Los Hábitats Españoles

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Whenever I travel, I tend to be a bit of a worrier and double (if not triple) check all of my travel arrangements to ensure everything will be okay.  It’s basically the same whenever I leave my house, as I check and re-check that I have my keys, wallet, and so forth.

Ok.. so maybe it’s a little OCD on my part, but better same than sorry.

It all stems from a few years ago when I was supposed to travel to Madrid to meet a (then) mate from Amsterdam for a naughty weekend. It was planned a couple of months in advance, and we were both looking forward to it.

Only when I arrived at the airport to check in, there was no booking.  The person at the check-in counter checked and checked again to no avail.

Apparently when I had booked my flight, I hadn’t double-checked the travel dates, as I had actually booked the flight for another date.. a month prior!

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What a mess… And there was nothing I could do except book another really expensive flight, something I couldn’t afford so I had to let me mate know I wasn’t coming.

Well, wouldn’t you know it.. it’s kind of happened again.  And with another trip to Madrid, no less!!!

Only this time it isn’t an issue with the flights (I checked.. again), but with my accommodation.  Dammit..

When I was there in January, I’d met an absolutely gorgeous, sexy and super friendly guy, and we’d hit it off right away.  We’d spent a chunk of my weekend there together, and had kept in touch after I’d returned to London.

We were chatting just after I’d returned from Gran Canaria, and I joked that I should come for a visit.  He agreed, so I looked at flights and made sure he was around next weekend, and figured all was good to go.

But over the past week or so, I’d started to get a little niggling feeling in the back of my head, especially as I hadn’t heard from him since I’d booked my flights.  And I started to get a bit paranoid that I’d just assumed that I was staying with him as neither of us had come right out and said as much.

Well… the worrying started to get to me so I sent him a message when I got home from work on Wednesday night.

And damn.. it was a good thing I did as he forgot all about it!!!! 

Basically, we were chatting about upcoming holidays and I’d mentioned I was looking to plan something for my week off in July.. but until I decided that holiday, I was just looking forward to my trip to Madrid next weekend.  To which he asked which dates I was coming…

That’s when the penny dropped.

After I told him my travel dates, and he immediately started to apologise.  Apparently he’d forgotten to write it in his diary and had already agreed for a ‘friend’ to come stay for the weekend.

WHAT?!?!?!

Let’s just say there was a hell of a lot of swearing and yelling (at my mobile) on my part.  A LOT.

How the hell could I have not made sure of all this before now?  I’d been worried about it awhile, so why hadn’t I mentioned something to him?

Of course, it’s not really my fault when you think about it.  I did tell him when I’d booked the flights and how long I was going to be in town for.  I even made sure he knew when my flight was arriving so we could arrange to meet up once he finished work.

I said to him point blank (finally) that I thought I was staying with him for the weekend, which was why I’d checked he was around back when I’d booked my flights.  The last thing I’d expected was to have to find a place to stay for the weekend.. especially as the main reason I was going to Madrid was to spend time with HIM.

There was a LOT of apologising on his end for obvious reasons.  He said he usually always writes this sort of thing down (how many ‘friends’ does he have come to visit him?!?), but somehow forgot about me.

Just my damn luck, huh?

He did confirm that his friend wasn’t arriving until Saturday afternoon, so I could at least stay with him on the Friday night.  So then it was about scrambling to to find something relatively decent for the remaining two nights.

It’s most definitely NOT what I had planned or budgeted for, but it’ll have to do.  My poor credit card…

All I can say is he’s definitely going to have to beg and plead for my forgiveness on the Friday night (he’s joked that he’ll be my slave for the night… hmmmm).  He can at least buy me dinner for all this trouble.

The upside is I now have a centrally located hotel for the remaining two evenings, so who knows what trouble I could get myself into.  🙂

Dating Debacles – The Clown

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Nope, that’s sadly not a joke.  I actually went on a date last week with an actual clown (and Charlie Chaplin impersonator).

And no, he wasn’t in full make-up at the time.  LOL

To be honest, I’d been somewhat hesitant to meet this guy (Argentinian-Italian mix) as there was something about his manner that put me off a bit.  We’d been chatting for a couple months at this point, so I figured might as well.

Alarm bells started going off right away when he called me out of the blue last Sunday evening, wanting me to meet him right away.  He was just finishing work and didn’t want to go home… so he just assumed I’d be home alone and ‘desparate’ for some company.

As if.

I eventually put him off meeting until the next evening after work around 7pm so I could go home to freshen up before meeting.  Especially as I hadn’t shaved my head or trimmed my beard in weeks, so I was looking quite shaggy.

