Dating and the Fat Man

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The other day I was surfing around a site sent to me by my fellow blogger Ivan (ivansblogworld.wordpress.com), and the below article title caught my eye.

7 Struggles of Dating When You’re a Fat Gay Man – Gay Pop Buzz

YES!!  I’m not the only one who finds it a struggle!  Maybe this would be the article that would truly get me.

Quick recap – I’m a 43 year old fat gay man who’s never been in an actual relationship.  I’ve only ever dated guys casually for a bit before they would claim I was getting ‘too attached’ and only wanted something casual.. which usually ended with them having a new boyfriend within about 6 months.

So.. I opened this article hoping to gain some mutual insight into what I’ve gone through in my dating life.  That it was going to be validation for all the years I’ve felt marginalised for whatever reason.  And as I read the first couple of lines I thought I’d found a kindred spirit as there were a lot of similarities.

fat-manBoy… could I have been even more WRONG!!!

The more I read, the more I realised this wasn’t me or my experiences.  Instead, this was someone who’s allowed himself to become so dismissive of himself, his weight, and the gay community that he’s allowed his negativity to feed into his own fat-shaming.

It was to the point where he was obsessive about it.  And he was absolutely adamant that this was the truth for all chubby gay men out there.

Well, No.  His experiences sure as hell haven’t been mine.

So based on his article, I’d like to give my experiences over the years and how I’m feeling.  These aren’t facts or anything other than my observations, and I would never allude that anyone else should feel exactly the same.

Smaller Target Audience

I learned after a few years (and a bit of heartbreak) that there really is a smaller target for bigger guys like me, regardless of what type of guys I found physically attractive… and it sure as hell wasn’t other bigger guys like me (lesbian bears, as I like to call them haha).

At first I thought, because of my own fat-shaming, that I’d have to settle for whomever was willing to have sex with me.  That I was truly ugly and unattractive, so I’d have no real choice in the matter.  But then I found the bear community and the chasers… and I was meeting some pretty gorgeous guys.  And who’d complain about that?  😉

Loneliness is best served cold.. with gravy

Like probably a lot of people out there who have weight issues, I tended to turn to food as compensation when I was feeling down or bad about something.  It was an instant gratification while trying to justify my bad food choices.

Who munches on celery sticks when they’re feeling down?  LOL

Fat_ManBut this is something I’ve recently started working on, mostly because I was starting to feel like my weight had gotten out of control (partly due to quitting smoking I think).  I’m taking it day by day to ensure I’m making good food choices and pairing it was regular exercise (walking part way to/from work).

It’s only been about 2 weeks, but I’m feeling good about it and need to keep it going.

I’m one hell of a hermit

I don’t think I’ve used my weight as an excuse not to go out and be social.  Instead I’ve allowed my laziness to justify why I’ll spend a weekend at home having a Netflix marathon alone.

I think my hermit-ism is more due to my own feelings of being left out by people, and not taking the issue in hand to do something about it (see previous post).  I know there are places I can go and potentially run into someone I know (KA in Soho for instance), but I’ll let my laziness to justify why it’s a waste of time spending an hour travelling into town on the ‘chance’ of meeting someone I knew.  Or someone new.

And that’s not good.

I do alright, sexually.. sometimes

I know I sometimes moan about how I’m not getting laid as much as I’d like to, or even as much as I used to a few years ago.  But at no point have I ever said it’s because I’m fat.  Sure that may limit my possibilities, but it shouldn’t ever stop me.

And no, unlike the original article’s author, I have never paid for sex.  Fuck no.

Instead I know my lack-luster love life is down to my own laziness and not putting myself out there as much as I used to.  If I’m sitting at home all the time, how am I going to meet someone one new and exciting?  Sure, there are the dating apps, but mostly I’m only going to get the same group of guys within my immediate area.

naked-men-in-bedA compliment is a compliment

I’ve never been that great at accepting compliments from guys, mostly due to my own low self-esteem.  Usually I’d just assume they were saying these things just so they could have sex with me (and some of them might have been..).

But I think I’ve done well to get past that somewhat and accept a compliment for what it is.  And if the other person isn’t being sincere, then that’s on them.  I’m not going to spend my precious time over-thinking everything a guy says to me just to figure out if it’s real or not.

