Dating Debacles – The Clown


Nope, that’s sadly not a joke.  I actually went on a date last week with an actual clown (and Charlie Chaplin impersonator).

And no, he wasn’t in full make-up at the time.  LOL

To be honest, I’d been somewhat hesitant to meet this guy (Argentinian-Italian mix) as there was something about his manner that put me off a bit.  We’d been chatting for a couple months at this point, so I figured might as well.

Alarm bells started going off right away when he called me out of the blue last Sunday evening, wanting me to meet him right away.  He was just finishing work and didn’t want to go home… so he just assumed I’d be home alone and ‘desparate’ for some company.

As if.

I eventually put him off meeting until the next evening after work around 7pm so I could go home to freshen up before meeting.  Especially as I hadn’t shaved my head or trimmed my beard in weeks, so I was looking quite shaggy.

But then I got a message from him around 4pm while still at work saying he wanted to meet at 5pm… which was when I finished work.  Which meant I didn’t get a chance to go home to freshen up or anything.

I don’t know why, but his eagerness and changing things on me last minute kind of pissed me off.  To the point where I almost cancelled on him.  Maybe I should have.

I eventually agreed to meet him at the station closest to work (Forest Hill) as I could walk there with time to spare… and ended up actually being about 20 minutes early.

Once he’d arrived, we’d decided to head to the pub across the street (since none of the coffee shops in that area are open past 5pm).. only to find out he doesn’t actually drink.  And I got the feeling he was a bit critical of those who do, even if he never came out and said so.

Anyway, we both got soft drinks (booooo…. where’s the vodka??) and sat on the little terrace to chat.  And surprisingly, he was quite the charmer throughout the conversation.  He kept complimenting me on my eyes and hands for some reason.. and I found myself being drawn to him physically, even though I didn’t necessarily find him that attractive.

And the farmer-joe cover-alls he’d shown up in didn’t help any either.  And that made me feel a bit too shallow for my liking..

Anyway, one thing lead to another and he asked if he could see my flat.  This was after holding my hands several times and staring deep into my eyes.. And even serenading my on his little eukele.

Like I said before, he was a charmer so I figured ‘what the hell’, and went with it.

What a mistake…

I honestly thought I was having sex with the clown from Stephen King’s ‘IT’….

He kept biting me through it all, and not little love bites either.  He was biting so hard that I was afraid he was going to break the skin… and he kept doing it after I told him time after time that I wasn’t enjoying it.

Oh.. and he kept talking to me in Spanish and getting me to agree with him by saying ‘Si’ after every statement, even though he knew I didn’t understand what he was saying.  For a ‘clown’, he was extremely agressive, rough, and controlling, which I definitely don’t enjoy.

And he absolutely refused to do anything more than just kiss me chastely on the lips.  No hot, passionate kissing.. which is one of the things I enjoy the most.

And yes, I did try to stop things several times because of all of the above.. but then he started being sweet and nice, and next thing I knew we were right back to where we were before I’d stopped things.

It was like he didn’t care what I felt as long as he got his rocks off.. which he did while we were standing in the kitchen, against the washing machine … ok, that part was kinda hot.  LOL

Afterwards, I walked him to the bus stop to ensure he could get home ok, and then he explained the no kissing thing – he said I had really bad breath (whaaat!?!?!) and that he only kisses when he’s ‘in love’.  He then proceeded to criticise my weight (but he’s into chubby guys?), eating habits (based on what little he could see on my kitchen shelves), grooming habits (if I’d been able to go home after work, I would have been able to shave and trim my beard..), and so forth..

Overall it left a very bad taste in my mouth (and I don’t mean from my ‘supposed’ bad breath.. I was chewing gum too).  Not to mention the bite marks all over my shoulders, back, and neck, which were quite painful for a couple of days after.

I do NOT respond well to negativity and guys being overly critical of things they have no right to even bring up, especially on a first date.  And the more I thought back on our conversation at the pub, the more it makes me realise I should have seen the warning signs sooner.

I’m sure he’s expecting me to come crawling to him to ask for a second date… because in his eyes I don’t have enough self-esteem to want more in my life than a biting, overly-critical clown.

