Being an Awkward Flirt

Standard

As someone who can be somewhat socially awkward at times, it can be absolutely terrifying to go out and interact with other people.  Just the idea of going to a pub or social gathering where you’re forced to chat or interact with other people can be almost debilitating.

But adding flirting on top of all that??  Hot damn, that can be scary as fuck!

But because of the fear of rejection, a lot of socially awkward people will be more comfortable flirting online.  And that anonymity allows them to show how amazingly flirty they really are, but they clam up once it moves into a public situation.

Obviously like anything in life, you need to make an effort to get a result.  If it feels like you’re making an absolutely massive effort but getting nowhere, then maybe you’re just coming across as a bit too subtle.  Your idea of being a flirt may not be the same as other guys.

Despite how tricky it may seem, this is something you truly need to be in it to win it.

Get out of your own head

Regardless of the situation, a socially awkward person can sometimes spend too much time over-thinking or over-analysing things.  Perhaps you’ll worry that you’ve said the wrong thing, or didn’t come across as interesting as you’d have liked.  Or you’ll worry that you’re coming on too strong.. or not strong enough as the case may be.

Instead you just need to stop thinking, calm the fuck down, and just listen to the other person.  Listen to the words coming out of their mouth and their inflection.  Watch their body language and whether they maintain eye contact or if they’re too busy looking around the room.  As you listen to the other person, both vocally and physically, you’ll find you’ll start reacting to them instinctively and naturally.

And he’ll definitely notice, as it’ll make him feel important.

Flash your assets

And no, that doesn’t mean getting your ass out for everyone to see… well, depending on the party you’re at I guess.  LOL

This is more about knowing what you’re good at and improving upon those skills as a way to increase your self-confidence or self-esteem.  It could something silly like a party trick, or being able to make the best G&T ever, or perhaps it could be a personal interest you could use as a talking point when meeting someone new.

Whatever it is, it’s obviously just the tip of the iceberg of who you are as a person, but it at least will allow someone new to get a glimpse inside.  And everybody knows that the more confident you are in yourself, the more this will shine through to others around you.  Your feeling of self-worth will improve as you go along, so why not improve upon it so it shines through.

It’s also about putting your best face forward.  If it’s clear that you’re not taking care of yourself, then that’ll be a massive turn off for the other guy.  It’s not necessarily just about your physical appearance (not all guys are into washboard abs.. just saying), but about taking care of your hygiene, knowing what looks good on your body shape, and allowing your amazing personality to shine through.

Own yourself

We’ve all been there – you’re at a party and some guy you just started chatting to is all over you.  They’re practically straddling your leg, breathing in your ear, with their hand down the front (or back) of your pants.  It’s one thing to be flirty, but when you’ve bypassed someone else’s boundaries, then you’re definitely getting into a no-go zone.

As adults, we need to be aware of our own and other’s personal space, and respect this at all times.  If you’ve draped yourself over someone and you can tell they’re feeling uncomfortable, then you really just need to back off.  Give them some room to breath and wait for them to invite you back into their space (if or) when they’re ready.

Make the first move

It seems these days that guys are totally afraid to show their interest in another person until that other person has shown their hand first.  It’s like we’re all afraid to be vulnerable and show emotions, even if it’s a solely physical manifestation of one.

There’s nothing wrong with flirting subtly (though not so subtle that it couldn’t be recognised with a microscope) and showing interest in the other person.  If you don’t show them you’re interested, then how are they going to know?  You can’t just keep waiting on someone else to make the first move, regardless of how scary that may seem.

Let down your defences

All too often, especially when you’re socially awkward, you’ll tend to approach social situations with hesitation and a pre-conceived idea of how other people will look at you.  That they’ll judge you for every word, action, or reaction you give.

Basically you put yourself on the defensive before you even walk into the room, let alone start talking to someone.  And what this means is, deep-down, you’re judging yourself and making yourself uncomfortable about a situation before it’s even happened.  You’ll start shaming yourself for actions you ‘may’ take, which will only make it worse.

Instead allow yourself to have a more open mind to whatever may come along, be it a new friend, a bit of fun, or even the possibility of a new boyfriend.

You just never know what might happen if you let someone in, so just go for it already!

This post was influenced by — How to Flirt When You’re Socially Awkward – GayGuys.com

Dating Tips: Appearing More Confident

Standard

Regardless if you’re gay, straight, or somewhere in between, dating can be hard as hell.

Just the act of putting yourself out there in the hopes that someone might show an interest is a huge step forward, and sometimes working past that fear of rejection can eat away at your confidence.

