back – NakedMates.co.uk.

Since signing up for the website, I’ve yet to attend any of the parties or social events, and have only met someone once to hang out naked (HON is the term the site uses) with a local guy I never heard from again (think he was disappointed I didn’t grasp the opportunity when he got visibly horny hehe).

Well a few weeks back I saw a posting on the site’s forums stating one of the members had a room to rent, so I checked out his ad – a good £100 cheaper per month, was a super nice flat in a relatively new building and was only about 20 minutes walk to work!

Loads of positives to me.. But the one thing that’s given me a bit of hesitation is that he’s specifically looking for another naturalist to move in, or at least someone comfortable with nudity around the flat.

Well. Nothing ventured nothing gained I suppose, so I messaged him to show my interest and viewed the place this past Tuesday.

I admit I was a bit afraid he’d make me get naked to view the place… and was slightly disappointed that he didn’t. Lol

IMG_0310Despite the three flights of stairs (top floor), I really liked the place – bright, small but not overly cluttered, lots of storage, with a little balcony off the lounge that has light bamboo covering so nobody can really see into the flat or the balcony itself.

Hmm, I wonder why? Haha

Of course the conversation eventually lead to the naturalism aspect, and he stated he’d like to create what he called ‘Plan A’ – house rule would be full on naturalism at home all the time, even for guests coming over. ‘Plan B’ would be more of a ‘naked if you want to’ approach.

Now as someone who’s drawn to the idea of ‘Plan A’ but hesitant at the same time, I wonder if I could truly live in a completely naturalist environment, or if my own insecurities would get the better of me and I’d eventually become resentful of the house rule.

mW2us1dJ-M-x9tHixXtCfGgOr is it more that I’m afraid to just let myself go and release my inner naturalist once and for all?

I’ve talked it over with a couple of mates, and I’ve decided to just go for it. Not many people can say they’ve had the opportunity to just live so freely physically.

And maybe that situation would go a long way to helping me truly getting past my own body issues and insecurities.

Now just have to wait to see if he offers me the room… I messaged him a day or so later that I’m interested, and willing to try ‘Plan A’ if that’s what’s agreed to.

The Nether – Duke of York Theatre

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I love the theatre, I always have.  I love the idea of sitting in the dark watching a story unfold before my eyes on the stage.

This love of live plays and musicals stems from my time in high school, where I got opportunities to get up on stage myself in a couple school productions, though I never got any big parts.

One of the things London is known for around the world is it’s West End, where many productions (both big and small) come to make their mark.  I’ve seen a few shows over the years, but it hasn’t been as frequent as I’d like.

londen-west-endWell Friday night I got a last minute invitation from my Italian chaser ‘friend’ (I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re just friends with benefits.. I think).  He was given a couple free tickets to a play at the Duke of York Theatre, and he needed someone to join him.

Basically, I think I just got lucky.  He was looking around to find someone to join him just as I’d messaged asking how his weekend was going.  I’m guessing he’d asked others first (I didn’t ask really..), but who cares – it was a free ticket to a play and I hadn’t been to the theatre in a very long time.

Ok yeah.. I had the extra benefit of spending some time with him, even if it was just a night at the theatre.  Double win I suppose.  LOL

The play itself is called ‘The Nether’, and I’d never heard of it before last night.  Here’s the official description from the website:

The Nether offers complete freedom – a new virtual wonderland providing total sensory immersion. Just log in, choose an identity and indulge your every desire.

An intricate crime drama and a haunting thriller set in the year 2050, The Nether follows an investigation into the complicated, disturbing morality of identity in the digital world, and explores the consequences of making dreams a reality.

Obviously I don’t want to give too much away in case anyone gets a chance to see it – and I do recommend going if you can – but this play definitely makes you think about the complexities of where our virtual and online lives are going in the future, and how that could raise ideas of morality from our actions.

Basically in this play, there’s a virtual world called ‘The Nether’ where you can log in to be anybody you want to be, and to do anything you like.  The play surrounds itself around how actions in the virtual world could affect real life, and whether certain actions there could be considered immoral in the real world.

