Dating Tips for the Gay Singleton

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Whether you’re newly single or have been single for what feels like an eternity, getting back into the dating scene can seem intimidating.  Some seem to think that the second you become single that you should be immediately jumping on the apps or hitting the bars looking for your next relationship.

However there’s no set rule as to how long you should stay single before jumping back into it all.  Or even what you should do to get back out there.  Sometimes taking that time to be single and enjoy your own life can be beneficial, and your body/mind/soul will tell you when it’s time to get back in the game.

Now, I’m no expert on the dating scene – if I was, I probably wouldn’t be single myself LOL – but here are a few tips on how to put yourself out there and maybe actually enjoy it.

Don’t stress about it

characters-couple-happy-love-single-Favim.com-57296All too often when guys try to get back out there after a period of singledom, they tend to put too much pressure on themselves to ‘get it right this time’, so to speak.

Let’s be honest – dating can be awkward, uncomfortable or downright silly at times, and there’s no point adding pressure on yourself to ‘do well’ right out of the box.

If anything, you should be allowing yourself to just have some fun, see where things lead you, and not worry if it could end with a marriage proposal let alone a second date.

The more you stress over it, the more uncomfortable you’ll feel about the date and the more reluctant you’ll be to even bother trying.

Get out there and mingle

It’s never easy getting back out there on the scene, and one of the difficult things is figuring out where to meet new, interesting, compatible people who you might be interested in romantically.  And asking your mates if there’s someone to set you up with isn’t an option, as it could make them uncomfortable.

Instead, get yourself out there and mingle with people you wouldn’t normally meet on a regular Friday night at the local pub.  Perhaps joining a social group with a similar interest could open up a whole new world of people that you could relate to. And if you don’t meet anyone romantically, it’ll at least give you an opportunity to meet someone for a new friendship.

Speaking of new friends…

All too often, guys will go looking for a new romantic partner without allowing themselves to be open to a new friendships.  Not every new guy you’ll meet will be compatible romantically, so why would you limit your ‘search’ to just new romantic partners?

The best ideas for gay datesWhen going out on the scene again after a break, it’s inevitable that you’ll meet some amazingly interesting guys but there won’t be any romantic spark.  Or perhaps there’ll be guys you’ll meet you’ll initially be interested in but it doesn’t turn out.

No point just dropping them on the wayside, as you never know when you’ll meet that great new best friend.

And perhaps that might be the best approach to take, just looking for a new friend or two, and see where things lead.

Go out and have fun!!

Way too often, guys will plan dates as a way to make a good first impression on the other, and will make choices about the date with only that other person in mind.  Or they’ll act a certain way because they believe the other guy will like them more for that ‘first date persona’ than the real them.

Don’t allow the date to be more about one or the other person’s interests, but instead organise it around something you both enjoy.  Talk to each other during the planning stages to figure out some common interests and go from there.. even if it’s just going for a pint at a pub.

Learn from the rejections

Let’s be fair, not every date you’ll go on will be a home run.  And sometimes it’ll be bad, really bad, ending in you being rejected by the other guy.  And that is ok.  Rejection is part of life, especially when you’re out there trying to date, so why let it get you down?

Instead try to learn from it.  Accept the rejection for what it is – incompatibility – and a way to learn more about what you do want in a new partner.  The more you think on it, the less likely you’ll be to move forward and meet someone truly interesting.

This post has been inspired by — 5 Gay Dating Tips For Men Who’ve Been Long Term Single – Gay Pop Buzz

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Things to do While Waiting for ‘Mr Right’

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It’s not easy being single these days.

It’s lonely, can lead to feelings of jealousy for those who’ve found someone, and in extreme circumstances, can lead to depression for some.

Most of this is due to the negative thoughts and ideas running around our heads as to why we’re still single, while it seems like everyone else around us are happily paired up.

Instead of sitting around waiting for that elusive ‘Mr Right’ (or ‘Ms Right’, depending on what you’re looking for lol), get out there and enjoy your life.  Cut the negative thoughts, get happy and start loving yourself and your single freedom.

Here’s a few things to do while you’re still single..

