I’m finding it harder and harder at times to determine if some people are actually my friends or are just there for when it suits their needs.
I’m not talking about those who are in my day to day life, but more of those who only pop up when it’s convenient for them. Where you’ll go months and months without hearing from them, then suddenly they want to know your life story, a ‘catch up’, in a sentence or two.
As if that’s even possible, even if you have such an uneventful life like me. LOL
But the funny thing is how they react when you call them on their shitty ‘friendship’. Some try to put it back on you because they haven’t heard from you either.. which can be a fair point sometimes. And some will just apologise but not explain why you haven’t heard from them.
I bring this up as I got a message yesterday from a sexy Turkish/Bahrainian guy I used to play with from time to time. I’d last heard from him briefly at Christmas, and then his previous message was probably close to 6 months before then.
We’ve known each other for at least 3 years now, and I used to regularly message him to meet up, but he never could because of family commitments (separated from his wife, lived with his mother and had partial custody of his son..).
Or if we did agree to meet up, it was usually somewhere that was convenient for him but not for me… Many times I’d travelled to North London when I lived in Vauxhall only for him to cancel. One time I got his cancellation message as I got there, only for him to message me a couple hours later that he could now meet.. meanwhile I’d already travelled back home.
Very frustrating, especially when we got along so well, both personally and sexually.
But after awhile, I got sick of his excuses why he couldn’t meet up.
I eventually told him that if he wanted to spend time with me then he needed to make the effort to organise it, to ask me to meet up and such. That I was done chasing after him, that this one-sided friendship wasn’t fair on me.
Obviously I’m not so shallow to be blind to the issues he has reconciling his bisexuality and his religion. He and his family are devout Muslims so it’s extremely difficult for him to accept his attraction to chunky guys.
In his mind, because of his upbringing, sex between two men is considered dirty and unnatural, and most definitely against everything he’s been brought up to believe in. At one point he actually thought there was something wrong with him physically or psychologically and was looking to go to a doctor to try and ‘fix’ it.
And of course, nothing I could say to him during those periods could convince him otherwise.
Religious misconceptions aside, the most frustrating thing was how he’d never reply to messages. Or if I sent him a message that expressed any sort of dissatisfaction with his side of our ‘friendship’, then I wouldn’t hear from him again for another couple months.
I got so frustrated by it all yesterday that I actually told him to grow a pair and be a man already. To love who he wants to love, not who others tell him he should love. That if he likes me as much as he keep saying he does (it’s his usual spiel) then he should make an effort to see me.
Yeah.. that was all probably unfair of me. He can’t help that he’s been brought up in a different culture that makes people think if they don’t live a certain life then they must be a bad person. That any deviation from the ‘norm’ would result in losing everything they hold dear.
From what I’ve gathered he’s decided to just not bother meeting me because he can’t (or won’t, not sure..) give me what I’m looking for. I don’t expect a marriage proposal from him or anything, just be nice to spend some time together. Even if it was just as mates.
Or maybe I’m just expecting too much from him..