Visually, the play seemingly looks quite basic and stark at first – just a simple looking table with two chairs in the middle of the stage with a dark backdrop.  But then once it gets started, there are a variety of virtual images projected against the backdrop, some of which look like live feeds of the action on the stage.

The Nether PosterThen just when you think this is all the play is going to give you visually, they cut to a scene in the virtual world.. which is played out inside the backdrop wall – a screen lifts and there’s a stage within the wall itself set above the table on the stage.  This allows the play to portray two contrasting worlds within the same space, and was done exceptionally well.

All in all, I found the play to be engaging, albeit somewhat short (just over an hour in total), and disturbingly thought provoking.  It’s well acted, well presented, and overall an excellent production.

If you get a chance to see this Olivier Award nominated production (Best New Play) before it closes later this month, or if it comes to a theatre near you, I highly recommend going to see it.

‘The Nether’ runs until April 25th 2015 at The Duke of York Theatre, London.  For tickets or show times, go to http://thenethertheplay.co.uk for more details.

Another Year, Another Liebster Award

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It’s definitely that time of year again in the blogging world, when the not-so-elusive ‘Liebster Award’ nominations are spread around the blog-o-sphere.

Or at least it always seems to be around this time of year.  Last year was early February when I posted about my nomination for it, and April the year before.  This is the third year I’ve been nominated, though some years I have gotten multiple nominations.

This year the nomination came from Vinnieh over at his self-named blog, and I’m super grateful for it.  The whole point is to give recognition to those bloggers you enjoy reading and do a bit of cross-promotion at the same time.

Now on to answer the questions Vinnieh has set upon me:


Do you prefer watching films in the cinema or at home?

  • It depends really.. I used to go to the cinema a lot, but then couldn’t afford it anymore.  With the advent of Netflix and such, I tend to spend much more time at home watching movies.

Do you have any tattoos?

  • Not as yet.. I’ve always wanted one, but could never settle on a design.  I’ve had something in mind for a year or so now, just trying to get up the courage (and funding) to make it a reality.

What is your favourite sport?

  • Not really much of a sports fan, though do enjoy going bowling.  That counts right?

Who is your man crush or woman crush?

  • Well I’ve already discussed my current man-crush on a recent posting.. go read it. ;)

How good are you at keeping secrets?

  • I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it.  Why.. is there something you’re dying to tell me??

What movie do you love that everyone else seems to hate?

  • ‘Hackers’ starring the young Angelina Jolie and Johnny Lee Miller.  Most say it’s cheesy or lame how they make hacking seem cool, but I love the feel of it, and the soundtrack is outstanding.

What do you enjoy the most about blogging?

  • So many different things… The thrill of getting my written word out there for the world to see.  The satisfaction when people enjoy what I’ve written.  Being able to interact and start a dialogue about certain topics, even if it is my own love life.  LOL

What is your star sign?

  • I’m a Cancer, and tend to embody most of the main characteristics.

How many languages can you speak?

  • One and a bit.. English (obviously), and a little bit of French – I grew up in Canada, so we had to take French in school, and then I lived in Montreal for many years.

What is your most valuable belonging?

  • It may seem superficial, but I’d have to say my Kindle.  I don’t generally go anywhere without it, as I’ve always got a book on the go.  It helps me engage my imagination while exploring other fantastical worlds.

Describe yourself in five words.

  • Introvert, Loving, Confused, Naive, Loner.

Phew.. now onto my nominations, listed in no particular order:

  1. Confessions Of A Wallflower
  2. COCKTAILS & COCKTALK
  3. Things I Like… And Then Run
  4. Peter Monn
  5. A Life In London*
  6. KiltManinSoCal
  7. Lindaghill
  8. The Guyliner
  9. Flights, Tights, And Movie Nights
  10. A Guy Without Boxers
  11. Ivansblogworld’s

Definitely not an exhaustive list in any way at all, but can’t nominate everyone I suppose.

