New Year Blues

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On New Year’s Day while driving back to London from Essex with a couple of dear friends, one of them asked me a fairly innocuous question regarding my plans for the year ahead.

“So, you have anything exciting planned for 2017? Anything you’re looking to accomplish?”

And for some reason I really struggled to answer him… and that alone threw me for a loop. Even more so than my seemingly lack of an answer.

For whatever reason I was already feeling somewhat ambivalent about it all in the lead up to the holiday season. I could have easily stayed home instead of travelling to my mate’s place in Essex for their Naked New Year’s party (which really wasn’t as exciting as it might sound lol), but I forced myself to go. It was an alright party, but not as exciting as previous year’s celebrations.

Here’s the crux of it all – Over the past couple of months, I’ve been feeling fairly anti-social.  I’ve been spending entire weekends at home alone, rarely talking to anyone let alone actually leaving the flat.  It’s happened a couple of times where, because I’d picked up groceries on the way home Friday night, there was kind of no need to go anywhere.

This is something that has continued into the New Year. And all it does is make me feel like I’m wasting my weekends.

I do genuinely go into most weekends with a basic idea of what I’d like to do, even if I don’t have anything planned ahead of time. It could be something as simple as taking the laptop to the local coffee shop to do some writing (which we all know has been lacking these past few months), going to a museum, or maybe just going out for a couple drinks with mates.

But instead with groceries in the fridge (or enough cash for take-away), I end up having several Netflix marathons.  Or on the very rare occasion, have a mate come over to hang out for an evening.

Basically I boils down to the same feeling I’ve had repeatedly over the years.  That if I don’t make the effort first to keep in contact with people or to suggest doing things, then it’s quite rare to hear from them. That could be somewhat simplistic or overly pessimistic, but hear me out…

truly caresThere are a few friends that I used to hang out with regularly (if not weekly), but this seemed to only happen when I’d message them to see what they were up to.  So when I’d stop messaging people to see what they’re up to, I kind of stop hear from them.

And that feeling of ambivalence towards my social life has clearly spilled into the rest of my life, especially when I try to think of where I’d like to be at the end of the year. What progress I’d like to make, what accomplishments, and so forth.

And that’s not a great feeling, especially after I was so driven during the latter half of 2016 to complete the Microsoft Office Specialist (expert-level) Excel 2013 certification exams. It wasn’t easy, and I had to retake them after failing the first time, but in the end I powered through and aced the exams as I knew I could.

Maybe my ambivalence towards 2017 has to do with this ‘waiting pattern’ it feels I’ve been in since those exams. I still have 2 other exams to complete to achieve my Master certification, which I have until the Autumn to complete, but I’m also waiting for the approval through work to get my Prince2 Foundation & Practitioner certification.

And that’s a great thing to be able to say is happening. I’d initially spoke to my old boss about doing this back in April, but there didn’t seem to be any movement regarding it. But once the new boss started back in October, things really started moving. And not just about the course.

This new boss is all about getting things right and is quite geared towards pushing forward those that work hard… not those that seem to flash certain attributes and turn on their gender-specific charm or get all emotional in order to get what they want.  Hell, he even pushed for me to get a raise back in October after he’d been there 2 weeks, and he wants to expand my role into more of a divisional overall one over the next year as I complete the course.

But yet I still sometimes feel that despite things actually going sort of ok at work at the moment that I need something to change?  Definitely doesn’t help any that the regional office I work in is quite lad-ish and unprofessional, which gets on my nerves at times.

Or is it more my dissatisfaction regarding other aspects of my life (ie: social and/or love life)? Could that be spilling over into my work life and tainting something that’s actually going alright?

Is there truly an answer to any of this?  Probably not, but most likely that’s down to my own pessimistic outlook at life at the moment.

*shrugs shoulders*disappointed-man_slider

Turning Your Life Around

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No matter what your age, there is always something you’d love to change or improve upon.  It could something to do with your career or your personal life, or even just something like quitting smoking or loosing a bit of weight.

Regardless of what it is you’d like to change, and regardless if it’s a massive or small change, it can be daunting to set up and get started.  This could be because we all get bogged down in the little details, and allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by what we’d need to do to get started.

Below is a timeless short list worth working on regardless of the goal in mind.