We’re homophobic towards each other

I’ve been living out and proud for over 20 years now, and it still never astounds me how much as a community we put ourselves down by ostracising our own sub-sects or stereotypes.

no fatWho hasn’t been to a Gay Pride and watched as all the muscular pretty boys in their little hot-pants get all the cheers and catcalls, while anyone who doesn’t fit that ‘society-approved norm’ basically gets ignored.

However I won’t allow that to affect how I feel about myself.  I go to Pride most years and have a laugh, usually ending up at the bear bar drinking in the streets with everyone else.  And I just get on with my life without allowing other people’s perceptions of who they think I am stop me from having fun.

Never assume to know someone

True, I look like the stereotypical little bear, but that doesn’t mean you know who I am based on someone you’ve known in the past who has a similar look.  Or that because I’m above a certain age with a bit of grey in my beard that I must be a ‘daddy’.  Or that because I’ve attended several naturist parties that I’d be interested in going to an orgy.

It’s all bullshit.  Not one aspect of my life wholly defines me as a person.

BUT…. if I’m being truly honest, I’ve been just as guilty of it as anyone else.  I would see some pretty, young ‘twink’ and immediately think they must be a self-absorbed, fashion-obsessed, obnoxious airhead.  Or that some beefy, muscled out gym-bunny must be dumb as a bag of hammers.  And so forth.

Sadly, this is something we all have to struggle with on a daily basis.  We’ve grown up buying into the stereotypes just as much as we’ve been fighting to get past them, and sometimes still treat people of similar backgrounds as gay clones.


So… what now?

Well, not much really.

It’s not like I wrote this to work through some issue or to justify my actions.  It was more of an exercise to prove that not everyone’s experiences are the same, no matter how many factors you may have in common.

CarrotHowever I do think it’s helped show me that, although my dating life is pretty stagnant at the moment, it truly hasn’t been all that horrible.  That despite never having that relationship I’ve always wanted, I still have met some amazing guys – and yes, some assholes too – that have made the journey so far worth it.

Yeah, shocking as it is, I’m actually feeling somewhat positive about my dating past and the potential for the future.  And that it’s just a matter of getting my lazy ass out there again. LOL

Source: 7 Struggles of Dating When You’re a Fat Gay Man – Gay Pop Buzz

A Dating Dry Spell

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I’m not sure what’s changed, but I’ve found my dating life going through yet another dry spell these days.  I’m sure this is normal for most people, and it sure as hell isn’t the first time it’s happened to me, but I can’t help but wonder if sometimes there’s something I’m doing that causes these recurrent episodes.

Now I’ll be honest – sometimes it’s hard to separate my dating life with my sex life, because occasionally they’re not mutually exclusive.  I admit that a shag doesn’t necessarily constitute a date, and a date doesn’t always end in a shag.

But of course there are always exceptions to this.  😉

turkish kissFor me, things seemed to be going fairly well after I moved to my current flat, and they definitely picked up (sexually) once I returned from Gran Canaria back in November.  After spending most of a year of feeling sexually frustrated, it was a nice change.

The best part was that I was going out more often.  I was usually out on a Friday night (and some Saturday nights too), which is a huge help when trying to meet new guys.  Not that there were many of them, but at least I was meeting a few new guys here and there.

I only had a small handful of dates during that time, none of which lead anywhere other than sometimes the bedroom for a one-off romp, but at least it was something.

But something changed after the New Year.  Suddenly, I was spending most weekends at home alone.  The invitations to socialise died out, and any attempts on my part to drum up interest to do something were met with either disinterest (or so it seemed) or the classic ‘I’m busy’ and ‘I’ve already got plans’ responses.

And both my sex and dating lives ground to a complete halt.

I’m sure there’s all sorts of things that could contribute to this current dry spell, some of them my own doing and some from others.  Or perhaps there’s something I’ve been unknowingly putting out there that’s putting guys off.

I’m not saying that the past couple of months have been complete no-sex zones, but it’s been so far and few in between that it might as well have been.  There’s been many times where I’ve been chatting to a guy about meeting up, and just as it seems it’s going to happen they end up pulling out (no pun intended) at the last minute.

Annoying, for sure.

I have had a couple dates with one guy who lives locally to me.. and by dates I mean actual dates, where we met up for drinks or dinner and talked to each other.  And didn’t have sex (though there was a bunch of kissing and cuddles on the second date…).