But then I got a message from him around 4pm while still at work saying he wanted to meet at 5pm… which was when I finished work.  Which meant I didn’t get a chance to go home to freshen up or anything.

I don’t know why, but his eagerness and changing things on me last minute kind of pissed me off.  To the point where I almost cancelled on him.  Maybe I should have.

I eventually agreed to meet him at the station closest to work (Forest Hill) as I could walk there with time to spare… and ended up actually being about 20 minutes early.

Once he’d arrived, we’d decided to head to the pub across the street (since none of the coffee shops in that area are open past 5pm).. only to find out he doesn’t actually drink.  And I got the feeling he was a bit critical of those who do, even if he never came out and said so.

Anyway, we both got soft drinks (booooo…. where’s the vodka??) and sat on the little terrace to chat.  And surprisingly, he was quite the charmer throughout the conversation.  He kept complimenting me on my eyes and hands for some reason.. and I found myself being drawn to him physically, even though I didn’t necessarily find him that attractive.

And the farmer-joe cover-alls he’d shown up in didn’t help any either.  And that made me feel a bit too shallow for my liking..

Anyway, one thing lead to another and he asked if he could see my flat.  This was after holding my hands several times and staring deep into my eyes.. And even serenading my on his little eukele.

Like I said before, he was a charmer so I figured ‘what the hell’, and went with it.

What a mistake…

I honestly thought I was having sex with the clown from Stephen King’s ‘IT’….

He kept biting me through it all, and not little love bites either.  He was biting so hard that I was afraid he was going to break the skin… and he kept doing it after I told him time after time that I wasn’t enjoying it.

Oh.. and he kept talking to me in Spanish and getting me to agree with him by saying ‘Si’ after every statement, even though he knew I didn’t understand what he was saying.  For a ‘clown’, he was extremely agressive, rough, and controlling, which I definitely don’t enjoy.

And he absolutely refused to do anything more than just kiss me chastely on the lips.  No hot, passionate kissing.. which is one of the things I enjoy the most.

And yes, I did try to stop things several times because of all of the above.. but then he started being sweet and nice, and next thing I knew we were right back to where we were before I’d stopped things.

It was like he didn’t care what I felt as long as he got his rocks off.. which he did while we were standing in the kitchen, against the washing machine … ok, that part was kinda hot.  LOL

Afterwards, I walked him to the bus stop to ensure he could get home ok, and then he explained the no kissing thing – he said I had really bad breath (whaaat!?!?!) and that he only kisses when he’s ‘in love’.  He then proceeded to criticise my weight (but he’s into chubby guys?), eating habits (based on what little he could see on my kitchen shelves), grooming habits (if I’d been able to go home after work, I would have been able to shave and trim my beard..), and so forth..

Overall it left a very bad taste in my mouth (and I don’t mean from my ‘supposed’ bad breath.. I was chewing gum too).  Not to mention the bite marks all over my shoulders, back, and neck, which were quite painful for a couple of days after.

I do NOT respond well to negativity and guys being overly critical of things they have no right to even bring up, especially on a first date.  And the more I thought back on our conversation at the pub, the more it makes me realise I should have seen the warning signs sooner.

I’m sure he’s expecting me to come crawling to him to ask for a second date… because in his eyes I don’t have enough self-esteem to want more in my life than a biting, overly-critical clown.

Good thing I don’t like clowns.  😉

Fat Shamed at the Gym

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I recently had a chance to read the below article about a guy who’s a bit over-weight who was made to feel bad about himself because of his weight.  Have a read:

http://www.gaypopbuzz.com/i-was-fat-shamed-by-a-gay-man-at-my-gym/

Now of course I have several things wrong with this article.. not the least the reaction of the muscle-bound narciscist who’d fat-shamed the author when he’d invited him to going him for a baseball game.

Not a date. Not sex. Not a romantic dinner for two.  A freakin’ baseball game.

Obviously, the author probably was hoping for more than just two ‘bros’ hanging out at the game, but that’s not the way it came across in his invitation.  He just seemed to be trying to be friendly.

And in my opinion, the author had every right to feel bad after the muscle guy tried to ‘fat-shame’ him.  And kudos to him for being able to shed about 100 lbs, and looking to work off a bit more.  It’s never an easy thing to do, and the older you get the harder it is to lose the weight.

Trust me on that one…

One thing I did have an issue with in the article is how the author seemed to buy into society’s view of what is healthy or fit or ‘fat’.  And from a chubby guy’s point of view, it’s like he’s ‘fat-shaming’ himself and anyone else who doesn’t have a trim waist.

