Feelings of Frustrations

Standard

Following on from my recent post about how lazy I’ve been with my writing, there’s been another thing that’s been bothering me – my job.  Or more specifically, how I’m treated at work.

After 4 years, I’ve basically gotten to my breaking point with this place. Not only am I basically left alone to completely run our department myself (the ‘site supervisor’ rarely comes into the office or calls me’), but I’m also the only one from my division not working out of head office.

The rest of the regional office I work out of is full of another division, and is mostly made of up of ex-tradespeople turned supervisors/managers.  So needless to say, they’re not the most professional office-wise.

But because of this situation, I’m literally cut off from both those around me and those within my division at head office.  I work completely alone (with occasional assistance from head office when they feel like it), and the rest of the people in the office tend to ignore me or forget I’m even there.

It can be quite lonely at times, especially as my phone rarely rings (work is mostly email based), and it be nice just to have someone to chat to as I go about my day.

The ignoring got to an all-time low last week – I’d just returned from an extended weekend break in Naples (Italy), and not a single person in the office asked how my trip was!!! 

Instead, they were all fawning over this girl (my old colleague before she got moved last year) who had just returned from a drug-fuelled weekend in Ibiza… who had been off the same three days I was.  They kept asking her about the parties she’d attended, raptly listening to her funny stories of things that happened, and laughing at how strung out she still looked after being back a couple days.

I literally sat there most of the day absolutely livid and wondering if I was just imagining things. I came very close repeatedly that day to yelling out ‘I enjoyed my holiday too, thanks for asking!‘, but I restrained myself.  Somehow.

Perhaps they’d just thought I’d been off sick (even if I’d said the week before I was going away..), but even so then shouldn’t someone at least have asked if I was feeling better?

The funny thing is I don’t really care what these people think of me.. or at least I shouldn’t.  It’s not like I’d ever be friends with any of them outside of work, or even have much in common with any of them.  I should just ignore them as they do me (I regularly get missed out on coffee runs).

In fact there have been times over the years where I’ve literally cringed when I’ve heard some of them talk, be it about politics, vocalising their overt trans or islamophobia, or just their general cluelessness about the world around them.

I suppose a lot of it comes down to the pure liberalism of how I live my life, and how that really doesn’t fit into those I work amongst (I literally was the only one in my office to vote ‘Remain’ during Brexit..).

I keep telling myself I need to start looking for a new job.. and I really do after this incident.  How can I keep working in such a toxic environment?  My boss can’t (and wouldn’t) do anything about it, cause what can he really do?  ‘Make’ them talk to me like I’m in grade school?

Besides, he doesn’t even work in my office.. and never comes to visit.

*Sigh*

Yeah.. I need to look for a new job where I’m more part of a team, and where people actually interact.  Where it isn’t a matter of piling everything onto me to complete (single point of failure..), and the workload is shared.

If only it was that easy and simple.

Getting Snappy

Standard

I’m finding more and more these days that it’s a struggle to keep myself out of the ‘dark place’.  To keep my spirits up and try to look at each new day as something exciting or interesting, even if all I’m doing is my usual daily routine.

And I think I was kind of succeeding with this over the past few weeks despite the lacklustre goings on in my life.  I’ve been doing my best to just enjoy my free time by watching my favourite television shows (Doctor Who marathon anyone?), relaxing on my sofa, and relishing the rare opportunities to spend time with mates.

Unfortunately this hasn’t been going so well for the past week or two, and I’m finding myself stressed out and desperately looking forward to some well-deserved time off work next week (I’m off to Manchester next weekend with my best mate P from Scotland).

I know a lot of this stress and anxiety I’m feeling is due to a few changes at work (something I don’t tend to write much about on here..), where we’ve finally gotten some new staff in to replace the ones that quit/were fired over the holidays.  Normally I enjoy the challenge of showing new people how things work and the processes that need to be followed, but this time I’m finding it too much.

For some reason, it feels like it’s all coming down on me to show the newbies the ropes, which results in a constant bombardment of questions that pulls me away from the work I need to get done.

468737-stressIt’s not so much the questions themselves, but how it’s the same ones over and over again, mostly from this one particular guy.  He’s picked up most of the system processes, but anything else he feels this need to reconfirm on a daily basis, despite us telling him to write things down.

And sometimes he comes out with the most ridiculous questions that either don’t make any sense at all or are just plain stupid.

Gawd, how I hate using that word about someone, especially when I think he’s actually just insecure.  I keep trying to get him to think for himself, but instead he’d rather re-ask the same questions just to make sure.. which then makes me snappy and frustrated to no end.  And once he’s completed the tasks he’s been ‘told’ to do, he’ll just sit there and chill while the rest of us are still working away until end of shift (and beyond some days) as if there wasn’t anything else to do.. and he doesn’t ask if there is.

The worst was this past Friday when I was alone with all 3 of the newbies (my boss had booked the day off.. damn her hahaha), and I couldn’t get anything done.

But when it took me close to 2 hours to do one simple task because I was constantly having to give them directions or tell them what needed to be done next (which they should know by now), I couldn’t help snapping at them.  And that’s not like me at work at all.

too much to do at workSome of the management have commented in the past how I’m always calm and cool regardless of what is going on or what needs to be done.  And this is exactly how I want to be at work.

Unfortunately the stress of the day got the better of me, and I was frazzled all day long.  Something a couple of my colleagues in the office noticed and kept (discretely) checking in on me to see if there was anything they could do to help..

But not any of the management, surprisingly enough.  Hmmm..

Anyway, luckily the supervisor is back to work on Monday, and we’ll have a busy couple of days to ensure we get ahead of the game before I have my time off from Thursday.

Though hopefully it isn’t as bad for her while I’m off until the following Wednesday.. but then again, can’t predict anything I suppose.

Guess I’ll have to write a second post about the stresses in my personal life.. Watch this space. 😉