Stay in the Present

Let’s be realistic – the future is a wild and unimaginable entity that nobody can truly predict how things will turn out.  You’d have to be a truly gifted psychic to predict every single little bump and pitfall that’ll occur in your life in order to be 100% prepared for what life throws at us.

Instead of spending all your free time fretting over what may happen and trying to over-plan every step along the way, why not live in the present and enjoy life as it happens right now.  Stop worrying that you don’t have a 5-year plan and allow yourself to enjoy deal with the successes and pitfalls of everyday life.

The little successes you have now can potentially have a massive impact on your future, and ultimately lead your life in a totally different direction than you’d have predicted.

Enjoy Your Trip

life-is-a-journey-1We’ve all been there – focusing so much on the end goal that we’ve forgotten to enjoy the journey along the way.  As healthy as it is to have a goal in mind, it’s how we get there that truly makes that goal all the more worth it because of what we’ve gone through to get there.

Perhaps it’s a matter of hitting certain milestones along the way that make it worth it, or the physical or psychological changes we see in ourselves over time.  Whatever it is, enjoy the little things in life along the way.. and remember to take pictures.  😉

Everyone Takes the Easy Route

For something in your life to truly make a lasting impact, don’t allow yourself to take the easy route as that is basically allowing yourself a cop-out.  If you spend your entire life just reaching for the easiest and simplest goals, then your journey won’t necessarily take you very far.  Taking the easy options is being lazy.

Instead, try something new and difficult.  Reach for something you never in a million years thought you’d ever try or achieve.  Master a new skill.  Move countries.  Start a business.  Write a book.  Obviously, start off small, but the more you get used to achieving a slightly harder goal, the easier it’ll be to go for that big goal in the long run.

Plus, those harder goals?  They make the journey of life move along at a much more interesting rate than taking the easy route.  And more exciting too.

Trust Your Instincts

failure-quoteDon’t allow yourself to be bogged down in the uncertainties of life.  If you do, then you’ll never achieve those slightly harder goals from above.. or even try to begin with.

Let’s be frank – life is a risk worth taking, and if you’re allowing yourself to be held back from the unknown of what will happen next, then you’ll never truly live or know what could be possible.  And that potentially could be worse than if you’d taken the risk and tried in the first place.

Because if you’d at least tried and still failed, you’ve already achieved something because when you try again you’ll be even more ready for anything that comes up. So go for it already.

Nurture Positive Relationships

We’ve all heard it before, about how we need to cut out the negative people in our lives in order to lead a more positive and success life, be it personally or professionally.  But yet we all still allow those negative influences into our lives without meaning to because we still haven’t learned how to spot the rotten apples.

An entire post could be made up on this topic alone, but in the end it’s all about recognising those who’ll be nurturing and encouraging for your life goals along the way.  You want to surround yourself with people who’ll be willing to put the heart back into your life instead of sucking it out.  People who’ll go out of their way to help you because they want to, not because they expect something in return.

For now though, here’s a good read on how to meet the right people.

In the end, it’s your life and your journey.  It’s not a race or a competition.  So why not enjoy it to the absolute max while you’re on it, and share it with those who truly deserve to be along for the journey.

This article was inspired by: 5 Timeless Ways to Turn Your Life Around at Any Age

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I’m 51 Days Late…

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I’m a bad, bad blogger sometimes..

It’s been almost 2 months – 51 days, to be precise – since my last post of any sort on my poor little neglected blog.  And that last post was a filler type (you know, when I’m not writing anything lol) with a few sexy, semi-naked guys showing off their wares.

I know.. you’ve just hated looking at those semi-clad, Adonises in my absence, right?  😉

So where have I been,?  Well.. mostly I’ve just been home being a lazy twat during the week trying to catch up on the lost sleep from the weekends.

busy diaryThis has probably been my busiest summer in many many years.  Between late June and early August, there wasn’t a weekend where I didn’t already have something planned.  And I barely spent a weekend home in my flat in July.  LOL

And no.. I wasn’t out being a dirty slag or anything quite so exciting.  Dammit. 😉

Let’s see.. how do I update you on a summer’s worth of adventures without writing a dozen pages.. I know, everyone loves a list!  🙂