And here are my questions for my nominees…

  1. What’s your writing ritual?
  2. What guilty pleasure can you not go without?
  3. Have you ever had anything pierced other than your ears, and what was it?
  4. What’s your favourite place in the world?
  5. Have you ever lived in a different country from where you were born/raised?
  6. What’s the worst holiday you’ve ever been on?
  7. Boxers or Briefs?  Or ‘au naturel’?
  8. Apple or Android?
  9. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
  10. What’s the one regret you have in life?
  11. Describe yourself in five words.

And that’s the lot of it! Check out all of the nominated blogs, and happy Liebster Award season. ;-)

Things to do While Waiting for ‘Mr Right’

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It’s not easy being single these days.

It’s lonely, can lead to feelings of jealousy for those who’ve found someone, and in extreme circumstances, can lead to depression for some.

Most of this is due to the negative thoughts and ideas running around our heads as to why we’re still single, while it seems like everyone else around us are happily paired up.

Instead of sitting around waiting for that elusive ‘Mr Right’ (or ‘Ms Right’, depending on what you’re looking for lol), get out there and enjoy your life.  Cut the negative thoughts, get happy and start loving yourself and your single freedom.

Here’s a few things to do while you’re still single..

Start living in the now

Instead of daydreaming about your perfect partner and wasting your time wondering when they’ll show up, why not think about yourself?  Take stock of where you are in your life and where you want to go in the future.

man on beachWhat goals do you want to achieve over the next year or so?  Have you planned your next holiday?  Are there any old or distant friends you’d like to visit? Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance or the nerve to do so?

Being single means you can plan and do anything you want.  The world is out there waiting for you.  Why not get out there and enjoy it.

Love yourself

You are the one and only version of you that there will ever be in the world.  Your uniqueness and originality are part of who you are and everything you’ve achieved in your life.  Nobody else can make you feel as whole of a person as you already are, so why don’t you go ahead and love yourself?

There is nobody else out there in the world who can make you feel whole, or give you anything that you don’t already have in your life to lead a full, happy and fulfilling life.  Love who you are as a person, and what you contribute to the world around you.  Nobody else can give you that validation any better than you can yourself.

Love your freedom

They say that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you’ll have with yourself.  When you’re single, you have the opportunity to do things for yourself that sometimes a partner wouldn’t be able to.  Be a bit selfish and treat yourself to something special. Enjoy this time to take care of yourself and do what you want to do, when you want to do it.

Stop the negative reinforcements

Self attackWhen we’re feeling down or lonely, it’s all to easy to start criticising ourselves in a negative fashion.  It could be calling ourselves names because we didn’t react well to something, or telling ourselves that there must be something wrong with us because we’re single or alone.

If you continue to do that, then you’re increasing the chances of making those negative thoughts become a reality as we attract what we put out in the world.  Change the tone and feeling, and you’ll improve your chances.

Don’t neglect your friends and family

Never forget how precious your friends and family are, because once you do find someone amazing to date, you may not have as much time to spend with them.  Instead take this time to plan things or organise a trip together.  Those closest to you are the foundation of your social life, so never take them for granted or let them fall by the wayside.

Try something new

We all say we need to get out of our ruts and try something different.  So, what are you waiting for?  This is the perfect opportunity to get out there and do those things you’ve always wanted to do but never could.  Life is all about building memories from the experiences in our lives, so go make some good ones.

Work towards some big goal

We all have goals in life, or at least dreams of goals we’d like to achieve.  So what’s holding you back from achieving them?  Maybe you’ve always wanted to publish a novel, or learn new language, or try your hand at the guitar, or take an interesting course to change careers, or anything else you can imagine yourself doing.

Write out the goal and set yourself a plan of action.. and then do a little bit of it every day.  Six months to a year from now, you never know where that little bit of extra will take you.

Be patient

Pretty much everyone out there (including you) has a story or two of the losers they’ve dated before they met someone special.  That’s because this whole dating game is a process, and there’s no way to bypass it.

single statusWe have to go through it to learn more about ourselves and possibly go through some heartaches or date a few weirdos in order to get to where we need to be to meet that special someone.