Even if we don’t always admit it to ourselves, we all know that it’s natural to be somewhat nervous and excited at the same time about meeting someone new.  It’s all about stepping out into the unknown and not letting your nerves get the best of you.

But what steps have you taken to move past that in order to show that truly amazing person you know is lurking deep down?  How do you get past those nerves and give a strong first impression?  How do you act or react?

Like anything in life, if you can come across as confident in yourself and carry yourself well, then that’ll go a long way to attracting a potential mate.

And hopefully make that date you’re on go really well.  As well as any other area of your life.

Posture Matters

Body language is probably the biggest thing that can make or break a first date.  If you’re sitting there slumped over with your chin drooping towards your chest, then you’re making it look like you’re not interested or couldn’t care if this new person even likes you.

Instead, use your posture to show you’re interested in the other person.  Standing up straight says to the world that you’re present, and that you’re approaching the situation with strength and purpose.

Let your face communicate for you

Part of the way your date will determine if you’re interested or willing to engage with them is by watching your facial reactions during your conversation.  You want your face to project openness, honestly, friendliness, positive and an aura of being approachable. You want them to think of you as emotionally present and cute.

But if you don’t even smile at your date or be engaging, then it’s extremely unlikely the date will end well.  This isn’t a ‘fake it until you make it’ situation either, as that’ll come across as false and possibly make your date want to run to the hills.

Eyes wide open

Along with giving good face per above, you also need to learn how to establish good eye contact.  You can be as smiley as you want to be, but if you’re avoiding eye contact or if that gorgeous smile isn’t reaching your eyes, then your date will know something is up.

At the same time though, don’t take it to the other extreme and end up staring at them the entire night, as that’s just darn creepy!

Instead, learn how to gaze at the other person, and ensure you’re looking directly at them (preferably in the eye) to show you’re actually listening to and interested in what they’re talking about.  And when he cracks some cheesy joke that makes you laugh anyway, make sure you smile with your eyes as well.

Lean into them

Now, this isn’t to say you should drape yourself all over your date – well, unless it’s one of those dates *wink, wink* – but you should still use your body language to show your interest in the other person.  Be willing to lean forward slightly as they speak to you, nodding as they speak.

But be careful not to get too familiar too soon and invading your date’s person space.  It’s one thing to be flirty, but another to be leaping into their lap when they’ve just said hello.

Handshake, kiss on the cheek or a hug

On top of everything above, when you’re first meeting someone new, you also need to decide how you’re going to greet them.  Would a handshake seem too impersonal and send the wrong, unromantic signals?  Or is a kiss on the cheek or a brief hug too intimate?

Perhaps it also matters where you’re meeting on this date.  If you’re just meeting at a random cafe or pub, then perhaps a handshake would be more appropriate than a friendly hug or kiss.  But then again, it would also depend on your own comfort levels in showing affection in public.

(Clearly wouldn’t suggest a full on make-out session.. unless the date goes really well of course.  Haha)

In the end, a date of whatever sort is supposed to be fun and interesting, so why not put your best face forward to get things off to a brilliant start.  Use your nerves and that exciting feeling to your advantage, and just enjoy yourself.

This post was inspired by – Gay Dating: 5 Tips For Appearing More Confident – Gay Pop Buzz

Embracing Your Solitude

Standard

It’s an age old scenario – you’re sitting alone in a restaurant, enjoying a quiet meal for one.  Perhaps you’re reading a book, or checking something on your mobile.  Perhaps this meal is a treat for yourself, and you’re having a lovely time.

But then you notice a glance from someone at a neighbouring table.  Without knowing your situation, they’re looking at you with pity. As if eating a meal solo means you must be lonely, anti-social, or socially unwanted.  That there is something inherently wrong with being alone in a public setting.

And they’re wrong, because it’s actually empowering to do things like having a dinner out alone, and that uninformed person is allowing their own insecurities colour their opinions.  They can’t even fathom actually spending time alone.

In fact, they’re probably afraid of being alone and are missing out on the best company they could ever find – themselves.

Spending time along doesn’t mean you’re being anti-social or ‘disappearing’ from action.  It just means you’re focusing on yourself.

And those who do enjoy their free time, they understand how a bit of solitude can be beneficial to them.

Recharging your batteries

It can be mentally exhausting to constantly having to be ‘on’ in social settings.  Keeping up engaging conversations, making people laugh, showing empathy when someone’s feeling emotional, generally trying to make those around you happy, and so forth…

It’s absolutely draining to say the least.

