Friendship can be Fleeting

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Some friends come, some friends go.  And some friends are there for the long haul.  But sometimes, no matter what you do, the friendship may end.  It could be due to some toxic behaviour from one of you, or it could be a change in one of your lives.

It’s not a matter of loving each other any less, but being willing to understand when a friendship is at it’s end.  Or even recognising when it’s already over and not worth your time to try and save.

Regardless of how a friendship ends, it can sometimes really hurt and be confusing.  So here are a few things to look out for when that fleeting friendship is actually dying a slow death…

It’s exhausting

Spending time with your friends should be fun, exciting, and make you look forward to seeing them again, even when things aren’t going so well.  But if you find you’re coming away from seeing a friend constantly drained, emotionally and physically, it could be that they’re sucking the life right out of you.

Some friends are just emotional vampires, and any time spent together is all about them or their problems.  These people are needy and will latch onto anyone who’ll give them any attention.

Jealous of your happy

Whenever something good is happening in your life, one of the first things anyone wants to do is to share it with their friends.  We all enjoy sharing our happy moments alongside all the rest of it, and a true friend should be happy when something goes well for you, regardless of what is going on in their life.

But if that friend is continually trying to bring you down or is expressing jealousy because their life isn’t going as well as yours, then that’s not someone you want in your corner.  A solid friend should be a cheerleader for your accomplishments (and vice versa) without any thought about their own issues.

Always one-sided

Best_FriendsTruly good friends will always be there for each other through the thick and thin.  They’ll be their cheerleader, a shoulder to cry on, someone they can vent to, and ultimately, their rock.  We all go through tough periods and it’s important to have the right support when you’re going through a bad patch.

But if you find that you’re always listening to your friend’s issues and they aren’t letting you get a word in about what’s going on with you, then perhaps you need to let that selfish friend go.  Same goes if they never ask what’s going on with you (because they’re too busy talking about themselves), or don’t seem to even register what you do say (cause they’re not really listening).

Friendships may teeter back and forth, but ultimately it needs to truly be two-sided.

They put you down

All friends tend to roast each other to an extent.  It’s playful and always meant in good humour, never anything malicious or to purposely put someone down.  But sadly there are those out there who’ll always have something negative to say about you to bring you down.  Perhaps it makes them feel better about themselves, but regardless of why they do it, it’s toxic and they’re a friend you shouldn’t want to keep.

True friends always have your best interest at heart.

Mooches will always mooch

truly caresWe all have that friend who never seems to have any money on them to pay for drinks or dinner, or they say they’ll pay you back for those concert tickets but you never hear another word about it.  It’s one thing if it happens on occasion, but when it’s all the time it can become quite annoying to be chasing after them.

These people may not mean anything bad by it, and sometimes they don’t even realise they’ve done it.  But in the end you can only take so much of these flighty, forgetful friends.  And unfortunately, good luck getting your money back.

They’re overly demanding

It’s one thing to be a bit needy on occasion during a rough patch, but it’s completely different when you try to fully monopolise a friend’s time to the point where they can’t maintain other friendships or relationships.

When a friend is overly possessive, it generally means they’re insecure about your friendship and they’ll allow their jealousy to show.  Some may get so attached that they’ll freak out at the thought of you having other friends (let alone a relationship), and they could even try to sabotage things.

Best thing to do – run away.  Now.

Life moves on

Sometimes a friendship will end solely because life has changed for one or both of you.  People will change and grow over time, or perhaps one of your interests have changed.  It may suck when it happens, but it’s not like there’s a particular thing you can blame it on, as it just happens.  Some people just drift apart.

A lot of the time when this happens, one or both of you will be singing the hymn “We need to catch up soon!”, but it never really happens.  It could be that one of you has found a new social circle, or there’s a new relationship that’s occupying their time, or you no longer live near each other.  It’s just life really.

bad-friends-pic-3It’s ok to feel sad or confused when a friendship ends, but allow yourself the time to get past it.  Understand what changed and then move on.  There is no point dwelling on something that has already happened and can’t be changed.