He said he was 5’10” and about 200 lbs.. now while that isn’t what society considers as fit or standardly healthy, it isn’t obese either.  Or maybe he’s just going on what he feels is own ideal weight.

When I’d first opened this article, I was hoping for something a bit more enlightening surrounding the experience of being a bigger guy going to a gym.. but instead of being encouraging, the author just allowed himself to buy into the usual sterepotypes of gays in the gym – that they’re only there to hook up.

I’m sure a gym can be a very social place and a great way to meet new people, but if you’re there to focus on exercising, cruising the other guys isn’t going to help you meet your goals in the end.

But perhaps that’s my own insecurities surounding going to a gym getting the better of me.  I haven’t stepped inside a gym in about 3 years, and it had been a good decade before then…

I keep telling myself I’m going to join a gym to help boost my weight loss – especially as it’s ground to a halt after returning from holidays.  I have been trying to keep up my daily walking, with goals to hit 40 minutes or 6000 steps a day, whichever one comes first.

But that’s been a bit hit and miss most days, and my diet hasn’t exactly been the best either… but it’s not bad like it used to be, though I do have my days.  I seem to be alright throughout the day, especially at work, but at night the desire to snack kicks in.

It’s not like I don’t know what I need to do to lose the weight, or what foods I should or shouldn’t eat.  I think at times it’s more about will-power and the feeling like whatever I’m doing it isn’t making much of a difference.

It’s hard when you’re sitting there munching on celery and counting every calorie when the skinny people around you are chowing down on crisps or McDonalds with a care in the world.. and they never seem to gain a single pound.

(yes… I know it’s all about metabalisms and activity levels.. just venting my frustrations and how stressed it makes me.)

Before my holidays I’d lost about 25 lbs, and have surprisingly kept it off a month later which is fantastic.  My goal is to lose another 40 – 50 lbs, which would bring me back to the weight I was abpout 5 years ago.

Just wish there was an easier way to do it.. I hate going to a gym.

Damn, I’m lazy LOL

I’m Feeling Stressed…

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I hate feeling stressed.  It’s an awful feeling and it makes me want to do things I know I shouldn’t – like go off my diet or start smoking again. Neither of which I want to do.

But somethings lately have just been bugging me, and I wish I could exorcise these feelings and get back to working towards a more positive and healthy ‘me’.

Part of all this could be the ‘post-holiday blues’.. since I returned from Gran Canaria a few weeks ago, I’ve been feeling quite ‘blah’ and the typically grey UK weather hasn’t helped any either.

I swear my tan faded the moment I stepped off the plane.  LOL

Not to mention my diet seems to have stalled a bit since I returned.  I seem to eat fairly healthy throughout the day, but once I get home it’s like I have no will power.. and that’s with me rarely buying anything snack-like.

But it’s not like I don’t already have a weekend to Madrid planned in a couple week’s time.  Plus I’m considering going to Naples and Pompeii in early July as a late birthday trip… so I don’t think it’s that.

Perhaps it’s the impending visit from my landlord next weekend and that he’s staying at the flat for about a month – he lives in Belgium but occasionally has to come to London for work so he’s kept a bedroom for himself.

He’s not a bad guy but I don’t feel completely relaxed or comfortable having people over when he’s there.  He knows I’m gay and has said he doesn’t care if I have someone over, but it’s a comfort thing.

But to be honest, him visiting is more of an inconvenience than anything.. and just means I need to make sure I’m wearing clothes when I leave my bedroom.  LOL

Ok… Let’s just face the elephant in the room and address the true source of my current stress load – it’s work.  It was slightly stressful before my holidays and it’s just gotten worse since.

Basically, it was decided last year to bring in a new computer system for our division, and my colleague was jointly tasked with assisting the developers to build it so it was ‘fit for purpose’.  I wasn’t assigned the task at the time as I was expected to be on holidays during the original launch period (end of June 2016).

But since she’s not a technical person and isn’t that good with implementing processes, things kind of went to shit.  Especially as she spent most of her time flirting with the programmer when he’d visit our offices to work on the program together.

Anyway, things kept getting pushed farther and farther back until finally it was realised that what had been build was absolute crap, and it had to start almost from scratch again… so the project was reassigned to someone at the other office and she gotten things done.

And then suddenly things for our part of the division got dropped into my lap a few months back, and I had to get our part up and running via systems testing.  Despite not knowing anything about the program really.

So there I was just before my holidays having to teach myself a program that wasn’t working completely, and go back and forth with the developers to try to mold how things work somewhat.