Be patient and allow yourself to go through the process.  It’ll be worth it in the end.

This post has been inspired by the article – The Number One Reason You’re Still Single on LifeHack.org.

Bored on Holidays

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So due to my company’s financial year ending in April, I’ve had to take this week off as holiday to use up most of my remaining days.  The timing of it works perfectly because of the upcoming Easter weekend, giving me 10 full days (including the weekends) off from work.

The only thing is.. I’m bored.

Because it was kind of last minute (agreed to it only a couple weeks ago), I didn’t get around to planning anything for it.  If I’d had the forethought, I might have booked a cheap mini-break somewhere warm, or even looked at going home to Canada for a bit (although the prices for that were well out of my puny budget :( ).

Instead, the only thing I have planned this week is the start of my physiotherapy on Thursday evening.  Real exciting..

Other than going to the local Starbucks on Sunday and popping out last night to grab a take away, I haven’t been out of the house since I got home super late Saturday night (see previous post).

Man using laptop computer at coffee shopI’ve done nothing but sleep, eat, marathon-watch Netflix (re-watching ‘3rd Rock From The Sun’), and well, wish I was out doing anything other than sitting at home alone.

I have messaged a few people over the past couple days to suggest we meet up at some point during the week to hang out.  But I’ve gotten nothing back other than non-committal ‘I’ll let you know, enjoy your holidays’ responses, if they’ve acknowledged my suggestion at all.

Interestingly, I know of a couple guys who are currently off work, either between jobs or have days off in the week, and who I haven’t seen or hung out with in ages.. But even they don’t seem to want to get together.

It’s starting to make me wonder if there’s something I’m doing to push these people away.  Or more accurately, if there’s some reason why they don’t want to hang out.

Sure, I don’t exactly live centrally at the moment, but I’m willing to travel into town this week to do things.  It’s much better than the alternative – sitting in my bedroom, getting more and more stir-crazy from the boredom, because I know none of them will travel out to Woolwich to see me.

Of course, I haven’t exactly done anything all that exciting today.  I’ve packed up my laptop, jumped on the train to London Bridge, and found a nearby coffee shop with free wi-fi.

Talk about living the high life. LOL

The only offer to meet up at some point this week has come from an Indian chaser I used to chat to ages ago.  And his idea of meeting up is specifically for sex….

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A new squirrel friend..

Hmmm.. I don’t know about that, but we’ll see.  It’s not like I’ve got an actual boyfriend or anything. ;-)

Sure, I could easily spend the week doing some cheap touristy things around London, like walking along the Thames, going to museums, exploring some new area I’ve never been to before, go read in a park (if it’s not too cold or windy).

And I may do just that.

Guess I just wish I had someone to do them with.  Sure as hell be a lot more fun.

 

Singledom Complications

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Sometimes I just don’t understand gay men .. and I definitely include myself in that statement!

Over the past little while, my social (aka – sex) life has gotten a bit complicated.  Or at least it seems more complicated than I’d like it to be to me.

As I mentioned in a previous post (click HERE to read), I’ve been spending a bit of time over the past couple months with a sweet Italian bear.  Mostly it’s about enjoying each other’s company, hanging out, watching movies, and getting lots of cuddles.  I’d known for awhile that he fancied me, and although I don’t feel the same for him, I have enjoyed his company.

Then came the house-warming party a few weeks back (he and a couple friends recently moved into a new place)…

sexy hairy manOne of the guests was a sexy Italian chaser I’ve known for a couple years now but never had much opportunity to get to know.  We used to chat online awhile back, but nothing ever came of it.

Basically it was one of those connections where we were attracted to each other, but just ended up as ships passing in the night.

As soon as I arrived at the party, the chaser was on me like a house on fire.  I’d barely taken off my coat before his hand was on my ass and his tongue was down my throat.

Oh man.. that first kiss was so damn electric!!