But by taking some time away from the social scene, you’re allowing yourself time to recharge.  To turn your brain off.  To focus your energies on your own happiness.

Reflecting isn’t just in the mirror

When you’re constantly on the go, you really don’t get much time to reflect on your life or think on where you want your life to go.  Instead, you’re constantly surrounded by others that take up your time and energy, leaving very little (if anything) for yourself.

By taking some time out for yourself, it allows you time to improve your own self-confidence, work through issues in the past, and start planning for your future.

It’s a golden opportunity that really shouldn’t be missed because it’s your life, and you’re the only one that can propel it forward in the future.

Getting in touch with yourself

Along with being mentally draining, being in constant social settings can also be draining emotionally.  Because if you’re constantly catering to other people’s emotions or being their ‘cheerleader’, that leaves no opportunities to keep in touch with your own emotions.

Time alone can allow you time to gain a better perspective about your own happiness, while learning about what upsets or saddens you.  No emotion is a bad emotion because the more you know how negative emotions can affect you, the better prepared you’ll be in the future to handle them.

And a true strength of character comes from being able to overcome the hard times in your life.

Doing things for yourself

Who hasn’t been out with a friend or a group of people and had to give into someone else’s desire while setting aside your own desires or needs?  Whether you realise it or not, we all compromise to an extent when looking for a common solution.

But when you’re enjoying your alone time, it’s all about what you want to do because you have the freedom to decide for yourself.  It’s not necessarily about being selfish, but if you’re continually giving in to someone else’s needs, yours will never be fulfilled.  It’s all about the freedom to do what you want to do.

This also means focusing on your own happiness, although it doesn’t mean you’ll completely ignore other people’s needs as well.  You should know what makes you happy, because ultimately you shouldn’t be relying on someone else to ‘make’ you happy.

Be more productive

We all have things we need to get done in our personal lives – laundry, groceries, house cleaning, and so forth.  And while there are some things that would be fun to do with another person, sometimes you just can’t be truly productive when you’re constantly in someone else’s company.

Their presence will become distracting and your ‘to-do’ list will just keep growing and growing.

When you’re alone and getting things done, you’ll find you’re more focused and able to get some work done.  And the only one that’ll be able to distract you is you.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder..

How are you going to miss someone’s company if they’re constantly by your side?  And do you really want to spend so much time together that you run the risk of getting on each other’s nerves or possibly even getting sick of each other?

A routine is one thing, but being together 24/7 means you literally get no space for yourself or to take care of your own needs as per the above.  But when you’re spending some time apart – even if it’s just an hour a week – that time together becomes more important and you’ll appreciate it more.

Independence Day

The independence that comes from doing certain activities alone – like going on holiday by yourself – can be absolutely electrifying.  And not only will it help reduce any anxiety about being alone, but it’ll also boost your confidence.

And feeling independent can be truly empowering.

Stop apologising

Spending time alone means you don’t have to apologise to anyone for what you’ve done or about to do.  You can allow yourself the freedom to stop second-guessing your actions or worrying if you’re upsetting someone else by doing what you want when you want it.

Trust your own instincts

All too often we’ll stop ourselves from making a decision or taking a particular action because we haven’t run it by a friend or loved one first.  We’ll look to them for validation that we’re taking the right course of action, or perhaps for some advise on what to do next.

And sometimes that is the right thing to do.

But honestly there are plenty of times where we’re completely capable of making a decision without someone else’s input, or need someone else to validate our choices.  And when you’re spending more time alone, you’ll trust yourself more, and be more confident in making decisions without someone else’s two-cents.

This post was inspired by — When You Start to Enjoy Being Alone, These 10 Things Will Happen.

Signs You’re Being Too Needy

Standard

We’ve all had times in our lives where we’ve felt especially needy for whatever reason, and felt that if we just had a bit of attention then we’d feel better.  It’s a fairly normal reaction when you’ve had an especially stressful day, or something has happened that you just need to talk over with someone.

But what if you’re at the point when people are actively avoiding you because you’re continually coming across as too needy?  That you’re constantly acting like the whole world is abandoning you.

I know I do feel like this at times.. ok, a lot of the time really.  But perhaps that’s just my perception of how people view me, that they’re purposely avoiding me.  At times, it can stop me from reaching out to others when I’m feeling down or lonely because I don’t want them to think of me as being overly needy.

Could it still come across that way even when I’m trying not to let it?  Sure it can.. and it’s regularly made me wonder how I can change that perception.