But as with anything in life, I wasn’t even asked if I wanted to do this.  I was just expected to ‘fix it’ as I’m seen as the ‘computer guy’.  And they’ve now decided that I’ll be our new system’s ‘expert’, meaning any problems people have they’ll come to me for it instead of the developers.

Oh joy… lucky me.

Meanwhile, here we are several weeks after the program launched and my department is the only one who can’t even use it because the developers haven’t loaded our correct rates yet.  The rest of the department is fine for the most part, and they can get things done.  But we can’t.

Like I said to one of our supervisors this morning, it’s like our little department is the forgotten step-child.  And no matter how much I chase things up, it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall.

*Sigh*.. As much as I could say I don’t feel appreciated in my current job, I know that’s not completely correct.  I do get messages of thanks or notes of appreciation from the bosses, but it’s almost to the point where it’s expected that I’ll just get things done.  And quickly and efficiently as well.

I’ve been told that I’m getting another (very small) raise – the 2nd in the last 6 months or so – which is great, but I’ll believe it when I have the signed paperwork in front of me.

I do wonder why I’m still with this company after almost 3 years.  I’m pretty sure I could potentially get more money at other companies, but yet I haven’t been looking around at all.

It’s partly because this office is so convenient to where I’m living (I can literally walk home in just under 45 minutes), but also because I know if I leave this job right now I’ll have to pay them money..

They’re paying for my PRINCE2 certification, and part of the agreement is if I left within 2 years of starting the course then I’ll have to pay back a certain percentage of the costs (standard for most companies these days..).

But is that worth sticking around this place for another 2 years?  Of continuing to feeling used and pushed to do more and more?

I suppose only time will tell.. until then, I need to get studying.  The certification isn’t going to complete itself.

Why Are You Single

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Life can be frustrating when you know what you want but never seem to find it.  Especially when it comes to romance and relationships.

It’s bad when someone asks ‘why are you still single’ while extolling how wonderful and ‘nice’ you are.  It’s almost like they start looking to find out what’s wrong with you.  Or start talking down to you about ‘needing to be patient’ or having just ‘not found the right guy yet’.  As if that is supposed to make you feel better.

The worst though is watching those around you seemingly jump from relationship to relationship without batting an eyelash.  They make it seem so easy that it can make you feel worse about yourself.

Perhaps there’s a reason you’re still single.. and maybe it’s one of the below.  Or maybe you just meet a lot of jerks.  LOL

Your friends take up too much of your time

Friends are the rock that can help you get out of a hard place, and be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.  But if you have such a wide circle of friends that you’re spending all your time trying to maintain those friendship, when do you get room for your love life?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having lots of friends, as ultimately they do help you be a better you and perhaps mold who you are as a person.  And sometimes they even become our families so it’s important to nurture that connection.

But when it gets to the point where you’re spending all your time appeasing their happiness and your own gets left by the way-side, then you need to make a few minute changes.  Allow yourself some time for your and your own needs.  Allow yourself space to meet someone interesting.

Your confidence becomes cockiness

Let’s be honest – we’re all immensely attracted to a confident man who knows what he wants and how to get it.  But at what point does your confidence turn into something less attractive?  Or perhaps it makes you seem above the rest of us who aren’t as comfortable in our skins.

As artificial and plastic as the gay community can seem at times, there’s something to be said for coming across as a flawed, compassionate human who’s still working through whatever baggage they have.  And having baggage isn’t a bad thing, it just means you’ve lived life and have the battle scars to show for it.

All in all, leave your ego at the door and allow yourself to be open to new possibilities.  Nobody is perfect, not even you.  So why judge others as if it was true?

Always looking for something better

To be honest, sometimes the grass is greener right where you are but you just can’t see it.  Too often guys will spend all their time still looking for something better, even when they have something great already in front of them.  We’ve been brainwashed to think there’s got to a perfect guy out there for us, when in fact there’s no such thing.

You could be allowing something really great that has potential to grow into something amazing slip through your fingers.  Relationships are never easy and it’s even harder to find a meaningful one.  So why give up before you’ve even tried to see where things can go?

Stop throwing away the good guys just because they’re not what you think as ‘perfect’.

Are you ‘ready’?

Who hasn’t said at one point or another  they’re not ‘ready’ or ‘looking for something serious’ right now?  Do you really understand that’s just you giving an excuse why you’re not dating at the moment, and that really you just love being single so you can play the field?  And that’s ok to admit that.

Basically all you’re doing is allowing yourself to procrastinate about your love life.  You’d rather push perfectly great guys away so you can have some ‘fun’ instead of being willing to see where things may develop.

