Holiday Blog – Day 5

Standard

I have to say.. my feet are still killing me after yesterday’s massive hike, and today’s trek through the dunes to get to the beach probably didn’t help any.

Yeah.. can you believe I didn’t make it to the beach until day 5 of my holiday?  Last year that was all I did every single day, mostly because I hadn’t been in a resort where I could sunbath naturally around the pool like I do this year.

And at the same time, this has been a good thing that I haven’t spent every single day at the beach, as it’s allowed me to do different things and get to know some of the other guys on the holiday with us.

Last night, the three of us treked off to the Yumbo for dinner at a restaurant my mate loves and always gets their Argentinian steak.  So I figured what the hell as I rarely get a chance to have a steak and ordered the same.

Dammmmnnnn… that meat tasted so good!  It’s been gawd-knows how long since I’d last had red meat of any type, let alone a steak, so it was a nice rare treat.  And if you can’t treat yourself on holiday, when can you right? LOL

Afterwards we came back to the resort to relax a bit before heading back out to see what shenanigans we could get up to in the bars/clubs… too bad nobody told anyone else as it was quite dead last night.  

I did get to meet a cute Brazilian chaser (who lives in Bern, Switzerland), but not much really happened as he was too drunk.  But we did get to chat a bit afterwards and I saw him briefly on the beach just before we came back to the resort… and hopefully I’ll run into him again tonight before he heads home tomorrow.

But yeah… the beach.  It is so calming and relaxing to be laying there with the waves crashing, a slight wind, and the sun peeking out between the clouds.  If anything it was probably quite deceptive how much sun we were actually getting because of the clouds coming and going all day… cause when they were gone, damn it was a scorcher of a day!!

Anyway, we’ll see how the rest of the night goes and then tomorrow.  ūüėČ

Holiday Blog – Day 2

Standard

It’s definitely a good thing that all we’ve done today is lounge by the pool, considering how many of us woke up with hangovers.. and I suspect a few were still drunk from last night.  I heard a few stories this morning that some of them were up until abpout 6am drinking on the roof terrace after getting back from the bars.

Comparetively I was a ‘good’ boy, getting in at a almost resonable 3am.  I’d gone with a few of the guys to the Yumbo centre, and we’d ended up in a bar called ‘The Box’.  It’s not my favourite place, but it was majority rules I guess.

as for this morning, I was just a bit hungover.. partly due to all the vodka sodas I’d drank last night (they free-pour the mixed drinks in Spain..), and partly due to getting very little sleep two days running.  For some reason I woke up at 7am this morning with a spitting headache, and think I dozed for about an hour between then and 9am when my one mate got up to make coffee.

But I’m not going to complain as it’s not like I had anything important to do today.  LOL

In fact, today has been an absolutely gorgeous day.  Lots of laughs, plenty of scorching sunshine, and even a bit of eye-candy around the pool.  Hehe

The best part of today was the buffet lunch put on by the resort for us.. way too much food, but served to us by a couple of the bar staff just as naked as the rest of us.  It made for a fun afternoon, and lots of naughty jokes from the staff as they brought the food and drinks around.

During the lunch, I’d ended up sitting beside a guy from Nottingham that I don’t think I’d met before, and we had plenty of laughs throughout the meal.  Ok, we were mostly perving over the serving staff, but it was all in good fun.  and some of it we’d even said to their faces.  LOL

But I suppose all in all, that’s the whole point of a holiday – to just have some fun, some laughs, and just genuinely enjoy yourself.  None of us who were hung over today complained about it, but instead made jokes about it.  Which just goes to show how much everyone here is interested in just enjoying themselves.

Now time for a disco-napp, perhaps another swim, and then out again tonight for more fun and frolics.  ūüôā

Holiday Blog – Day 1

Standard

Greetings everyone from the gorgous and sunny Maspalomas on Gran Canaria island! ¬†It’s that time of year again, as I’m off on a week’s holiday of fun in the sun. ūüôā

This is my third trip to the island in the past year and a half, and there’s just somethign about the place that keeps me coming back for more every year.

On previous trips I’ve either stayed by myself or shared with a ‘mate’ (he isn’t anympore after that trip lol), but this time I’m doing something different by going on a group holiday through a naturist social website I belong to (nakedmates.co.uk).

