Where’s My Motivation Gone?

Sometimes we go through periods of feeling completely unmotivated, and just floating through life.  Day after day, it feels like we’re not accomplishing anything and the longer we let things lay to the wayside, the harder it is to pick it up again.  And to stick to it.

That’s the way I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks, like I have no motivation to do anything.  Or at least anything productive.

And that’s not a bad thing either.  Most of us have fairly busy lives and don’t take the time to relax or unwind.  Sometimes when life gets super busy, we just need a break from everything to relax and enjoy a bit of time doing absolutely nothing.

And trust me, I’m an expert at doing absolutely nothing.  😉

The thing is though, after awhile it can become mind-numbingly boring and you end up feeling listless.  You float through your days, doing as little as possible, and in the end you can sometimes feel like you’ve wasted your time doing nothing.

At least that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.  I’ve barely been writing at all, I haven’t been to the gym in well over a month, and despite a bit of activity on the social side, I still tend to spend my days off with my butt fully entrenched on the sofa.

Obviously I’ve needed the break, but it isn’t really any different than how I usually spend my weekends when I’m busy.  It’s scary how easily I can spend a full weekend without leaving the house (other than sitting in the back garden), and having the days fly by while surfing the net or watching movies/tv.

And barely talking to anyone.

Funnily when I am busy and out of the house a lot, all I can think of is having some time to myself, alone at home so I can read or relax on the sofa (think there’s a permanent butt print taking shape..).

And when I have one of those weekends where I don’t leave the house or talk to anyone, I get desperately lonely for some company.  Not just someone to chat to, but someone to cuddle up with while sinking further into that comfy sofa.  But that’s a totally different issue to feeling unmotivated..

I suppose the point of all this is I need to get back to motivating myself to do things I enjoy, be them at home or out and about.  Alone or with a few mates, it doesn’t matter, as long as I’m getting somewhere.

And I suppose some of this feeling of floating through life comes from this feeling I’ve had for many years of not having a direction to push towards.  Of not having an end goal in sight.  Of feeling like I’m just marking time until something happens, instead of making things happen.

And that’s the key right there – I need to make things happen in my life for me and not because I think it’s what I should be doing.  I need to find something to strive towards, and not spend so much time moaning or bitching about what I don’t have in my life.

But how to decide on a course of action or what path to take?  What do I truly want to accomplish in life, or at least over the next couple of years?  What self-imposed barrier have I erected to stop myself from taking that leap of faith and going for what I truly want?  Why haven’t I finished that novel, that online course I started ages ago, or that series of erotic short stories?

Why am I so afraid I might fail?

I suppose it all boils down to a lack of self-confidence in my own abilities or feelings of worth.  And that anything I put out there would truly be worthy of others wanting to actually pay money for.  That since there’s not a huge amount of traffic on this site, that others wouldn’t want to buy something I put out there when they could come here to read for free..

I just need to take a leap of faith and go for it at some point.  Otherwise I’ll spend the rest of my life wishing I’d taken a chance or wondering if it would have been worth it.

Besides, isn’t it better to regret trying and failing, than never trying in the first place?