What a waste… especially when there’s an actual connection between you.

Hard to get is more than your mantra

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a strong, independent guy who marches to their own beat in life.  In fact, that’s insanely attractive in a guy because you just know they’ll always give you space in a relationship or not become overbearing because value their time alone.

But… if it gets to the point where you’ve become stubborn or can’t conceive of allowing anyone into your life because of your independent spirit, then potentially you’re missing out on something great.

It’s not a matter of whether someone special or new fits into your life plans, but instead how including them could move you closer to where you actually want to be.

Work work work

There’s something to be said about having a healthy work-life balance.  When you’re living to work instead of working to live, you’re risking burning yourself out and then not having anyone there to help you pick up the pieces.  Work is important, but it shouldn’t be the only thing in your life.

Also, if you have no personal life who are you going to vent to when you’ve had a bad day?  The cat?  Even the strongest among us need someone they can turn to that isn’t part of their daily work life.  With the right balance, you canhave an amazingly successful career and someone special at home to help you decompress.

Leave your work at work.

You’re afraid to settle down

When you’re a free and independent spirit, you might think the idea of settling down means the end of your fun, carefree ways.  That having a relationship means you’ll stop trying to achieve something in life, or that the other person will stifle your joie de vivre.

Perhaps instead you’ll actually shine even brighter than ever by letting someone special in.  They will inspire you to become a better version of yourself.  Your life could be even more enriched by including them in your life, and vice versa.

So drop your ego at the door, and give them a chance to show how you can enhance each other’s lives.

You have intimacy issues

Being intimate with friends, family and some short-term loves can be easy.  It comes second nature as there’s no pressure or worry about where things may lead.  You’re just cool and comfortable around each other.

But when it comes to something more serious, your cool factor plummets to the point you’re terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing.  Or that you stop feeling like yourself around the other guy, and maybe even feel like you’re losing yourself somewhat.  And that’s all normal.

Love can knock you off-centre and gets you thinking about situations differently than you might with a friend. It can kick you ass, but once you’ve honed your ability to manage these new feelings, you’ll be flying.

Nobody is psychic

How the hell are you going to get the man of your dreams if you’re sitting back waiting for him to ready your mind?  If you’re not telling him what you want or need, then it’ll be a crap-shoot whether he gets it right and you’ll ultimately be disappointed when he doesn’t.

And the reverse is true too.  If you like a guy, then just tell him already!  Stop playing coy and unassuming, and let him know you want to get to know him more.

This post has been inspired by – You’re Awesome, But Here’s Why You’re Still Single: – GayGuys.com

First Date Tips for the Gay Man

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Even though it can seem that nobody goes on actual dates any more, there are still some guys out there that do want to spend time getting to know you before heading to the sheets.

Shocking, I know.  LOL

Sadly, especially with the advent of the smart phone apps, most of us don’t even bother following a few basic first date guidelines.  Sometimes we’ve spent so much time chatting online to each other, it’s like you’ve already had your first or second date, just without even meeting.

Bust is this a matter of getting too familiar too soon?

The whole point of a first date is to get to know someone new and see if there’s any connection between you.  It’s not to unload your entire life story, or to complain about your ex, prattle on about your newest gadget, or to extol the virtues of your new workout routine.

It’s all about see what you have in common and if there are any sparks between you.

Some of the below may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many guys forget about them.

Do something mutually fun and affordable

All too often guys will go along with their date’s ideas even if it’s something they don’t enjoy or maybe even can’t afford.  There’s no rule that says one of you needs to take charge and decide what you’ll do on your date, or that one of you should be submissive when it comes to making a decision.  It is, after all, your date too so you do have a say.

And let’s be honest – unless you’re a sugar daddy looking to snatch up some young money-grubbing twink, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing something on the cheap.. but perhaps not so cheap that you’re eating dry ramen sitting in a park.  LOL

Overall, a date should be fun and interesting.  And the most important part is spending time to get to know each other.  So if you both have an interest in the arts, why not tour a local art gallery (some of which may even be free..).  Or if you’re both foodies, why not sample the wares at some weekend market.

A first date doesn’t have to be some big lavish production.  Just go enjoy yourselves and each other’s company.

Casual is the best way to go

As clichéd as it may seem, too many gay men out there will spend hours picking out just the right outfit, or even go shopping for something new because they think that will impress their date.

But when you get right to it, is there really any point?  He’s going on a date with you, not your designer duds.