Being Too Available

I generally never have anything planned when it gets to the weekend.  So I find myself trying last minute to find out what others are up to, which is usually met with a series of ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’ve already got plans’ responses.

too needySo instead of still getting out there and enjoying the weekend, I tend to just spend the time completely along at home.  And when I do get a last minute invite from someone, I tend to jump at it.

But to be honest, how unattractive is always being available to do things when someone messages last minute? Well, it’s time to stop that, hard as that may seems at times.

Focus on yourself and what you want out of life, instead of continually moaning about how boring your life is because you’ve got nothing planned.  Set yourself some personal goals and lead your life in the direction you want it to go in.

If someone else wants to be there to join you in your journey, then that’s just a bonus.

Communicate Too Much

There’s a reason they say communication is a two-way street.  If you feel like you’re doing all the work to start a conversation, or even keep one going, then maybe you need to determine if you’re communicating too much.

it's too muchIt’s all too easy to feel like you’re chasing after the other person to be part of your life, but maybe that’s what should clue you in that maybe your neediness by regularly messaging the other person is what’s causing them not to want to reply back to you.

The last thing you need is for the other person to feel like if they don’t reply back to you right away, that you’ll get all stroppy. You don’t want to become an obligation.

Instead of constantly checking your mobile for messages from that new crush or that friend you’d love to hang out with, go out and have some fun yourself.  That way you’ll have some fun stories to tell them the next time you get together.

Whatever They Want

There’s compromise in making decisions, and then there’s being completely passive.  Someone who’s overly needy will tend to always capitulate to whatever the other person wants to do.

This is perhaps down to some insanely ridiculous fear of losing the other person over suggesting something they might not enjoy but you would.

Silly, huh?  Who wants to be with someone who isn’t willing to state their needs and wants?  We all want someone in our lives who’s confident, who knows what they want, and is willing to fight for something they feel strongly for.

So why not be that person in your own life?  Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from being you.

Lose Yourself Outside Of The Relationship

We all have certain expectations in life, be it while dating someone or while spending time with friends.

truly caresBut when you stop doing things that make you truly happy and allow your own expectations go unfulfilled, you may find yourself trying to fill that void by spending more or all of your time with that other person.

This can only lead to resentment on both sides – theirs because you’re always there and expecting them to spend all their spare time with you; yours because you’ve stopped allowing yourself to enjoy life with or without that other person.

Don’t allow yourself to become distant from your friends or doing what you love.  You need to maintain a life of your own, outside of your dating activities.

Constant Reassurance

Needy people seem to continually need external validation that they’re good enough, or that people truly like them.  And those people tend to become disappointed when they don’t get it.

The only person that can tell you that you’re good enough is yourself.  You carry your own acceptance within you, and no other person can tell you whether you’re good enough or not.

Work towards becoming your own ideal version of yourself, and share that gift of self-acceptance with the only person that matters – you.

This post was inspired by —>> 5 Signs You’re Being Needy and What to Do About It –.

This Is Why You Are Attractive

Standard

Too often we let perceptions of who we are, be them our own or from others, cloud our view of ourselves.  Who hasn’t looked at themselves in the mirror and been overly critical of their body, or lament that they wish they could look like someone else?

We are all guilty of a bit of self-hate, myself included, but what we need to do is focus on the positive aspects of ourselves that make us truly attractive to ourselves and others around us.

And let’s be clear – being considered attractive is a completely different than how one perceives beauty, as it isn’t necessarily about physical beauty.  It’s more about you as a person and how you treat those around you.

Let your heart shine through

These days it’s almost social suicide to show any sort of emotions, let alone that you actually care about another person.  Genuine care and concern for another’s well-being can make all the difference for someone who’s going through a bad patch or is feeling alone in the world.  Compassion is key.

Build strength from your past

Life generally isn’t easy so you have to be able to stand tall and show the world that you can take on anything it throws at you.  All of us have difficult situations and struggles we have to get past, and the more capable you are at doing so, the stronger you’ll be as you continue to move through life.

You’ve got to move forward, dust yourself off, and use these difficult situations to build yourself up to better handle anything else that may be tossed your way in the future.

Smiling is infectious

There is nothing more attractive than someone sporting a genuine smile.  Show off your pearly whites. Grin from ear to ear. Let your smile take over your whole face. It’s what will attract people to you, as it shows your happiness and love of life.

And sometimes when a complete stranger gives you a quick cheeky smile, you just can’t help but return it.