This post has been influenced by – http://www.thelist.com/17938/tell-friendship/

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Signs You’re Being Too Needy

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We’ve all had times in our lives where we’ve felt especially needy for whatever reason, and felt that if we just had a bit of attention then we’d feel better.  It’s a fairly normal reaction when you’ve had an especially stressful day, or something has happened that you just need to talk over with someone.

But what if you’re at the point when people are actively avoiding you because you’re continually coming across as too needy?  That you’re constantly acting like the whole world is abandoning you.

I know I do feel like this at times.. ok, a lot of the time really.  But perhaps that’s just my perception of how people view me, that they’re purposely avoiding me.  At times, it can stop me from reaching out to others when I’m feeling down or lonely because I don’t want them to think of me as being overly needy.

Could it still come across that way even when I’m trying not to let it?  Sure it can.. and it’s regularly made me wonder how I can change that perception.

Being Too Available

I generally never have anything planned when it gets to the weekend.  So I find myself trying last minute to find out what others are up to, which is usually met with a series of ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’ve already got plans’ responses.

too needySo instead of still getting out there and enjoying the weekend, I tend to just spend the time completely along at home.  And when I do get a last minute invite from someone, I tend to jump at it.

But to be honest, how unattractive is always being available to do things when someone messages last minute? Well, it’s time to stop that, hard as that may seems at times.

Focus on yourself and what you want out of life, instead of continually moaning about how boring your life is because you’ve got nothing planned.  Set yourself some personal goals and lead your life in the direction you want it to go in.

If someone else wants to be there to join you in your journey, then that’s just a bonus.

Communicate Too Much

There’s a reason they say communication is a two-way street.  If you feel like you’re doing all the work to start a conversation, or even keep one going, then maybe you need to determine if you’re communicating too much.

it's too muchIt’s all too easy to feel like you’re chasing after the other person to be part of your life, but maybe that’s what should clue you in that maybe your neediness by regularly messaging the other person is what’s causing them not to want to reply back to you.

The last thing you need is for the other person to feel like if they don’t reply back to you right away, that you’ll get all stroppy. You don’t want to become an obligation.

Instead of constantly checking your mobile for messages from that new crush or that friend you’d love to hang out with, go out and have some fun yourself.  That way you’ll have some fun stories to tell them the next time you get together.

Whatever They Want

There’s compromise in making decisions, and then there’s being completely passive.  Someone who’s overly needy will tend to always capitulate to whatever the other person wants to do.

This is perhaps down to some insanely ridiculous fear of losing the other person over suggesting something they might not enjoy but you would.

Silly, huh?  Who wants to be with someone who isn’t willing to state their needs and wants?  We all want someone in our lives who’s confident, who knows what they want, and is willing to fight for something they feel strongly for.

So why not be that person in your own life?  Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from being you.

Lose Yourself Outside Of The Relationship

We all have certain expectations in life, be it while dating someone or while spending time with friends.

truly caresBut when you stop doing things that make you truly happy and allow your own expectations go unfulfilled, you may find yourself trying to fill that void by spending more or all of your time with that other person.

This can only lead to resentment on both sides – theirs because you’re always there and expecting them to spend all their spare time with you; yours because you’ve stopped allowing yourself to enjoy life with or without that other person.

Don’t allow yourself to become distant from your friends or doing what you love.  You need to maintain a life of your own, outside of your dating activities.

Constant Reassurance

Needy people seem to continually need external validation that they’re good enough, or that people truly like them.  And those people tend to become disappointed when they don’t get it.

The only person that can tell you that you’re good enough is yourself.  You carry your own acceptance within you, and no other person can tell you whether you’re good enough or not.

Work towards becoming your own ideal version of yourself, and share that gift of self-acceptance with the only person that matters – you.

This post was inspired by —>> 5 Signs You’re Being Needy and What to Do About It –.