Long story short, we spent the rest of the night sneaking kisses, with me being overly conscious of whose house we were in.  The last thing I wanted to do was to upset our mutual friend.

But eventually as we both got a bit tipsy, caution was thrown to the wind and we were full on making out in the middle of the kitchen.  Some of the other guests joked that we should ‘get a room’.

Since the party, the chaser and I have met up a couple times, and the electricity from that first kiss carried into the bedroom (sorry, no gory details.. not that type of blog lol). I found being in his company quite easy and comfortable.. and I think he felt the same, but who knows with some guys.

Gay_Couple_togetherness_in_bed_01I haven’t talked to the Italian bear about all this yet, but apparently the chaser has told him we’ve spent some time together.  I may be over-thinking it, but am just a bit worried that he’ll feel hurt that I’m now sleeping with his friend.. though he knows we both like each other.

Oh who knows.

Now here’s where I’m getting confused in regards to the chaser.. and myself I suppose.

There’s been no discussion as to what this is between us, whether it’s just a bit of fun or if there’s possibility of something more.  Sure, he’s vaguely mentioned about getting together again, but nothing’s been set in stone.

As I left his place Friday night, he said I could come along the next night to a 80’s synth-pop night in the city.  For some reason, I took that as an invite, but he clarified the next day that it was more I could ‘tag along’ if I was interested.

Instead of sitting at home over-analysing it, I went along and we had a great time with a couple of his friends.  We danced all night, sang horribly as we tried to remember the words to the music, and generally had a great night.

And he was such a flirt. With both me and another guy with us. :-/

jealousy2I tried not to, but I starting feeling jealous whenever they were flirty.  And a pang of disappointment at the end of the night when I had to find a night bus for the epically long journey home.. and they went off to catch the same bus.

I dunno if they went home together.. and not sure if I want to know.

What I do know is I do like this guy, both in and out of the bedroom.  I find him interesting, engaging and sexy as hell.  I am trying to just take things as they come, but it’s not easy for me..  I suppose I just wish I knew what he thought about us – or even if there is an ‘us’.

Sometimes it just feels like we’re tiptoeing around each other, playing the gay mating game to some extent (a mate recently said he thought my sex life was starting to sound like a gay ‘Game of Thrones’ lol).

Perhaps I’m over complicating things in my head by letting my thoughts/feelings get away from me. Or perhaps I’m just so desperate to find someone special that I’m jumping at the first guy in a long time that’s shown me any interest (applies to both of the Italians I think..).

*Sigh* Why does being single have to be so damn complicated? LOL

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Things That Happen When You Don’t Sleep Enough

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Everyone at some point in their lives will suffer from a lack a sleep.  It could be as simple as having trouble dropping off at night, or waking up in the middle of the night and not being back to get back to sleep, or even to the extreme – full blown insomnia.

It’s ok.  It happens to us all. But what matters is how you deal with the sleeplessness itself.. as well as the effects it can happen in your daily life if you don’t.

And it goes beyond just the feelings of being tired, cranky, hungry, and irritable. Or even just needing a good cup of coffee to wake you up.

Here are a few things that can happen when you’re not getting enough sleep.

You get yourself into trouble at work

annoyed-300x200When you’re not getting enough sleep, you’re more likely to become irritable at work and possibly engage in deviant behaviour that could leave you vulnerable to disciplinary action (in extreme circumstances).

You’re basically more likely to cut corners, find the easy way to complete your work, gossip unnecessarily about co-workers, be disrespectful to your bosses, or possibly even steal from your work place.

The best thing to do is to just give yourself a few moments to think about the situation before taking any actions.  You’ll thank yourself for it later on.

Slowly, you get depressed

The relationship is complex – depression may cause sleep problems and sleep problems may cause or contribute to depressive disorder. Lack of sleep or inability to get to sleep can be a red-flag for depression as it can lead to increased tension, irritability, fatigue, less exercise, and a lower level of vitality and fitness.