In total there’s supposed to be about 40+ guys staying at our resort (we’ve taken over the entire place for the week), and it’s an semi-annual trip for the guys on the website.

If it wasn’t for the fact that a two good friends of mine were coming on the trip, I may not have done the group thing. ¬†But I know with them, I’ll definitely have a good time.

Already it’s been a super long day, as we had a 7am flight this morning. ¬†To make things easier, the three of us all went to my mate’s place in Essex and then his husband drove us to the airport just after 5am. ¬†Once we arrived and got through the usual check-ins, we were headed for the gate and were boarded pretty quickly.. although because we’d booked our flight separately, we weren’t seated anywhere near each other.

Well, four long ass-numbing hours later we were on the island and feeling extremely warm in our typical early-Spring attire.  But off we went to pick up the rental car, grab our sunglasses, and head to the south of the island to find our resort.

Now as much as I would LOVE to show some pics of the resort, I do have to respect the other guy’s privacy.. it is a naturist resort and the only people wearing clothes are the staff. ¬†LOL ¬†Maybe I’ll get a couple quick pics later on when there’s not as many people around the pool.

But now is time to relax and enjoy the gorgous mid-to-high 20c weather, barely a cloud in the sky, and get myself a nice lovely tan.

What else do you do when you’re in paradise? LOL

 

Being an Awkward Flirt

Standard

As someone who can be somewhat socially awkward at times, it can be absolutely terrifying to go out and interact¬†with other people. ¬†Just the idea of going to a pub or social gathering where you’re forced to chat¬†or interact with other people can be almost debilitating.

But adding flirting on top of all that??  Hot damn, that can be scary as fuck!

But because of the fear of rejection, a lot of socially awkward people will be more comfortable flirting online.  And that anonymity allows them to show how amazingly flirty they really are, but they clam up once it moves into a public situation.

Obviously like anything in life, you need to make an effort to get a result.¬† If it feels like you’re making an absolutely massive effort but getting nowhere, then maybe you’re just coming across as a bit too subtle.¬† Your idea of being a flirt may not be the same as other guys.

Despite how tricky it may seem, this is something you truly need to be in it to win it.

Get out of your own head

Regardless of the situation, a socially awkward person can sometimes spend too much time over-thinking or over-analysing things. ¬†Perhaps you’ll worry that you’ve said the wrong thing, or didn’t come across as interesting as you’d have liked. ¬†Or you’ll worry that you’re coming on too strong.. or not strong enough as the case may be.

Instead you just need to stop thinking, calm the fuck down, and just listen to the other person. ¬†Listen to the words coming out of their mouth and their inflection. ¬†Watch their body language and whether they maintain eye contact or if they’re too busy looking around the room. ¬†As you listen to the other person, both vocally and physically, you’ll find you’ll start reacting to them instinctively and naturally.

And he’ll definitely notice, as it’ll make him feel important.

Flash your assets

And no, that doesn’t mean getting your ass out for everyone to see… well, depending on the party you’re at I guess. ¬†LOL

This is more about knowing what you’re good at and improving upon those skills as a way to increase your self-confidence or self-esteem. ¬†It could something silly like a party trick, or being able to make the best G&T ever, or perhaps it could be a personal interest you could use as a talking point when meeting someone new.

Whatever it is, it’s obviously just the tip of the iceberg of who you are as a person, but it at least will allow someone new to get a glimpse inside. ¬†And everybody knows that the more confident you are in yourself, the more this will shine through to others around you. ¬†Your feeling of self-worth will improve as you go along, so why not improve upon it so it shines through.

It’s also about putting your best face forward. ¬†If it’s clear that you’re not taking care of yourself, then that’ll be a massive turn off for the other guy. ¬†It’s not necessarily just about your physical appearance (not all guys are into washboard abs.. just saying), but about taking care of your hygiene, knowing what looks good on your body shape, and allowing your amazing personality to shine through.

Own yourself

We’ve all been there – you’re at a party and some guy you just started chatting to is all over you. ¬†They’re practically straddling your leg, breathing in your ear, with their hand down the front (or back) of your pants. ¬†It’s one thing to be flirty, but when you’ve bypassed someone else’s boundaries, then you’re definitely getting into a no-go zone.

