Dating Tips for the Gay Singleton

GAY-DATING-large570
Standard

Whether you’re newly single or have been single for what feels like an eternity, getting back into the dating scene can seem intimidating.  Some seem to think that the second you become single that you should be immediately jumping on the apps or hitting the bars looking for your next relationship.

However there’s no set rule as to how long you should stay single before jumping back into it all.  Or even what you should do to get back out there.  Sometimes taking that time to be single and enjoy your own life can be beneficial, and your body/mind/soul will tell you when it’s time to get back in the game.

Now, I’m no expert on the dating scene – if I was, I probably wouldn’t be single myself LOL – but here are a few tips on how to put yourself out there and maybe actually enjoy it.

Don’t stress about it

characters-couple-happy-love-single-Favim.com-57296All too often when guys try to get back out there after a period of singledom, they tend to put too much pressure on themselves to ‘get it right this time’, so to speak.

Let’s be honest – dating can be awkward, uncomfortable or downright silly at times, and there’s no point adding pressure on yourself to ‘do well’ right out of the box.

If anything, you should be allowing yourself to just have some fun, see where things lead you, and not worry if it could end with a marriage proposal let alone a second date.

The more you stress over it, the more uncomfortable you’ll feel about the date and the more reluctant you’ll be to even bother trying.

Get out there and mingle

It’s never easy getting back out there on the scene, and one of the difficult things is figuring out where to meet new, interesting, compatible people who you might be interested in romantically.  And asking your mates if there’s someone to set you up with isn’t an option, as it could make them uncomfortable.

Instead, get yourself out there and mingle with people you wouldn’t normally meet on a regular Friday night at the local pub.  Perhaps joining a social group with a similar interest could open up a whole new world of people that you could relate to. And if you don’t meet anyone romantically, it’ll at least give you an opportunity to meet someone for a new friendship.

Speaking of new friends…

All too often, guys will go looking for a new romantic partner without allowing themselves to be open to a new friendships.  Not every new guy you’ll meet will be compatible romantically, so why would you limit your ‘search’ to just new romantic partners?

The best ideas for gay datesWhen going out on the scene again after a break, it’s inevitable that you’ll meet some amazingly interesting guys but there won’t be any romantic spark.  Or perhaps there’ll be guys you’ll meet you’ll initially be interested in but it doesn’t turn out.

No point just dropping them on the wayside, as you never know when you’ll meet that great new best friend.

And perhaps that might be the best approach to take, just looking for a new friend or two, and see where things lead.

Go out and have fun!!

Way too often, guys will plan dates as a way to make a good first impression on the other, and will make choices about the date with only that other person in mind.  Or they’ll act a certain way because they believe the other guy will like them more for that ‘first date persona’ than the real them.

Don’t allow the date to be more about one or the other person’s interests, but instead organise it around something you both enjoy.  Talk to each other during the planning stages to figure out some common interests and go from there.. even if it’s just going for a pint at a pub.

Learn from the rejections

Let’s be fair, not every date you’ll go on will be a home run.  And sometimes it’ll be bad, really bad, ending in you being rejected by the other guy.  And that is ok.  Rejection is part of life, especially when you’re out there trying to date, so why let it get you down?

Instead try to learn from it.  Accept the rejection for what it is – incompatibility – and a way to learn more about what you do want in a new partner.  The more you think on it, the less likely you’ll be to move forward and meet someone truly interesting.

This post has been inspired by — 5 Gay Dating Tips For Men Who’ve Been Long Term Single – Gay Pop Buzz

single_and_happy-166847

Dating and the Fat Man

bear-couple
Standard

The other day I was surfing around a site sent to me by my fellow blogger Ivan (ivansblogworld.wordpress.com), and the below article title caught my eye.

7 Struggles of Dating When You’re a Fat Gay Man – Gay Pop Buzz

YES!!  I’m not the only one who finds it a struggle!  Maybe this would be the article that would truly get me.

Quick recap – I’m a 43 year old fat gay man who’s never been in an actual relationship.  I’ve only ever dated guys casually for a bit before they would claim I was getting ‘too attached’ and only wanted something casual.. which usually ended with them having a new boyfriend within about 6 months.

