Holiday Blog – Day 3 & 4

Standard

Well, so much for blogging everyday on my holiday lol  Yesterday was a completely chilled day and logging on was the last thing on my mind.

Sunday night, the three of us headed to the Yumbo (as usual), only this time we were headed to a bar I actually enjoy and find the uys attractive – Cruise bar.  

I know, such an obvious name, right?  LOL

Upon arriving, we met us with a couple of other guuys from our group that had gone out to a sex club earlier in the evening but wasn’t very good.  It was cool to see them but it seemed like they were standing around waiting for someone else to take the lead for the evening, but all we did was say hi briefly before heading off to see what delights were hidden in the corners of the bar.

No… I’m not going to give you the gory details, but it was a fun part of the evening before several of us moved on to The Box once again.  Only this time there were about a dozen of us there, and next thing we knew we were all naked in the bar (yes, it was that type of place LOL).

I have to say it was definitely a new experience for me, being naked in a bar.  But all in all it was quite a fun evening.. it was just like we were at the resort only with a few other (clothed) people around.  And of course the bartenders don’t mind.. in fact, they were happy when we showed up and started stripping.

Let’s just say the evening had been a bit dead before then. LOL

It did however turn into a very late night, as my mate ‘M’ and I didn’t get back until well after 4am, and then we joined a few others for a last drink on their veranda.  Think in the end it was close to 6am before I went to bed…

…And then was wide awake at 9:30am.  Dammit.

Needless to say I was absolutely shattered, and probably still a bit drunk.

So instead of a day at teh beach or in the dunes, I ended up just staying in the resort to relax.  It was also partly because I think I’d had a bit too much sun the day before, so I took it easy.  I relaxed, read my book, had a nap, and had a nice quiet day while most of the guys were out and about.

Last night was another party in a different bungalow, which was ok but I wasn’t really in the party mood.  I watered drown my wine and ended up back in our place quite early.  And I had no desire to go out so I just relaxed and read until about 1am when I fell asleep.

Today was an absolutely amazing and exhausting adventure, as the three of us decided to climb to the top of El Roque Nublo, which is about 1,813 m above sea level.  It is a volcanic rock on the island, and is the second highest peak.  It was formed by a volcanic eruption around 4.5 millipon years ago.

To get to the hiking trails, we had to drive for most of an hour through these small winding roads, which our mate ‘M’ was taking way too fast (we jokingly called him Mario Andretti after today lol).  The views were absolutely amazing throughout the drive and all the way up to the top – it took us about 2 hours total there and back.  Needless to say my back, legs and feet are sore as hell.  LOL

But in the end, despite my worry I wouldn’t make it all the way up, it was an amazing afternoon.  And I liked that we did something other than going to the beach or staying by the pool.

(more photos will follow once I return to London.. still getting used to this new tablet lol)

Holiday Blog – Day 2

Standard

It’s definitely a good thing that all we’ve done today is lounge by the pool, considering how many of us woke up with hangovers.. and I suspect a few were still drunk from last night.  I heard a few stories this morning that some of them were up until abpout 6am drinking on the roof terrace after getting back from the bars.

Comparetively I was a ‘good’ boy, getting in at a almost resonable 3am.  I’d gone with a few of the guys to the Yumbo centre, and we’d ended up in a bar called ‘The Box’.  It’s not my favourite place, but it was majority rules I guess.

as for this morning, I was just a bit hungover.. partly due to all the vodka sodas I’d drank last night (they free-pour the mixed drinks in Spain..), and partly due to getting very little sleep two days running.  For some reason I woke up at 7am this morning with a spitting headache, and think I dozed for about an hour between then and 9am when my one mate got up to make coffee.

But I’m not going to complain as it’s not like I had anything important to do today.  LOL

In fact, today has been an absolutely gorgeous day.  Lots of laughs, plenty of scorching sunshine, and even a bit of eye-candy around the pool.  Hehe

The best part of today was the buffet lunch put on by the resort for us.. way too much food, but served to us by a couple of the bar staff just as naked as the rest of us.  It made for a fun afternoon, and lots of naughty jokes from the staff as they brought the food and drinks around.

During the lunch, I’d ended up sitting beside a guy from Nottingham that I don’t think I’d met before, and we had plenty of laughs throughout the meal.  Ok, we were mostly perving over the serving staff, but it was all in good fun.  and some of it we’d even said to their faces.  LOL

But I suppose all in all, that’s the whole point of a holiday – to just have some fun, some laughs, and just genuinely enjoy yourself.  None of us who were hung over today complained about it, but instead made jokes about it.  Which just goes to show how much everyone here is interested in just enjoying themselves.

