Holiday Blog – Day 7, 8 & Home

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It’s always sad when a holiday comes to an end, as it means it’s time to go back to reality.  And when the reality is the chilly, dreary London weather, it’s really hits hard.

Unfortunately there hadn’t been much of a chance to past over the last couple days of the trip, but at the same time there wasn’t anything exciting to write about.  And to be honest, not all of it was great or fun…

I think I went into this holiday with the wrong mentality when it came to having a bit of holiday fun.  Or perhaps I’d had certain high expectations after my last couple trips to the island.  Finding a bit of ‘fun’ on holiday usually isn’t that hard.. no pun intended.  LOL

But for some reason I’d felt somewhat ignored sexually by other guys, both in and out of the bars or the resort.  In the past, my dating/chatting apps were quite busy with messages or views (even if it wasn’t from guys I was attracted to), but this time I barely got any hits.

And at the bars it was almost like I was invisible.  Guys would walk right past me as if I wasn’t even there… and when you’re in a sex/cruising club, that really isn’t a good thing.  If anything it got me feeling somewhat anxious and perhaps that made me come across as desperate.

It was somewhat stressful near the end for me.  So much so that I came very close to falling back on an old crutch to try and make myself feel better – cigarettes.  Although I did have a couple cigarettes over the course of the week (it happens, no biggy), I came so close on the second to last night to buying an actual pack and start up again.

Yeah… that’s how shitty I was feeling, but in the end I resisted the temptation that night.

The next day was spent on the beach, which I absolutely love to do, but I was still in a bit of a funky mood.. and my mate didn’t really help things any.  He doesn’t seem to get it when I tell him about my troubles finding guys or even a shag, especially as he never has any troubles himself.

It just felt like my concerns or feelings were brushed aside as if they didn’t matter, as if it was all just in my head.  Him and I are obviously completely different people – he’s fit, handsome, super outgoing and everyone loves his outrageous behaviour; whereas I’m chubby, shy, reserved, and have a hard time finding guys attracted to bigger men.

I was there on holiday to relax, enjoy the sunshine and the company around me, nothing more.  So I really shouldn’t have let it get to me.

Anyway, the final evening included a ‘farewell’ meal with the entire group at a restaurant at the ungodly early time of 7pm (nobody eats dinner that early in Spain LOL). It wasn’t anything spectacular, and personally I think would have been better if it had been held closer to the resort.

After a quick nip home and a nap, I headed back out to the clubs just after midnight in the hopes of having a bit of last minute fun.  I did snog an Irish bearcub early on, only for him to say he’d grab me later for more but didn’t.. in fact the last time I saw him around the bar he looked right past me.

With the exception of a handful of guys, everyone was heading home at different times on Saturday.  I’d purposely booked a late flight so I could enjoy most of the day, which I did.  I relaxed, packed my case, and then met a couple friends who were also on holidays for a late lunch.

Unfortunately, getting onto the plane home turned into a bit of a farce.

Once the gate was called for our 8pm flight home, suddenly there was a gate change half an hour before we were due to board/take off.  So off we all went to the new gate.. only for them to change it again about 5 minutes later, and again 5 minutes after that.

It was almost like someone was sitting there trying to get the Brits to run around the airport.  We had 4 gate changes before they stopped.. and only then announced the flight was going to be delayed AFTER the initial departure time had passed.

Meanwhile the airline app was still showing everything was on time.  Riiiiight…

So that meant I landed back in London just past 1am Sunday morning, and once I’d grabbed a train into town and then arranged an Uber to take me home from the train station, it was well after 3am.  *YAWN*

But that’s ok, it happens from time to time I suppose.  Plus it was a bank holiday weekend, so I don’t return to work until Tuesday anyway.  LOL

What mattered is that I got home safe and sound, and despite my own insecurities near the end, I did have a fabulous naked holiday.  I met a few new guys from the website, I saw some amazing sights around the island, and I came home with a killer tan.

What more can I ask for? 😀

Now it’s time to start planning my next holiday – I still have 9 days to use up before the end of July.. just need to decide where to go. 😉

Escapada de Madrid

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Sometimes you just need to get away from your daily routine and do something different.  And sometimes it’s more about getting away from your surroundings and seeing somewhere new.

I was starting to feel the usual urge to get out in the world a bit and do some travelling.  I’d come to the realisation that I hadn’t really been on holiday since last June when I spent my birthday in Rome.

Well, other than when I went home to Canada to surprise the family back in October.  As lovely as that was, it was less a holiday for me as for them if that makes sense.

Anyway, my decision to go to Madrid last weekend was fairly spur of the moment as I happened to find a super cheap flight online so decided to go for it.  Once that was booked, I found a simple little room that was quite central and walking distance to the Chueca area (where the gay bars are).

20170127_104721What also helped the decision was I have a friend that moved back there from London about 6 years ago and we hadn’t seen each other in at least that long.  We’d talked several times about me coming over for a visit, but I’d never gotten around to it.