So.. I opened this article hoping to gain some mutual insight into what I’ve gone through in my dating life.  That it was going to be validation for all the years I’ve felt marginalised for whatever reason.  And as I read the first couple of lines I thought I’d found a kindred spirit as there were a lot of similarities.

fat-manBoy… could I have been even more WRONG!!!

The more I read, the more I realised this wasn’t me or my experiences.  Instead, this was someone who’s allowed himself to become so dismissive of himself, his weight, and the gay community that he’s allowed his negativity to feed into his own fat-shaming.

It was to the point where he was obsessive about it.  And he was absolutely adamant that this was the truth for all chubby gay men out there.

Well, No.  His experiences sure as hell haven’t been mine.

So based on his article, I’d like to give my experiences over the years and how I’m feeling.  These aren’t facts or anything other than my observations, and I would never allude that anyone else should feel exactly the same.

Smaller Target Audience

I learned after a few years (and a bit of heartbreak) that there really is a smaller target for bigger guys like me, regardless of what type of guys I found physically attractive… and it sure as hell wasn’t other bigger guys like me (lesbian bears, as I like to call them haha).

At first I thought, because of my own fat-shaming, that I’d have to settle for whomever was willing to have sex with me.  That I was truly ugly and unattractive, so I’d have no real choice in the matter.  But then I found the bear community and the chasers… and I was meeting some pretty gorgeous guys.  And who’d complain about that?  😉

Loneliness is best served cold.. with gravy

Like probably a lot of people out there who have weight issues, I tended to turn to food as compensation when I was feeling down or bad about something.  It was an instant gratification while trying to justify my bad food choices.

Who munches on celery sticks when they’re feeling down?  LOL

Fat_ManBut this is something I’ve recently started working on, mostly because I was starting to feel like my weight had gotten out of control (partly due to quitting smoking I think).  I’m taking it day by day to ensure I’m making good food choices and pairing it was regular exercise (walking part way to/from work).

It’s only been about 2 weeks, but I’m feeling good about it and need to keep it going.

I’m one hell of a hermit

I don’t think I’ve used my weight as an excuse not to go out and be social.  Instead I’ve allowed my laziness to justify why I’ll spend a weekend at home having a Netflix marathon alone.

I think my hermit-ism is more due to my own feelings of being left out by people, and not taking the issue in hand to do something about it (see previous post).  I know there are places I can go and potentially run into someone I know (KA in Soho for instance), but I’ll let my laziness to justify why it’s a waste of time spending an hour travelling into town on the ‘chance’ of meeting someone I knew.  Or someone new.

And that’s not good.

I do alright, sexually.. sometimes

I know I sometimes moan about how I’m not getting laid as much as I’d like to, or even as much as I used to a few years ago.  But at no point have I ever said it’s because I’m fat.  Sure that may limit my possibilities, but it shouldn’t ever stop me.

And no, unlike the original article’s author, I have never paid for sex.  Fuck no.

Instead I know my lack-luster love life is down to my own laziness and not putting myself out there as much as I used to.  If I’m sitting at home all the time, how am I going to meet someone one new and exciting?  Sure, there are the dating apps, but mostly I’m only going to get the same group of guys within my immediate area.

naked-men-in-bedA compliment is a compliment

I’ve never been that great at accepting compliments from guys, mostly due to my own low self-esteem.  Usually I’d just assume they were saying these things just so they could have sex with me (and some of them might have been..).

But I think I’ve done well to get past that somewhat and accept a compliment for what it is.  And if the other person isn’t being sincere, then that’s on them.  I’m not going to spend my precious time over-thinking everything a guy says to me just to figure out if it’s real or not.

We’re homophobic towards each other

I’ve been living out and proud for over 20 years now, and it still never astounds me how much as a community we put ourselves down by ostracising our own sub-sects or stereotypes.

no fatWho hasn’t been to a Gay Pride and watched as all the muscular pretty boys in their little hot-pants get all the cheers and catcalls, while anyone who doesn’t fit that ‘society-approved norm’ basically gets ignored.

However I won’t allow that to affect how I feel about myself.  I go to Pride most years and have a laugh, usually ending up at the bear bar drinking in the streets with everyone else.  And I just get on with my life without allowing other people’s perceptions of who they think I am stop me from having fun.

