Why Are You Single

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Life can be frustrating when you know what you want but never seem to find it.  Especially when it comes to romance and relationships.

It’s bad when someone asks ‘why are you still single’ while extolling how wonderful and ‘nice’ you are.  It’s almost like they start looking to find out what’s wrong with you.  Or start talking down to you about ‘needing to be patient’ or having just ‘not found the right guy yet’.  As if that is supposed to make you feel better.

The worst though is watching those around you seemingly jump from relationship to relationship without batting an eyelash.  They make it seem so easy that it can make you feel worse about yourself.

Perhaps there’s a reason you’re still single.. and maybe it’s one of the below.  Or maybe you just meet a lot of jerks.  LOL

Your friends take up too much of your time

Friends are the rock that can help you get out of a hard place, and be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.  But if you have such a wide circle of friends that you’re spending all your time trying to maintain those friendship, when do you get room for your love life?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having lots of friends, as ultimately they do help you be a better you and perhaps mold who you are as a person.  And sometimes they even become our families so it’s important to nurture that connection.

But when it gets to the point where you’re spending all your time appeasing their happiness and your own gets left by the way-side, then you need to make a few minute changes.  Allow yourself some time for your and your own needs.  Allow yourself space to meet someone interesting.

Your confidence becomes cockiness

Let’s be honest – we’re all immensely attracted to a confident man who knows what he wants and how to get it.  But at what point does your confidence turn into something less attractive?  Or perhaps it makes you seem above the rest of us who aren’t as comfortable in our skins.

As artificial and plastic as the gay community can seem at times, there’s something to be said for coming across as a flawed, compassionate human who’s still working through whatever baggage they have.  And having baggage isn’t a bad thing, it just means you’ve lived life and have the battle scars to show for it.

All in all, leave your ego at the door and allow yourself to be open to new possibilities.  Nobody is perfect, not even you.  So why judge others as if it was true?

Always looking for something better

To be honest, sometimes the grass is greener right where you are but you just can’t see it.  Too often guys will spend all their time still looking for something better, even when they have something great already in front of them.  We’ve been brainwashed to think there’s got to a perfect guy out there for us, when in fact there’s no such thing.

You could be allowing something really great that has potential to grow into something amazing slip through your fingers.  Relationships are never easy and it’s even harder to find a meaningful one.  So why give up before you’ve even tried to see where things can go?

Stop throwing away the good guys just because they’re not what you think as ‘perfect’.

Are you ‘ready’?

Who hasn’t said at one point or another  they’re not ‘ready’ or ‘looking for something serious’ right now?  Do you really understand that’s just you giving an excuse why you’re not dating at the moment, and that really you just love being single so you can play the field?  And that’s ok to admit that.

Basically all you’re doing is allowing yourself to procrastinate about your love life.  You’d rather push perfectly great guys away so you can have some ‘fun’ instead of being willing to see where things may develop.

What a waste… especially when there’s an actual connection between you.

Hard to get is more than your mantra

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a strong, independent guy who marches to their own beat in life.  In fact, that’s insanely attractive in a guy because you just know they’ll always give you space in a relationship or not become overbearing because value their time alone.

But… if it gets to the point where you’ve become stubborn or can’t conceive of allowing anyone into your life because of your independent spirit, then potentially you’re missing out on something great.

It’s not a matter of whether someone special or new fits into your life plans, but instead how including them could move you closer to where you actually want to be.

Work work work

There’s something to be said about having a healthy work-life balance.  When you’re living to work instead of working to live, you’re risking burning yourself out and then not having anyone there to help you pick up the pieces.  Work is important, but it shouldn’t be the only thing in your life.

Also, if you have no personal life who are you going to vent to when you’ve had a bad day?  The cat?  Even the strongest among us need someone they can turn to that isn’t part of their daily work life.  With the right balance, you canhave an amazingly successful career and someone special at home to help you decompress.

Leave your work at work.

You’re afraid to settle down

When you’re a free and independent spirit, you might think the idea of settling down means the end of your fun, carefree ways.  That having a relationship means you’ll stop trying to achieve something in life, or that the other person will stifle your joie de vivre.

Perhaps instead you’ll actually shine even brighter than ever by letting someone special in.  They will inspire you to become a better version of yourself.  Your life could be even more enriched by including them in your life, and vice versa.

So drop your ego at the door, and give them a chance to show how you can enhance each other’s lives.

You have intimacy issues

Being intimate with friends, family and some short-term loves can be easy.  It comes second nature as there’s no pressure or worry about where things may lead.  You’re just cool and comfortable around each other.

But when it comes to something more serious, your cool factor plummets to the point you’re terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing.  Or that you stop feeling like yourself around the other guy, and maybe even feel like you’re losing yourself somewhat.  And that’s all normal.