As adults, we need to be aware of our own and other’s personal space, and respect this at all times. ¬†If you’ve draped yourself over someone and you can tell they’re feeling uncomfortable, then you really just need to back off. ¬†Give them some room to breath and wait for them to invite you back into their space (if or) when they’re ready.

Make the first move

It seems these days that guys are totally afraid to show their interest in another person until that other person has shown their hand first. ¬†It’s like we’re all afraid to be vulnerable and show emotions, even if it’s a solely physical manifestation of one.

There’s nothing wrong with flirting subtly (though not so subtle that it couldn’t be recognised with a microscope) and showing interest in the other person. ¬†If you don’t show them you’re interested, then how are they going to know? ¬†You can’t just keep waiting on someone else to make the first move, regardless of how scary that may seem.

Let down your defences

All too often, especially when you’re socially awkward, you’ll tend to approach social situations with hesitation and a pre-conceived idea of how¬†other people will look at you.¬† That they’ll judge you for every word, action, or reaction you give.

Basically you put yourself on the defensive before you even walk into the room, let alone start talking to someone. ¬†And what this means is, deep-down, you’re judging yourself and making yourself uncomfortable about¬†a situation before it’s even happened. ¬†You’ll start shaming yourself for actions you ‘may’ take, which will only make it worse.

Instead allow yourself to have a more open mind to whatever may come along, be it a new friend, a bit of fun, or even the possibility of a new boyfriend.

You just never know what might happen if you let someone in, so just go for it already!

This post was influenced by —¬†How to Flirt When You‚Äôre Socially Awkward – GayGuys.com

Dating Tips: Appearing More Confident

Standard

Regardless if you’re gay, straight, or somewhere in between, dating can be hard as hell.

Just the act of putting yourself out there in the hopes that someone might show an interest is a huge step forward, and sometimes working past that fear of rejection can eat away at your confidence.

Even if we don’t always admit it to ourselves, we all know that it’s natural to be somewhat nervous and excited at the same time about meeting someone new. ¬†It’s all about stepping out into the unknown and not letting your nerves get the best of you.

But what steps have you taken to move past that in order to show that truly amazing person you know is lurking deep down?  How do you get past those nerves and give a strong first impression?  How do you act or react?

Like anything in life, if you can come across as confident in yourself and carry yourself well, then that’ll go a long way to attracting a potential mate.

And hopefully make that date you’re on go really well.¬† As well as any other area of your life.

Posture Matters

Body language is probably the biggest thing that can make or break a first date.¬† If you’re sitting there slumped over with your chin drooping towards your chest, then you’re making it look like you’re not interested or couldn’t care if this new person even likes you.

Instead, use your posture¬†to show you’re interested in the other person. ¬†Standing¬†up straight says to the world that you’re present, and that you’re approaching the situation with strength and purpose.

Let your face communicate for you

Part of the way your date will determine if you’re interested or willing to engage with them is by watching your facial reactions during your conversation. ¬†You want your face to project openness, honestly, friendliness, positive and an aura of being approachable.¬†You want them to think of you as emotionally present and cute.

But if you don’t even smile at your date or be engaging, then it’s extremely unlikely the date will end well. ¬†This isn’t a ‘fake it until you make it’ situation either, as that’ll come across as false and possibly make your date want to run to the hills.

Eyes wide open

Along with giving good face per above, you also need to learn how to establish good eye contact. ¬†You can be as smiley as you want to be, but if you’re avoiding eye contact or if that gorgeous smile isn’t reaching your eyes, then your date will know something is up.

At the same time though, don’t take it to the other extreme and end up staring at them the entire night, as that’s just darn creepy!

Instead, learn how to gaze at the other person, and ensure you’re looking directly at them (preferably in the eye) to show you’re actually listening to and interested¬†in what they’re talking about. ¬†And when he cracks some cheesy joke that makes you laugh anyway,¬†make sure you smile with your eyes as well.

Lean into them

Now, this isn’t to say you should drape yourself all over your date – well, unless it’s one of¬†those dates *wink, wink* – but you should still use your body language to show your interest in the other person. ¬†Be willing to lean forward slightly as they speak to you, nodding as they speak.

But be careful not to get too familiar too soon and invading your date’s person space. ¬†It’s one thing to be flirty, but another to be leaping into their lap when they’ve just said hello.