    • Last weekend of June – London Pride on the Saturday, then rest of the weekend hung over hahaha
    • 1st weekend of July – After arriving back from Rome, I met some friends for a belated birthday party.. then spent the weekend hungover and cat-sitting for my old flatmate.
    • 2nd weekend of July – Spent the weekend with a ‘friend’, going to see the new Ab Fab movie, sleeping over, and then driving around the Kent countryside on Sunday.
    • 3rd weekend of July – NAKEDFEST!!  A naked camping weekend with about 200 other men.. was interesting, but very uncomfortable (note: buy a bigger tent and an air mattress haha)
    • IMG-20160723-WA00034th weekend of July – My dear friends M&B got married!!! I’ve known them almost 7 years, so was lovely to spend their special day with them.. and drinking with M and his best man until 5 am 😮
    • 5th weekend of July – M&B’s NAKED Wedding!! They had a 2nd reception for all their naturalist friends, and it was a laugh.. especially the exchanging of the cock-rings hehe
    • 1st weekend of August – I actually had a whole weekend in London and was able to catch up with a couple of friends on the Saturday night, before heading to another naked house party Sunday afternoon in West London.
    • 2nd weekend of August – Don’t think I did much all weekend other than helping my ‘friend’ with some DIY at his flat on the Sunday and then taking another drive into the Kent countryside.
    • 3rd weekend of August – A well-deserved quiet weekend, mostly spent at home. Oh, and more cat-sitting on the Saturday night.

And that brings us to this weekend, the Bank holiday weekend in the UK.  I’d originally wanted to go away for the weekend and spend it on a beach somewhere, but I never gotten around to arranging anything.

JulietaSo instead, last night was a few drinks with some mates in town, with possibility of more of the same tonight, and then tomorrow I am meeting friends to go see the new Pedro Almodóvar film ‘Julieta‘ at the BFI Southbank near Waterloo.

I’m also trying to update my laptop to Office 2013 from 2007, as I’ve started studying to get my Microsoft Office Specialist certification in Excel 2013.  I’m already well-versed in the software, so once I’ve gone through the official study guide I’ll be taking the exam (hopefully) in the next month or so.

It’s amazing how quickly this summer has gotten away from me.  I haven’t been to a beach since my trip to Rome, and that’s surprising for me!  Most summers, I’m usually down in Brighton a couple times (at least) to spend an afternoon sunning on the nude beach.. but I haven’t been once!  LOL

I’d considered going this weekend, but sadly the weather has dipped down to the low 20’s and a bit overcast after a super hot week.  So definitely not beach weather.

So all in all it’s been a damn good summer, and here’s hoping the upcoming Autumn is just as fun.

Ciao Ciao for now 😉Brighton Beach

Signs You’re Actually a Gay Introvert

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Life can be hard when you’re an introvert, especially in the gay community where those pesky sexy extroverts are getting all the guys you’d love to meet.  And sometimes it can make an introvert wonder whether they’ll ever get their turn at the big relationship-roundabout.

All too often introverts will try to push themselves to be more outgoing (especially at the prodding from their more extroverted friends) and make themselves seem more ‘interesting’ to try and rope in that hot guy.

Unfortunately that’s always doomed to failure, as you’re truly not being yourself.  You’re an introvert and always will be.  And here’s why you’re best to just be yourself.. even if some may consider you ‘anti-social’.

Introverts make great listeners.. but hate small talk

Ever notice how some people will fade back while amongst a group of people chatting about the usual mundane things in life.  That person, most likely, is an introvert since most find wading through that chitchat almost painful.  It’s not always that they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversion, but more that they’d just rather not be bothered.

But start talking about the bigger things in life, be it politics, religious freedoms, immigration, or any other such topics, and the introvert will be more than willing to yak your ear off.  Introverts are thinkers, and are able to fully form opinions about a variety of important topics.

Crowds – love ’em & hate ’em

introverts uniteA lot of introverts have issues being in big crowds of people, be it at some packed club or at some huge house party.  They love being included, but sometimes have to fight their anxieties to jump into the middle of things.

But don’t think the introvert isn’t capable of having fun, because they’ll do their best to enjoy themselves and dance the night away.  It just may be that they’ll keep themselves to the outskirts of the main festivities instead of being in the thick of things.