Love can knock you off-centre and gets you thinking about situations differently than you might with a friend. It can kick you ass, but once you’ve honed your ability to manage these new feelings, you’ll be flying.

Nobody is psychic

How the hell are you going to get the man of your dreams if you’re sitting back waiting for him to ready your mind?  If you’re not telling him what you want or need, then it’ll be a crap-shoot whether he gets it right and you’ll ultimately be disappointed when he doesn’t.

And the reverse is true too.  If you like a guy, then just tell him already!  Stop playing coy and unassuming, and let him know you want to get to know him more.

This post has been inspired by – You’re Awesome, But Here’s Why You’re Still Single: – GayGuys.com

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Be Happy – How to Stress Less

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Life can be stressful and chaotic, but generally only if you allow it to be.  Sometimes you need to just slow down and take things one at a time.

They say that people’s lives can become happier once they’ve decided to be happy.  That may be simplistic, but perhaps it’s a matter of facing life with a more positive outlook.

Give yourself a clear direction

All too often, life can get muddled and a lack of direction can cause stress in our lives.  Who hasn’t complained there wasn’t enough time in a day or how the week has flown by.  Your week was the same length as anyone else’s, but the difference is how focused you’ve been during it.

We all have things we’d like to achieve, but sadly most don’t take the time to set a clear plan to reach that target.  It’s time to get focused, clear your conscious, and really understand what you want to achieve and why.  Otherwise, you’ll continue to flounder and not get anywhere.

Focus your productivity

If-you-do-not-change-directionIt’s all too easy to get bogged down in the minute, unimportant things that clutter our ‘to-do’ lists, which means we just end up leaving the important stuff to the end.

This will leave you constantly feeling like you’re not getting anywhere because the big items continually get moved to the next list.

Instead, focus on the big things first.  If something is truly important, urgent or difficult to complete, then prioritise it.  Because generally when you complete the big stuff, the smaller, less important things can sometimes fall to the wayside.

Perfection doesn’t exist

Everybody is way too obsessed with getting things in life absolutely perfect all the time, which in turn may hinder the progress you’re trying to make.  And way too many of us focus on the destination or end result without enjoying the journey along the way.

When working towards a goal or target, there’s never a guarantee of progression or even success at achieving a specific outcome.  If life was truly set out as a check-list of how to get ahead in life, we’d all be super successful and presumably ‘happy’.

But the reality of it is that there are no rules on how to succeed or to be happy, and no two people’s ideal of ‘perfect’ will be exactly the same.  Just enjoy the journey itself, and allow yourself to learn from the progress as it happens.

Forgive and forget

NEGATIVEWe all do it – continually replay the day’s events or some unpleasant conversation over and over in our heads to analyse each detail.  But other than dealing with immediate issues, what’s the point in reinforcing the negative aspects of your day, letting them to lay heavy on your heart.

It may sound easier than it is, but you’ve just to just let it go.  All of it – the regrets, the snubs, the rude or disparaging remarks, the distractions – and allow yourself to end each day cleansed of the negativity.

And this includes your own untrue or negative thoughts towards yourself.  It’s all the same in the end.  When you change your thoughts, you change your life.

Same goes for stress

Life is a challenge, and it can get really hard along the journey.  And that’s okay, as it’s the stresses we face daily that build us up and make us stronger to better face the even harder challenges up ahead.

The point is not to let the stress take you over and ruin your day.  Which isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Think about stress as if you’ve reached a room with 2 exits – one that relives the stress of the day, and the other where you move on with your life.  Why wouldn’t you take the second door?

One step at a time

Some say one of the steps to happiness is having a fit, healthy body, but is that just enforcing society’s ideals on how you should live your life and look?  We all know that a good workout is great for your peace of mind (as well as your body, obviously), and the endorphin release can help sharpen your mind’s focus.

CarrotBut is that it?  Is that the answer to all of our problems and the key to happiness?  Hardly, but it is important to take care of yourself – both inside and out, mentally and physically – and regular exercise of some sort can only be a positive thing.

Just don’t get so wrapped up in ‘being fit and healthy’ that you become oblivious to other factors that contribute to your happiness.

Treat yourself

It’s endearing to do something special for our loved ones, but when was the last time you did something special for yourself?  It doesn’t have to be anything big but something simple like taking a walk, doing something you truly enjoy, reading a book, making your favourite meal, and so forth.

All too often we spend our energies putting other people’s needs ahead of our own, almost to the point where we forget to take care of our own happiness.  It’s not necessarily about being selfish, but you do need to put your own needs first on occasion.

K.I.S.S. – Keep it simple…

Way too many people will over-book their lives to the point where they literally have zero wiggle room when things pop up.  They’ll organise their diaries to the point where they have to book time in with friends or loved ones weeks or months in advance.