Handshake, kiss on the cheek or a hug

On top of everything above, when you’re first meeting someone new, you also need to decide how you’re going to greet them. ¬†Would a handshake seem too impersonal and send the wrong, unromantic signals? ¬†Or is a kiss on the cheek or a brief hug too intimate?

Perhaps it also matters where you’re meeting on this date. ¬†If you’re just meeting at a random cafe or pub, then perhaps a handshake would be more appropriate than a friendly hug or kiss. ¬†But then again, it would also depend on your own comfort levels in showing affection in public.

(Clearly wouldn’t¬†suggest¬†a full on make-out session.. unless the date goes really well of course. ¬†Haha)

In the end, a date of whatever sort is supposed to be fun and interesting, so why not put your best face forward to get things off to a brilliant start.  Use your nerves and that exciting feeling to your advantage, and just enjoy yourself.

This post was inspired by – Gay Dating: 5 Tips For Appearing More Confident – Gay Pop Buzz

Digital Dating – Tips for Your Online Profile

Standard

In this day and age, it’s rare to find anyone who’s actively looking for dates, mates or anything in between who doesn’t have an online profile of some sort.¬† Hell, most partnered or married guys I know have one as well (joys of open relationships..).

No matter what you’re looking for – casual dates, random hook-ups, something more long term – there’s something to be said about how you present yourself online.¬† Your online profile is like your calling card, and if you leave it blank or too vague, then you may not get the results you’re looking for.

I don’t think there’s an exhaustive list of¬†‘Do’s and Don’ts’ when it comes to all this, but it doesn’t hurt to bear a few things in mind when creating your online presence.¬† It’s all about giving a brief, general snapshot of yourself to get someone interested.

Put a clear profile photo

The whole point of a profile picture is to determine compatibility and whether you’re attracted to the other person.¬† If you’re not willing to show who you are, then why the hell are you even online to begin with?

awkwardAdmittedly, it could be the situation where the person isn’t out for whatever reason and is afraid if they’re found online they could lose their job, family, or any other things.¬† Or perhaps they’re married/partnered and only online looking for a bit of fun on the side, and they’re afraid¬†their ‘honey’ will catch them¬†(run away.. run far far away..).

But then there are those who’ll refuse to put up a pic or even sent one once you’re chatting, but insist that you should meet.¬† At your place because they can’t host (or be seen with a man in public..).¬† All without you know what they look like.

Sounds like a recipe for trouble.

Know and disclose your status

It’s astounding how, in this day and age of awareness, that there are still guys out there who don’t know their HIV status and don’t do anything to find out.¬† It may not be ‘fun’ getting yourself tested, but isn’t that better than suddenly finding out you’ve been infected and have no clue when or how?

Not only that, but there seems to be this ignorant stigmatism that anyone who’s HIV+ is somehow ‘unclean’.¬† It’s not like it’s something you can wash away with a¬† vigorous shower.¬† And let’s be honest, you’re more likely to get infected by someone who doesn’t even know their status than someone who’s aware, on meds, and probably has a low/non-existent viral load because of it.

And if you don’t want to date someone who’s positive?¬† Well, then don’t.¬† Just don’t be an uneducated idiot by using the word ‘clean’.

Preferences don’t allow racial profiling

grindrEvery guy out there has an idea or fantasy of what their perfect guy looks like, and¬†for many that can include their potential partner’s race or ethnicity.¬† Who hasn’t seen profiles with ‘No Blacks/Asians/Arabs/etc’ on them.¬† And all that’s doing is limiting yourself to your own prejudices.

Types can change over time.¬† And just because you hadn’t previously had experiences with someone from a certain ethnicity, it doesn’t mean that you won’t in the future.¬† And to specifically put that on your profile, then you’re just showing how closed minded you can be.

And on that note….

‘Masc4Masc Only’ or ‚ÄėNo fats, no femmes‚Äô

Once again, regardless how much you may say this is your preference, but to someone reading you profile it could be a blow to their self-esteem.

images11One of the great things about life these days is there are no set rules for what is masculine or how a man should act.¬† Life is quite gender fluid, even if it’s within your own gender.¬† It’s buying into and reinforcing those gender stereotypes we’ve all fought so hard to get past.

And though you might say it’s not your problem, by being dismissive and bitchy towards someone you may not be physically attracted to just reinforces the body-shaming issues they may already be dealing with.

If someone you’re not attracted to gives you a compliment, then just politely accept it and move on.¬† Simple.