You have a brain and you use it

sapiosexual (n.): a personal sexually attracted to intelligence or the human mind

There is nothing more attractive than someone who uses their wit and intelligence in everyday interactions.  And those that continue to search to improve their knowledge bump things up even more.

sexy_einstein_xlargeAs well, use that intellect and thirst for knowledge to feed your curiosity about the world around you.  Never be afraid to ask ‘why’ about things you see, hear or read about.  You just never know what you may learn.

But be careful not to come across as a smarty-pants or know-it-all, as that’s a huge turn off.  Instead use your intellect to engage others in meaningful and interesting conversations. Conversations can be fun as well as informative, so don’t just restrict yourself to solely cerebral topics.

Laughter is the best medicine

Whether you giggle like a school-girl, enjoy a good belly laugh, or even let loose the occasion snort, life is worth laughing at. There’s more than enough darkness in the world, so why not laugh at the silliness around you.  Share the giggles, tickle someone else’s funny-bone, and spread the joy to those around you.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, even if it’s not something you agree with or think is right.  But that’s ok, because your ability to be open-minded to another’s perspective and see where the other person is coming from is a truly attractive quality and will show a mutual respect between you.

And that’s ultimately more important and attractive than being ‘right’.

Be thankful

Being grateful for your life and appreciative of those who help you in life is incredibly attractive. That thankfulness will fill you more emotionally and spiritually than anything else you may be able to obtain to fill whatever void you may have.

And let’s be honest – if you’re not appreciative of those around you, how can you expect them to continue to be there for you in the future.

You are you

self-confidence-is-the-most-attractive-quality-a-person-can-haveJust be yourself.  Only you can be you, so why not be the best ‘you’ you can possibly be? Love yourself. Be comfortable in your body. Be confident through your actions and your smile. Remind yourself you are beautiful just the way you are, and don’t let anyone else tell you differently.

You are wonderful just the way you are, so why change that?  Embrace yourself, perceived warts and all, and let the world see you who you truly are. Life your life for you and don’t let anyone else’s misconceptions of how you should life it sway you.

This post was inspired by the post – 10 Reasons Why You Are Attractive | Life Hack.

Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships

Standard

For anyone who knows me fairly well or for those who’ve been following my blog for some time now, you probably already know that I’m not the most confident person in the world.  In fact, I’m probably a lot more insecure than I really should be.

I can’t help but feel insecure about myself, regardless of the situation I’m in.  This insecurity has always been there and has affected every part of my life, and usually ends up with me unintentionally getting down on myself because I can’t perceive why others would want to interact with me.

It’s admittedly sad, but true.  And sometimes I can’t help myself.  It rears it’s ugly head when I least expect it, usually when I’m feeling particularly happy or content in my life, and I end up back on a downward spiral to usual semi-depressed self.

It’s something I definitely need to work on.  And hopefully the below pointers, courtesy of the original article on Marc and Angel Hack Life (link at bottom of page), will help me move past this insecurity.

At some point.

You can’t read their minds

thinkingLet’s be honest, we all do it.  We take what people say or do and try to interpret what they actually mean, guessing what that other person is thinking or feeling.  When you do this, you open yourself up to misreading what they mean and opening up that can of insecurity, which can eventually lead to stress or depression if not hampered.

Ultimately you should just mean what you say, and say what you mean.  And at the same time, just take what people say at face value until they prove you otherwise through their later actions.  If someone says they really care for you but then goes off with someone else for a bit of ‘fun’, only then should you start to question how they truly feel about you.

But don’t overthink it, cause then you’ll just end up in the same place if you’d misinterpreted what they’ve said.

Nobody’s perfect

We’re all flawed human beings, and it’s those flaws that make us interesting and who we are as people.  But unfortunately, too many of us spend our lives looking for that ‘perfect’ person to complete us, and that’s just hopeless as it doesn’t exist.  If you carry on like this for too long, it could eventually drive you mad and make you feel even more insecure than you already were because you’ve spent all your time questioning why you can’t find that ‘perfect’ person.

Ultimately you want to find someone who will balance out your own flaws, or perhaps compliment them.  Someone who gets you for being you, and doesn’t expect you to be something you’re not.

Leave the past in the past

thinking_of_you_by_eyeramfosTo be fair, we’ve all gained baggage of some sort as we’ve moved through life, but if you continue to let those past experiences colour your current relationship or friendship, then it is doomed to fail.  You’ll continue to allow yourself to be pulled into the same negative relationships or behaviours that caused your previous relationship to fail.

When you meet someone new, enjoy them for who they are, not for who your ex was or how your ex behaved.  Don’t let yourself be pulled into a never ending circuit causing your relationship to fail because you respond defensively to anyone who gets close to you, and you could possibly be causing them to act in the way you expect them to act based on that past relationship.