Best course of action is to ensure you maintain your daily routines, especially if it includes some sort of activity or exercise to get your blood pumping.  The endorphins it’ll release will help halt the onset of a depressive period, as well as help tire you out so you’ll have a better night’s sleep.

You overeat and get fat(ter)

When you’re not sleeping well, you can make some bad food choices, be it having a late night snack while still laying awake, or justifying allowing yourself that double cheeseburger for lunch the next day because you had such a horrible night.

Sleeplessness can actually affect your hormones, mostly an increase in ghrelin (tells you when to eat) and a decrease in leptin (tells you when to stop eating). The best thing to do is to eat healthy and normally when you’re not sleeping well.  Your waistline will appreciate it.

You’re a risk behind the wheel

Obviously when you’re not sleeping well, you can be a danger to yourself and others on the roads because your judgement can be impaired.

Sleepy driverWhen you’re driving and you’re sleep deprived, it can be the equivalent of driving while intoxicated. Your reactions and your ability to recognise dangers on the road are slower, and could potentially cause an accident.

If you can, take public transport or let someone else drive who’s had a good night’s sleep.  If that’s not possible, like your job involves a lot of driving, then do yourself and other drivers a favour and take your time on the roads.

Your testosterone dips (for men)

A lack of adequate sleep can affect a man’s testosterone levels, and in effect, affect their sex drive or their vitality for life.  A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association reported that men who were only allowed 5 hours sleep a night had testosterone levels dip 10 to 15%.  This is because testosterone levels are generally replenished while sleeping.

Love sleep(Unfortunately the study mentioned above didn’t look at the effects of sleeplessness on women, so unsure if they would have the same reactions or not.)

So here are a couple simple tricks to help you on your way to a healthy night’s sleep on a regular basis:

  • Avoid too much caffeine, especially later in the day,as it can linger in your system up to 12 hours after consumption;
  • Ensure your bed is comfortable and is your ‘nest’. A dark, cool, ‘work-free’ environment is best;
  • Set yourself a nightly sleep routine to help you wind-down before heading off to sleep.

This post was inspired by the article – 5 Crazy & Weird Things That Happen When You Don’t Sleep Enough.

Overcoming Loneliness

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Being alone and feeling lonely are two completely different things.  You can be alone and perfectly content with your surroundings.  Or you can be in a group of people and feel such a disconnect from those around you that the loneliness can be overwhelming.

And many variations in between obviously.

Loneliness is a complex mental and emotional phenomenon that can cause feelings of abandonment in ourselves, real or imagined.  Mostly it’s an emotional echo of a past feeling of perceived abandonment that can cause these scary feelings to resurface.

I need a hugIt could be that you’re having a unexpected quiet Saturday night at home, despite knowing many of your friends are out having fun.. and feeling like you’re being excluded from their revelry.

Or it could be that all you want is someone to hang out with, not necessarily go out, but anyone you’d like to spent time with are either too busy with other friends or partners.

It’s all about figuring out what the triggers for these feelings are, and finding ways to overcome the loneliness that ensues.

Realize that loneliness is a feeling, not a fact.

Just because you’re alone on a Saturday night when you’d rather be spending it with friends, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re actually all alone in the world.  It’s too easy to allow your brain to jump from feeling alone to other negative thoughts (Am I a loser? Why doesn’t anyone love me?) that can be damaging to your psyche and emotional state.

By confusing your feelings with actual facts, you’re causing it to become a bigger problem and can start overreacting.

Reach out to others.

It’s not always an easy thing to reach out to others when you’re feeling lonely or abandoned by your loved ones.  In fact, it’s probably easier to just withdrawal from the world and try to deal with your feelings by yourself.  But you’d be wrong.

Reaching out and trying to cultivate friendships is probably the healthiest thing you can do when sad and alone.  As children, we would cry to evoke a comforting response from others to overcome these feelings.  But sadly as adults, this doesn’t evoke the same response.

Be aware of your self deflating thoughts.

feeling uglyIt’s hard to be aware of those around you who love and care for you when you’re going through a loneliness spell.  Instead all you can see is the how the world around you sucks, and can’t see any possible light at the end of the tunnel.