Oh, and their idea of a truly good time?  Chilling in a cool pub with a few good mates, where they can talk without having to shout at each other.

Truly personal connections are special

A lot of people just write introverts off as being anti-social, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.  The reality is they sometimes have difficulty allowing themselves to open up to others, especially those who they’ve just met.

And it’s more than just a trust issue.  Introverts instinctively can tell who they can show their vulnerable side to, and who they can just laugh with without revealing too much of themselves.  And when an introvert does open themselves up to someone, then that means they see that person as special and precious to them.

Huge flirt vs just being friendly

As much as introverts protest, everyone always thinks they’re a massive flirt because they’re not ones to hide behind a façade.  They’re the most authentic and genuine people you’ll ever meet, and they’ll always be the ones to tell you how it is without any double entendres.  But yet your boyfriend will always drag you away from an introvert in a fit of jealousy.

Quality over quantity

Most introverts have an innate ability to smell the bullshit being spewed around them, and because of that, they’re probably the best people to go to for some quality, no-nonsense advise about most anything.  A lot of them can tell when something has been done to a sub-par standard, and are quite adept at telling the fakers from those being genuine.

Man of mystery

In this day and age of over-sharing (online or in person), introverts are seen as being closed off from others and having an air of mystery about them.  A lot of this has to do with an introvert’s unavoidable requirement of being self-sufficient or independent from those around them, even if it makes people think they’re just being a ‘loner’.  It all adds to their inexplicable appeal.

Introvert-quoteUncomfortable talking about themselves

Introverts aren’t the best at selling themselves, usually allowing for their work to speak for itself when it comes to their work life.  As for their personal life, they’re more likely to give a generic ‘I’m alright’ when asked how they’re doing, instead of spilling whatever drama they’re going through at the time.

They’d rather watch Netflix

Introverts aren’t that great at coming up with those witty Facebook statuses we all love to ‘Like’, though do come up with a few zingers from time to time.  Instead they’d much rather chill out, watch a movie, catch that new documentary, or have one of their famous Netflix marathons.

They’re regularly friend-zoned

Because introverts are great at listening and being there for their friends and family, they regularly get placed in the proverbial friend box.  And this is usually despite all their moaning they just want to find a ‘nice guy’, despite the fact that you’re right there ready for the plucking with a massive crush.

Time causes panic

introverts are specialAs introverts get older, they start to realise that they’ve spent hardly anytime socialising or spending it with their friends or family.  And because they tend to over-think things, they’ll start wondering all sorts of things about their lives – Will I ever find a husband? Where did all my friends go? How’d did I lose touch all these people? Do I even care anymore?

All in all, introverts are loving and amazing people who just need those around them to realise how fantastic they are, and make a bit of effort to crack that closed-off exterior.

This article is inspired by –> 10 Signs You’re Actually a Gay Introvert (Even Though You Try Not to Be) – GayGuys.com

A Long Overdue Update…

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I’d love to say the main reason I’ve been so absent from my blog over the past month is because I’ve been too busy actually living life.  That I’m so busy that I just haven’t had a single moment to pop online to update my blog.

I’d really love to say all that.. but that be a load of shit.  LOL

Life has been slightly busy over the past month since I returned from Gran Canaria, but not so much so that I couldn’t jot something down quickly just to keep the site up to date.

sloth_lazy_tv_art_mloveizm_magazineThe honest truth?  I’ve been an absolutely lazy twat.  HAHAHA

Work never gets any busier than it already is, as there’s zero overtime or requirements to work on the weekends.  Most days I get home from work, lay on my bed playing on the iPad (which I could easily use to write blog posts..) and then plop myself in front of the television while I gobble up my dinner.

Real exciting life, huh? 😉

Ok.. so my isn’t really THAT dull and predictable.  I have gone out a couple times here or there, and one recent weekend saw me going to two different birthday parties.  It’s not all boredom and being social hermit, but it does feel that way sometimes.

I can’t even say that I haven’t had much to write about or even to say about my life and the world around me, cause there’s loads going on in the world that I have some definite opinions about.

threesomeAnd it’s not even that I’ve been dating someone, or meeting loads of new guys causing me to be too busy having fun to get my ass online.  Or that I’ve just been busy having loads of sex (I wish!! LOL).