Never assume to know someone

True, I look like the stereotypical little bear, but that doesn’t mean you know who I am based on someone you’ve known in the past who has a similar look.  Or that because I’m above a certain age with a bit of grey in my beard that I must be a ‘daddy’.  Or that because I’ve attended several naturist parties that I’d be interested in going to an orgy.

It’s all bullshit.  Not one aspect of my life wholly defines me as a person.

BUT…. if I’m being truly honest, I’ve been just as guilty of it as anyone else.  I would see some pretty, young ‘twink’ and immediately think they must be a self-absorbed, fashion-obsessed, obnoxious airhead.  Or that some beefy, muscled out gym-bunny must be dumb as a bag of hammers.  And so forth.

Sadly, this is something we all have to struggle with on a daily basis.  We’ve grown up buying into the stereotypes just as much as we’ve been fighting to get past them, and sometimes still treat people of similar backgrounds as gay clones.


So… what now?

Well, not much really.

It’s not like I wrote this to work through some issue or to justify my actions.  It was more of an exercise to prove that not everyone’s experiences are the same, no matter how many factors you may have in common.

CarrotHowever I do think it’s helped show me that, although my dating life is pretty stagnant at the moment, it truly hasn’t been all that horrible.  That despite never having that relationship I’ve always wanted, I still have met some amazing guys – and yes, some assholes too – that have made the journey so far worth it.

Yeah, shocking as it is, I’m actually feeling somewhat positive about my dating past and the potential for the future.  And that it’s just a matter of getting my lazy ass out there again. LOL

Source: 7 Struggles of Dating When You’re a Fat Gay Man – Gay Pop Buzz

Escapada de Madrid

20170129_155500
Standard

Sometimes you just need to get away from your daily routine and do something different.  And sometimes it’s more about getting away from your surroundings and seeing somewhere new.

I was starting to feel the usual urge to get out in the world a bit and do some travelling.  I’d come to the realisation that I hadn’t really been on holiday since last June when I spent my birthday in Rome.

Well, other than when I went home to Canada to surprise the family back in October.  As lovely as that was, it was less a holiday for me as for them if that makes sense.

Anyway, my decision to go to Madrid last weekend was fairly spur of the moment as I happened to find a super cheap flight online so decided to go for it.  Once that was booked, I found a simple little room that was quite central and walking distance to the Chueca area (where the gay bars are).

20170127_104721What also helped the decision was I have a friend that moved back there from London about 6 years ago and we hadn’t seen each other in at least that long.  We’d talked several times about me coming over for a visit, but I’d never gotten around to it.

Plus surprisingly I’d never been to Madrid before.  Any other trips I’d taken to Spain over the years have always been in the South or to Gran Canaria (where I’ll be visiting once again this coming April..).

Interestingly, unlike other trips I’ve made in the past, I didn’t really have a plan for once I’d arrived.  I’d kinda looked online at what there was to do there, but instead decided to just wing it and see where the weekend took me.

I just wanted to have a nice fun, relaxing weekend.  And that’s exactly what I got.

20170129_140357Unfortunately, my friend that lives there was going to be in Seville for most of the weekend and wouldn’t be free until Sunday afternoon/evening.  So that meant I had from Friday afternoon until then to keep myself entertained.

After checking into my little room (when they said small single, they weren’t kidding!), I grabbed a map and started wandered around the immediate area to get my bearings and to find a bite to eat.  It’s definitely a walking city (with an extensive Metro system) and I found my way around easily.

Once back in my room to relax a bit in the evening, I logged into the usual social/dating apps to see what sort of guys were in the area.  I had a few messages from a couple guys but one definitely caught my eye.. a tall, fit, sexy guy who clearly liked chubbier guys.

After a bit of online chatting and flirting, we decided to meet up for a drink and he even offered to meet me at my hostal to walk to the bar together.  Such a gentleman.

We spent a lovely evening together in a couple of bars chatting about life, drinking, and yes, flirting like crazy.  We seemed to get along quite easily and it felt quite comfortable spending time together… so much so, that I stayed at his place that night and we spent most of the next day together cuddled up on his sofa.