Don’t massage the figures

We’ve seen it.. guys who lie on their profiles about their age, weight, height, or even their cock size all in fear of being rejected.¬† However, what’s the point?¬† All that’ll happen is you’ll end you being rejected for lying about any of those things, and not the item you had issue with itself.

If there’s something you’re afraid guys will judge you on, then why not just omit it to begin with?¬† If it’s something that comes up in conversation down the line, then you can choose whether you want to reveal the information.

And along the same lines, what’s the point of using a photo taken several years ago that no longer looks anything like you?¬† All you’re doing is setting yourself up for¬†awkwardness later on and possible rejection.

In the end the best thing to do is just be honest, project a positive outlook on life, and ultimately just be yourself.¬† Because after all, it’s the real you want them to fall for.

This post has been influenced by — Five things no gay man should put on their dating app profile

wanna-make-out

Dating Tips for the Gay Singleton

Standard

Whether you’re newly single or have been single for what feels like an eternity, getting back into the dating scene can seem intimidating.¬† Some seem to think that the second you become single that you should be immediately jumping on the apps or hitting the bars looking for¬†your next relationship.

However there’s no set rule as to how long you should stay single before jumping back into it all.¬† Or even what you should do to get back out there.¬† Sometimes taking that time to be single and enjoy your own life can be beneficial, and your body/mind/soul will tell you when it’s time to get back in the game.

Now, I’m no expert on the dating scene – if I was, I probably wouldn’t be single myself LOL – but here are a few tips on how to put yourself out there and maybe actually enjoy it.

Don’t stress about it

characters-couple-happy-love-single-Favim.com-57296All too often when guys try to get back out there after a period of singledom, they tend to put too much pressure on themselves to ‘get it right this time’, so to speak.

Let’s be honest – dating can be awkward, uncomfortable¬†or downright silly at times, and there’s no point adding pressure on yourself to ‘do well’ right out of the box.

If anything, you should be allowing yourself to just have some fun, see where things lead you, and not worry if it could end with a marriage proposal let alone a second date.

The more you stress over it, the more uncomfortable you’ll feel about the date and the more reluctant you’ll be to even bother trying.

Get out there and mingle

It’s never easy getting back out there on the scene, and one of the difficult things is figuring out where to meet new, interesting, compatible people who you might be interested in romantically.¬† And asking your mates if there’s someone to set you up with isn’t an option, as it could make them uncomfortable.

Instead, get yourself out there and mingle with people you wouldn’t normally meet on a regular Friday night at the local pub.¬†¬†Perhaps¬†joining a social group with a¬†similar interest could open up a whole new world of people that you could relate to.¬†And if you don’t meet anyone romantically, it’ll at least give you an opportunity to meet someone for a new friendship.

Speaking of new friends…

All too often, guys will go looking for a new romantic partner without allowing themselves to be open to a new friendships.¬† Not every new guy you’ll meet will be compatible romantically, so why would you limit your ‘search’ to just new romantic partners?

The best ideas for gay datesWhen going out on the scene again after a break, it’s inevitable that you’ll meet some amazingly interesting guys but there won’t be any romantic spark.¬† Or perhaps there’ll be guys you’ll meet you’ll initially be interested in but it doesn’t turn out.

No point just dropping them on the wayside, as you never know when you’ll meet that great new best friend.

And perhaps that might be the best approach to take, just looking for a new friend or two, and see where things lead.

Go out and have fun!!

Way too often, guys will plan dates as a way to make a good first impression on the other, and will make choices about the date with only that other person in mind.¬† Or they’ll act a certain way because they believe the other guy will like them more for that ‘first date persona’ than the real them.

Don’t allow the date to be more about one or the other person’s interests, but instead¬†organise it¬†around¬†something you both enjoy.¬† Talk to each other during the planning stages to figure out some common interests and go from there.. even if it’s just going for a pint at a pub.

Learn from the rejections

Let’s be fair, not every date you’ll go on will be a home run.¬† And sometimes it’ll be bad, really bad, ending¬†in you being rejected by the other guy.¬† And that is ok.¬† Rejection is part of life, especially when you’re out there trying to date, so why let it get you down?

Instead try to learn from it.¬† Accept the rejection for what it is – incompatibility – and a way to learn more about what you do want in a new partner.¬† The more you think on it, the less likely you’ll be to move forward and meet someone truly interesting.