Now time for a disco-napp, perhaps another swim, and then out again tonight for more fun and frolics.  ūüôā

Holiday Blog – Day 1

Standard

Greetings everyone from the gorgous and sunny Maspalomas on Gran Canaria island! ¬†It’s that time of year again, as I’m off on a week’s holiday of fun in the sun. ūüôā

This is my third trip to the island in the past year and a half, and there’s just somethign about the place that keeps me coming back for more every year.

On previous trips I’ve either stayed by myself or shared with a ‘mate’ (he isn’t anympore after that trip lol), but this time I’m doing something different by going on a group holiday through a naturist social website I belong to (nakedmates.co.uk).

In total there’s supposed to be about 40+ guys staying at our resort (we’ve taken over the entire place for the week), and it’s an semi-annual trip for the guys on the website.

If it wasn’t for the fact that a two good friends of mine were coming on the trip, I may not have done the group thing. ¬†But I know with them, I’ll definitely have a good time.

Already it’s been a super long day, as we had a 7am flight this morning. ¬†To make things easier, the three of us all went to my mate’s place in Essex and then his husband drove us to the airport just after 5am. ¬†Once we arrived and got through the usual check-ins, we were headed for the gate and were boarded pretty quickly.. although because we’d booked our flight separately, we weren’t seated anywhere near each other.

Well, four long ass-numbing hours later we were on the island and feeling extremely warm in our typical early-Spring attire.  But off we went to pick up the rental car, grab our sunglasses, and head to the south of the island to find our resort.

Now as much as I would LOVE to show some pics of the resort, I do have to respect the other guy’s privacy.. it is a naturist resort and the only people wearing clothes are the staff. ¬†LOL ¬†Maybe I’ll get a couple quick pics later on when there’s not as many people around the pool.

But now is time to relax and enjoy the gorgous mid-to-high 20c weather, barely a cloud in the sky, and get myself a nice lovely tan.

What else do you do when you’re in paradise? LOL

 

Being an Awkward Flirt

Standard

As someone who can be somewhat socially awkward at times, it can be absolutely terrifying to go out and interact¬†with other people. ¬†Just the idea of going to a pub or social gathering where you’re forced to chat¬†or interact with other people can be almost debilitating.

But adding flirting on top of all that??  Hot damn, that can be scary as fuck!

But because of the fear of rejection, a lot of socially awkward people will be more comfortable flirting online.  And that anonymity allows them to show how amazingly flirty they really are, but they clam up once it moves into a public situation.

Obviously like anything in life, you need to make an effort to get a result.¬† If it feels like you’re making an absolutely massive effort but getting nowhere, then maybe you’re just coming across as a bit too subtle.¬† Your idea of being a flirt may not be the same as other guys.

Despite how tricky it may seem, this is something you truly need to be in it to win it.

Get out of your own head

Regardless of the situation, a socially awkward person can sometimes spend too much time over-thinking or over-analysing things. ¬†Perhaps you’ll worry that you’ve said the wrong thing, or didn’t come across as interesting as you’d have liked. ¬†Or you’ll worry that you’re coming on too strong.. or not strong enough as the case may be.

Instead you just need to stop thinking, calm the fuck down, and just listen to the other person. ¬†Listen to the words coming out of their mouth and their inflection. ¬†Watch their body language and whether they maintain eye contact or if they’re too busy looking around the room. ¬†As you listen to the other person, both vocally and physically, you’ll find you’ll start reacting to them instinctively and naturally.

And he’ll definitely notice, as it’ll make him feel important.

Flash your assets

And no, that doesn’t mean getting your ass out for everyone to see… well, depending on the party you’re at I guess. ¬†LOL

This is more about knowing what you’re good at and improving upon those skills as a way to increase your self-confidence or self-esteem. ¬†It could something silly like a party trick, or being able to make the best G&T ever, or perhaps it could be a personal interest you could use as a talking point when meeting someone new.

Whatever it is, it’s obviously just the tip of the iceberg of who you are as a person, but it at least will allow someone new to get a glimpse inside. ¬†And everybody knows that the more confident you are in yourself, the more this will shine through to others around you. ¬†Your feeling of self-worth will improve as you go along, so why not improve upon it so it shines through.

It’s also about putting your best face forward. ¬†If it’s clear that you’re not taking care of yourself, then that’ll be a massive turn off for the other guy. ¬†It’s not necessarily just about your physical appearance (not all guys are into washboard abs.. just saying), but about taking care of your hygiene, knowing what looks good on your body shape, and allowing your amazing personality to shine through.

Own yourself

We’ve all been there – you’re at a party and some guy you just started chatting to is all over you. ¬†They’re practically straddling your leg, breathing in your ear, with their hand down the front (or back) of your pants. ¬†It’s one thing to be flirty, but when you’ve bypassed someone else’s boundaries, then you’re definitely getting into a no-go zone.

