Stopping Self-Sabotage

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We all have things in life we’d like to achieve, be them certain dreams or goals, but never reach them.  Or perhaps started multiple projects but never finished them.  External factors withstanding, it may be the only thing that is standing between you and your success or progression in life is YOU.

Sometimes, despite the best intentions or even being the utmost capable, you could be sabotaging your own success.  And this could be from a variety of things – negative self-belief, unhealthy behaviours, fear of failure (or success), or any combination thereof.

This lack of confidence in yourself means you are your own worse enemy in your life, and maybe it’s time to tame that vicious beast once and for all.

Discover the ‘why’

Surprising as it may sound, some people actually self-sabotage out of habit or to keep themselves within a certain ‘comfort zone’.  It’s not necessarily intentional, not do they even really realise they’re doing it, but it can become somewhat routine.

One of the hardest things to determine is why you’re doing it and identify the areas it’s affecting.  You have to really dig deal inside to identify the basis for feeling unworthy or for shooting down your own success before you’ve even tried.  It could just something as simple as your own inner negativity attacking yourself due to a fear of rejection, ridicule or any number of self-limiting beliefs that could be holding you back from achieving your goals.

When in doubt, write it out

Journal_writing_coffee_journal_millsOne of the many benefits of keeping a journal, be it online in the form of a blog or even an old-school physical notebook, is that it allows you to fully explore things you’re feeling or situations you find yourself in, and you can take your time to extrapolate how you think or feel about them.

Basically, think of it as free therapy.

When it comes to this sort of journaling, it’s more about allowing yourself the space to write freely and express yourself openly without concern of judgement or over analysis.  You may want to keep all this person and for yourself (as opposed to publishing online for the world to read.. ), but this a decision only you can make.

And it’s not about being creative or writing to an audience.  This is truly and only about you and how you’re feeling or thinking.  It’s all about the expressing of your thoughts.  It could just a couple lines, or a couple pages.  Or it even could just be a doodle.

It’s your journal so you make the rules after all.

Don’t talk yourself out of it

Whether you realise it or not, you talk to yourself every day.  We all tend to have an ongoing inner monologue going on as the day progresses.  It could be about your behaviour, something you’ve overheard, thoughts about what to have for dinner, criticism of your own performance, or any number of things we all think about daily.

Self attackUnfortunately, this inner chatter can frequently turn negative, which in turn can demolish your self-worth and self-esteem.  And sometimes you don’t even realise it’s happening until it’s too late, and you’re already reinforcing any negative limitations you’ve placed on what you’re capable of in life.

It could arise in the form of guilt over some past experience, anxiety over something still to come, or hopelessness at our current situation.  Basically you have to be more aware of how often you talk down to yourself in your head, and actively adjust to thinking differently to build a more positive attitude about yourself.

No more apples and oranges

be diferentWho doesn’t compare their lives to those around them, and then start feeling inadequate or lazy because we haven’t achieved the same levels as someone else.  By doing this, you’re saying to yourself that the other person is ‘worth more’ than you, that they’re better than you.  And it’s utterly unrealistic.

This constant comparison is demotivating and will only lead you to feeling worse about yourself.  You’re lessening your own self-worth along with your own beauty or potential for greatness.  You need to remember that everyone is different, and that is what makes your life so unique – nobody else in the entire world has lived it!

So instead of imitating someone else’s success or behaviours, be true to yourself.  Realise your own authentic self and be proud of what you’ve achieved, or where you’re headed in life.

Be your own best friend.

You’ve all heard this before – you need to stop giving everyone else around us all of your life, time and attention, and start focusing on yourself.  You need to start allowing yourself time to be self-nurturing and truly enjoy your own company.  Spend quality time doing what YOU enjoy, and stop trying to please everyone else around you.

a789bff55ac029875a2b8c3a39e681d2Self-sabotage causes us to overlook other people’s issue or mistakes, and then tear yourself down for doing the exact same thing.  Is this right or fair?  Of course not because it just reinforces those negative limitations you’ve placed on yourself.

Instead, take the time for self-discovery.  Enjoy the journey to exploring yourself and your true potential.  Remind yourself regularly (if not daily) that you are an amazing person and you deserve to be the best ‘you’ you can be.

This article has been influenced by — http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/stop-sabotaging-yourself-5-easy-steps.html

How to Remind Yourself You’re Worthy of Love. – GayGuys.com

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You are made of LOVE

Re-post Source: How to Remind Yourself You’re Worthy of Love. – GayGuys.com

I used to think I was only worth what society told me I was. When I felt judged I instantly made it personal, dissecting the reasons why and ultimately burying myself in a cave of self-pity. But then something happened.

I realized the world read my value by observing my self-worth. When I felt worthless, the world took it at face value—that’s what they saw and it’s how they associated me. As humans we take a lot of our value from what people think of us, so as a result of their association, we assume their opinion is the truth when in actuality it began with us all along.

Raise our self-worth -> Raise our value.

Sometimes we have to do the work ourselves. We need to define who we are and know how valuable we truly are without needing to look at society. From then on, everything falls into place. It’s a never-ending circle that starts and ends with our own views of ourselves. Here’s how we can start raising our worth:

Remind yourself what it is they (the world) are dealing with. You’re not just anyone. You’re YOU. Stop comparing yourself to other people who might look different, sound different, feel different; the fact that you are original and unique is always going to work in your favor. You aren’t an every day run-of-the-mill kind of guy—you’re special. You got IT.

Give yourself something to accomplish so you’ll feel accomplished once it’s complete. In other words make projects, think of ideas, predict the future for yourself, come up with goals and actually try to achieve them. The simple act of working towards something makes you feel fulfilled, ultimately turning insecurity into pride.

Recognize your good qualities because the second you do, you’ll understand how it’s inspired others all this time. You’ll see that it’s your heart, your soul, and your spirit that make people love you rather than artificial things. Your goodness is your worth. Your goodness defines how valuable you are, and once you see how much you already have inside, (there’s a lot, trust me) resonate in it.

love-yourself-firstWake up happy. Before you have another self-deprecating thought, you need to fuel your heart with love. Wake up and be glad that you did. This is your room, this is your bed, this is your life; celebrate it with a smile. Place your mind in front of you rather than behind you, keep it floating on your own assessments instead of letting it sink.

Love yourself the way you love others. Too often we place so much adoration on our loved ones, yet we fail to treat ourselves the same way. We feel it’s selfish to love ourselves equal to loving the world, but trust me when I say if we don’t love ourselves we will never collect enough of it to share.

You deserve to be fulfilled. Yes, YOU deserve to be happy, to have love, to be joyous. You worked your ass off to get where you are today—you might be bruised and you might be shaken, but scars heel. Never think you’re unworthy of good things because you feel guilt or shame to have them. You deserve to be happy because you are here. You’re breathing, you’re living, you’re giving to the world, and you deserve goodness—never give it back.