This post has been inspired by —¬†5 Gay Dating Tips For Men Who‚Äôve Been Long Term Single – Gay Pop Buzz

single_and_happy-166847

Dating and the Fat Man

Standard

The other day I was surfing around a site sent to me by my fellow blogger Ivan (ivansblogworld.wordpress.com), and the below article title caught my eye.

7 Struggles of Dating When You’re a Fat Gay Man РGay Pop Buzz

YES!!¬† I’m not the only one who finds it a struggle!¬† Maybe this would be the article that would truly get me.

Quick recap – I’m a 43 year old fat gay man who’s never been in an actual relationship.¬†¬†I’ve only ever dated guys casually for a bit before they would claim I was getting ‘too attached’ and only wanted something casual.. which usually ended with them having a new boyfriend within about 6 months.

So.. I opened this article hoping to gain some mutual insight into what I’ve gone through in my dating life.¬† That it was going to be validation for all the years I’ve felt marginalised for whatever reason.¬† And as I read the first couple of¬†lines I thought I’d¬†found a kindred spirit as there were a lot of similarities.

fat-manBoy… could I have been even more WRONG!!!

The more I read, the more I realised this wasn’t me or my experiences.¬† Instead, this was someone who’s allowed himself to become so dismissive of himself, his weight, and the gay community that he’s allowed his negativity to feed into his own fat-shaming.

It was to the point where he was obsessive about it.  And he was absolutely adamant that this was the truth for all chubby gay men out there.

Well, No.¬† His experiences sure as hell haven’t been mine.

So based on his article, I’d like to give my experiences over the years and how I’m feeling.¬† These aren’t facts or anything other than my observations, and I would never allude that anyone else should feel exactly the same.

Smaller Target Audience

I learned after a few years (and a bit of heartbreak) that there really is a smaller target for bigger guys like me, regardless of what type of guys I found physically attractive… and it sure as hell wasn’t other bigger guys like me (lesbian bears, as I like to call them haha).

At first I thought, because of my own fat-shaming, that I’d have to settle for whomever was willing to have sex with me.¬† That I was truly ugly and unattractive, so I’d have no real choice in the matter.¬† But then I found the bear community and the chasers… and I was meeting some pretty gorgeous guys.¬† And who’d complain about that?¬† ūüėČ

Loneliness is best served cold.. with gravy

Like probably a lot of people out there who have weight issues, I tended to turn to food as compensation when I was feeling down or bad about something.  It was an instant gratification while trying to justify my bad food choices.

Who munches on celery sticks when they’re feeling down?¬† LOL

Fat_ManBut this is something I’ve recently started working on, mostly because I was starting to feel like my weight had gotten out of control (partly due to quitting smoking I think).¬† I’m taking it day by day to ensure I’m making good food choices and pairing it was regular exercise (walking part way to/from work).

It’s only been about 2 weeks, but I’m feeling good about it and need to keep it going.

I’m one hell of a hermit

I don’t think I’ve used my weight as an excuse not to go out and be social.¬† Instead I’ve allowed my laziness to justify why I’ll spend a weekend at home having a Netflix marathon alone.

I think my hermit-ism is more due to my own feelings of being left out by people, and not taking the issue in hand to do something about it (see previous post).¬† I know there are places I can go and potentially run into someone I know (KA in Soho for instance), but I’ll let my laziness to justify why it’s a waste of time spending an hour travelling into town on the ‘chance’ of meeting someone I knew.¬† Or someone new.

And that’s not good.

I do alright, sexually.. sometimes

I know I sometimes moan about how I’m not getting laid as much as I’d like to, or even as much as I used to a few years ago.¬† But at no point have I ever said it’s because I’m fat.¬† Sure that may limit my possibilities, but it shouldn’t ever stop me.

And no, unlike the original article’s author, I have never paid for sex.¬† Fuck no.

Instead I know my lack-luster love life is down to my own laziness and not putting myself out there as much as I used to.¬† If I’m sitting at home all the time, how am I going to meet someone one new and exciting?¬† Sure, there are the dating apps, but¬†mostly¬†I’m only going to get the same group of guys within¬†my immediate¬†area.

naked-men-in-bedA compliment is a compliment

I’ve never been that great at accepting compliments from guys, mostly due to my own low self-esteem.¬† Usually I’d just assume they were saying these things just so they could have sex with me (and some of them might have been..).