As adults, we need to be aware of our own and other’s personal space, and respect this at all times. ¬†If you’ve draped yourself over someone and you can tell they’re feeling uncomfortable, then you really just need to back off. ¬†Give them some room to breath and wait for them to invite you back into their space (if or) when they’re ready.

Make the first move

It seems these days that guys are totally afraid to show their interest in another person until that other person has shown their hand first. ¬†It’s like we’re all afraid to be vulnerable and show emotions, even if it’s a solely physical manifestation of one.

There’s nothing wrong with flirting subtly (though not so subtle that it couldn’t be recognised with a microscope) and showing interest in the other person. ¬†If you don’t show them you’re interested, then how are they going to know? ¬†You can’t just keep waiting on someone else to make the first move, regardless of how scary that may seem.

Let down your defences

All too often, especially when you’re socially awkward, you’ll tend to approach social situations with hesitation and a pre-conceived idea of how¬†other people will look at you.¬† That they’ll judge you for every word, action, or reaction you give.

Basically you put yourself on the defensive before you even walk into the room, let alone start talking to someone. ¬†And what this means is, deep-down, you’re judging yourself and making yourself uncomfortable about¬†a situation before it’s even happened. ¬†You’ll start shaming yourself for actions you ‘may’ take, which will only make it worse.

Instead allow yourself to have a more open mind to whatever may come along, be it a new friend, a bit of fun, or even the possibility of a new boyfriend.

You just never know what might happen if you let someone in, so just go for it already!

This post was influenced by —¬†How to Flirt When You‚Äôre Socially Awkward – GayGuys.com

Dating Tips: Appearing More Confident

Standard

Regardless if you’re gay, straight, or somewhere in between, dating can be hard as hell.

Just the act of putting yourself out there in the hopes that someone might show an interest is a huge step forward, and sometimes working past that fear of rejection can eat away at your confidence.

Even if we don’t always admit it to ourselves, we all know that it’s natural to be somewhat nervous and excited at the same time about meeting someone new. ¬†It’s all about stepping out into the unknown and not letting your nerves get the best of you.

But what steps have you taken to move past that in order to show that truly amazing person you know is lurking deep down?  How do you get past those nerves and give a strong first impression?  How do you act or react?

Like anything in life, if you can come across as confident in yourself and carry yourself well, then that’ll go a long way to attracting a potential mate.

And hopefully make that date you’re on go really well.¬† As well as any other area of your life.

Posture Matters

Body language is probably the biggest thing that can make or break a first date.¬† If you’re sitting there slumped over with your chin drooping towards your chest, then you’re making it look like you’re not interested or couldn’t care if this new person even likes you.

Instead, use your posture¬†to show you’re interested in the other person. ¬†Standing¬†up straight says to the world that you’re present, and that you’re approaching the situation with strength and purpose.

Let your face communicate for you

Part of the way your date will determine if you’re interested or willing to engage with them is by watching your facial reactions during your conversation. ¬†You want your face to project openness, honestly, friendliness, positive and an aura of being approachable.¬†You want them to think of you as emotionally present and cute.

But if you don’t even smile at your date or be engaging, then it’s extremely unlikely the date will end well. ¬†This isn’t a ‘fake it until you make it’ situation either, as that’ll come across as false and possibly make your date want to run to the hills.

Eyes wide open

Along with giving good face per above, you also need to learn how to establish good eye contact. ¬†You can be as smiley as you want to be, but if you’re avoiding eye contact or if that gorgeous smile isn’t reaching your eyes, then your date will know something is up.

At the same time though, don’t take it to the other extreme and end up staring at them the entire night, as that’s just darn creepy!

Instead, learn how to gaze at the other person, and ensure you’re looking directly at them (preferably in the eye) to show you’re actually listening to and interested¬†in what they’re talking about. ¬†And when he cracks some cheesy joke that makes you laugh anyway,¬†make sure you smile with your eyes as well.

Lean into them

Now, this isn’t to say you should drape yourself all over your date – well, unless it’s one of¬†those dates *wink, wink* – but you should still use your body language to show your interest in the other person. ¬†Be willing to lean forward slightly as they speak to you, nodding as they speak.

But be careful not to get too familiar too soon and invading your date’s person space. ¬†It’s one thing to be flirty, but another to be leaping into their lap when they’ve just said hello.

Handshake, kiss on the cheek or a hug

On top of everything above, when you’re first meeting someone new, you also need to decide how you’re going to greet them. ¬†Would a handshake seem too impersonal and send the wrong, unromantic signals? ¬†Or is a kiss on the cheek or a brief hug too intimate?

Perhaps it also matters where you’re meeting on this date. ¬†If you’re just meeting at a random cafe or pub, then perhaps a handshake would be more appropriate than a friendly hug or kiss. ¬†But then again, it would also depend on your own comfort levels in showing affection in public.