There’s no spontaneity, no last minute plans, no spur of the moment day trips, and literally no room for yourself.

How is that really any fun?

Obviously you don’t want to go so far as to under-plan your life, but do allow yourself a bit of regular breathing space and time each week to focus on you.  It gives you more flexibility in your own life, and when those surprise invites pop up you might actually be able to accept them.

This post was influenced by – 9 Things Happy People Do to Stress Less.

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Signs You’re Actually a Gay Introvert

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Life can be hard when you’re an introvert, especially in the gay community where those pesky sexy extroverts are getting all the guys you’d love to meet.  And sometimes it can make an introvert wonder whether they’ll ever get their turn at the big relationship-roundabout.

All too often introverts will try to push themselves to be more outgoing (especially at the prodding from their more extroverted friends) and make themselves seem more ‘interesting’ to try and rope in that hot guy.

Unfortunately that’s always doomed to failure, as you’re truly not being yourself.  You’re an introvert and always will be.  And here’s why you’re best to just be yourself.. even if some may consider you ‘anti-social’.

Introverts make great listeners.. but hate small talk

Ever notice how some people will fade back while amongst a group of people chatting about the usual mundane things in life.  That person, most likely, is an introvert since most find wading through that chitchat almost painful.  It’s not always that they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversion, but more that they’d just rather not be bothered.

But start talking about the bigger things in life, be it politics, religious freedoms, immigration, or any other such topics, and the introvert will be more than willing to yak your ear off.  Introverts are thinkers, and are able to fully form opinions about a variety of important topics.

Crowds – love ’em & hate ’em

introverts uniteA lot of introverts have issues being in big crowds of people, be it at some packed club or at some huge house party.  They love being included, but sometimes have to fight their anxieties to jump into the middle of things.

But don’t think the introvert isn’t capable of having fun, because they’ll do their best to enjoy themselves and dance the night away.  It just may be that they’ll keep themselves to the outskirts of the main festivities instead of being in the thick of things.

Oh, and their idea of a truly good time?  Chilling in a cool pub with a few good mates, where they can talk without having to shout at each other.

Truly personal connections are special

A lot of people just write introverts off as being anti-social, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.  The reality is they sometimes have difficulty allowing themselves to open up to others, especially those who they’ve just met.

And it’s more than just a trust issue.  Introverts instinctively can tell who they can show their vulnerable side to, and who they can just laugh with without revealing too much of themselves.  And when an introvert does open themselves up to someone, then that means they see that person as special and precious to them.

Huge flirt vs just being friendly

As much as introverts protest, everyone always thinks they’re a massive flirt because they’re not ones to hide behind a façade.  They’re the most authentic and genuine people you’ll ever meet, and they’ll always be the ones to tell you how it is without any double entendres.  But yet your boyfriend will always drag you away from an introvert in a fit of jealousy.

Quality over quantity

Most introverts have an innate ability to smell the bullshit being spewed around them, and because of that, they’re probably the best people to go to for some quality, no-nonsense advise about most anything.  A lot of them can tell when something has been done to a sub-par standard, and are quite adept at telling the fakers from those being genuine.

Man of mystery

In this day and age of over-sharing (online or in person), introverts are seen as being closed off from others and having an air of mystery about them.  A lot of this has to do with an introvert’s unavoidable requirement of being self-sufficient or independent from those around them, even if it makes people think they’re just being a ‘loner’.  It all adds to their inexplicable appeal.

Introvert-quoteUncomfortable talking about themselves

Introverts aren’t the best at selling themselves, usually allowing for their work to speak for itself when it comes to their work life.  As for their personal life, they’re more likely to give a generic ‘I’m alright’ when asked how they’re doing, instead of spilling whatever drama they’re going through at the time.

They’d rather watch Netflix

Introverts aren’t that great at coming up with those witty Facebook statuses we all love to ‘Like’, though do come up with a few zingers from time to time.  Instead they’d much rather chill out, watch a movie, catch that new documentary, or have one of their famous Netflix marathons.

They’re regularly friend-zoned

Because introverts are great at listening and being there for their friends and family, they regularly get placed in the proverbial friend box.  And this is usually despite all their moaning they just want to find a ‘nice guy’, despite the fact that you’re right there ready for the plucking with a massive crush.

Time causes panic

introverts are specialAs introverts get older, they start to realise that they’ve spent hardly anytime socialising or spending it with their friends or family.  And because they tend to over-think things, they’ll start wondering all sorts of things about their lives – Will I ever find a husband? Where did all my friends go? How’d did I lose touch all these people? Do I even care anymore?

All in all, introverts are loving and amazing people who just need those around them to realise how fantastic they are, and make a bit of effort to crack that closed-off exterior.

This article is inspired by –> 10 Signs You’re Actually a Gay Introvert (Even Though You Try Not to Be) – GayGuys.com