Break the cycle and move towards something new.

Some problems only exist in your head

Too often insecure people will make themselves unnecessarily anxious by inventing problems in their head, and lead themselves down the road to self-sabotage, be it intentionally or unintentionally.  We will overthink situations and deceive ourselves with negative thoughts, which can only lead you to ignoring what’s right in front of you – the truth.

This is never a good thing, as it will cause your relationships to suffer.  By overthinking things and not realising your own self-worth, you could be unintentionally pushing away those who actually care for you, and potentially missing out on some amazing friendships or relationships.

Don’t freak out, and don’t let it overrun you.  Just relax, take a moment to breath and honestly contemplate the situation.  In the end you’ll be able to honestly understand that the problem only exists in your head, and isn’t actually happening in life.

Stop being a negative-Nancy

Regardless of how things are going at any particular time, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of always focusing on the negatives or on the things you don’t like about your relationship.  If you do, you’ll constantly be missing out on the great things that occur and on the opportunity to be genuinely happy with your life.

Thinking_about_life___by_mc_cool

No relationship is perfect, and you shouldn’t expect it to be.  There will always be ups and downs, and when it’s down you can’t allow yourself to colour the entire thing with your negativity.

You have to appreciate the people around you for who they are, and celebrate their good qualities, those that make you realise how amazing they are.  That appreciation can only lead you to somewhere good and fulfilling.

Click here to read the original article –> 5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships.

Life is a Rollercoaster

Standard

Isn’t it amazing how quickly things in your life can change.  One moment you can be happy as a clam and one little incident could change that, be it losing a job, breaking off a relationship, a family emergency, or any number of things that can affect your life for the worse.

And of course the opposite is true as well.  When you’re feeling down and something good happens to you, it can be such an amazing ego boost that you just want to run down the road laughing like an idiot.  Or something like that.  😉

Well.. I’ve got some good news – I got a new job!!  YAY!!!

Man_streaking_after_skinnydipping*runs naked down the street, laughing like a maniac*

So as I mentioned in my previous post, I had three different interviews lined up over the course of the next week, with the first one being yesterday.  And surprisingly, they called my agency back within half an hour of me leaving the interview to offer me the job.

Brilliant!!

To be honest, I wasn’t 100% certain about this job or company, because it’s an industry I know nothing about, and it’s more of an admin role than the call centre work I’ve done previously – all of which are also good things, since I wanted to change sectors anyway.

But at the same time, I went into this interview (despite the usual nervous tummy) feeling really confident and sure of myself.  I knew what the company did, I could quote things from their website, I knew what the job was about, and I knew how my skills could fit into what they were looking for.

And they obviously did too.  In fact, the interviewer actually said to me before I left that he was recommending me to be hired, and would possibly see about placing me in a more billing/invoicing role (which the HR person knew nothing about when my agency asked about that lol).

I’ve never had an interviewer come out and say that to me before, and to to be so interested in making sure I became part of their company.

Which of course comes to my confidence boost… And makes me think I might have got my mojo back as well (see previous post).  And that a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders once I got the callback (while picking up groceries, still dressed for the interview lol).

I’m not sure what I truly did that was different, but I do know I was completely determined to get this job (or one of the other two scheduled for next week).  The interesting thing is normally when I’m that determined, I usually get super nervous and come across like a blubbering idiot who can’t string two thoughts together.

Confidentiality-250x250But this time I was calm and cool.. and very confident.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so confident in an interview before, and it was an amazing feeling.  A feeling I’d love to have continue into other parts of my life.

This whole thing has definitely helped restore my confidence in myself a bit, that my skills and abilities truly are amazing and any employer would be stupid to not recognise that.  That I really should believe in myself, because I’m fucking amazing at what I can do, even when it’s learning something new.

Things most definitely are looking up.  *phew!!*

How to Succeed in the Gay Dating Scene

Standard

Repeatedly over the past several years, I’ve written many times about my lackluster dating life and the pitfalls of looking for a boyfriend or some new people to spend my free time with.

couple2_bottomI tend to read article after article about finding more dates, a lot of which I have shared on my blog or have written about myself.  A lot of them give some great advise, while others just rehash the same tired advice.

I’m not sure if this is helping me any in my dating life (still no dates or many messages lately), but maybe some of it will eventually sink in and I’ll actually start putting the advice into practice. LOL

It’s all in the marketing.