Such an amazing way to spend the day and get to know each other a bit.  I’d originally planned on leaving around midday to play tourist, but the day completely got away from us.  Next thing we knew it was about 6pm and he had to get ready to meet some friends for dinner, so I leisurely walked back to my hostal with a promise to meet up later in the evening for drinks.

20170130_122102What I hadn’t expected was to get to meet a couple of his friends when we went out for drinks that night.  And one friend of a friend turned out to be a guy I used to run into occasionally at the bear bar in Soho.  We weren’t friends so I didn’t even know he’d moved to Spain.

Anyway, it was a fun evening but I chose to be a ‘good boy’ and go back to my hostal for the night so I could get up and do the touristy thing on Sunday.. though I could have easily spent the entire weekend with him.  He was that easy to get along with, and it seemed like the feeling was mutual.

The rest of the weekend was spend wandering around, seeing the sites as planned, and then meeting up with my mate Sunday evening for a couple of drinks and a catch up.  He took me to an area I hadn’t explored yet but was quite close to when walking back from my new friend’s place.

All in all it was an excellent weekend away.  And as glad as I was to get home Monday evening, I could have easily stayed a couple more days.  I found the city to be quite comfortable to walk around with lots to look at. And yeah, lots of handsome Spanish men to check out.

It’ll definitely be one of those cities I’ll want to return to in the future.. maybe even to visit my new friend. 🙂

madrid-collage

Collage of pics taken over the course of the weekend

Farewell to a Legend – George Michael

george-michael-3
Standard

Like most, I was completely shocked and saddened to hear of the passing of George Michael on Christmas Day.  As well as Bowie, Prince and many many others over the course of 2016, his passing was completely unexpected.

Especially at the young age of 53.

I’ve been a fan of Mr Michael since his early Wham! days, and have followed his career ever since.  I’ve owned several of his albums over the years, and in fact had been listening to his greatest hits album the day before he’d passed.

I still remember the summer of 1987 when ‘I Want Your Sex‘ came out and all the controversy that surrounded it.  Radio stations banned it, parent’s wouldn’t let their children listen to it.. but yet it still became a huge hit around the world, and was the anthem of that summer for my 14 y/o closeted self.

OK, I’ll admit it.. I fancied the pants off of him in that video. 😉

Another song of his that definitely made an impact on me is ‘Outside‘ – this was his post arrested-for-lewd-behaviour release that was a satirical look at the situation set to a bumping disco beat.. and also lead to him finally coming out publicly to the world.

This was the song that cried to the world ‘it’s ok to be yourself and love who you want’.  And for a generation of gay men, that it’s ok to be gay and to be unabashedly sexual.

More than anything I appreciated how he was completely unapologetically himself and didn’t white-wash his sexuality.  He did what a lot of gay men have done at some point in their lives and gone looking for sex in a cruising area… Only he got caught doing it, and it unfortunately became tabloid fodder.

Or at least that’s what I took from it all.  LOL

As tribute, I’ve posted below the video for ‘Amazing‘.  Because in my eyes, he was truly ‘Amazing’.

R.I.P. – George Michael

On a side note.. almost a decade ago back in Montreal, I was casually seeing a guy who fancied himself a ‘George Michael’ look-alike for awhile, though I couldn’t see it.  He actually used to perform (lip-sync I’m assuming) at parties on the side.  Strange.. 🙂

Happy (Belated) Pride

pride flag
Standard

Happy belated Pride to everyone, both near and far.

I know this is late for most people, as like in London, Pride celebrations would have taken place last weekend or possibly this weekend depending on where in the world you’re living.

For myself, Pride can sometimes be a bitter-sweet time as it usually falls around or on my birthday, but luckily this time London Pride fell on the weekend before my ‘big’ day.

I had a lovely day celebrating Pride with some friends, watching the parade (from what I could see past the taller people standing in front of me lol) and then drinking the afternoon/evening away at the usual bear bar in Soho.

But this year Pride has a special meaning for me…

That’s right… my own little blog-space has once again been listed as one of the Top 10 UK LGBT Blogs!!!

This listing comes via a marketing and communications provider called Vuelio.  Along with their corporate work, they also maintain Top 10 Blog Lists that change weekly.