Now that’s not to say you should rock up in your paint-splattered (unfashionably) torn jeans and a dirty sweatshirt.  You still do need to look presentable when meeting someone new, but it’s also equally important to be comfortable in what you’re wearing.

Don’t go on a date wearing a button-up shirt and chinos when you’re really a jeans and t-shirt sort of guy.  Be yourself and dress accordingly.

Pick somewhere quiet and easy to get to.. for both of you

When you live in a big city, it can occasionally difficult to find a place that is mutually beneficial location-wise to both parties.  And all too often, guys will purposely try to choose a place to meet that’s closer to them than the other person.  But is that really fair?

On top of that, the whole point of a first date is to be able to talk to each other.  But if you’ve chosen to go to the movies on your date, you can’t exactly talk during the film (please don’t.. it’s annoying hahaha).

Instead pick somewhere that’s realistically reachable for both of you and isn’t too crowded or noisy.  For instance, if it’s a nice day then why not grab a couple of ice creams or gelato and go for a walk in the park.

And yes, the old stand by of meeting for a coffee is always a great option.

It’s a date, not a competition

As fun as meeting for a round of mini-golf or enjoying a few games of bowling might seem for a first date, it’s actually not that great an idea.  In fact, it’s leaving you (or your date) open to be humiliated.

Because let’s be honest – nobody likes to lose, and if you’re competing during a date, there’s always going to a loser.  And that may put a damper on the possibilities of a second date.

And yes, gay men do like to be competitive, even if they’re not into sports of any kind.  In the end it’s not about the game but about the results that will affect the outcome of the date.

To bar or not to bar

It’s all too easy to suggest meeting for a few drinks on your first date.  And sometimes that may be a great way for both of you to relax since you’ll both probably be nervous.  But the last thing you want to do is to get drunk.  Or for your date to think you’re a lush.  Or that you live on the gay scene and are a party animal.

As well, absolutely do NOT go to your local gay bar or the hottest place around.  You’ll be more likely to run into someone you know, and then will come the awkward questions about what you’re doing there.

Instead, why not go somewhere new that neither of you have been to.  Or hit up some out of the way cocktail bar for a more cosy atmosphere.  Or better yet, go for a nice quiet meal somewhere fun.  Just make sure it’s somewhere you can hear each other speak without having to yell at each other.

Be engaging and listen 

Who hasn’t been on a date and spent the entire time listening to the other person just talk about themselves without engaging you once?  Unfortunately, this is a lot more prevalent than you’d think.

We all love to talk about ourselves (even if we don’t like to actually admit it..) and whatever hobbies or activities we’ve been up to, but how is that a conversation?  It isn’t, so why not hush yourself and engage your date in an actual conversation.  Ask the other person what their interests are.. and then actually listen to what they have to say.

The more you engage and converse back and forth, the better the overall date will be.  It’ll be memorable for the right reasons, and not for being an ugly, self-centered car-wreck.

Date + Friends = Recipe for a non-date

It’s way too easy to just invite your potential date to join you and your friends to hang out.  It may seem like it’s a ingenious way to get to know your new beau while getting some friendly feedback at the same time.

Wrong.  Oh so wrong.

Just think how uncomfortable that would be for the guy, to be forced to hang out and engage with people he doesn’t know, when all he wants is to get to know you.  And by doing this, you’re essentially sending him the message that you’re really not interested in him romantically, but more as a ‘pal’.

Save the meeting of your friends for somewhere down the line if it turns into something.

Time limit or no time limit?

There are loads of people who think you should set a time limit to how long a first date should last, generally no more than three hours.  But is this realistic or setting too much of a limitation on how much you allow yourself to enjoy the other guy’s company?

Obviously, this is something that needs to be decided on an individual, date-by-date basis, as not all dates will be same.  Perhaps you’ll be getting along like gang-busters and want to spend the night together.

Or perhaps you just don’t gel that well, so it’ll only last a short while.

Some say if you spend too much time together on the first date, then you’re not giving them an opportunity to want to learn more about you.

But then again, if the spark is there right away, then that first date may turn into the second or third without either of you even trying, perhaps leading to something more.

And ultimately, isn’t that the end goal?

This post has been inspired by — 10 Gay First Date Tips That Should Be Obvious! – Gay Pop Buzz

Holiday Blog – Day 7, 8 & Home

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It’s always sad when a holiday comes to an end, as it means it’s time to go back to reality.  And when the reality is the chilly, dreary London weather, it’s really hits hard.