Cause let’s be honest… like most people, I’m online all the time really.  Both at home and at work.  Especially after my mobile provider quadrupled my monthly data allowance recently.

For some reason it’s been weeks since I’ve turned on my laptop, even to just listen to music or watch a movie online.  Funny how things change, when before I used to literally live on my laptop… Think at one point last year I actually ran out of things to watch on Netflix. haha

Maybe it was just time for a bit of a break (again!), and I needed to gather my thoughts a bit before launching any new posts or rants about the world around me… but that’s just giving another lame excuse.

Like I already admitted, I’m lazy.  lol

And like most lazy guys, the longer you allow yourself to get drawn into the habits of laziness, the easier it is to just go with it and not break the cycle.  Having a quiet lazy day or evening after a busy day at work is absolute bliss.. but can’t be letting it take over my life, right?

lazy-monday-8So.. what now?

I’m not going to make some grandiose promise about how I’m going to do better about updating my blog, making sure I don’t go more than a couple days without a post.  That would just be setting myself up for failure, and life should be all about realistic and attainable goals.

I do have loads to catch up on, and so much that I’m just itching to write about.. so we’ll see how things go.

And since I’m already on my laptop, maybe I’ll just have to get all those stories out while I can.  🙂

Getting Over Fear of Making Big Life Changes

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As much as some try to say they enjoy it, change can be difficult and stressful regardless of what the change is or how big a change it is.

And sometimes despite the benefits to our lives, we can get bogged down in how tough change can be.  We’ll worry ourselves to death whether we’re making the right decisions or how we’ll even get through the changes ahead.

Getting past our fears and move forward with whatever changes that are on the horizon can be difficult.  And all too often we’ll doubt ourselves even when we know it’s a change for the best.

Hopefully the following tips will help you move forward and make that positive change in your life you truly need.

Nobody has all the answers

Before making any important decision, it’s always a good rule of thumb to collect as much information about the impending change as you can.  And doing a bit of research into it can sometimes help make that decision even easier, one way or the other.

But can you sometimes go too far with the research?  Of course you can.  All too often we get paralysed with fear because we think we couldn’t possibly have enough information to make a proper decision.  But the truth is we need to stop waiting for the crystal ball to appear with how everything will turn out, and just make that (informed) leap of faith.

Trust your instincts

I can do itAll too often we’ll make excuses for ourselves why not to make the important changes in our lives, but underneath it all we’re just not putting enough faith in our own ability to make the decision.  Who hasn’t hemmed and hawed over making some decision, only to put it off instead of going ahead with what we know we should be doing?

It’s all about the fear of the unknown and being afraid to see where the future will lead us.  It’s also about getting too comfortable in our current situation, so much so that we’d rather keep the status quo instead of leaping ahead.  No matter what is on the horizon, we need to trust our ability to handle anything the future will throw at us.

Stay positive

We always worry too much about the worst case scenarios when making a big decision, and sometimes that will cause us to put off doing what is necessary.  It’s always good planning to figure out what the worst that could happen, but at the same time, we need to look at what the positives could be.  And if it’s the right decision, then the positives will always outweigh the negatives.

Enjoy the process

don't be afraidAll too often we get way too wrapped up in the end results, that if we try to reach for that big life goal that we’ll never make it to the finish line.  But you know what’s even more profound and enjoyable?  The journey towards that goal itself. You chose that goal, so enjoy the process of getting to it.

Life is full of twists and turns, and what may be your end goal today, may not be tomorrow based on how your journey there unravels.  Life changes, and so should your goals.  And if you don’t reach your initial goal, that’s ok because you’re allowed to change to a new one as you go along.  It doesn’t mean you’re being flaky or indecisive, but instead means you’re weighing your options as you go along.

Life is an opportunity

Don’t let yourself sit on the fence about making a big life changing decision, or allow yourself to get stuck in a rut.  Or even when it comes to making a little decision really.  big or small, each choice you make in life opens an opportunity to something new.

And you just never know where that opportunity may lead you.  It may even make you change your initial goals, and allow life to take you to somewhere even better than you thought it would.  There are always choices in life, so go ahead and see where they lead you.

Make the effort

Whenever we get stuck in a rut, it’s usually because we haven’t made the effort to exorcise the change we need to move forward in life.  It could be we get settled into an easy job instead of going for one that could possibly propel our career to places we never thought it could.  If you don’t ask for what you want in life, then you’ll never get it.