Plus surprisingly I’d never been to Madrid before.  Any other trips I’d taken to Spain over the years have always been in the South or to Gran Canaria (where I’ll be visiting once again this coming April..).

Interestingly, unlike other trips I’ve made in the past, I didn’t really have a plan for once I’d arrived.  I’d kinda looked online at what there was to do there, but instead decided to just wing it and see where the weekend took me.

I just wanted to have a nice fun, relaxing weekend.  And that’s exactly what I got.

20170129_140357Unfortunately, my friend that lives there was going to be in Seville for most of the weekend and wouldn’t be free until Sunday afternoon/evening.  So that meant I had from Friday afternoon until then to keep myself entertained.

After checking into my little room (when they said small single, they weren’t kidding!), I grabbed a map and started wandered around the immediate area to get my bearings and to find a bite to eat.  It’s definitely a walking city (with an extensive Metro system) and I found my way around easily.

Once back in my room to relax a bit in the evening, I logged into the usual social/dating apps to see what sort of guys were in the area.  I had a few messages from a couple guys but one definitely caught my eye.. a tall, fit, sexy guy who clearly liked chubbier guys.

After a bit of online chatting and flirting, we decided to meet up for a drink and he even offered to meet me at my hostal to walk to the bar together.  Such a gentleman.

We spent a lovely evening together in a couple of bars chatting about life, drinking, and yes, flirting like crazy.  We seemed to get along quite easily and it felt quite comfortable spending time together… so much so, that I stayed at his place that night and we spent most of the next day together cuddled up on his sofa.

Such an amazing way to spend the day and get to know each other a bit.  I’d originally planned on leaving around midday to play tourist, but the day completely got away from us.  Next thing we knew it was about 6pm and he had to get ready to meet some friends for dinner, so I leisurely walked back to my hostal with a promise to meet up later in the evening for drinks.

20170130_122102What I hadn’t expected was to get to meet a couple of his friends when we went out for drinks that night.  And one friend of a friend turned out to be a guy I used to run into occasionally at the bear bar in Soho.  We weren’t friends so I didn’t even know he’d moved to Spain.

Anyway, it was a fun evening but I chose to be a ‘good boy’ and go back to my hostal for the night so I could get up and do the touristy thing on Sunday.. though I could have easily spent the entire weekend with him.  He was that easy to get along with, and it seemed like the feeling was mutual.

The rest of the weekend was spend wandering around, seeing the sites as planned, and then meeting up with my mate Sunday evening for a couple of drinks and a catch up.  He took me to an area I hadn’t explored yet but was quite close to when walking back from my new friend’s place.

All in all it was an excellent weekend away.  And as glad as I was to get home Monday evening, I could have easily stayed a couple more days.  I found the city to be quite comfortable to walk around with lots to look at. And yeah, lots of handsome Spanish men to check out.

It’ll definitely be one of those cities I’ll want to return to in the future.. maybe even to visit my new friend. 🙂

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Collage of pics taken over the course of the weekend

Itching to Fly Away

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*Sigh*

I so need a f&*%ing holiday!!

I’ve so missed travelling the past couple years.  The feeling of excitement when you arrive at the airport and check in.  The anxiousness to arrive at your destination as the plane takes off.  The annoyance of the passenger beside you snoring into your shoulder.

(seriously?? it’s only an hour’s flight!!)

And of course the dread as you realise your holiday is over as you head back to the airport.  And that within 24 hours you’ll be back at work, chained to your desk until the next time you can get away.

*Sigh*  I miss it all, the good and the bad.la-nina-hotel

The past couple of years hasn’t allowed much opportunity for me to go travelling around Europe at all.  I love nothing better than to explore a new country/city, soak in the culture, admire the architecture, and just get away from the daily grind of life in London.

The last actual holiday (read: going to another country) I had was when I spent NYE with my friend in Luxembourg back in December 2012.. almost 2 years ago!!  That just seems so long ago!

The only ‘trip’ I’ve done in the past couple years was an extended weekend with my Scottish best mate back in June when we went to Brighton for the weekend for the bear weekend.  Yeah it was an amazing weekend and was good to get away from London, but it’s not the same as flying away to some new and interesting city (preferably along the Mediterranean, with a kickass beach lol).

Of course the main reason for the lack of travelling or holidays has been money.  I was unemployed for the better part of a year, and then took jobs at companies (including my current one) that were paying a lot less than I was used to before I was unemployed.

I’m not moaning about it.. much.  I know the situation didn’t exactly allow me the funds or opportunity to go gallivanting around Europe like I might have liked.  Sometimes life makes you prioritise what’s truly important, and sometimes that’s just keeping your head above water on a daily basis.

hot naked bear beachI suppose I’ve started thinking about it lately because I’m seeing all sorts of people going away on holidays as the summer comes to a close.  Squeezing in that last bit of fun in the sun while they can, before the usual grey Autumn and Winter sneaks in over the next couple months.