Unfortunately there hadn’t been much of a chance to past over the last couple days of the trip, but at the same time there wasn’t anything exciting to write about.  And to be honest, not all of it was great or fun…

I think I went into this holiday with the wrong mentality when it came to having a bit of holiday fun.  Or perhaps I’d had certain high expectations after my last couple trips to the island.  Finding a bit of ‘fun’ on holiday usually isn’t that hard.. no pun intended.  LOL

But for some reason I’d felt somewhat ignored sexually by other guys, both in and out of the bars or the resort.  In the past, my dating/chatting apps were quite busy with messages or views (even if it wasn’t from guys I was attracted to), but this time I barely got any hits.

And at the bars it was almost like I was invisible.  Guys would walk right past me as if I wasn’t even there… and when you’re in a sex/cruising club, that really isn’t a good thing.  If anything it got me feeling somewhat anxious and perhaps that made me come across as desperate.

It was somewhat stressful near the end for me.  So much so that I came very close to falling back on an old crutch to try and make myself feel better – cigarettes.  Although I did have a couple cigarettes over the course of the week (it happens, no biggy), I came so close on the second to last night to buying an actual pack and start up again.

Yeah… that’s how shitty I was feeling, but in the end I resisted the temptation that night.

The next day was spent on the beach, which I absolutely love to do, but I was still in a bit of a funky mood.. and my mate didn’t really help things any.  He doesn’t seem to get it when I tell him about my troubles finding guys or even a shag, especially as he never has any troubles himself.

It just felt like my concerns or feelings were brushed aside as if they didn’t matter, as if it was all just in my head.  Him and I are obviously completely different people – he’s fit, handsome, super outgoing and everyone loves his outrageous behaviour; whereas I’m chubby, shy, reserved, and have a hard time finding guys attracted to bigger men.

I was there on holiday to relax, enjoy the sunshine and the company around me, nothing more.  So I really shouldn’t have let it get to me.

Anyway, the final evening included a ‘farewell’ meal with the entire group at a restaurant at the ungodly early time of 7pm (nobody eats dinner that early in Spain LOL). It wasn’t anything spectacular, and personally I think would have been better if it had been held closer to the resort.

After a quick nip home and a nap, I headed back out to the clubs just after midnight in the hopes of having a bit of last minute fun.  I did snog an Irish bearcub early on, only for him to say he’d grab me later for more but didn’t.. in fact the last time I saw him around the bar he looked right past me.

With the exception of a handful of guys, everyone was heading home at different times on Saturday.  I’d purposely booked a late flight so I could enjoy most of the day, which I did.  I relaxed, packed my case, and then met a couple friends who were also on holidays for a late lunch.

Unfortunately, getting onto the plane home turned into a bit of a farce.

Once the gate was called for our 8pm flight home, suddenly there was a gate change half an hour before we were due to board/take off.  So off we all went to the new gate.. only for them to change it again about 5 minutes later, and again 5 minutes after that.

It was almost like someone was sitting there trying to get the Brits to run around the airport.  We had 4 gate changes before they stopped.. and only then announced the flight was going to be delayed AFTER the initial departure time had passed.

Meanwhile the airline app was still showing everything was on time.  Riiiiight…

So that meant I landed back in London just past 1am Sunday morning, and once I’d grabbed a train into town and then arranged an Uber to take me home from the train station, it was well after 3am.  *YAWN*

But that’s ok, it happens from time to time I suppose.  Plus it was a bank holiday weekend, so I don’t return to work until Tuesday anyway.  LOL

What mattered is that I got home safe and sound, and despite my own insecurities near the end, I did have a fabulous naked holiday.  I met a few new guys from the website, I saw some amazing sights around the island, and I came home with a killer tan.

What more can I ask for? 😀

Now it’s time to start planning my next holiday – I still have 9 days to use up before the end of July.. just need to decide where to go. 😉

Holiday Blog – Day 5

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I have to say.. my feet are still killing me after yesterday’s massive hike, and today’s trek through the dunes to get to the beach probably didn’t help any.

Yeah.. can you believe I didn’t make it to the beach until day 5 of my holiday?  Last year that was all I did every single day, mostly because I hadn’t been in a resort where I could sunbath naturally around the pool like I do this year.

And at the same time, this has been a good thing that I haven’t spent every single day at the beach, as it’s allowed me to do different things and get to know some of the other guys on the holiday with us.

Last night, the three of us treked off to the Yumbo for dinner at a restaurant my mate loves and always gets their Argentinian steak.  So I figured what the hell as I rarely get a chance to have a steak and ordered the same.