IMG_0302But unfortunately that’s as far as it’s gone, and that was probably about a month ago.  There’s been no third date as of yet, despite us regularly chatting online.  I’ve tried suggesting things here and there, but he’s out of town a lot on the weekends and works long hours during the week.. meaning it doesn’t leave much time to meet up.

He’s a lovely man and I do want to see him again, but I’m unsure if it’ll actually go anywhere.  There didn’t seem to much of a mad, crazy, sexy, tear-off-your-clothes passion between us, but perhaps that was because I was purposely trying to take things a bit slower that I normally do and not jump right into bed with him.  For once.

You know, actually get to know the man before I got to ‘know’ the man.  LOL

I don’t know… Sometimes I wish I could just maintain that care-free attitude I had after my holidays and see what fun I could get up to.. even if it’s not ‘fun’ that I’m wanting in my life.

Or perhaps I need to stop hoping for more than what’s on offer at the moment.

Time will tell I suppose.

Biggest Relationship Mistakes

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Whether you’ve been in a relationship or not, it’s pretty much common knowledge that they take a lot of work.  Regardless of the connection or commitment to each other, there will always been some issues that crop up, but it’s a matter of know how to best deal with them and move past them.

And sometimes it’s all about how you act towards your new partner.  So here are a few helpful tips.. but of course, each relationship is unique.

Going Too Fast

Let’s be honest.. the quickest way to turn off your potential new partner is to jump in too deep, too quickly.  Just because you had a fantastic time on your date and had a lovely good-night kiss (or even more amorous activities hehe), it doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever.  You have to let things happen naturally, you really can’t force things.

super intimateGoing Too Slow

On the other hand, if you take it so slow that your new partner starts to think you’re not interested, then you may end up losing them to someone new.  That’s not to say you should immediately become more physically or emotionally entangled, but at some point once that connection has been made, it’s best to move things along a bit.  Even if it’s just a small step at a time.  Whatever pace works for both of you.

Not Finding the Time

Life can be busy for all of us at times.  But if you’re not making an effort to find time for your significant other (or even dating itself), it makes the other person feel like they’re less important than other things in your life, and you’re bound to drift apart.  Relationships need time and effort to prosper, and if you can’t find time for your sweetie, then they won’t be your sweetie for long.

A Lack of Boundaries

Boundaries aren’t just about how you interact with each other, but how much outside intrusion you allow into your relationship.  Clear expectations need to be set for each other, including how much (or little) meddling you allow in, as well as boundaries with each other.

gay-17Taking Your Partner for Granted

In the beginning, we always go out of our way to make the other person feel important.. So where did that go?  Regardless if the relationship is new or you’ve been together for decades, always do something to make the other person feel special and don’t let the humdrum daily routine to take that away from you.

Trying to Change the Other Person

We all have certain expectations when it comes to our potential partners, and as long as you’re wiling to compromise to some degree then it’ll all go swimmingly.  But if you’re rigid in your ideals and continually try to make the other person fit into some mould that you ‘think’ is your ideal person, then you’re probably setting yourself up for failure in the long run.

Not Giving Your Partner Enough Space

Relationships are hard, and sometimes you each need to take some time apart.  Even if you don’t really want to.  Without being a mindreader, you need to keep an eye out for cues from your partner and just back off for a bit when they need a bit of space.  You can’t force togetherness 24/7, as even the happiest of couples need some time apart.  It’s healthy for both of you, as well as the relationship.

Having No Life Outside the Relationship

And off the back of that point, you can’t cut yourself off from your friends and loved ones from before you started the relationship.  And you can’t expect your partner to do that either.  It’s healthy to continue to have friends outside the relationship, even if they’re mutual friends.  And not just friends, but also maintain the interests and hobbies you had before.  You can’t stop being you just because you’ve found someone special.

And let’s be honest, sometimes you just need that best friend to talk to, as some topics may be a bit outside the boundaries with your new cutie.  😉

Looking -assesThis post has been influenced by the article –> 8 Biggest Relationship Mistakes | The Daily 8

Flirty Friday

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Yeah… I’ve been stupid lazy lately with the writing.

I try to tell myself it’s because I don’t have a desk at my new place (may go shopping this weekend.. maybe).

I try to tell myself I don’t have much to say.. but that’s a load of crap. I just hate blogging from my mobile or ipad to be honest…

So instead.. so sexy guys to get you through Friday and into that weekend mood. Lol

~M
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Friends With Benefits – Can It Work?