This thought process can start in childhood and progress into adulthood in the form of habitual assumptions about the social world around you.  You look and compare yourself to other’s perceived social standing, which will always leave you feeling worth less than them.

Fight the mental and emotional habits.

Once you realise you’re dealing with a recurrent emotional habit, you can plan to fight it and deal with the loneliness.  Make the effort to reach other and connect to others.  Healthy interactions with friends are good for you emotionally, so reach out, initiate conversations, and put in some quality face-to-face time.

It’s hard work, but vastly worth it in the long run.

Focus on the needs and feelings of others.

It can all too easy to turn inwards when you’re feeling down, and focus solely on your own issues.  But sometimes you just need to make the effort to turn your focus outwards to those around you, even if it’s just the people sharing the sidewalk with you as you stomp down the street.  Mentally wish them a good day or give them a brief smile as you pass.  Every little bit helps, and you could be helping someone else almost as much as you’re helping yourself.

Find others like you and show up.

join-meSometimes all you need to get over the loneliness is to find a group of people who share some of your interests – a book club, sports group, massage classes, etc.  But finding that group of kindred spirits is only half the battle – you have to actually show up!  It can be hard, especially for the procrastinator in all of us, but if you make the effect then you’ll reap the rewards.

And most importantly, if the group you join doesn’t work for you, don’t just give up! Dust yourself off and find another group that may be better suited to your needs, and keep at it until you find the right fit.  It’s not always easy or quick, but you’ll get there in the end.

Be curious and kind

You have a choice whether to be curious and kind, or to give off an aura of disinterest.  The former will easily attract others to you as the attention you’re giving them will be returned to you.  And this will take the focus away from your own feelings and negative thoughts.

As they say, ‘You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar’.

This post was inspired by the article – All By Yourself? 10 Ways To Overcome Loneliness | World of Psychology.

Are We Friends or Not?

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I’m finding it harder and harder at times to determine if some people are actually my friends or are just there for when it suits their needs.

I’m not talking about those who are in my day to day life, but more of those who only pop up when it’s convenient for them.  Where you’ll go months and months without hearing from them, then suddenly they want to know your life story, a ‘catch up’, in a sentence or two.

As if that’s even possible, even if you have such an uneventful life like me.  LOL

But the funny thing is how they react when you call them on their shitty ‘friendship’.  Some try to put it back on you because they haven’t heard from you either.. which can be a fair point sometimes.  And some will just apologise but not explain why you haven’t heard from them.

sexy turkI bring this up as I got a message yesterday from a sexy Turkish/Bahrainian guy I used to play with from time to time.  I’d last heard from him briefly at Christmas, and then his previous message was probably close to 6 months before then.

We’ve known each other for at least 3 years now, and I used to regularly message him to meet up, but he never could because of family commitments (separated from his wife, lived with his mother and had partial custody of his son..).

Or if we did agree to meet up, it was usually somewhere that was convenient for him but not for me… Many times I’d travelled to North London when I lived in Vauxhall only for him to cancel.  One time I got his cancellation message as I got there, only for him to message me a couple hours later that he could now meet.. meanwhile I’d already travelled back home.

Very frustrating, especially when we got along so well, both personally and sexually.

But after awhile, I got sick of his excuses why he couldn’t meet up.

I eventually told him that if he wanted to spend time with me then he needed to make the effort to organise it, to ask me to meet up and such.  That I was done chasing after him, that this one-sided friendship wasn’t fair on me.

religionObviously I’m not so shallow to be blind to the issues he has reconciling his bisexuality and his religion. He and his family are devout Muslims so it’s extremely difficult for him to accept his attraction to chunky guys.

In his mind, because of his upbringing, sex between two men is considered dirty and unnatural, and most definitely against everything he’s been brought up to believe in.  At one point he actually thought there was something wrong with him physically or psychologically and was looking to go to a doctor to try and ‘fix’ it.

And of course, nothing I could say to him during those periods could convince him otherwise.