Vuelio is Europe’s leading provider of software for communications, public affairs and stakeholder engagement.  Vuelio offers an unrivalled portfolio of products and services to serve the modern public relations and public affairs professional throughout the UK and Europe.

Here’s the full list:

  1. Fagburn
  2. Pink Wedding Days
  3. The Guyliner (I actually follow this blog!!)
  4. Sarah + Laura
  5. Pink Therapy Blog
  6. Indefinite Adventure
  7. Ramblings of a Supposed Disease Free Mind (that’s’ ME!!)
  8. Yet Another T-Girl Blog
  9. Trade Blog
  10. THE LONDON UNICORN

 

As amazing as this is (and it’s pretty freakin’ amazing hahaha), this isn’t the first time this has happened…

Two years ago I was placed on this same list, when the blog listings were done via a company called Cision (see previous post HERE) and I was understandably gob-smacked this had happened.

love is loveHell, I am again this year.  LOL

To be honest, I hadn’t noticed the email notification or the Tweet (since I don’t go on Twitter that often).  It had only come to my attention when someone had retweeted the posting and it popped up on my mobile notifications.

Admittedly, this all happened a couple weeks ago, just before Pride.  I’d meant to post about it but between Pride itself and then my holiday in Rome, it kinda fell to the wayside.  Oops.

It’s always amazing to get recognition from other bloggers, but to also get it from an outside source that I’d never submitted my blog to is very humbling.  Especially when you take into consideration my sporadic postings over the past year. 😉

But whomever compiled the list clearly enjoyed what they had read, and for that I am extremely thankful.

And I’m thankful to all of you who regularly come by to have a read, leave a comment, share a post, or even just give a like to whatever you’ve been reading.  It’s thanks to all of you that I’m still here and keep coming back regardless of whatever has been happening in my life.

So.. here’s to another year of my little humble blog (which will be turning 8 years old in the Autumn!!), and to all of you for sticking by me through it all.

Love,

Martin x

Striping Away the Insecurities

plussizemalemodel
Standard

Like many people, I tend to be quite self-conscious when it comes to my body.  I was always the chubby or fat kid in school, and have continued to be of a larger size well into my adult years.

I’ve spent many years feeling bad about myself, putting myself down and generally beating myself up emotionally or psychologically whenever I felt I had let myself down regarding my weight.  I’ve repeatedly tried to restrict my diet, deny myself the food I’ve always enjoyed eating, and to get more active.

But of course, despite brief periods of weight loss here and there, I’ve continued to watch my weight rise year on year.  And my own feelings of self-worth fluctuated about as much as my weight did.

Now don’t get me wrong.. I don’t necessarily eat as if I’m running out of food, or am so inactive that I’m beyond lazy.  It’s like anything in life – I know what I need to do, but don’t tend to do it.

cute bums on beachOk, maybe that is my laziness talking there. LOL

I’ve tried several things over the years to help myself to accept my own body image issues, but it’s only been recently that I’ve become more comfortable in my own skin.  And just my own skin.

Over the past couple years, I’ve discovered a love of naturalist beaches, especially after my recent trips to Gran Canaria.  I found on the beaches there that nobody cared what you looked like, and all shapes and sizes were welcome.

On top of this, a close friend of mine convinced me to join a naturalist social website well over a year ago (Nakedmates.co.uk for those who’re interested lol), but I hadn’t done much with it other than poke around, looking at the guy’s profiles and pictures.  And reading about the events some put on, wondering what it would be like to go to one.

Well… all that changed back in April, just before my most recent trip to Gran Canaria.  My mate was hosting a small gathering at his flat in town, and I decided to finally take the plunge and attend.

That’s right.. I went to a naked house party.  And despite my initial nervousness, I absolutely loved it.  It literally was just like any other house party – some laughs, lots of chatting, a bit of flirting, and maybe a bit too much wine haha.

Only difference was that everyone was naked.

The whole ethos of the website is ‘No Clothes. No Attitude’, where members organise parties at their homes, in bars, saunas, and such.

beardy threesomeOne reason I’d been so so hesitant about these parties was it felt like it was so sexualised.  My mate had told me plenty of naughty stories of things that had gone on at these events, and that really isn’t my thing.