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Life can be difficult and lonely when you’re single, regardless if you’re happy with singledom or not.  Sometimes it’s nice to just have someone to cuddle up to once in awhile, because deep down we all need a bit of human interaction.

Ok.. so it’s sometimes more about getting that ‘itch’ scratched, and you don’t necessarily want some impersonal hookup from one of those dating/chat apps some of us use.

So could finding a friend-with-benefits (FWB) be the answer to all your carnal and cuddly needs? Or is that just tempting fate too much?

And are there any actual rules in a FWB sexual situation?

I keep asking myself these questions a lot lately, mostly in regards to things with the Italian chaser.  Because let’s be honest, that’s exactly what we are – friends who sleep together.  I think..

We only seem to hookup once a month or so due to his busy schedule. We last got together after work one evening, going for dinner and then back to his to ‘relax’ naked.

Gay_Couple_togetherness_in_bed_01But it’s made me wonder if there were any rules of engagement (so to speak) for this sort of thing.

It’s been interesting and amusing reading ‘rules’ online, most of which are generally made up by the author themselves.  Though a few were downright impersonal.

One thing I noticed is that each of them drew the line between friends, FWB, and a relationship differently.. so maybe there isn’t a distinctive or comprehensive set of rules.

Emotional Attachments

The whole point of being in a friends-with-benefits situation is that it allows you the freedom to enjoy carnal desires with another person without worrying about the emotional needs of that other person. You can just bump uglies (so to speak lol) and get on with your lives, right?

But what if at some point will one or both of you develop an attachment to the other? Can you really have a sexual relationship with someone and maintain a cold, uncaring attitude towards them and their life?

Dinner & A Movie?

When meeting up with your FWB, should it solely be for sex or can you add in dinner, a movie or some other activity to your time together?  Or is that more of a date than just a shag?

The thing is if you were friends before the sex and not just a recurring hook-up, then I’d think other activities other than sex should happen as it would have anyway before you started sleeping together.

Public Persona

The difficult thing to figure out is how do you react to each other when out in social situations.

Man being comfortedDo you pretend you’re not having hot, sweaty monkey sex every couple weeks?  Do you flirt with each other as you usually do in private?  Or do you quietly suppress jealousy when they start flirting with someone else, while outwardly act like it’s no big deal.

It’s really hard when you’re used to being intimate with someone but feel like you can’t be affectionate with them amongst others.  Even if there’s nothing romantic between you, it can still be difficult to watch them flirt or go home with someone else.. or maybe that’s a sign that maybe a FWB situation isn’t for you.

Sharing Isn’t Always Caring

At what point are you over-sharing things with your FWB? It can’t only be about sex, right?  So maybe it’s good to chat occasionally, telling each other little things going on in your lives.  But at what point are you saying too much?

Not only are you pushing the boundaries between FWB and a relationship where you tell each other everything, you’re also running the risk of turning them off sexually. And let’s be honest, sex is the main reason for the two of you hanging out so maybe keep the details of your anxieties to yourself. It’s definitely not an aphrodisiac.

To Cuddle, Or Not To Cuddle…

In general, everyone loves a good cuddle.  It makes us feel better about ourselves, and it’s a great precursor to another hot session between the sheets. But is it too intimate or too romantic?

Men in Bed_thumb[7]Or perhaps it’s all about the connection between you and your own natural inclinations.  If you both normally cuddle afterwards, then what’s the harm?  It would feel odd to not cuddle afterwards if you didn’t.

I suppose in the end only you and your buddy can decide what the rules are, if any.  Best to keep things simple, light and most importantly, fun!

Here are a couple of other sites that wrote about this topic as well:

17 Rules For Friends With Benefits | Carlen Costa.

Rules for Friends with Benefits | Everyone Is Gay.

Bored on Holidays

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So due to my company’s financial year ending in April, I’ve had to take this week off as holiday to use up most of my remaining days.  The timing of it works perfectly because of the upcoming Easter weekend, giving me 10 full days (including the weekends) off from work.

The only thing is.. I’m bored.

Because it was kind of last minute (agreed to it only a couple weeks ago), I didn’t get around to planning anything for it.  If I’d had the forethought, I might have booked a cheap mini-break somewhere warm, or even looked at going home to Canada for a bit (although the prices for that were well out of my puny budget 😦 ).