But I think I’ve done well to get past that somewhat and accept a compliment for what it is.¬† And if the other person isn’t being sincere, then that’s on them.¬† I’m not going to spend my precious time over-thinking everything a guy says to me just to figure out if it’s real or not.

We’re homophobic towards each other

I’ve been living out and proud for over 20 years now, and it still never astounds me how much as a community we put ourselves down by ostracising our own sub-sects or stereotypes.

no fatWho hasn’t been to a Gay Pride and watched as all the muscular pretty boys in their little hot-pants get all the cheers and catcalls, while anyone who doesn’t fit that ‘society-approved norm’ basically gets ignored.

However I won’t allow that to affect how I feel about myself.¬† I go to Pride most years and have a laugh, usually ending up at the bear bar drinking in the streets with everyone else.¬† And I just get on with my life without allowing other people’s perceptions of who they think I am stop me from having fun.

Never assume to know someone

True, I look like the stereotypical little bear, but that doesn’t mean you know who I am based on someone you’ve known in the past who has a similar look.¬† Or that because I’m above a certain age with a bit of grey in my beard that I must be a ‘daddy’.¬† Or that because I’ve attended several naturist parties that I’d be interested in going to an orgy.

It’s all bullshit.¬† Not one aspect of my life wholly defines me as a person.

BUT…. if I’m being truly honest, I’ve been just as guilty of it as anyone else.¬† I would see some pretty, young ‘twink’ and immediately think they must be a self-absorbed, fashion-obsessed, obnoxious airhead.¬† Or that some beefy, muscled out gym-bunny must be dumb as a bag of hammers.¬† And so forth.

Sadly, this is something we all have to struggle with on a daily basis.¬† We’ve grown up buying into the stereotypes just as much as we’ve been fighting to get past them, and sometimes still treat people of similar backgrounds as gay clones.


So… what now?

Well, not much really.

It’s not like I wrote this to work through some issue or to justify my actions.¬† It was more of an exercise to prove that not everyone’s experiences are the same, no matter how many factors you may have in common.

CarrotHowever I do think it’s helped show me that, although my dating life is pretty stagnant at the moment, it truly hasn’t been all that horrible.¬† That despite never having that relationship I’ve always wanted, I still have met some amazing guys – and yes, some assholes too – that have made the journey so far worth it.

Yeah, shocking as it is, I’m actually feeling somewhat positive about my dating past and the potential for the future.¬† And that it’s just a matter of getting my lazy ass out there again. LOL

Source: 7 Struggles of Dating When You’re a Fat Gay Man РGay Pop Buzz

Escapada de Madrid

Standard

Sometimes you just need to get away from your daily routine and do something different.¬† And sometimes it’s more about getting away from your surroundings and seeing somewhere new.

I was starting to feel the usual urge to get out in the world a bit and do some travelling.¬† I’d come to the realisation that I hadn’t really been on holiday since last June when I spent my birthday in Rome.

Well, other than when I went home to Canada to surprise the family back in October.  As lovely as that was, it was less a holiday for me as for them if that makes sense.

Anyway, my decision to go to Madrid last weekend was fairly spur of the moment as I happened to find a super cheap flight online so decided to go for it.  Once that was booked, I found a simple little room that was quite central and walking distance to the Chueca area (where the gay bars are).

20170127_104721What also helped the decision was I have a friend that moved back there from London about 6 years ago and we hadn’t seen each other in at least that long.¬† We’d talked several times about me coming over for a visit, but I’d never gotten around to it.

Plus surprisingly I’d never been to Madrid before.¬† Any other trips I’d taken to Spain over the years have always been in the South or to Gran Canaria (where I’ll be visiting once again this coming April..).

Interestingly, unlike other trips I’ve made in the past, I didn’t really have a plan for once I’d arrived.¬† I’d kinda looked online at what there was to do there, but instead decided to just wing it and see where the weekend took me.

I just wanted to have a nice fun, relaxing weekend.¬† And that’s exactly what I got.

20170129_140357Unfortunately, my friend that lives there was going to be in Seville for most of the weekend and wouldn’t be free until Sunday afternoon/evening.¬† So that meant I had from Friday afternoon until then to keep myself entertained.