Let’s be honest, the dating scene (gay or otherwise) is all about image and how you project yourself.  If you’re showing a positive attitude, confidence and charisma, then you’ll attract a lot more guys than if you standing stone-faced in the corner with those needy, ‘please love me’, desperation eyes.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of tweeking your outgoing signals – smiling when a guy looks at you instead of scowling; letting yourself be relaxed instead of exuding an air of arrogance.  Be more aware of the image your projecting, and change it where necessary to bring more boys to the yard.  😉

Fine tune your search.

manhunt-Acquires-Gay-Dating-App-JackdEveryone has their own tastes in men, but how can you find the right guy is you don’t have a vision of what he looks like or how he acts?  It’s not necessarily all about the physical side of things (though feeling attracted to the guy definitely helps.. a lot lol), but is also about the qualities you’re looking for in a potential date or partner.

However don’t be so overly specific that only the perfect man could fit your criteria.. Let’s be honest, there’s no such thing as a perfect man, but instead you should be looking for someone who’s perfectly suited to you and what you’re looking for.  Keep your vision specific but not too narrow-minded, and you just may be surprised how many guys fit your criteria you might have missed out on previously.

Go where they go.

When the proclivity of gay bars out there, each servicing a specific section of the community, there’s always a bar for guys you’d go for, and who’d go for you.  For instance, if you’re into bears or chubby guys, then go hang out at the local bear bar instead of regularly visiting twink-central.

But finding dates is most definitely not all about being in the bars or clubs, and in fact you’ll probably have better luck outside of them if you join social groups that cater to the type of guy you like.  If you’re into hiking and other outdoor activities, then going a group that specialises in that.  If you like guys who are into the arts, then join a theatre group or one that does regular trips to the local museums.  It’s a great way to meet guys you wouldn’t normally meet if you just stick to the bars or the online sites.

Seek and enjoy!

Let’s be honest, most of us tend to sit back and wait on the other guy to make the first move.. And generally leaves us feeling frustrated the object of your desire didn’t take the chance to chat you, despite all the smoldering looks back and forth.

shapeimage_31It isn’t easy, but sometimes you need to take the bulls by the horns and be willing to make the first move.  See a guy at the bar you think is cute?  Then go say hi, or maybe send him a drink (does anyone do that anymore??).

Be willing to take a chance and see where things could lead.  What’s the worst that could happen really?

Find something in common.

Once you’ve approached that sexy guy in the corner, it’s time to figure out what the hell you’re going to talk about.  Some guys tend to use cliched approaches like ‘Hey handsome’, ‘Woof’ (anyone around the bear community will understand..), or some such, but why not make it specific to the person them that makes them stand out to you.  It may come across as cheesy or corny, but as long as you’re approaching it with a bit of humour, it should help strike up a conversation.

Of course once you’ve broken the ice, you need to find something more interested to chat about than how well his shirt fits him.  Try finding out something you have in common and go with it.  Once you’ve gotten past that initial hump, it should be easier as the conversation goes on.

Control your emotional valve.

Crying-Man-420x340[1]Way too often some guys shoot themselves in the foot by revealing too much about themselves or their baggage way too soon.  You’re having problems at work?  Well, sorry to hear that, but when first meeting somebody, do you think that’s not going to overwhelm them to the point of running away from you as fast as possible?

The whole point of first contact (so to speak) is to get to know each other a bit, not tell each other your life stories.  You need to spend sometime with this new person before you start telling them your tales of woe over your ex-boyfriend, that bizarre rash you had last week that seemed to go away (eeewwww), or any other thing that could be deemed negative or off-putting.  Ease into it, man!

Play the odds.

It may sound slightly simplistic, but if you don’t get out there and make an effort, then you’re not likely to find anyone interesting.  That’s not to say you need to be a scene queen to find a few dates (if anything that would probably hamper it), but don’t be afraid to get out there and mingle.

sunset menAnd make the first move.  Sure, it may not always work out, but you’ve got to keep trying.  The more comfortable you become with approaching new people, the easier it’ll get.. and eventually you may just get the results you’re looking for.

Or better yet, the man you’ve been looking for that you didn’t realise existed.  😀

Click the link to read the original article – Gay Dating.

Gay Dating Tips

Standard

20140302-201412.jpg

As someone who’s never had much luck on the dating scene, I tend to look around at different websites for some helpful hints on how to be more successful at it.  For someone like myself who’s more of an introvert, meeting and dating guys isn’t always an easy thing.

Ok, who am I kidding.  I’m lazy when it comes to meeting some new guys, so I look at these sites as a way to try and motivate myself… and maybe one of these days I’ll actually put them into practice.  LOL

So here are a few tips I’ve found.. hope they help.