(Clearly wouldn’t¬†suggest¬†a full on make-out session.. unless the date goes really well of course. ¬†Haha)

In the end, a date of whatever sort is supposed to be fun and interesting, so why not put your best face forward to get things off to a brilliant start.  Use your nerves and that exciting feeling to your advantage, and just enjoy yourself.

This post was inspired by – Gay Dating: 5 Tips For Appearing More Confident – Gay Pop Buzz

Embracing Your Solitude

Standard

It’s an age old scenario – you’re sitting alone in a restaurant, enjoying a quiet meal for one. ¬†Perhaps you’re reading a book, or checking something on your mobile. ¬†Perhaps this meal is a treat for¬†yourself, and you’re having a lovely time.

But then you notice a glance from someone at a neighbouring table. ¬†Without knowing your situation, they’re looking at you with pity. As if eating a meal solo¬†means you must be lonely, anti-social, or socially unwanted. ¬†That¬†there is something inherently wrong with being alone in a public setting.

And they’re wrong, because it’s actually empowering to do things like having a dinner out alone, and that uninformed person is allowing their own insecurities colour their opinions. ¬†They can’t even fathom¬†actually spending time alone.

In fact, they’re probably afraid of being alone and are missing out on the best company they could ever find – themselves.

Spending time along doesn’t mean you’re being anti-social or ‘disappearing’ from action. ¬†It just means you’re focusing on yourself.

And those who do enjoy their free time, they understand how a bit of solitude can be beneficial to them.

Recharging your batteries

It can be mentally exhausting to constantly having to be ‘on’ in social settings. ¬†Keeping up engaging conversations, making people laugh, showing empathy when someone’s feeling emotional, generally trying to make those around you happy, and so forth…

It’s absolutely draining to say the least.

But by taking some time away from the social scene, you’re allowing yourself time to recharge. ¬†To turn your brain off. ¬†To focus your energies on your own happiness.

Reflecting isn’t just in the mirror

When you’re constantly on the go, you really don’t get much time to reflect on your life or think on where you want your life to go. ¬†Instead, you’re constantly surrounded by others that take up your time and energy, leaving very little (if anything) for yourself.

By taking some time out for yourself, it allows you time to improve your own self-confidence, work through issues in the past, and start planning for your future.

It’s a golden opportunity that really shouldn’t be missed because it’s your life, and you’re the only one that can propel it forward in the future.

Getting in touch with yourself

Along with being mentally draining, being in constant social settings can also be draining emotionally. ¬†Because if you’re constantly catering to other people’s emotions or being their ‘cheerleader’, that leaves no opportunities to keep in touch with your own emotions.

Time alone can allow you time to gain a better perspective about your own happiness, while learning about what upsets or saddens you. ¬†No emotion is a bad emotion because the more you know how negative emotions can affect you, the better prepared you’ll be in the future to handle them.

And a true strength of character comes from being able to overcome the hard times in your life.

Doing things for yourself

Who hasn’t been out with a friend or a group of people and had to¬†give into someone else’s desire while setting aside your own desires or needs? ¬†Whether you realise it or not, we all compromise to an extent when looking for a common solution.

But when you’re enjoying your alone time, it’s all about what you want to do because you have the freedom to decide for yourself. ¬†It’s not necessarily about being selfish, but if you’re continually giving in to someone else’s needs, yours will never be fulfilled. ¬†It’s all about the freedom to do what you want to do.

This also means focusing¬†on your own happiness, although it doesn’t mean you’ll completely ignore other people’s needs as well. ¬†You should know what makes you happy, because ultimately you shouldn’t be relying on someone else to ‘make’ you happy.

Be more productive

We all have things we need to get done in our personal lives – laundry, groceries, house cleaning, and so forth. ¬†And while there are some things that would be fun to do with another person, sometimes you just can’t be truly productive when you’re constantly in someone else’s company.

Their presence will become distracting and your ‘to-do’ list will just keep growing and growing.

When you’re alone and getting things done, you’ll find you’re more focused and able to get some work done. ¬†And the only one that’ll be able to distract you is¬†you.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder..

How are you going to miss someone’s company if they’re constantly by your side?¬† And do you really want to spend so much time together that you run the risk of getting on each other’s nerves or possibly even getting sick of each other?

A routine is one thing, but being together 24/7 means you literally get no space for yourself or to take care of your own needs as per the above. ¬†But when you’re spending some time apart – even if it’s just an hour a week – that time together becomes more important and you’ll appreciate it¬†more.

Independence Day

The independence that comes from doing certain activities alone – like going on holiday by yourself – can be absolutely electrifying. ¬†And not only will it help reduce any anxiety about being alone, but it’ll also boost your confidence.

And feeling independent can be truly empowering.

