Being an Awkward Flirt

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As someone who can be somewhat socially awkward at times, it can be absolutely terrifying to go out and interact with other people.  Just the idea of going to a pub or social gathering where you’re forced to chat or interact with other people can be almost debilitating.

But adding flirting on top of all that??  Hot damn, that can be scary as fuck!

But because of the fear of rejection, a lot of socially awkward people will be more comfortable flirting online.  And that anonymity allows them to show how amazingly flirty they really are, but they clam up once it moves into a public situation.

Obviously like anything in life, you need to make an effort to get a result.  If it feels like you’re making an absolutely massive effort but getting nowhere, then maybe you’re just coming across as a bit too subtle.  Your idea of being a flirt may not be the same as other guys.

Despite how tricky it may seem, this is something you truly need to be in it to win it.

Get out of your own head

Regardless of the situation, a socially awkward person can sometimes spend too much time over-thinking or over-analysing things.  Perhaps you’ll worry that you’ve said the wrong thing, or didn’t come across as interesting as you’d have liked.  Or you’ll worry that you’re coming on too strong.. or not strong enough as the case may be.

Instead you just need to stop thinking, calm the fuck down, and just listen to the other person.  Listen to the words coming out of their mouth and their inflection.  Watch their body language and whether they maintain eye contact or if they’re too busy looking around the room.  As you listen to the other person, both vocally and physically, you’ll find you’ll start reacting to them instinctively and naturally.

And he’ll definitely notice, as it’ll make him feel important.

Flash your assets

And no, that doesn’t mean getting your ass out for everyone to see… well, depending on the party you’re at I guess.  LOL

This is more about knowing what you’re good at and improving upon those skills as a way to increase your self-confidence or self-esteem.  It could something silly like a party trick, or being able to make the best G&T ever, or perhaps it could be a personal interest you could use as a talking point when meeting someone new.

Whatever it is, it’s obviously just the tip of the iceberg of who you are as a person, but it at least will allow someone new to get a glimpse inside.  And everybody knows that the more confident you are in yourself, the more this will shine through to others around you.  Your feeling of self-worth will improve as you go along, so why not improve upon it so it shines through.

It’s also about putting your best face forward.  If it’s clear that you’re not taking care of yourself, then that’ll be a massive turn off for the other guy.  It’s not necessarily just about your physical appearance (not all guys are into washboard abs.. just saying), but about taking care of your hygiene, knowing what looks good on your body shape, and allowing your amazing personality to shine through.

Own yourself

We’ve all been there – you’re at a party and some guy you just started chatting to is all over you.  They’re practically straddling your leg, breathing in your ear, with their hand down the front (or back) of your pants.  It’s one thing to be flirty, but when you’ve bypassed someone else’s boundaries, then you’re definitely getting into a no-go zone.

As adults, we need to be aware of our own and other’s personal space, and respect this at all times.  If you’ve draped yourself over someone and you can tell they’re feeling uncomfortable, then you really just need to back off.  Give them some room to breath and wait for them to invite you back into their space (if or) when they’re ready.

Make the first move

It seems these days that guys are totally afraid to show their interest in another person until that other person has shown their hand first.  It’s like we’re all afraid to be vulnerable and show emotions, even if it’s a solely physical manifestation of one.

There’s nothing wrong with flirting subtly (though not so subtle that it couldn’t be recognised with a microscope) and showing interest in the other person.  If you don’t show them you’re interested, then how are they going to know?  You can’t just keep waiting on someone else to make the first move, regardless of how scary that may seem.

Let down your defences

All too often, especially when you’re socially awkward, you’ll tend to approach social situations with hesitation and a pre-conceived idea of how other people will look at you.  That they’ll judge you for every word, action, or reaction you give.

Basically you put yourself on the defensive before you even walk into the room, let alone start talking to someone.  And what this means is, deep-down, you’re judging yourself and making yourself uncomfortable about a situation before it’s even happened.  You’ll start shaming yourself for actions you ‘may’ take, which will only make it worse.

Instead allow yourself to have a more open mind to whatever may come along, be it a new friend, a bit of fun, or even the possibility of a new boyfriend.

You just never know what might happen if you let someone in, so just go for it already!

This post was influenced by — How to Flirt When You’re Socially Awkward – GayGuys.com

Overcoming Social Awkwardness

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It’s hard being someone who feels socially awkward at times.  It can be frustrating and uncomfortable to be out with a group of people and not know how to interact with them.

All too often people will dismiss or ridicule those who are socially awkward, and all that does is amplify the awkwardness for the person.  Socially awkward people aren’t boring, or disinterested.  They just aren’t sure how to join in.

There are several distinctive traits of social awkwardness, and apparently the more you have, the harder it is to interact with others.

Nervous in social settings

Socially awkward people find social situations to be more anxiety producing then joy inducing.  In fact a lot of socially awkward people will purposely avoid social situations just so they can avoid the anxiety.

The nervousness itself can cause you to act in odd ways around others, perhaps being inappropriate when you don’t mean to.  And once you realise this behaviour is happening, it can cause even more anxiety or nervousness.. leading you into a vicious negative cycle.

Not understanding social norms

The above nervousness could lead to misunderstanding or not recognising what is appropriate in certain social situations.  It’s like when out with mates and you suddenly tell some off-colour joke that isn’t appreciated, or when you act inappropriately.

Basically socially awkward people aim for a certain result, like people to laugh at a funny joke, but instead it arrives like a lead balloon or comes off as distasteful.

But it’s also about not knowing when and how to start a conversation, or even what to talk about.  Which can lead socially awkward people to either just not talk at all, making those around them think they’re either super shy or just plain weird.  And knowing people are thinking that of you compounds the feelings even more.

Simpsons - awkwardThe lack of conversation flow

It’s not uncommon for most people to have awkward silences in a conversation, or for a conversation to come to an abrupt halt.  But for socially awkward people this is the rule, not the exception.

Instead their conversations tend to be bumpy or inconsistent, and don’t usually seem to lead anywhere.  Or at least it always seems that way to them.

Feeling avoided or ridiculed by others

One of the signs people are picking up on your social awkwardness is if they avoid your company or exclude you from group activities.  Perhaps they see you as the ‘weirdo’ of the group, or just aren’t sure how to react to your social awkwardness.

Or if on the other hand they do include you but regularly ridicule or mock you, then perhaps they truly aren’t people you should be around to begin with.  True friends would embrace you for being yourself, and would try their to make you comfortable in whatever situation you’re in.

Lacking meaningful connections with others

Many socially awkward people have few friends with a very small social circle, and perhaps tend to spend a lot of time alone. This is mostly because they struggle meeting new people, making conversations, feeling at ease around others, or even expressing themselves effectively.

This leaves them feeling very unfulfilled socially, and perhaps even like they’ve been left behind while others around them develop meaningful relationships, both socially and romantically.

ACpost2.SocialanxietySo… what is a socially awkward person to do?  How does one overcome something that stifles your ability to enjoy life as it comes?

Well.. reading about is makes it seem like this is the easiest thing in the world to get over.  In fact, the article that influenced this one gave these three basic tips:

  1. Develop your social confidence
  2. Learn the basic social norms
  3. Get out there and get some experience

Really makes it seem so easy huh?  Obviously the more you do something, the easier it’ll become in the long run.  And that’s a good thing.

So the only advise I’d give is to just get out there and be yourself, weirdo and all.. and eventually you’ll find people who like you for you, and the awkwardness will fade.

This post has been inspired by – 6 Signs That You’re Socially Awkward and How to Fix This.