Instead, the only thing I have planned this week is the start of my physiotherapy on Thursday evening.  Real exciting..

Other than going to the local Starbucks on Sunday and popping out last night to grab a take away, I haven’t been out of the house since I got home super late Saturday night (see previous post).

Man using laptop computer at coffee shopI’ve done nothing but sleep, eat, marathon-watch Netflix (re-watching ‘3rd Rock From The Sun’), and well, wish I was out doing anything other than sitting at home alone.

I have messaged a few people over the past couple days to suggest we meet up at some point during the week to hang out.  But I’ve gotten nothing back other than non-committal ‘I’ll let you know, enjoy your holidays’ responses, if they’ve acknowledged my suggestion at all.

Interestingly, I know of a couple guys who are currently off work, either between jobs or have days off in the week, and who I haven’t seen or hung out with in ages.. But even they don’t seem to want to get together.

It’s starting to make me wonder if there’s something I’m doing to push these people away.  Or more accurately, if there’s some reason why they don’t want to hang out.

Sure, I don’t exactly live centrally at the moment, but I’m willing to travel into town this week to do things.  It’s much better than the alternative – sitting in my bedroom, getting more and more stir-crazy from the boredom, because I know none of them will travel out to Woolwich to see me.

Of course, I haven’t exactly done anything all that exciting today.  I’ve packed up my laptop, jumped on the train to London Bridge, and found a nearby coffee shop with free wi-fi.

Talk about living the high life. LOL

The only offer to meet up at some point this week has come from an Indian chaser I used to chat to ages ago.  And his idea of meeting up is specifically for sex….

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A new squirrel friend..

Hmmm.. I don’t know about that, but we’ll see.  It’s not like I’ve got an actual boyfriend or anything. 😉

Sure, I could easily spend the week doing some cheap touristy things around London, like walking along the Thames, going to museums, exploring some new area I’ve never been to before, go read in a park (if it’s not too cold or windy).

And I may do just that.

Guess I just wish I had someone to do them with.  Sure as hell be a lot more fun.

 

Singledom Complications

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Sometimes I just don’t understand gay men .. and I definitely include myself in that statement!

Over the past little while, my social (aka – sex) life has gotten a bit complicated.  Or at least it seems more complicated than I’d like it to be to me.

As I mentioned in a previous post (click HERE to read), I’ve been spending a bit of time over the past couple months with a sweet Italian bear.  Mostly it’s about enjoying each other’s company, hanging out, watching movies, and getting lots of cuddles.  I’d known for awhile that he fancied me, and although I don’t feel the same for him, I have enjoyed his company.

Then came the house-warming party a few weeks back (he and a couple friends recently moved into a new place)…

sexy hairy manOne of the guests was a sexy Italian chaser I’ve known for a couple years now but never had much opportunity to get to know.  We used to chat online awhile back, but nothing ever came of it.

Basically it was one of those connections where we were attracted to each other, but just ended up as ships passing in the night.

As soon as I arrived at the party, the chaser was on me like a house on fire.  I’d barely taken off my coat before his hand was on my ass and his tongue was down my throat.

Oh man.. that first kiss was so damn electric!!

Long story short, we spent the rest of the night sneaking kisses, with me being overly conscious of whose house we were in.  The last thing I wanted to do was to upset our mutual friend.

But eventually as we both got a bit tipsy, caution was thrown to the wind and we were full on making out in the middle of the kitchen.  Some of the other guests joked that we should ‘get a room’.

Since the party, the chaser and I have met up a couple times, and the electricity from that first kiss carried into the bedroom (sorry, no gory details.. not that type of blog lol). I found being in his company quite easy and comfortable.. and I think he felt the same, but who knows with some guys.

Gay_Couple_togetherness_in_bed_01I haven’t talked to the Italian bear about all this yet, but apparently the chaser has told him we’ve spent some time together.  I may be over-thinking it, but am just a bit worried that he’ll feel hurt that I’m now sleeping with his friend.. though he knows we both like each other.

Oh who knows.

Now here’s where I’m getting confused in regards to the chaser.. and myself I suppose.

There’s been no discussion as to what this is between us, whether it’s just a bit of fun or if there’s possibility of something more.  Sure, he’s vaguely mentioned about getting together again, but nothing’s been set in stone.

As I left his place Friday night, he said I could come along the next night to a 80’s synth-pop night in the city.  For some reason, I took that as an invite, but he clarified the next day that it was more I could ‘tag along’ if I was interested.