Stop apologising

Spending time alone means you don’t have to apologise to anyone for what you’ve done or about to do. ¬†You can allow yourself the freedom to stop second-guessing your actions or worrying if you’re upsetting someone else by doing what you want when you want it.

Trust your own instincts

All too often we’ll stop ourselves from making a decision or taking a particular action because we haven’t run it by a friend or loved one first. ¬†We’ll look to them for validation that we’re taking the right course of action, or perhaps for some advise on what to do next.

And sometimes that is the right thing to do.

But honestly there are plenty of times where we’re completely capable of making¬†a decision without someone else’s input, or need someone else to validate our choices. ¬†And when you’re spending more time alone, you’ll trust yourself more, and be more confident in making¬†decisions without someone else’s two-cents.

This post was inspired by —¬†When You Start to Enjoy Being Alone, These 10 Things Will Happen.

Friends Aren’t Always Forever

Standard

Part of reason I wrote my recent post ‘Friendship Can Be Fleeting‘ was because I’ve been thinking a lot about some of the friendships that have dropped by the wayside over the past year or so.¬† And some of these friendships were ones that I had expected to last the test of time.

Growing up I didn’t have a lot of¬†truly close friends.¬† Or at least nobody I could really call my ‘best friend’.¬† It was usually more about groups of friends all hanging out together, with some¬†hanging out together¬†more than others but I wasn’t always included in that.

But since moving to London, I’d met two different guys that I thought would be there until the end.¬† We’d talk almost daily about all sorts of shit, even if it was just to bitch about something stupid at work.¬† And it’s been the relatively recent loss of each of them that has been playing on my mind a bit.

Obviously when I say ‘loss’, I don’t mean that I misplaced them or they’ve passed away or something disastrous happened between us (at least not from my perspective).¬† They’re just not around any more.¬† The calls, texts, and messages have withered up and dried up.

And in one case, their profile has suddenly disappeared from my Facebook.

Man And Woman Help Silhouette In MountainsThe first guy is the one that hurts the most, as we’d been friends for over 8 years.¬† We’d always promised we’d be there for each other no matter what, even if one of us started a new relationship.

We’d been super close for many years and used to go away on weekends together (he lives in Scotland).¬† We even used to spend out birthdays together each year (2 days apart).

The last time we saw each other was on our birthday weekend in Brighton almost 2 years ago, and he’d been a bit out of it.¬† He finally told me a few months later that he’d been distracted as there was someone at his work he really fancied… and it was a woman.

I’d only known him as gay, so was a bit shocked initially but it didn’t change anything.¬† I didn’t care that he was suddenly interested in a woman instead of guys. I was just as encouraging regarding his feelings towards this woman as I would have been if it was a man.

Love is love, after all.

And all through the initial dating bits, I was still there as normal.  I listened to his insecurities and gave advise where I could, and so forth.  And I waited for details on how their first date went.  As normal.

But once they actually started dating, the messages from him slowly started to petter out until the point where a general message went unanswered by him for months. At one point when things were a bit rocky between them, suddenly he was there again to chat.. but then it was back to silence once they got back together.

20130206112854socially-awkwardOh, and they’ve come to London together twice since they got together, and I only found out after the fact or once I’d seen it on Facebook.¬† There was no suggestion of me meeting his lady friend.

One of the last actual conversations we had, he was trying to get me to become Facebook friends with one of his mates up in Scotland (that I’d met once years ago).¬† Because his mate needed other ‘gay friends’.

Riiight…

He’d recently promised to be in touch on a certain day to chat.. but that was over a week ago and I’ve not heard anything.¬† It’s almost seemed like he’s tried to distance himself from all his old gay friends…

As for the other guy, well… I kinda saw it coming to an extent, as he’d done it before.

We’d first met over 5 years ago when I lived in Vauxhall, and initially we were casually seeing each other for a bit before he cooled things off because ‘he didn’t want a boyfriend’, and then ended up with a boyfriend within a couple months.

A year or two later we had a bit of a blow up after a night out at a club where he ditched me to head home with his ‘neighbour’ (he was single again at this point).¬† I wrote about it in a fit of anger at the time (click HERE to read), which he subsequently read and blasted me for.

That was the first time he’d ‘dumped’ my friendship.

Then a couple years ago he’d messaged me out of the blue, and after awhile we ended up being just friends again.¬† In fact, during a quite low period of mine he was one of the few people that had stayed by me, allowing me to rant and rave about my feelings.

39th-birthday-cheaters-250But then things started to change once he started working from home, as he stopping hanging out socially with me.¬† In fact, he wouldn’t even come out for my birthday last year because he wasn’t feeling ‘social’ and had too much work to do.

Communication between us started to become less frequent, and when I did hear from him, it was like he was completing a chore. Like he felt obligated to check in on me or something.