Religious misconceptions aside, the most frustrating thing was how he’d never reply to messages.  Or if I sent him a message that expressed any sort of dissatisfaction with his side of our ‘friendship’, then I wouldn’t hear from him again for another couple months.

I got so frustrated by it all yesterday that I actually told him to grow a pair and be a man already. To love who he wants to love, not who others tell him he should love.  That if he likes me as much as he keep saying he does (it’s his usual spiel) then he should make an effort to see me.

sexy beard2Yeah.. that was all probably unfair of me. He can’t help that he’s been brought up in a different culture that makes people think if they don’t live a certain life then they must be a bad person.  That any deviation from the ‘norm’ would result in losing everything they hold dear.

From what I’ve gathered he’s decided to just not bother meeting me because he can’t (or won’t, not sure..) give me what I’m looking for.  I don’t expect a marriage proposal from him or anything, just be nice to spend some time together.  Even if it was just as mates.

Or maybe I’m just expecting too much from him..

For the Love of Cuddles..

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Beyond the stresses I’ve been having at work (read my previous post HERE), I’ve been feeling a bit stressed in my personal life.

Well, maybe stressed isn’t the right word.  Frustrated doesn’t quite cut it either.. or maybe I’m just confused or a bit bewildered at some things that have been happening.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been spending time with this guy I’ve known for well over a year.  The first few times were dinners at his place, with cuddles and kisses on the sofa afterwards.. Plus a bit of half-naked fun one of the times I went over.

tumblr_mexioueaij1qami9to4_1280Now as I said, we’ve known each other for awhile, but I’d never considered him more than a friend despite my knowing he’s had the hots for me since we met.. mostly because he’s not my usual type.

You see, he’s a bear.  A big, chubby/chunky guy who’s into other big guys… I’m generally attracted to more cubby or chaser type guys who may have a little bit of a belly (I’m realistic that I’m not going to attract a guy with a six-pack lol), but not big like me.

I was flattered and he was well aware that I wasn’t into other bears, so didn’t really press the matter.

Though we did have a bit of virtual fun one day last summer… but nevermind, that’s a completely different story. ;-)

Anyway, what was surprising to me was how easy and comfortable it was to spend time with him.  He’s a lovely guy, a great cuddler,an amazing kisser (very very important lol) and he’s all over me in bed.  Not a bad thing lol.

And above all, I’ve really been enjoying his company.

In fact, after helping him move into his new place last month with a bunch of his friends, I ended up being his first overnight guest.. much to the surprise of his flatmate (a mutual mate I’m attracted to but never done anything with).  It was the first time we’d spent the night together.

beardy kissBut here is where I’m a bit concerned – Am I just using his generosity and his attraction to me as a way to boost my self-confidence?  Am I using him to just feel better about myself?  Am I using him for cuddles and some sexual fun to get myself past the sexual sabbatical I’ve had since the summer?

I do like him as a person.  Obviously the last thing I want to do is to lead him on, or let him think there’s something more there than just a bit of casual fun.  He’s a lovely, generous, sweet guy who’d make any guy a terrific boyfriend.  I just don’t know if that’s me.

I’ve been trying to not over-think it like I usually do, and just enjoy it for what it is.  And for the most part this has been working.

So.. since moving to the new place, I spent the night again the following weekend and then went over for dinner again the following weekend.

But imagine my surprise and frustration when he invited me over for dinner that following weekend to arrive at a mini dinner party with two of his other friends, and then he was going out to a club with one of them afterwards.

TheNewYorker-Cover-BertErnieMarriageEquality-(2013-07-08+15)None of which he’d told me before I’d agreed to come over.

You see, I’d been feeling a bit down that day and had mentioned I probably wasn’t good company because of it.  But he insisted I come over for dinner, so was expecting it just be the two of us for dinner, and then cuddling up to watch a movie.

And I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be sociable.  *sigh*

Guess it goes to show you really shouldn’t assume anything these days.  Now if only I knew where this was going, if anywhere…