Instead of sitting at home over-analysing it, I went along and we had a great time with a couple of his friends.  We danced all night, sang horribly as we tried to remember the words to the music, and generally had a great night.

And he was such a flirt. With both me and another guy with us. :-/

jealousy2I tried not to, but I starting feeling jealous whenever they were flirty.  And a pang of disappointment at the end of the night when I had to find a night bus for the epically long journey home.. and they went off to catch the same bus.

I dunno if they went home together.. and not sure if I want to know.

What I do know is I do like this guy, both in and out of the bedroom.  I find him interesting, engaging and sexy as hell.  I am trying to just take things as they come, but it’s not easy for me..  I suppose I just wish I knew what he thought about us – or even if there is an ‘us’.

Sometimes it just feels like we’re tiptoeing around each other, playing the gay mating game to some extent (a mate recently said he thought my sex life was starting to sound like a gay ‘Game of Thrones’ lol).

Perhaps I’m over complicating things in my head by letting my thoughts/feelings get away from me. Or perhaps I’m just so desperate to find someone special that I’m jumping at the first guy in a long time that’s shown me any interest (applies to both of the Italians I think..).

*Sigh* Why does being single have to be so damn complicated? LOL

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Are We Friends or Not?

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I’m finding it harder and harder at times to determine if some people are actually my friends or are just there for when it suits their needs.

I’m not talking about those who are in my day to day life, but more of those who only pop up when it’s convenient for them.  Where you’ll go months and months without hearing from them, then suddenly they want to know your life story, a ‘catch up’, in a sentence or two.

As if that’s even possible, even if you have such an uneventful life like me.  LOL

But the funny thing is how they react when you call them on their shitty ‘friendship’.  Some try to put it back on you because they haven’t heard from you either.. which can be a fair point sometimes.  And some will just apologise but not explain why you haven’t heard from them.

sexy turkI bring this up as I got a message yesterday from a sexy Turkish/Bahrainian guy I used to play with from time to time.  I’d last heard from him briefly at Christmas, and then his previous message was probably close to 6 months before then.

We’ve known each other for at least 3 years now, and I used to regularly message him to meet up, but he never could because of family commitments (separated from his wife, lived with his mother and had partial custody of his son..).

Or if we did agree to meet up, it was usually somewhere that was convenient for him but not for me… Many times I’d travelled to North London when I lived in Vauxhall only for him to cancel.  One time I got his cancellation message as I got there, only for him to message me a couple hours later that he could now meet.. meanwhile I’d already travelled back home.

Very frustrating, especially when we got along so well, both personally and sexually.

But after awhile, I got sick of his excuses why he couldn’t meet up.

I eventually told him that if he wanted to spend time with me then he needed to make the effort to organise it, to ask me to meet up and such.  That I was done chasing after him, that this one-sided friendship wasn’t fair on me.

religionObviously I’m not so shallow to be blind to the issues he has reconciling his bisexuality and his religion. He and his family are devout Muslims so it’s extremely difficult for him to accept his attraction to chunky guys.

In his mind, because of his upbringing, sex between two men is considered dirty and unnatural, and most definitely against everything he’s been brought up to believe in.  At one point he actually thought there was something wrong with him physically or psychologically and was looking to go to a doctor to try and ‘fix’ it.

And of course, nothing I could say to him during those periods could convince him otherwise.

Religious misconceptions aside, the most frustrating thing was how he’d never reply to messages.  Or if I sent him a message that expressed any sort of dissatisfaction with his side of our ‘friendship’, then I wouldn’t hear from him again for another couple months.

I got so frustrated by it all yesterday that I actually told him to grow a pair and be a man already. To love who he wants to love, not who others tell him he should love.  That if he likes me as much as he keep saying he does (it’s his usual spiel) then he should make an effort to see me.

sexy beard2Yeah.. that was all probably unfair of me. He can’t help that he’s been brought up in a different culture that makes people think if they don’t live a certain life then they must be a bad person.  That any deviation from the ‘norm’ would result in losing everything they hold dear.

From what I’ve gathered he’s decided to just not bother meeting me because he can’t (or won’t, not sure..) give me what I’m looking for.  I don’t expect a marriage proposal from him or anything, just be nice to spend some time together.  Even if it was just as mates.

Or maybe I’m just expecting too much from him..