After checking into my little room (when they said small single, they weren’t kidding!), I grabbed a map and started wandered around the immediate area to get my bearings and to find a bite to eat.¬† It’s definitely a walking city (with an extensive Metro system) and I found my way around easily.

Once back in my room to relax a bit in the evening, I logged into the usual social/dating apps to see what sort of guys were in the area.  I had a few messages from a couple guys but one definitely caught my eye.. a tall, fit, sexy guy who clearly liked chubbier guys.

After a bit of online chatting and flirting, we decided to meet up for a drink and he even offered to meet me at my hostal to walk to the bar together.  Such a gentleman.

We spent a lovely evening together in a couple of bars chatting about life, drinking, and yes, flirting like crazy.¬† We seemed to get along quite easily and it felt quite comfortable spending time together… so much so, that I stayed at his place that night and we spent most of the next day together cuddled up on his sofa.

Such an amazing way to spend the day and get to know each other a bit.¬† I’d originally planned on leaving around midday to play tourist, but the day completely got away from us.¬† Next thing we knew it was about 6pm and he had to get ready to meet some friends for dinner, so I leisurely walked back to my hostal with a promise to meet up later in the evening for drinks.

20170130_122102What I hadn’t expected was to get to meet a couple of his friends when we went out for drinks that night.¬† And one friend of a friend turned out to be a guy I used to run into occasionally at the bear bar in Soho.¬† We weren’t friends so I didn’t even know he’d moved to Spain.

Anyway, it was a fun evening but I chose to be a ‘good boy’ and go back to my hostal for the night so I could get up and do the touristy thing on Sunday.. though I could have easily spent the entire weekend with him.¬† He was that easy to get along with, and it seemed like the feeling was mutual.

The rest of the weekend was spend wandering around, seeing the sites as planned, and then meeting up with my mate Sunday evening for a couple of drinks and a catch up.¬† He took me to an area I hadn’t explored yet but was quite close to when walking back from my new friend’s place.

All in all it was an excellent weekend away.  And as glad as I was to get home Monday evening, I could have easily stayed a couple more days.  I found the city to be quite comfortable to walk around with lots to look at. And yeah, lots of handsome Spanish men to check out.

It’ll definitely be one of those cities I’ll want to return to in the future.. maybe even to visit my new friend. ūüôā

madrid-collage

Collage of pics taken over the course of the weekend

Farewell to a Legend – George Michael

Standard

Like most, I was completely shocked and saddened to hear of the passing of George Michael on Christmas Day.  As well as Bowie, Prince and many many others over the course of 2016, his passing was completely unexpected.

Especially at the young age of 53.

I’ve been a fan of Mr Michael since his early Wham! days, and have followed his career ever since.¬† I’ve owned several of his albums over the years, and in fact had been listening to his greatest hits album the day before he’d passed.

I still remember the summer of 1987 when ‘I Want Your Sex‘ came out and all the controversy that surrounded it.¬† Radio stations banned it, parent’s wouldn’t let their children listen to it.. but yet it still became a huge hit around the world, and was the anthem of that summer for my 14 y/o closeted self.

OK, I’ll admit it.. I fancied the pants off of him in that video. ūüėČ

Another song of his that definitely made an impact on me is ‘Outside‘ – this was his post arrested-for-lewd-behaviour release that was a satirical look at the situation set to a bumping disco beat.. and also lead to him finally coming out publicly to the world.

This was the song that cried to the world ‘it’s ok to be yourself and love who you want’.¬† And for a generation of gay men, that it’s ok to be gay and to be unabashedly sexual.

More than anything I appreciated how he was completely unapologetically himself and didn’t white-wash his sexuality.¬† He did what a lot of gay men have done at some point in their lives and gone looking for sex in a cruising area… Only he got caught doing it, and it unfortunately became tabloid fodder.

Or at least that’s what I took from it all.¬† LOL

As tribute, I’ve posted below the video for ‘Amazing‘.¬† Because in my eyes, he was truly ‘Amazing’.

R.I.P. – George Michael

On a side note.. almost a decade ago back in Montreal, I was casually seeing a guy who fancied himself a ‘George Michael’ look-alike for awhile, though I couldn’t see it.¬† He actually used to perform (lip-sync I’m assuming) at parties on the side.¬† Strange.. ūüôā