Good thing I don’t like clowns.  😉


Stephen King’s ‘Carrie’ – 40th Anniversary

Still from Brian De Palma's 1976 film adaption 'Carrie'

Still from Brian De Palma’s 1976 film adaption ‘Carrie’

Love him or leave, you’ve got to admit – Stephen King has done a lot for the modern horror genre over the past several decades.

Not only did his novel ‘Carrie’ grab the world by storm and shake up the ideas of what ‘horror’ writing was, but it started the career of one of the world’s most prolific and widely read authors.  Not to mention one of the most film-adapted authors ever.

Today is the 40th anniversary of ‘Carrie’ (initially published on April 5, 1974), the novel was King’s first to be published, and when he’d first started it, he’d actually tossed it in the bin.

Stephen-King-by-Shane-LeonardI did three single-spaced pages of a first draft, then crumpled them up in disgust and threw them away.

The next night, when I came home from school, my wife Tabby had the pages. She’d spied them while emptying my waste-basket, had shaken the cigarette ashes off the crumpled balls of paper smoothed them out and sat down to read them. She wanted me to go on. She wanted to know the rest of the story. (Source: The Guardian)

Aren’t we all glad she did?

For me, I started reading King’s books as a young teen in the mid 80’s, and was instantly enthralled .. and scared shitless at the same time.  His books were the first to introduce me to the world of horror and suspense.. which eventually lead me to authors such as Anne Rice, Clive Barker, Dean Koontz, and so many others that I still read to this day.

But the thing that got me to stick with his books was how, no matter whether you liked the main character or not, you could always identify with something they were going through in the story.  It could be Carrie White’s feeling of being ostracized from her peers in ‘Carrie’, or the gang’s fear of Pennywise the Clown in ‘IT’, or even Rose’s desire for a new life away from her abusive husband in ‘Rose Madder’.

It_have a balloon

If you weren’t afraid of clowns before…

The point is, there is something in each of his characters that makes you want to root for them.  Hell, there’s even some traits in the bad guys that make you want to cheer for (some of) them as well, and that’s a testament to King’s skill at characterization.

A skill I am working on as I foray into fiction myself.

As someone who’s mostly written blog posts or articles from my own perspective, it’s interesting to look at things differently while writing fiction.. and realise that even if I understand the character’s motives or thoughts behind what they’re doing, my reader won’t unless I show them through the writing itself.

Let’s just say it’s a work in progress.  😀

To read more about how King came up with the ideas behind ‘Carrie’, click HERE to read the full article on The Guardian website, or check out his website at

best Stephen King movies

Best Stephen King film adaptations?

Loving a Good Scare


Just like most people, I love a good scare.  There’s nothing better than watching a really well-made video or movie that makes you cringe and jump when something scary happens.nightmare1

I remember back in the mid-80’s when I first saw ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ with my brother-in-law.  This was my first horror movie.. and damn, did it ever freak me out!

And make me laugh at myself for being scared about a movie.

Not too long after that I discovered Stephen King (‘IT’ was one of his first novels that I’d read.. and still love to this day), eventually moving onto Anne Rice, Clive Barker, and any number of other horror writers.  This was along side my love of fantasy and science fiction.. let’s just say when I was younger I was a very voracious reader, and it was rare that I didn’t have at least one book on the go on top of what I was reading for school.

Of course, like most teenagers, I went through a horror phase where I’d watch or read pretty much anything that came out (good and bad.. ok, mostly the bad).. and when ‘IT’ was made into a tv movie/miniseries, I couldn’t wait to watch it.  Along with things like the original ‘V’.

Anyway, these days I don’t tend to watch that many horror movies (though do still enjoy the odd horror novel here and there).  I do enjoy some of the horror tv shows that have been around lately, like ‘The Walking Dead’ or ‘American Horror Story’.

But the below video that a friend posted on Facebook the other night reminded me how much I loved the exhilaration of being scared from a really well video.  This video, which made me jump and scream a couple times (luckily nobody else was home lol), was made by David Sandberg, who won best director for this horrifying short at the 2013 BC Horror Challenge (

Enjoy .. and don’t turn out the lights. 😉

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