It’s also too easy to make excuses why we haven’t gotten where we need to be in life, so why not put them aside and just go for it already.  If you don’t even try then you’ll never get what you want in life.  And don’t let your own laziness stop you from even trying in the first place.

Build up to the big stuff

Let’s be honest – you can’t really go for the huge tasks if you haven’t mastered the little ones first.  Sometimes you need to build up to where you want to be in life, and start from the ground up.  If it’s regarding a career change, then see what you can do to improve your skills so you meet the qualifications of the new job.  Or if it’s a more physical goal, like running a marathon, then start off with small runs and training first, and allow yourself to build up your stamina.

It’s not about completely changing your world around you at the drop of a hat, but instead doing it progressively over time.  In the end, only you can truly affect the positive changes you need to get to your end goal.

This post was inspired by: 7 Ways To Get Over Fear and Make Big Life Changes

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Finding Your Passion

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Life is an adventure.  So why spend it doing things that bore you or make you miserable?

Loads of people talk about finding your passion in life, and to look for ways to turn what could be a hobby into something more substantial.  Or at least that’s the dream, right?

Inventory your talents

The first thing you need to do when looking for your passions in life is to figure out what you’re good at.  And not just that, but what you’re good that excites you.

be diferentFor instance, you could be good with numbers but unless the idea of crunching numbers all day gets your blood flowing, I wouldn’t recommend a career in accounting.

Perhaps your passion could even be something you enjoy doing but don’t think you’re good at.  We are our own worst critics and tend to doubt our own abilities, even after others enthusiastically compliment us on them.

And who cares if others may not thing your passion is ‘practical’ or even common.  Sometimes having a passion that is off the beaten path can lead to something amazing an unique from what everyone else is doing.

Pay attention to who makes you annoyed or jealous

We all have people around us that make us annoyed by how frivolously they live their lives.  But have you ever taken a moment to think why that is?

Most likely, it someone who’s following their dreams and doing what they want to do in life.  It could be someone who has quit a well-paid full-time job in order to start their own home business.  Or it could be someone who’s left a stable (and possibly, boring) life to move abroad and live in another country.

Basically, why be jealous of those who are making their dreams a reality? And why live a life that everyone else expects you to have?  That truly isn’t going to make you happy or satisfied in life, so get out there in the world and follow your own path.

You never know who it may inspire to follow you.

Think of what you loved to do as a child

Remember when you were a young child and what used to excite you?  Was it making up stories for your toys, or dancing around your room to the music on the radio?  Or maybe it was becoming fascinated with the worlds you could explore through books or movies?

Think back to what made you happiest as a child, and maybe you’ll be able to unearth your true passion in life.

Notice what you hate to stop doing

Like most people, you probably spend a fair amount of time at work watching the clock and wishing it was time to go home or it was the weekend already.  How is that really any way to live?  And it definitely doesn’t do much to encourage your ‘passion’ in life.

Think about how you spend your life and those activities that seem to melt the time away.  When you’re immersed in these activities you don’t’ notice the time flow by, and you most definitely don’t want to stop once you’ve started.

That’s your passion.  It’s something you could spend all day or night doing and never get bored of it.  it’s something that allows you to get so involved that you’re actually sad that you have to stop.

See your passion hunt as a fun, joyful adventure

Finding and enjoying your passion should be one thing – a fun adventure of self-discovery.  At no point should you be putting pressure on yourself to find a passion in life, as that’ll defeat the purpose.

Steve Jobs quoteAnd if you try some new activity hoping it could be your new passion, do not get down on yourself if it doesn’t work out.  The whole point of this world of self-discovery is to enjoy different things in life that you may not have thought of trying before.  It’s about seeing what you like, enjoy and are good at, not a competition to see who finds their passion first.

Allow yourself to be open to new opportunities and experiences.  You just never know when you’ll find that magical activity that just lights you up inside.

This post was inspired by : Five Steps to Finding Your Passion | Psychology Today

Stop Absorbing Other People’s Negative Energy

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Like most people, I tend to be a bit of an emotional sponge when it comes to other people’s energies.  Perhaps I unwittingly mirror their attitude or demeanour on a subconscious level, allowing myself to be sucked into their negativity.