Start living in the now

Instead of daydreaming about your perfect partner and wasting your time wondering when they’ll show up, why not think about yourself?  Take stock of where you are in your life and where you want to go in the future.

man on beachWhat goals do you want to achieve over the next year or so?  Have you planned your next holiday?  Are there any old or distant friends you’d like to visit? Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance or the nerve to do so?

Being single means you can plan and do anything you want.  The world is out there waiting for you.  Why not get out there and enjoy it.

Love yourself

You are the one and only version of you that there will ever be in the world.  Your uniqueness and originality are part of who you are and everything you’ve achieved in your life.  Nobody else can make you feel as whole of a person as you already are, so why don’t you go ahead and love yourself?

There is nobody else out there in the world who can make you feel whole, or give you anything that you don’t already have in your life to lead a full, happy and fulfilling life.  Love who you are as a person, and what you contribute to the world around you.  Nobody else can give you that validation any better than you can yourself.

Love your freedom

They say that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you’ll have with yourself.  When you’re single, you have the opportunity to do things for yourself that sometimes a partner wouldn’t be able to.  Be a bit selfish and treat yourself to something special. Enjoy this time to take care of yourself and do what you want to do, when you want to do it.

Stop the negative reinforcements

Self attackWhen we’re feeling down or lonely, it’s all to easy to start criticising ourselves in a negative fashion.  It could be calling ourselves names because we didn’t react well to something, or telling ourselves that there must be something wrong with us because we’re single or alone.

If you continue to do that, then you’re increasing the chances of making those negative thoughts become a reality as we attract what we put out in the world.  Change the tone and feeling, and you’ll improve your chances.

Don’t neglect your friends and family

Never forget how precious your friends and family are, because once you do find someone amazing to date, you may not have as much time to spend with them.  Instead take this time to plan things or organise a trip together.  Those closest to you are the foundation of your social life, so never take them for granted or let them fall by the wayside.

Try something new

We all say we need to get out of our ruts and try something different.  So, what are you waiting for?  This is the perfect opportunity to get out there and do those things you’ve always wanted to do but never could.  Life is all about building memories from the experiences in our lives, so go make some good ones.

Work towards some big goal

We all have goals in life, or at least dreams of goals we’d like to achieve.  So what’s holding you back from achieving them?  Maybe you’ve always wanted to publish a novel, or learn new language, or try your hand at the guitar, or take an interesting course to change careers, or anything else you can imagine yourself doing.

Write out the goal and set yourself a plan of action.. and then do a little bit of it every day.  Six months to a year from now, you never know where that little bit of extra will take you.

Be patient

Pretty much everyone out there (including you) has a story or two of the losers they’ve dated before they met someone special.  That’s because this whole dating game is a process, and there’s no way to bypass it.

single statusWe have to go through it to learn more about ourselves and possibly go through some heartaches or date a few weirdos in order to get to where we need to be to meet that special someone.

Be patient and allow yourself to go through the process.  It’ll be worth it in the end.

This post has been inspired by the article – The Number One Reason You’re Still Single on LifeHack.org.

It’s OK To Be Single

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stay-single-and-be-happySo apparently It’s OK To Be Single.  Or at least it is according to an article over on Dr Nerd Love.

Hell, that’s something I’ve been trying to tell myself for years.  LOL

When you’re single, the entire world seems intent on reminding you how single you are.  All you have to do is step outside, turn on the tv, or even hang out with friends who’ve found someone.  Or even worse, the dreaded Valentine’s Day ‘holiday’ that celebrates love and seemingly makes anyone who’s not in a relationship feel bad about themselves.

...everywhere you look, it’s wall to wall happy couples and a constant barrage of messages that tells you that if you’re not in a relationship right now, then there’s something wrong with you. The longer you’ve been single, the greater the feelings of judgement and lack of worth. 

Anyone who’s been single a long period of time can definitely relate to that.  When you’re single and wishing otherwise, you can’t help to sometimes feel bad about yourself, your life, and yes, feel like you’re worthless or defective.

I know I’ve felt like that many times over the years – still do to be honest – but is this really the best way to deal with being single?  Continually beating yourself up just because you haven’t found someone special, or aren’t dating someone at that point in time?

Of course it’s not.  It’s self-destructive (trust me, I know..) and counter productive to living your life.