But what I found after attending that first party was that it isn’t really like that at all for most of the guys.  It’s just a different outlet to meet like-minded guys in a comfortable and non-judgemental clothing-free environment.

Now don’t get me wrong.. there is a sexual aspect to the parties, but only if you choose to engage in it.  Most hosts when having parties in their homes will set aside a room away from the social areas for those who want to have a bit of fun.  And despite what I might have previously thought, it didn’t turn into full-blown orgies.

At this particular party, I was one of the first to arrive so was already naked when the rest of them arrived.  I think that helped me a bit, where I was only initially stripping off in front of a couple of guys instead of 20 or so. 😉

Of course, the bottle of wine I’d brought helped me relax.  The first half of the bottle went down very quickly. Hahaha

Anyway, the time flew by as I chatted to a gorgeous Danish guy in the kitchen, while some of the other guys drifted in and out of the play room.  Neither of us were interested in joining the frolics, so just enjoyed each other’s company.

Well things have sorted progressed since then, as I’ve been to 2 other parties since.  Including my mate’s naked birthday party last month… where I met a very sexy farmer from Suffolk.

And the parties continue next month.  I’ve agreed to a naked camping weekend up North with over 200 guys from around the country (the sexy farmer promised he’d make it worth my while if I went.. hehe).  And then a couple weeks later it’ll be my mate’s naked wedding!

I admit, it’s not a community I ever considered being a part of, but it’s amazing how friendly and inclusive most of the guys are.  And it’s great to meet guys from so many different walks of life all because of one shared interest.

The upside to all this is how much more comfortable I’ve been feeling in my own skin, and how I keep looking for new opportunities to spent as much time naked at home as I can.. though usually just in my bedroom or when nobody is home.

What I do know is this is a new adventure for me, and it’s one I’m quite enjoying.

Now to see what happens next.. and whether that sexy farmer will keep his promise when we go camping next month.  😉

naked camping

 

Holiday Dramas and Regrets

20151120_185523 (2)
Standard

As I wrote back in March (click here for previous post), I’d booked a return trip to Gran Canaria, only I wasn’t going alone this time.  A young Italian mate was coming along, and despite a few misgivings, I’d agreed to allow him to share the apartment I’d rented for the week.

As only casual mates, this holiday was either going to make or break our friendship..  Let’s just say there isn’t a friendship anymore.  I should have listened to my gut feelings about this one.

I’d pre-warned him before he booked his flight that I snore, and we would be sharing a 1-bedroom apartment (2 single beds, thankfully).  Oh and that he’d be seeing me naked, of course.  LOL

He’d said he was fine with all of it, so off we flew to Gran Canaria and somehow ended up in seats next to each other, even though we’d booked our flights months apart.  Small world.

fuck the dramaBut it turned out that he was going to be a bit of a handful over the course of the week, and it quickly felt like I was babysitting a little drama queen.  It didn’t help any that I’d come down with a sinus cold the night before we’d flown away.

Firstly, he complained while we waited to board the plane that he felt gross because he’d hadn’t had time to moisturise that morning (he’s barely 30!), then he moaned at how he was stuck in a middle seat and how uncomfortable the seat was.

Once we’d arrived and picked up the keys for the apartment, he immediately started going on about how we could have found an even nicer place for the money we were paying.  That wasn’t on the 4th floor with no lift.  And that was bigger, probably with separate bedrooms.

*Sigh*.. I think he’d already forgotten that he was tagging along on the holiday I’d booked, not something we’d arranged together.

That night I went to the Yumbo for drinks with my dear friend ‘M’ who was already there on holiday (was there the week before on a naturalist group holiday), and the young Italian tagged along.  He’d left his mobile back at the flat, and I had to ‘remind’ him how to get back to the flat when he left.

snoring guyOnce I got back went to bed, he kept poking me throughout the night, and then complained at length in the morning how loudly I was snoring.  Something he knew would happen, plus the sinus cold probably didn’t help.

I tried to shrug it off, but that night when we were heading to bed, he actually had the nerve to ask me “Could you try not to snore tonight so I can actually get some sleep?”.

