Why Are You Single

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Life can be frustrating when you know what you want but never seem to find it.  Especially when it comes to romance and relationships.

It’s bad when someone asks ‘why are you still single’ while extolling how wonderful and ‘nice’ you are.  It’s almost like they start looking to find out what’s wrong with you.  Or start talking down to you about ‘needing to be patient’ or having just ‘not found the right guy yet’.  As if that is supposed to make you feel better.

The worst though is watching those around you seemingly jump from relationship to relationship without batting an eyelash.  They make it seem so easy that it can make you feel worse about yourself.

Perhaps there’s a reason you’re still single.. and maybe it’s one of the below.  Or maybe you just meet a lot of jerks.  LOL

Your friends take up too much of your time

Friends are the rock that can help you get out of a hard place, and be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.  But if you have such a wide circle of friends that you’re spending all your time trying to maintain those friendship, when do you get room for your love life?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having lots of friends, as ultimately they do help you be a better you and perhaps mold who you are as a person.  And sometimes they even become our families so it’s important to nurture that connection.

But when it gets to the point where you’re spending all your time appeasing their happiness and your own gets left by the way-side, then you need to make a few minute changes.  Allow yourself some time for your and your own needs.  Allow yourself space to meet someone interesting.

Your confidence becomes cockiness

Let’s be honest – we’re all immensely attracted to a confident man who knows what he wants and how to get it.  But at what point does your confidence turn into something less attractive?  Or perhaps it makes you seem above the rest of us who aren’t as comfortable in our skins.

As artificial and plastic as the gay community can seem at times, there’s something to be said for coming across as a flawed, compassionate human who’s still working through whatever baggage they have.  And having baggage isn’t a bad thing, it just means you’ve lived life and have the battle scars to show for it.

All in all, leave your ego at the door and allow yourself to be open to new possibilities.  Nobody is perfect, not even you.  So why judge others as if it was true?

Always looking for something better

To be honest, sometimes the grass is greener right where you are but you just can’t see it.  Too often guys will spend all their time still looking for something better, even when they have something great already in front of them.  We’ve been brainwashed to think there’s got to a perfect guy out there for us, when in fact there’s no such thing.

You could be allowing something really great that has potential to grow into something amazing slip through your fingers.  Relationships are never easy and it’s even harder to find a meaningful one.  So why give up before you’ve even tried to see where things can go?

Stop throwing away the good guys just because they’re not what you think as ‘perfect’.

Are you ‘ready’?

Who hasn’t said at one point or another  they’re not ‘ready’ or ‘looking for something serious’ right now?  Do you really understand that’s just you giving an excuse why you’re not dating at the moment, and that really you just love being single so you can play the field?  And that’s ok to admit that.

Basically all you’re doing is allowing yourself to procrastinate about your love life.  You’d rather push perfectly great guys away so you can have some ‘fun’ instead of being willing to see where things may develop.

What a waste… especially when there’s an actual connection between you.

Hard to get is more than your mantra

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a strong, independent guy who marches to their own beat in life.  In fact, that’s insanely attractive in a guy because you just know they’ll always give you space in a relationship or not become overbearing because value their time alone.

But… if it gets to the point where you’ve become stubborn or can’t conceive of allowing anyone into your life because of your independent spirit, then potentially you’re missing out on something great.

It’s not a matter of whether someone special or new fits into your life plans, but instead how including them could move you closer to where you actually want to be.

Work work work

There’s something to be said about having a healthy work-life balance.  When you’re living to work instead of working to live, you’re risking burning yourself out and then not having anyone there to help you pick up the pieces.  Work is important, but it shouldn’t be the only thing in your life.

Also, if you have no personal life who are you going to vent to when you’ve had a bad day?  The cat?  Even the strongest among us need someone they can turn to that isn’t part of their daily work life.  With the right balance, you canhave an amazingly successful career and someone special at home to help you decompress.

Leave your work at work.

You’re afraid to settle down

When you’re a free and independent spirit, you might think the idea of settling down means the end of your fun, carefree ways.  That having a relationship means you’ll stop trying to achieve something in life, or that the other person will stifle your joie de vivre.

Perhaps instead you’ll actually shine even brighter than ever by letting someone special in.  They will inspire you to become a better version of yourself.  Your life could be even more enriched by including them in your life, and vice versa.

So drop your ego at the door, and give them a chance to show how you can enhance each other’s lives.

You have intimacy issues

Being intimate with friends, family and some short-term loves can be easy.  It comes second nature as there’s no pressure or worry about where things may lead.  You’re just cool and comfortable around each other.

But when it comes to something more serious, your cool factor plummets to the point you’re terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing.  Or that you stop feeling like yourself around the other guy, and maybe even feel like you’re losing yourself somewhat.  And that’s all normal.

Love can knock you off-centre and gets you thinking about situations differently than you might with a friend. It can kick you ass, but once you’ve honed your ability to manage these new feelings, you’ll be flying.

Nobody is psychic

How the hell are you going to get the man of your dreams if you’re sitting back waiting for him to ready your mind?  If you’re not telling him what you want or need, then it’ll be a crap-shoot whether he gets it right and you’ll ultimately be disappointed when he doesn’t.

And the reverse is true too.  If you like a guy, then just tell him already!  Stop playing coy and unassuming, and let him know you want to get to know him more.

This post has been inspired by – You’re Awesome, But Here’s Why You’re Still Single: – GayGuys.com

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