Many guys I know have all travelled to Sitges this weekend for their annual bear week.  A week in the sun and sand, with tons of hot bears, cubs, chasers, and all sorts around.  And spending the days relaxing on the nude beach.

*Sigh*  Maybe next year.

My Scottish mate was supposed to come down this month so we could do another weekend in Brighton before the weather got too cold, but his work has gotten crazy busy and can’t get any time off.  He’s said he probably won’t be able to make it back down here until just before Christmas time now.

Boooooooooo

(though we have talked about me going up there for the BearScots event in October.. but we’ll see)

I do know that I probably won’t be able to take any time off between Christmas and New Years as our office remains open, and it’s apparently quite busy. Which is fine, since I don’t really do much for Christmas and can’t afford to travel back to Canada for the holidays to see my family.

joe-manganiello-beachSo this leaves me thinking of maybe planning some extended weekend away, probably by myself, somewhere warm and sunny.  Sure, I still can’t really afford it but I think it might do me some good, especially if I can find something relatively cheap but nice.

As much as I’d love to have someone to go on holiday with me, I don’t mind travelling by myself.  At least that way I can do what I want, when I want to, and not have to worry about the other person.  It allows me to wander around a city with no agenda or any pressing need to get somewhere in particular.

Anyway, we’ll see how it goes.  Maybe I’ll just take a few days off and spend them at home sleeping.  LOL

My Love Life

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I suppose my love life is not something I generally talk to just anyone about.  I’m a fairly private person at times, but sometimes you just need to talk to somebody about stuff, even if it’s somewhat anonymously.

Over the past year, I can honestly say I’ve met a lot of interesting guys.  Some have become friends, some occasional lovers, and others still that were just shags, for lack of a better term.

Without going into massive details, or naming all the names (that I can remember… oops!), I’d say there were 3 specific people who truly affected my life through whatever sort of relationship we had this year: Shuaib, ‘S’, and most recently,’J’.

As already written about here, Shuaib was someone I only got to spend a short period of time with, but has affected my life in a way I never thought possible.  To this day, literally almost exactly a year after meeting, we have kept in contact, having very frank conversations about our lives including our love lives.

If it wasn’t for the fact that he now lives in Dubai, and I’m here in London, we might have had a relationship of some sort, possibly even still be together today.  We talk all the time about meeting up again, either him coming back to London for a visit, me going to see him in Dubai, or meeting somewhere in between for a holiday of some sort.  We both care for the other very much, and it could potentially be the big ‘L’, but thanks to our circumstances, it’s not possible to find out.  Who knows what will come of this..

As for ‘S’, he was someone much younger than me that I dated for a bit, but ended things when he wanted it to be more serious and I didn’t.  He was there for me during a bad time last year when I almost lost my old job because of something I’d written on here, and I came to rely on him for emotional support.

Inadvertently, I actually hurt him emotionally, something I was never trying to do or have ever done before in the past (that I’m aware of).  ‘S’ is a sweet, naive young guy who unfortunately was never planning on ever coming out of the closet (he’s Muslim), and as most of my close friends know, I’m not one to hide who I am.  The last thing I wanted to do was to have a secret relationship..

And now we come to ‘J’, someone I’ve been kinda seeing since August 2009 but lives near Cambridge.  ‘J’ is a lovely, sexy older man (just turned 53 in December) I met online back in August and we hit it off right away, with things getting sexual very fast.  Unfortunately, I should have seen things were going to be doomed with him from the start, thanks to all the baggage he was bringing into it all, from the 4 kids (and 2 grandkids), to a messy 2nd divorce from hubby number 1, and to all sorts of age-gap issues, among other things.

We’ve had a lot of fun together, travelling together to Brighton and to Spain (where he talked about how he wanted me to move to Spain with him in a couple years when he retires…), but in the end he still only thinks of me as a friend.  It has also been very difficult because of him not living in London, so we don’t get to see each other on a regular basis.

My eyes were opened wide when staying overnight at his house on Boxing Day, and he had me sleep in his flatmate’s bed while the flatmate slept in his… which is where he apparently normally sleeps every night.  And the next day, instead of the two of us spending some time together, possibly him showing me around the area, we ended up going to the movies with the flatmate.  I felt like I was hanging out with a couple..

For whatever reason, I’ve allowed myself to get very attached to ‘J’, so whenever he disappoints me or mentions about how we’re just ‘friends’, I find myself getting hurt time and time again.  Obviously this isn’t healthy for me emotionally, and is something I’m in the process of ending as we speak.  I deserve to be more than just somebody’s booty call.

I suppose, when you think of it all, I’ve had very different relationships with each of these guys, none of which are completely satisfying for me.  I need to find someone who is willing to be emotionally available to me, and is geographically viable as well.

Don’t think me desperate to find a boyfriend or anything, because I’m not.  I’ve been enjoying my singledom, especially since moving to London, but I guess at some point you just want to settle down, potentially make a life with someone special.

It won’t happen overnight and all, but would be nice if it happened sometime soon.  I’m not getting any younger.. LOL

~M