Yeah.. the little princess actually said that.

I snapped.

I’m generally a fairly easy going person, but this guy had really gotten under my skin.  After angrily reminding him at length that he was forewarned of my snoring, and I eventually got up for a smoke to cool off before falling asleep on the little sofa.

The best though was the first day on the beach when I simply asked him to put some cream on my back so I wouldn’t burn.  To me, this was a simple enough request of a mate when on holiday together.

But oh no, not for him.  He immediately got really uncomfortable and started going on about how he doesn’t do that sort of thing.  That he doesn’t do ‘public displays’..

Ummm.. huh?!?!

It wasn’t like I was asking him to fuck me on the beach or something.  Haha  Perhaps it was because I was naked and he wasn’t.. it was a nude beach after all.

cute bums on beachBut here’s the kicker… several hours later, he started chatting to a cute German guy and actually offered to put cream on the guy’s back.  That’s right.. he was quite fine with a ‘public display’ when it came to someone he fancied.

What a hypocrite! hahaha

There were a few other little things, silly things, that were annoying when you put them all together. I’m not going to list them all since that’ll take way too long.  Each day there seemed to be a new little drama, and I really didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

Generally after the 2nd day or so, I went off and did my own thing, especially after my mate ‘M’ headed back to London. It’s wasn’t that I specifically tried to avoid him, but I didn’t go out of my way to hang with him.  If we happened to be in the same place, then fine.

Most nights he’d go to bed around midnight, despite the bars not really getting busy until then.  He claimed he didn’t want to miss the beach the next day.. despite the beach not getting really busy until midday.  I was there to have fun, so was out late each night enjoying myself and went to the beach whenever I felt like it.

In the end, it wasn’t as great holiday as the last time, but I did my best to enjoy myself.  I relaxed, got a nice all over tan, and even had a bit of fun with a couple of guys near the end of the week.

I’d still go back again at some point.. but now I know to either go on holiday alone or only with a close friend I know I’d get along with.

Making a Good Impression on a Date

GAY-DATING-large570
Standard

Dating is never an easy thing.  Meeting someone new for the first time can be quite daunting, and the desire to make a good impression can be high.. sometimes to the point where you can try to hard.

Dating should be a fun and exciting part of life, so why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to ensure we connect with our date?

Here are a few things you can do to ensure things end on a more positive note.

To drink or not to drink..

Probably the easiest thing to do on a date is to meet for a drink in a bar, pub or restaurant as they’re meant to be social places.  The problem is sometimes guys will tend to drink to much as a way to relax or loosen themselves up.. and nobody wants a messy date.

A date is a social engagement, and if you’re pissed off your tits, then you’re more likely to be jarringly obnoxious as you waffle on like some aging party boy instead of being your truly interesting and personable self.  There’s no race, so don’t try to down your pint in one go.  Keep it to a drink or two, and only if the other person is having one as well.

gay-dating-headlineChoose a mutually beneficial location

 

The best thing to do when setting a place to meet on a date is that it’s both convenient and beneficial to you both.  For instance, if one of you lives in North London and the other in South London, the logical thing to do is to arrange to meet somewhere in the middle, and not one that only benefits one person location-wise.

And as important as location is, the atmosphere of where you meet is super important as well.  The last thing you want is to be in a popular crowded pub where you can’t hear each other, so why not pick a more out of the way place that’s quieter.  As well, you don’t want to pick somewhere either of you might be likely to bump into someone you know.  The last thing you need is someone trying to edge in on your private time together.

Know when to make a (sexual) move

two-men-kissingThere’s nothing less sexy or enticing than a guy who goes in for a kiss or a grope in an inappropriate location or too soon into the date.  There’s nothing wrong with a bit of a public display of affection, but don’t be going in for a deep, wet snog right away.

Oh and as for those roaming hands of yours?  How about you keep them to yourself while we’re just getting to know each other, especially when we’re in public.  There’s more to meeting someone for a date than sex, so no need to go into intricate details of your sex life or what positions you enjoy or even that thing you did on holidays that you probably shouldn’t have.

Don’t be a Judge Judy

Part of getting to know someone new is learning what makes that person tick, as well as what they consider their limits to be.  And we’re not talking sexually either.  Some people hate certain words, especially the more derogative swear words, and you really need to pay attention when they say they hate that word.. not continue to work it into the conversation.