YOUR life, not someone else’s.  It’s all yours and only you can be the architect of your own happiness, regardless if you’re in a relationship or not.

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Can you tell I’m trying to be more upbeat and positive about life, instead of my usual miserable, negative self?  OK, so maybe I’m not there yet, but I am working on it…

I’ve always found it eye-opening to talk with my partnered friends about my eternal singledom.  Most just seem to see the positives about being single, and how lucky that makes me in their eyes.  Some just see the freedom being single gives me when it comes to planning my free time.. and how it gives me freedom to be with any guy I wanted to.

HA!  If only it was that easy.  😉

However when you look at the other side of things (and yes this is me going into my ‘glass half empty’ mode), those things that they feel make me lucky to be single are also the some of the same things that can make being single horrible and extremely lonely.

characters-couple-happy-love-single-Favim.com-57296So, what’s a single guy like me supposed to do?  Go to the bars?  Join uninteresting social groups?  Stay home and cry?  Put on a brave face for your partnered friends to show you’re happy for them despite feeling totally green with envy deep down that they’ve found someone (while still actually being happy for them at the same time)?

Or perhaps sit in a coffee shop and write about the pitfalls of being single on your blog.  On a Friday night.  😉

Truly there is no right or wrong answer, though some ways to dealing with being single are not healthy mentally (or at least they aren’t for me).

I suppose all us singletons can do is just keep on plowing through life in the hope someone interesting might finally come alone.. And maybe stop spending so much time sitting on the mobile apps looking through profiles of hot guys looking for a bit of fun.

As for that aforementioned article about being single (click the link at the bottom of the page to read it in full), they’ve broken it down into 5 main statements:

  • Being Single Isn’t A Reflection On Your Value As A Person
  • The Fail State of A Relationship Isn’t “Single”
  • Being Alone Doesn’t Mean Being Miserable
  • A Relationship Isn’t A Magical Cure
  • You’re Allowed To Be Single and Happy

Every single statement is completely and utterly true.. But for some people (me especially) who can’t seem to see past the negative connotations of being single, trying to get your mindset to change to that way of thinking is a lot harder than just flicking a switch.

Personally, I wish I could just enjoy my life as it is, and spend my energy on more important things like looking for a new job, improving my health/going to the gym, and writing my (not so) little ass off.  😉

Just like anything else, it’s a work in progress.

To read the full article, please click —> It’s OK To Be Single.

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A Bit of Tongue

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I’m not sure if it’s just me being a jealous singleton or if PDA’s (public displays of affection, straight, gay or otherwise) make me feel bad about myself.

I’m sitting in a coffee shop in Vauxhall waiting for a potential date (shag?) to confirm meeting up, and just watched this woman come in and give her boyfriend (presumably) a huge, deep, LONG kiss for everyone to see. There was definite heat in that kiss.

A part if me feels like I should be happy they have love and affection in their lives. That they’ve found each other, be it for life or a night.

But instead I’m sitting here wondering why I don’t have that passion in my own life? Where’s my other half? Why haven’t I met him yet?

And how much damn longer do I have to wait before he FINALLY shows up?? 😉

I know. I know.. Love comes to those who wait, or aren’t looking for it, or when you least expect it.. Or some other saying people usually say to me when I start moaning about being single. Again.

The funny thing is there are other times when I see something similar to today’s PDA and I’ll go ‘Aaaahhhh, how sweet’, and get all gooey inside.

Love, affection and passion are amazing things, gifts to share really, and should be treasured when you have them in your life. It’s beautiful to see two people (or three, if that’s your thing lol) show such amazing affection for each other.

Just try to keep the tongue action down to a minimum in public ok? 😉

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Happy V-Day

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I totally agree with this picture. What’s the fun being single on Valentine’s Day, when everything around you is all about celebrating love with your special sweetie.

Obviously days like this, when single, are best spent with good friends or out on the town doing something special.

Let’s be honest – it’s just another freakin’ day.

I’m sure it’s special for some people, and that’s great for them. I would never deny others who want to do something special for their loved ones.

But should you truly wait for this one day to do something special and romantic? No, you should do that throughout the year, make everyday special.

*Sigh*

Ok. My annual V-Day rant is over (last year was worse lol).

Now time to chill on the sofa watching telly. 🙂

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