An Update of Sorts

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Where do I start…

It’s been well over a month since I last posted anything to my blog, and it hasn’t been due to a lack of things to write about.  Life gets busy sometimes, and sometimes there just isn’t any time to catch up on things.

But maybe that’s just a bunch of bull.. there’s been plenty of time to write on my blog, and plenty of opportunities to log on.  But for some reason, I just haven’t done it.

It’s not like I’ve been super busy with work or an amazing social life, because I haven’t been really.  More than anything I’ve just fallen into a rut where all I seem to want to do when I get home from work is relax, watch Netflix, and sleep.

I haven’t been going out that much really.  In fact I’ve continued my regular habit of spending my weekends at home, doing pretty much nothing.

Lazy on sofaSo there’s obviously lots of time for me to write and blog, and there have been times I’ve had some great ideas for posts or stories I’d like to write.

But .. nothing.

For whatever reason I’ve just found it hard to sit down at the laptop and open up a fresh post, and put my thoughts to paper so to speak.

It’s not like I’ve stopped enjoying the writing process or the act itself, but I haven’t.  If anything I’ve found myself itching to get back to it regularly.

I suppose a big factor in everything has to be environment.. in my current flat, I just don’t feel energised to be creative, or even have the energy to get off my ass and do what I want to do.

This probably has as much to do with how I feel about where I live as well as the environment itself.  For whatever reason, my bedroom feels almost claustrophobic and dark, as if I was living in a basement instead of on the 2nd floor.

It also hasn’t helped that I’ve gotten into the habit of using my desk as a dumping point for post, dishes and whatnot, leaving hardly any room for my laptop let alone sitting at the desk and writing.

Einstein quoteBut luckily change is on the horizon… finally.

Not only have I done a massive clean up to reduce the clutter in my room (wasn’t messy per se, just needed a good clear out), but I’ve also given my notice to move.

That’s right, after almost a year living in this gloomy, dreary place, I’ve finally found a new place to live.. and will be moving by the end of October.

The sooner the better.

Not only is it closer to work (about 25 minutes by bus including a 10 minute walk to the bus stop), but it’s also more central and closer to my friends.  So hopefully this will give me more of a push to get off my ass and live life more.

But I think the main reason I’m excited to move to this new place is my new flatmate.  He seems really nice, friendly, and interested in having someone to share the flat with him, not just rent a room.

moving-in-packing-organizingAlso helps that he’s not the landlord, but just another tenant in the flat.

Oh, and he’s Italian. And gay. And yes, he’s cute.. but I won’t be looking to cross that boundary.  LOL

I suppose this impending change has just gotten me excited about things a bit more again.  And living in a flat where it doesn’t feel like I’m inconveniencing the other person.

Change is good, and I can’t wait for it to get here. 🙂

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Bored on Holidays

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So due to my company’s financial year ending in April, I’ve had to take this week off as holiday to use up most of my remaining days.  The timing of it works perfectly because of the upcoming Easter weekend, giving me 10 full days (including the weekends) off from work.

The only thing is.. I’m bored.

Because it was kind of last minute (agreed to it only a couple weeks ago), I didn’t get around to planning anything for it.  If I’d had the forethought, I might have booked a cheap mini-break somewhere warm, or even looked at going home to Canada for a bit (although the prices for that were well out of my puny budget 😦 ).

Instead, the only thing I have planned this week is the start of my physiotherapy on Thursday evening.  Real exciting..

Other than going to the local Starbucks on Sunday and popping out last night to grab a take away, I haven’t been out of the house since I got home super late Saturday night (see previous post).

Man using laptop computer at coffee shopI’ve done nothing but sleep, eat, marathon-watch Netflix (re-watching ‘3rd Rock From The Sun’), and well, wish I was out doing anything other than sitting at home alone.

I have messaged a few people over the past couple days to suggest we meet up at some point during the week to hang out.  But I’ve gotten nothing back other than non-committal ‘I’ll let you know, enjoy your holidays’ responses, if they’ve acknowledged my suggestion at all.

Interestingly, I know of a couple guys who are currently off work, either between jobs or have days off in the week, and who I haven’t seen or hung out with in ages.. But even they don’t seem to want to get together.

It’s starting to make me wonder if there’s something I’m doing to push these people away.  Or more accurately, if there’s some reason why they don’t want to hang out.

Sure, I don’t exactly live centrally at the moment, but I’m willing to travel into town this week to do things.  It’s much better than the alternative – sitting in my bedroom, getting more and more stir-crazy from the boredom, because I know none of them will travel out to Woolwich to see me.

Of course, I haven’t exactly done anything all that exciting today.  I’ve packed up my laptop, jumped on the train to London Bridge, and found a nearby coffee shop with free wi-fi.

Talk about living the high life. LOL

The only offer to meet up at some point this week has come from an Indian chaser I used to chat to ages ago.  And his idea of meeting up is specifically for sex….

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A new squirrel friend..

Hmmm.. I don’t know about that, but we’ll see.  It’s not like I’ve got an actual boyfriend or anything. 😉

Sure, I could easily spend the week doing some cheap touristy things around London, like walking along the Thames, going to museums, exploring some new area I’ve never been to before, go read in a park (if it’s not too cold or windy).

And I may do just that.

Guess I just wish I had someone to do them with.  Sure as hell be a lot more fun.

 

Laziness or Hibernation

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Yeah that’s right, I’ve been a right lazy ass over the past several weeks.  And I don’t just mean because of the lack of posts on here since the New Year, though that is part of it.