And when we would talk, he would always try to deflect any discussions about his life.  And would seem like he barely listened to what I was saying based one his responses.  It was odd.

In the last conversation we had end of July, he briefly mentioned that he’d started a new job and had moved flats to a different part of London.. over a month prior! And when I asked why he hadn’t told me sooner, he said ‘I’m telling you now’ as if I was prying.

During that conversation it was clear he wasn’t listening or interested in what I was saying, but when I’d said something about being unhappy at work, he responded ‘that’s good’. I’d called him on it at the time, but it was brushed off once again..

And that was it.¬† It wasn’t too long after that I noticed that he’d either deleted his Facebook profile or had blocked me.

Ummm.. bye?

Obviously I’m well aware that changes happen in all of our lives, and sometimes people do drift apart.¬† But regardless of how it happens, it still hurts when you’re the one left behind wondering what happened.

It can make life quite lonely when it feels like there’s nobody to talk to on a regular basis.

Friendship can be Fleeting

Standard

Some friends come, some friends go.  And some friends are there for the long haul.  But sometimes, no matter what you do, the friendship may end.  It could be due to some toxic behaviour from one of you, or it could be a change in one of your lives.

It’s not a matter of loving each other any less, but being willing to understand when a friendship is at it’s end.¬† Or even recognising when it’s already over and not worth your time to try and save.

Regardless of how a friendship ends, it can sometimes really hurt and be confusing.¬† So here are a few things to look out for when that fleeting friendship is actually dying a slow death…

It’s exhausting

Spending time with your friends should be fun, exciting, and make¬†you look forward to seeing them again, even when things aren’t going so well.¬† But if you find you’re coming away from seeing a friend constantly drained, emotionally and physically, it could be that they’re sucking the life right out of you.

Some friends are just emotional vampires, and any time spent together is all about them¬†or their problems.¬† These people are needy and will latch onto anyone who’ll give them any attention.

Jealous of your happy

Whenever something good is happening in your life, one of the first things anyone wants to do is to share it with their friends.  We all enjoy sharing our happy moments alongside all the rest of it, and a true friend should be happy when something goes well for you, regardless of what is going on in their life.

But if that friend is continually trying to bring you down or is expressing jealousy because their life isn’t¬†going as well as yours, then that’s not someone you want in your corner.¬†¬†A solid friend should be a cheerleader for your¬†accomplishments (and vice versa) without any thought about their own issues.

Always one-sided

Best_FriendsTruly good friends will always be there for each other through the thick and thin.¬† They’ll be their cheerleader, a shoulder to cry on, someone they can vent to, and ultimately, their rock.¬† We all go through tough periods and it’s important to have the right support when you’re going through a bad patch.

But if you find that you’re always listening to your friend’s issues and they aren’t letting you get a word in about what’s going on with you, then perhaps you need to let that selfish friend go.¬† Same goes if they never ask what’s going on with you (because they’re too busy talking about themselves), or don’t seem to even register what you do say (cause they’re not really listening).

Friendships may teeter back and forth, but ultimately it needs to truly be two-sided.

They put you down

All friends tend to roast each other to an extent.¬† It’s playful and always meant in good humour, never anything malicious or to purposely put someone down.¬† But sadly there are those out there who’ll always have something negative to say about you to bring you down.¬† Perhaps it makes them feel better about themselves, but regardless of why they do it, it’s toxic and they’re a friend you shouldn’t want to keep.

True friends always have your best interest at heart.

Mooches will always mooch

truly caresWe all have that friend who never seems to have any¬†money on them to pay for drinks or dinner, or they say they’ll pay you back for those concert tickets but you never hear another word about it.¬† It’s one thing if it happens on occasion, but when it’s all the time it can become quite annoying to be chasing after them.

These people¬†may not¬†mean anything bad by it, and sometimes they don’t even realise¬†they’ve done it.¬† But in the end you can only take so much of these flighty, forgetful friends.¬† And unfortunately, good luck getting your money back.

They’re overly demanding

It’s one thing to be a bit needy on occasion¬†during¬†a rough patch, but it’s completely different when you try to fully monopolise a friend’s time to the point where they can’t maintain other friendships or relationships.

When a friend is overly possessive, it generally means they’re insecure about your friendship and they’ll allow their jealousy to show.¬† Some may get so attached that they’ll freak out at the thought of you having other friends (let alone a relationship), and they could even try to sabotage things.

Best thing to do Рrun away.  Now.

Life moves on

Sometimes a friendship will end solely because life has changed for one or both of you.¬† People will change and grow over time, or perhaps one of your interests have changed.¬† It may suck when it happens, but it’s not like there’s a particular thing you can blame it on, as it just happens.¬† Some people just drift apart.