As well, if the conversation turns to politics, religion, or any other potentially explosive topic, don’t let it get your back up and judge them for their views on life.  We’re all different people so are allowed to have differing points of view.  Be willing to have an open conversation, not try to take them down because their view is different than yours.

Be real and keep your promises

If you’re truly interested after the first date and genuinely would like to see them again, then tell them.  Don’t leave them hanging, waiting for you to say something.  There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself out there, just be careful to not get too attached too soon.

As well, if they tell you they’re interested in seeing you again and you’re not, then say so (NICELY!!).  There’s no point dangling the carrot in front of them if you’re never willing to follow it through.

Oh and for goodness sake, stop trying the whole playing ‘hard-to-get’ thing.  It really doesn’t work.  If a guy doesn’t message back, it’s not a game move.  It means they’re not interested, plain and simple.

newgrindrlove_2606161bThis post was inspired by – How To Make A Good Impression On Your Date – GayGuys.com

A Dating Dry Spell

Man-Sitting-Alone
Standard

I’m not sure what’s changed, but I’ve found my dating life going through yet another dry spell these days.  I’m sure this is normal for most people, and it sure as hell isn’t the first time it’s happened to me, but I can’t help but wonder if sometimes there’s something I’m doing that causes these recurrent episodes.

Now I’ll be honest – sometimes it’s hard to separate my dating life with my sex life, because occasionally they’re not mutually exclusive.  I admit that a shag doesn’t necessarily constitute a date, and a date doesn’t always end in a shag.

But of course there are always exceptions to this.  😉

turkish kissFor me, things seemed to be going fairly well after I moved to my current flat, and they definitely picked up (sexually) once I returned from Gran Canaria back in November.  After spending most of a year of feeling sexually frustrated, it was a nice change.

The best part was that I was going out more often.  I was usually out on a Friday night (and some Saturday nights too), which is a huge help when trying to meet new guys.  Not that there were many of them, but at least I was meeting a few new guys here and there.

I only had a small handful of dates during that time, none of which lead anywhere other than sometimes the bedroom for a one-off romp, but at least it was something.

But something changed after the New Year.  Suddenly, I was spending most weekends at home alone.  The invitations to socialise died out, and any attempts on my part to drum up interest to do something were met with either disinterest (or so it seemed) or the classic ‘I’m busy’ and ‘I’ve already got plans’ responses.

And both my sex and dating lives ground to a complete halt.

I’m sure there’s all sorts of things that could contribute to this current dry spell, some of them my own doing and some from others.  Or perhaps there’s something I’ve been unknowingly putting out there that’s putting guys off.

I’m not saying that the past couple of months have been complete no-sex zones, but it’s been so far and few in between that it might as well have been.  There’s been many times where I’ve been chatting to a guy about meeting up, and just as it seems it’s going to happen they end up pulling out (no pun intended) at the last minute.

Annoying, for sure.

I have had a couple dates with one guy who lives locally to me.. and by dates I mean actual dates, where we met up for drinks or dinner and talked to each other.  And didn’t have sex (though there was a bunch of kissing and cuddles on the second date…).

IMG_0302But unfortunately that’s as far as it’s gone, and that was probably about a month ago.  There’s been no third date as of yet, despite us regularly chatting online.  I’ve tried suggesting things here and there, but he’s out of town a lot on the weekends and works long hours during the week.. meaning it doesn’t leave much time to meet up.

He’s a lovely man and I do want to see him again, but I’m unsure if it’ll actually go anywhere.  There didn’t seem to much of a mad, crazy, sexy, tear-off-your-clothes passion between us, but perhaps that was because I was purposely trying to take things a bit slower that I normally do and not jump right into bed with him.  For once.

You know, actually get to know the man before I got to ‘know’ the man.  LOL

I don’t know… Sometimes I wish I could just maintain that care-free attitude I had after my holidays and see what fun I could get up to.. even if it’s not ‘fun’ that I’m wanting in my life.

Or perhaps I need to stop hoping for more than what’s on offer at the moment.

Time will tell I suppose.