As well, I think I can at times project my own bad mood on others, causing them to come down to my level.  It’s something I try hard to not let happen, but sometimes it just does.

Ultimately we all need to do our best to find ways to maintain our own positivity, while shielding yourself from the negativity bombarding you from all around.

Take responsibility for yourself.

It’s ways too easy to fall into someone else’s negative attitude and allow it to wash over you.  For instance, who hasn’t had a co-worker who’s constantly berating everything around them – job, company, workload, boss, etc.  And as they spew their negative views, you want to be support by listening or giving them some advise, but next thing you know you’ve joined them on their downward spiral.

Only you can and should be able to control how you’re feeling at any given moment.  As often as we get testing by life around us, you need to make a conscious decision to not allow that negativity impact you, your life or your attitude.  It may not always be easy, but it’ll be worth it longterm.

Just Breathe.

fresh airThere’s a reason people will tell you to take a deep breath when you’re feeling frustrated or upset about something.  Just the act of breathing itself can be very therapeutic, and can help you clear out the negative energy that has affected your mood.

The best thing you can do when the negativity is creeping up on you is to stop what you’re doing or thinking, sit back, and take a nice big deep breath, and then slowly let all of it go.  Sometimes you may need to change locations before doing so, and that’s ok.  Get a bit of fresh air and allow it to revitalise your energy.

Ignore It.

NEGATIVEGenerally when a negative person is going on about who horrible things are, all they’re really doing is looking for an audience to bring down with them.  For some it may be intentional, but others may not realise they’re doing it.

They literally are looking for someone to absorb their negativity, so why give them the satisfaction?

We all know negative people will continue to be that way no matter what you say to them, so why not just ignore them.  It’ll pop their balloon in a way, and allow you to get on with your day.

You can’t make everyone happy.

If someone constantly complains about their life or whatnot, then all they’re really looking for is someone to bring down to their level not for you to help them work through their issue, realistic or not.

Ultimately you can’t make everyone happy.  Really, you can’t, no matter how hard you try.  When you give into these attention-seekers, you allowing yourself to get sucked in and allowing them to attack your own positive energy.

You need to work at maintaining your own upbeat attitude, and not allow these negative people waylay you from your own happiness.

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This post was inspired by: 4 Ways To Stop Absorbing Other People’s Negative Energy

I Need a Change..

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I’m not sure why, but lately I’m finding life a bit difficult.  And I keep questioning where I am in life, and whether it’s time for a change.  But the problem is, I’m not sure what that change should be – work, home, city or something I’m not even seeing.

Over the past few months, I’ve seen a few rooms to rent, some in decent areas and some in areas I couldn’t imagine living in.  I get daily email notifications of new ads, but not many really get me excited to bother seeing them.

Or when I do see something I like, there’s always something that stops me from messaging the advertiser and setting up a viewing. Usually it’s the location, the cost, or it’s the people already living there.  Or all three.

I don’t know if I’m just being picky, but I don’t want to spend any more than I already am in rent, and the last thing I want to do is move into a place sharing with 4 or 5 people, most of whom seem to be in their mid-20’s. I just want somewhere decent that I can call home and be comfortable having people over to occasionally.

The other thing that feels like needs changing really soon is my job.  Or at least the amount of money I’m making.

I don’t particularly hate my job, but I do wish there was more support and a much better salary.  Generally we’re expected to work harder and harder with no additional remuneration.

young-man-with-sleepy-headIn fact, I’m currently in the middle of a two week period where my supervisor is on holidays, and I’m left to cover the entire department by myself (there’s just the two of us).  Everyday last week I was so tired that once I got home the only thing I wanted to do was go to sleep.. forgoing cooking or cleaning up for a bit of extra time in bed.

And that’s not good.  I shouldn’t be so exhausted after work that I’m not taking care of myself or actually living a life of some sort.  And when it came to this weekend (a 3-day weekend thanks to a bank holiday on Monday), all I wanted to do was stay in bed even if I couldn’t.

It could just be that I really need a nice relaxing holiday, away from London and work.  Somewhere sunny, where I can lay beside a pool or on a beach and just relax.  And recharge. Not that I can afford that..

Or is it time for a much bigger change?