A lot of the time when this happens, one or both of you will be singing the hymn “We need to catch up soon!”, but it never really happens.¬† It could be that one of you has found a new social circle, or there’s a new relationship that’s occupying their time, or you no longer live near each other.¬† It’s just life really.

bad-friends-pic-3It’s ok to feel sad or confused when a friendship ends, but allow yourself the time to get past it.¬† Understand what changed and then move on.¬† There is no point dwelling on something that has already happened and can’t be changed.

This post has been influenced by – http://www.thelist.com/17938/tell-friendship/

Be Happy – How to Stress Less

Standard

Life can be stressful and chaotic, but generally only if you allow it to be.  Sometimes you need to just slow down and take things one at a time.

They say that people’s lives can become happier once they’ve decided to be happy.¬† That may be simplistic, but perhaps it’s a matter of facing life with a more positive outlook.

Give yourself a clear direction

All too often, life can get muddled and a lack of direction can cause stress in our lives.¬† Who hasn’t complained there wasn’t enough time in a day or how the week has flown by.¬† Your week was the same length as anyone else’s, but the difference is how focused you’ve been during it.

We all have things we’d like to achieve, but sadly most don’t take the time to set a clear plan to reach that target.¬† It’s time to get focused, clear your conscious, and really understand what you want to achieve and why.¬† Otherwise, you’ll continue to flounder and not get anywhere.

Focus your productivity

If-you-do-not-change-directionIt’s all too easy to get bogged down in the minute, unimportant things that clutter our ‘to-do’ lists, which means we just end up leaving the important stuff to the end.

This will leave you constantly feeling like you’re not getting anywhere because the big items continually get moved to the next list.

Instead, focus on the big things first.  If something is truly important, urgent or difficult to complete, then prioritise it.  Because generally when you complete the big stuff, the smaller, less important things can sometimes fall to the wayside.

Perfection doesn’t exist

Everybody is way too obsessed with getting things in life absolutely perfect all the time, which in turn may hinder the progress you’re trying to make.¬† And way too many of us focus on the destination or end result without enjoying the journey along the way.

When working towards a goal or target, there’s never a guarantee of progression or even success at achieving a specific outcome.¬† If life was truly set out as a check-list of how to get ahead in life, we’d all be super successful and presumably ‘happy’.

But the reality of it is that there are no rules on how to succeed or to be happy, and no two people’s ideal of ‘perfect’ will be exactly the same.¬† Just enjoy the journey itself, and allow yourself to learn from the progress as it happens.

Forgive and forget

NEGATIVEWe all do it – continually replay the day’s events or some unpleasant conversation over and over in our heads to analyse each detail.¬† But other than dealing with immediate issues, what’s the point in reinforcing the negative aspects of your day, letting them to lay heavy on your heart.

It may sound easier than it is, but you’ve just to just let it go.¬† All of it – the regrets, the snubs, the rude or disparaging remarks, the distractions¬†– and allow yourself to end each day cleansed of the negativity.

And this includes your own untrue or negative thoughts towards yourself.¬† It’s all the same in the end.¬† When you change your thoughts, you change your life.

Same goes for stress

Life is a challenge, and it can get really hard along the journey.¬† And that’s okay, as it’s the stresses we face daily that build us up and make us stronger to better face the even harder challenges up ahead.

The point is not to let the stress take you over and ruin your day.¬† Which isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Think about stress as if you’ve reached a room with 2 exits – one that¬†relives the stress of the day, and the other where you move on with your life.¬† Why wouldn’t you take the second door?

One step at a time

Some say one of the steps to happiness is having a fit, healthy body, but is that just enforcing society’s ideals on how you should live your life and look?¬† We all know that a good workout is great for your peace of mind (as well as your body, obviously), and the endorphin release can help sharpen your mind’s focus.

CarrotBut is that it?¬† Is that the answer to all of our problems and the key to happiness?¬† Hardly, but it is important to take care of yourself – both inside and out, mentally and physically –¬†and regular exercise of some sort can only be a positive thing.

Just don’t get so wrapped up in ‘being fit and healthy’ that you become oblivious to other factors that contribute to your happiness.

Treat yourself

It’s endearing to do something special for our loved ones, but when was the last time you did something special for yourself?¬† It doesn’t have to be anything big but something simple like taking a walk, doing something you truly enjoy, reading a book, making your favourite meal, and so forth.

All too often we spend our energies putting other people’s needs ahead of our own, almost to the point where we forget to take care of our own happiness.¬† It’s not necessarily about being selfish, but you do need to put your own needs first on occasion.

K.I.S.S. – Keep it simple…

Way too many people will over-book their lives to the point where they literally have zero wiggle room when things pop up.¬† They’ll organise their diaries to the point where they have to book time in with friends or loved ones weeks or months in advance.