Dammmmnnnn… that meat tasted so good!  It’s been gawd-knows how long since I’d last had red meat of any type, let alone a steak, so it was a nice rare treat.  And if you can’t treat yourself on holiday, when can you right? LOL

Afterwards we came back to the resort to relax a bit before heading back out to see what shenanigans we could get up to in the bars/clubs… too bad nobody told anyone else as it was quite dead last night.  

I did get to meet a cute Brazilian chaser (who lives in Bern, Switzerland), but not much really happened as he was too drunk.  But we did get to chat a bit afterwards and I saw him briefly on the beach just before we came back to the resort… and hopefully I’ll run into him again tonight before he heads home tomorrow.

But yeah… the beach.  It is so calming and relaxing to be laying there with the waves crashing, a slight wind, and the sun peeking out between the clouds.  If anything it was probably quite deceptive how much sun we were actually getting because of the clouds coming and going all day… cause when they were gone, damn it was a scorcher of a day!!

Anyway, we’ll see how the rest of the night goes and then tomorrow.  😉

Holiday Blog – Day 2

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It’s definitely a good thing that all we’ve done today is lounge by the pool, considering how many of us woke up with hangovers.. and I suspect a few were still drunk from last night.  I heard a few stories this morning that some of them were up until abpout 6am drinking on the roof terrace after getting back from the bars.

Comparetively I was a ‘good’ boy, getting in at a almost resonable 3am.  I’d gone with a few of the guys to the Yumbo centre, and we’d ended up in a bar called ‘The Box’.  It’s not my favourite place, but it was majority rules I guess.

as for this morning, I was just a bit hungover.. partly due to all the vodka sodas I’d drank last night (they free-pour the mixed drinks in Spain..), and partly due to getting very little sleep two days running.  For some reason I woke up at 7am this morning with a spitting headache, and think I dozed for about an hour between then and 9am when my one mate got up to make coffee.

But I’m not going to complain as it’s not like I had anything important to do today.  LOL

In fact, today has been an absolutely gorgeous day.  Lots of laughs, plenty of scorching sunshine, and even a bit of eye-candy around the pool.  Hehe

The best part of today was the buffet lunch put on by the resort for us.. way too much food, but served to us by a couple of the bar staff just as naked as the rest of us.  It made for a fun afternoon, and lots of naughty jokes from the staff as they brought the food and drinks around.

During the lunch, I’d ended up sitting beside a guy from Nottingham that I don’t think I’d met before, and we had plenty of laughs throughout the meal.  Ok, we were mostly perving over the serving staff, but it was all in good fun.  and some of it we’d even said to their faces.  LOL

But I suppose all in all, that’s the whole point of a holiday – to just have some fun, some laughs, and just genuinely enjoy yourself.  None of us who were hung over today complained about it, but instead made jokes about it.  Which just goes to show how much everyone here is interested in just enjoying themselves.

Now time for a disco-napp, perhaps another swim, and then out again tonight for more fun and frolics.  🙂

Holiday Blog – Day 1

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Greetings everyone from the gorgous and sunny Maspalomas on Gran Canaria island!  It’s that time of year again, as I’m off on a week’s holiday of fun in the sun. 🙂

This is my third trip to the island in the past year and a half, and there’s just somethign about the place that keeps me coming back for more every year.

On previous trips I’ve either stayed by myself or shared with a ‘mate’ (he isn’t anympore after that trip lol), but this time I’m doing something different by going on a group holiday through a naturist social website I belong to (nakedmates.co.uk).

In total there’s supposed to be about 40+ guys staying at our resort (we’ve taken over the entire place for the week), and it’s an semi-annual trip for the guys on the website.

If it wasn’t for the fact that a two good friends of mine were coming on the trip, I may not have done the group thing.  But I know with them, I’ll definitely have a good time.

Already it’s been a super long day, as we had a 7am flight this morning.  To make things easier, the three of us all went to my mate’s place in Essex and then his husband drove us to the airport just after 5am.  Once we arrived and got through the usual check-ins, we were headed for the gate and were boarded pretty quickly.. although because we’d booked our flight separately, we weren’t seated anywhere near each other.

Well, four long ass-numbing hours later we were on the island and feeling extremely warm in our typical early-Spring attire.  But off we went to pick up the rental car, grab our sunglasses, and head to the south of the island to find our resort.

Now as much as I would LOVE to show some pics of the resort, I do have to respect the other guy’s privacy.. it is a naturist resort and the only people wearing clothes are the staff.  LOL  Maybe I’ll get a couple quick pics later on when there’s not as many people around the pool.

But now is time to relax and enjoy the gorgous mid-to-high 20c weather, barely a cloud in the sky, and get myself a nice lovely tan.

What else do you do when you’re in paradise? LOL