More than usual, all I seem to want to do lately in my spare time is relax on my sofa with Netflix playing on the laptop, while I play around on my iPad or read on the Kindle.

I get up.  I go to work.  I come home, and *plop* – my butt is firmly implanted on my little sofa in my bedroom, and I don’t generally move until it’s time to go to bed.

Other than dinner at a friend’s place a couple times and my monthly bowling night, the last time I really went out was on New Year’s Eve.  Hell, even when I hung out with a local mate this past Friday night, it was drinking wine on my sofa watching cheesy movies.

I’ve stopped what little social life I’d had before the holidays, and you know the funny thing?  I’m not really missing it.

'Hello, reception, can I have a wake-up call in spring please?'And no, I’m surprisingly not feeling depressed or upset with the world around me.  Instead it’s more of a hibernation.. I’m just doing my best to stay warm in my icebox of a bedroom (usually curled close to the weak electric heater).

Perhaps I’m just bored of the London scene, and how there’s never really anything new to do or anyone new to meet.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy going out and it would be nice to be able to.  I’ve been invited out a couple times by a dear friend, but I’ve had to turn him down due to being broke as hell (January has been a very tight month financially..).

It could partly be the finance side of things is what has been making me stay at home all the time, but I think it’s more than just that.

Before the holidays whenever I’d spend an entire weekend on my own, usually feeling sorry for myself, I’d feel frustrated that I was wasting entire weekends sitting at home.  That I could possibly be missing out on something by staying home all the time.  That I’d never meet someone interesting by watching Netflix all weekend.

But what I’m finding interested these days when those feelings start to crop up, I just seem to dismiss them as unimportant.  And then I continue to enjoy my time alone and watch another episode of whatever TV show I’m marathon watching (currently a mix of Merlin and the original Life on Mars).

Is there a downside to all this time alone?  Of course there is, and surprisingly it’s not loneliness or feeling horny.  😉

I can’t stop freakin’ eating!! Hahahahahaha I’m snacking more now than I ever used to be, and have probably put on a few pounds, despite my efforts to eat lots of salads and such throughout the week.

Anyway, I know I’ve always been somewhat of a homebody, barely leaving the house unless I had somewhere specific I had to go.

River view towards Canary WharfBut there are times when I can’t help but think that maybe I should do something on my days off.  Like maybe go for a walk along the river, or go check out the (gay) pubs and such in nearby Greenwich.  Or maybe take my laptop to a coffee shop to a different area just for a change of pace (the local Starbucks is a 5 minute walk from my place lol).

Perhaps I’ve partly been such a shut in lately because of where I’m now living, as it takes a lot longer to get anywhere than before and it costs more (due to being further out from central).  But that’s probably more of an excuse than an actual reason.

I’m hibernating, plain and simple.  It be nice for someone to join me (like my mate did this past Friday night), but I’m not going to get my knickers in a twist because nobody will join me. Lol

Instead I’m going to continue to enjoy the quiet while it lasts, and do my best to keep this calm relaxed mentality I’ve seemed to have adopted since the holidays.

And look forward to a possible trip to Manchester end of next month with my bestie P from Scotland.  Finances willing, obviously. 🙂

Feeling Funky.. and Not in a Good Way

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Life can be hard at times for pretty much everyone, though it can be harder for some than others.

However I sometimes wonder if I’m subconsciously making my life harder than it really needs to be.  That I let my emotions and negative thoughts take over my active behaviours, which sometimes leads me to pushing people away when I don’t mean to.

I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit over the past few days as I spend the holidays alone.  A couple of close friends stayed in town this year as well, but instead of us getting together like I tried to suggest, they each chose to spend the day on their own.

This was not a great feeling, and although I tried not to, I took it as a personal affront that they (seemingly) couldn’t be bothered to just spend the day together. Christmas is a time to spend with loved ones, be it family or friends, and I actually felt abandoned.

It wasn’t about doing some massive Christmas dinner or whatever, but more about having some friendly company.  Or at least it was for me.

What I found though, as I spent the past two days completely alone, that my emotions were getting the better of me.  I was sad and angry at the same time, and anyone who sent me a cheery Christmas greeting got a response full of sadness and negativity.

I couldn’t help it.  All I could focus on over the past couple days was how everyone else was out there enjoying their loved ones while I sat at home alone.

One person messaged me that I should have told them I was going to be alone at Christmas.. to which I replied that if they’d wanted me at theirs for Christmas, then they should have invited me.  That I shouldn’t have to broadcast to the world that I’m alone at Christmas so I could end up with a pity invite.

Maybe that was the wrong response and reaction to their message, but it was a knee-jerk answer and the anger came out.  Of course this was the same person who said they were home alone as well.. with their husband.  That’s not being alone if you ask me.

Of course it didn’t help things whenever I’d log onto Facebook and saw all the happy families and groups of friends having fun with each other.  After awhile I just had to close the site, and couldn’t even bring myself to reply to messages from people I care about.

In the end, I had a marathon viewing of RuPaul’s Drag Race on Netflix over the past several days (finished series 3 lol), as that was the most un-Christmasy thing I could think of to watch.  Plus I was hoping it would cheer me up somewhat.

Christmas-AloneSadly it didn’t.

Anyway, now there’s less than a week left of 2014 and I need to find a way to turn this frown upside down.  The last thing I want to do is start a new year in such a pissed off mood.

And I most definitely don’t want to spend NYE all alone.. again (had a bad flu last year, so couldn’t go out).  That was probably just as bad a feeling, if not worse.

So here’s hoping I can get myself out of this funk.. If not, maybe it’s time to speak to the doctor again for some help.  😦