There’s no spontaneity, no last minute plans, no spur of the moment day trips, and literally no room for yourself.

How is that really any fun?

Obviously you don’t want to go so far as to under-plan your life, but do allow yourself a bit of regular breathing¬†space and time each week to focus on you.¬† It gives you more flexibility in your own life, and when those surprise invites pop up you might actually be able to accept them.

This post was influenced by – 9 Things Happy People Do to Stress Less.

tired-at-work

Digital Dating – Tips for Your Online Profile

Standard

In this day and age, it’s rare to find anyone who’s actively looking for dates, mates or anything in between who doesn’t have an online profile of some sort.¬† Hell, most partnered or married guys I know have one as well (joys of open relationships..).

No matter what you’re looking for – casual dates, random hook-ups, something more long term – there’s something to be said about how you present yourself online.¬† Your online profile is like your calling card, and if you leave it blank or too vague, then you may not get the results you’re looking for.

I don’t think there’s an exhaustive list of¬†‘Do’s and Don’ts’ when it comes to all this, but it doesn’t hurt to bear a few things in mind when creating your online presence.¬† It’s all about giving a brief, general snapshot of yourself to get someone interested.

Put a clear profile photo

The whole point of a profile picture is to determine compatibility and whether you’re attracted to the other person.¬† If you’re not willing to show who you are, then why the hell are you even online to begin with?

awkwardAdmittedly, it could be the situation where the person isn’t out for whatever reason and is afraid if they’re found online they could lose their job, family, or any other things.¬† Or perhaps they’re married/partnered and only online looking for a bit of fun on the side, and they’re afraid¬†their ‘honey’ will catch them¬†(run away.. run far far away..).

But then there are those who’ll refuse to put up a pic or even sent one once you’re chatting, but insist that you should meet.¬† At your place because they can’t host (or be seen with a man in public..).¬† All without you know what they look like.

Sounds like a recipe for trouble.

Know and disclose your status

It’s astounding how, in this day and age of awareness, that there are still guys out there who don’t know their HIV status and don’t do anything to find out.¬† It may not be ‘fun’ getting yourself tested, but isn’t that better than suddenly finding out you’ve been infected and have no clue when or how?

Not only that, but there seems to be this ignorant stigmatism that anyone who’s HIV+ is somehow ‘unclean’.¬† It’s not like it’s something you can wash away with a¬† vigorous shower.¬† And let’s be honest, you’re more likely to get infected by someone who doesn’t even know their status than someone who’s aware, on meds, and probably has a low/non-existent viral load because of it.

And if you don’t want to date someone who’s positive?¬† Well, then don’t.¬† Just don’t be an uneducated idiot by using the word ‘clean’.

Preferences don’t allow racial profiling

grindrEvery guy out there has an idea or fantasy of what their perfect guy looks like, and¬†for many that can include their potential partner’s race or ethnicity.¬† Who hasn’t seen profiles with ‘No Blacks/Asians/Arabs/etc’ on them.¬† And all that’s doing is limiting yourself to your own prejudices.

Types can change over time.¬† And just because you hadn’t previously had experiences with someone from a certain ethnicity, it doesn’t mean that you won’t in the future.¬† And to specifically put that on your profile, then you’re just showing how closed minded you can be.

And on that note….

‘Masc4Masc Only’ or ‚ÄėNo fats, no femmes‚Äô

Once again, regardless how much you may say this is your preference, but to someone reading you profile it could be a blow to their self-esteem.

images11One of the great things about life these days is there are no set rules for what is masculine or how a man should act.¬† Life is quite gender fluid, even if it’s within your own gender.¬† It’s buying into and reinforcing those gender stereotypes we’ve all fought so hard to get past.

And though you might say it’s not your problem, by being dismissive and bitchy towards someone you may not be physically attracted to just reinforces the body-shaming issues they may already be dealing with.

If someone you’re not attracted to gives you a compliment, then just politely accept it and move on.¬† Simple.

Don’t massage the figures

We’ve seen it.. guys who lie on their profiles about their age, weight, height, or even their cock size all in fear of being rejected.¬† However, what’s the point?¬† All that’ll happen is you’ll end you being rejected for lying about any of those things, and not the item you had issue with itself.

If there’s something you’re afraid guys will judge you on, then why not just omit it to begin with?¬† If it’s something that comes up in conversation down the line, then you can choose whether you want to reveal the information.

And along the same lines, what’s the point of using a photo taken several years ago that no longer looks anything like you?¬† All you’re doing is setting yourself up for¬†awkwardness later on and possible rejection.

In the end the best thing to do is just be honest, project a positive outlook on life, and ultimately just be yourself.¬† Because after all, it’s the real you want them to fall for.

This post has been influenced by — Five things no gay man should put on their dating app profile

wanna-make-out