Arpad Miklos RIP

Ok, so the vast majority of you will never have heard of Arpad Miklos or even know what he’s famous for.  But I wanted to write about him anyway.

His body was found by friends on February 3rd in New York City after an apparent suicide.

He was 45 years old.

Arpad was a very popular gay porn star (Click here for website), originally from Budapest, Hungary.  He’s worked as an escort, appeared in numerous magazines and videos, and most recently, appeared in the Perfume Genius music video for ‘Hood’ (see below for video clip).

According to a video interview with one of his friends (Click here for video), Arpad did leave a suicide note but did not want to burden the people he loved with his issues.  His friend, a New York writer, stated in the video that Arpad had been depressed and unhappy for quite awhile, but wasn’t really one to open up.

Some may think ‘who cares’ or ‘he’s only a porn star’ or something else even more disrespectful towards him as a human being.  Some may even wonder why I’d even bother writing about him.

Well, I say why not?  I was a fan (of sorts.. lol), and was aware of his work.. and most definitely aware of his body!

For me, this man physically personified for me what I’ve always thought a man should look like, and what physical traits I personally look for in a man (not saying I ever get guys like this.. but one can keep dreaming, right?).

Sure, I don’t look like this myself and probably never will.

But for me, it was also more than just about his ‘body’ that drew me to him in his films and pictures .. there was something about him as a person, his demeanor and body language that enticed me and made me wanting to see more of him…

And wishing I could meet in someone in real life.

Yes, he’s a very sexy guy, but you can tell there was a twinkle in his eyes, that there was something much more deeper to him as a person than just what he showed on screen.

Or maybe I’m reading too much into it..

Regardless, it’s always sad to hear about someone, famous or not, who has chosen to rid themselves of whatever pain and struggles they’ve been going through by taking their own lives, instead of reaching out to those who care and love them for support.

As a lot of those close to me know, I’ve gone through many bouts of depression over the years and have struggled to keep my head above the water.. but somehow I do. It isn’t always easy, but I come out the other end without harming myself or driving too many of my friends away with my sadness and negativity.

It’s most likely because I think suicide is one of the most selfish choices a person can make that I do make it through to the other side of the sadness.. even if I can understand the thoughts that drive a person to that decision.

I’m not judging anyone who has ever contemplated it or even attempted it because I’ve been there.. I’ve gotten to the edge several times.. But I’ve come back fighting, and hopefully stronger than when I went in to begin with.

And hopefully I’ll continue to do so and keep moving on.

Anyway .. here’s wishing Arpad peace and love, and hoping all of his pain has gone away for good.

Lots of love to everyone 😀