This week coming is my 7 year anniversary of moving to London and I’m sort of wondering if this is the fabled ‘7 year itch’ coming along.

However I have no clue where’d I’d move to if I did leave London.  I have no plans of moving back to Canada, mostly because I think of the UK as home now.

My best mate P has said many times that I should move up to Scotland, and I do admit I’m quite tempted.  If I did, we could hang out more often than the couple times a year we see each other.

LondonBut again I worry about the job prospects and how I could possibly afford such a move.  My current job’s salary doesn’t leave me much room to save up for something like that, and despite trying to be careful, I’m finding myself using my credit card way too much.

I just don’t know what to do at the moment.. I’m feeling a bit stuck, and for whatever reason, afraid to make a leap of faith like I did when I first moved to London 7 years ago.  That took a lot of guts (and money lol), and I think I need to find that adventurous spirit again.

I suppose only time will tell what will happen next..

Overcoming Social Awkwardness

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It’s hard being someone who feels socially awkward at times.  It can be frustrating and uncomfortable to be out with a group of people and not know how to interact with them.

All too often people will dismiss or ridicule those who are socially awkward, and all that does is amplify the awkwardness for the person.  Socially awkward people aren’t boring, or disinterested.  They just aren’t sure how to join in.

There are several distinctive traits of social awkwardness, and apparently the more you have, the harder it is to interact with others.

Nervous in social settings

Socially awkward people find social situations to be more anxiety producing then joy inducing.  In fact a lot of socially awkward people will purposely avoid social situations just so they can avoid the anxiety.

The nervousness itself can cause you to act in odd ways around others, perhaps being inappropriate when you don’t mean to.  And once you realise this behaviour is happening, it can cause even more anxiety or nervousness.. leading you into a vicious negative cycle.

Not understanding social norms

The above nervousness could lead to misunderstanding or not recognising what is appropriate in certain social situations.  It’s like when out with mates and you suddenly tell some off-colour joke that isn’t appreciated, or when you act inappropriately.

Basically socially awkward people aim for a certain result, like people to laugh at a funny joke, but instead it arrives like a lead balloon or comes off as distasteful.

But it’s also about not knowing when and how to start a conversation, or even what to talk about.  Which can lead socially awkward people to either just not talk at all, making those around them think they’re either super shy or just plain weird.  And knowing people are thinking that of you compounds the feelings even more.

Simpsons - awkwardThe lack of conversation flow

It’s not uncommon for most people to have awkward silences in a conversation, or for a conversation to come to an abrupt halt.  But for socially awkward people this is the rule, not the exception.

Instead their conversations tend to be bumpy or inconsistent, and don’t usually seem to lead anywhere.  Or at least it always seems that way to them.

Feeling avoided or ridiculed by others

One of the signs people are picking up on your social awkwardness is if they avoid your company or exclude you from group activities.  Perhaps they see you as the ‘weirdo’ of the group, or just aren’t sure how to react to your social awkwardness.

Or if on the other hand they do include you but regularly ridicule or mock you, then perhaps they truly aren’t people you should be around to begin with.  True friends would embrace you for being yourself, and would try their to make you comfortable in whatever situation you’re in.

Lacking meaningful connections with others

Many socially awkward people have few friends with a very small social circle, and perhaps tend to spend a lot of time alone. This is mostly because they struggle meeting new people, making conversations, feeling at ease around others, or even expressing themselves effectively.

This leaves them feeling very unfulfilled socially, and perhaps even like they’ve been left behind while others around them develop meaningful relationships, both socially and romantically.

ACpost2.SocialanxietySo… what is a socially awkward person to do?  How does one overcome something that stifles your ability to enjoy life as it comes?

Well.. reading about is makes it seem like this is the easiest thing in the world to get over.  In fact, the article that influenced this one gave these three basic tips:

  1. Develop your social confidence
  2. Learn the basic social norms
  3. Get out there and get some experience

Really makes it seem so easy huh?  Obviously the more you do something, the easier it’ll become in the long run.  And that’s a good thing.

So the only advise I’d give is to just get out there and be yourself, weirdo and all.. and eventually you’ll find people who like you for you, and the awkwardness will fade.

This post has been inspired by – 6 Signs That You’re Socially Awkward and How to Fix This.