Market yourself

They do say a picture is worth a thousand words.. but what do they say when you’ve posted a bad picture of yourself on a dating site?  Or is your profile too negative, or gives the wrong impression of yourself?  Do you come across as confident or insecure?

Dating is all about the image you project about yourself to those around you, as this is what will attract them to you.  And if you seem to be attracting the wrong type of guy(s), then maybe it’s time to change your approach and project something different.  Maybe tweak your image a bit, get a new haircut, smile if you normally frown.. you get the drift.

Defining Mr Right

Let’s be honest, how can you find Mr Right when you don’t even know what qualities you’re looking for in him?  And this isn’t just about physical appearance, though it does play a part, but it’s also about the values you’re looking for in a partner/boyfriend.  Kindness, family background/upbringing, personality type, sense of humour, and so forth.

If you solely focus on the physical qualities you’re looking for (hair colour, ethnicity, height, body type, hairiness, etc) then you’ll find that a very wide range of guys will fall into that description.  Or that you’ll be more willing to push the outer boundaries of that target guy-type, and you end up letting guys in you’d normally not be attracted to (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…).

Know your scene

If you’re looking for a certain type of guy, then know where that type of guy hangs out.. and go there.  You wouldn’t necessarily look for a twink-ish guy hanging out at a bear bar, or a super fit muscle queen stuffing their face at the all-you-can-eat buffet, or a theater buff stretching it out at the nude yoga class.  There’s nothing worse than trying to find your type of guy amongst a sea of the complete opposite… Though it would help them stick out, and who says guys can’t be multifaceted and have more than one interest?

However.. don’t be so completely exclusive of other places or bars that you become a scene-queen, and will only go to certain types of places.  There’s nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit, putting yourself in different surroundings once in a while.  Will it help you find dates?  Maybe, maybe not.. but you never know just where you’re going to meet that next special guy, so keep an open mind.

Don’t wait, go for it!

More often than not, most gay men will wait for the other guy to make the first move (I know I do).  You may catch each others eye across the room, looking over at each other every so often.. but guess what, he’s probably waiting for you to do the same thing – get off the bar stool and come over to say hi.

We all complain how the gays will only stay in their cliques and not approach anyone outside of it, but maybe it’s because they’re afraid to and they’re waiting for the other guy to make the first move.  Maybe they stay within their cliques because it’s safe.. It’s time to get ourselves out of our comfort zones, and actually get out there and start conversations with the cuties in the corner.  You just never know..

Breaking the ice

The common fear when approaching a guy is not having anything to talk about.  Do you immediate go for a complement a la ‘You’re cute’ or ‘Looking good, handsome’, or do you try to find something less superficial that will help you start a conversation?

Sometimes it’s as simple as noticing something about them or their appearance and making a comment on it.. For instance, if you’re approaching a guy who clearly works out, why not break the ice asking him about how he gets his arms so big?  Or maybe if they’re wearing a particularly nice jacket, maybe start a conversation about shopping?  It’s only an ice breaker, and hopefully you’ll move onto more interesting conversation topics.

If not, could always just buy him a drink.  😀

Keep it to yourself

There’s nothing worse when meeting a guy for the first time, be it a date or someone you’ve started chatting to in a pub, and they totally unload all their emotional baggage on you.  What a complete turn off.. so don’t do it yourself.  That guy you’re chatting up doesn’t need to know about the work stress you’re going through, or how you’re struggling with your finances, or how your parents were emotionally distant growing up, or what have you.  He most definitely doesn’t need or want to know it right from the get go.

Instead take your time getting to know each other, and keep your emotional baggage to yourself.  Over time if you start dating or becoming part of each others lives, then these things will naturally come out.  And you won’t send him running for the hills because you’ve just told him your life story in 5 minutes flat.

Get off your ass

Let’s be honest, sitting at home in front of the telly scrolling through profiles on the gay apps really won’t find you a boyfriend, and usually not even a date (unless you call a shag a date lol).  In order to meet new guys, you need to get out of the house and actually be social.

And let’s be honest, you’ll (potentially) have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince Charming, so don’t be afraid to go out on a variety of dates.  Sure most of them won’t lead to anything, but you never know who may become your new BFF.. or introduce you to the man of your dreams.  Be open to new experiences and just go for it.

Now just to implement this advice into my own dating life.  😉

Note: This post was inspired by an article I recently read on About.com called Gay Dating (click HERE to read the original).

20140302-195908.jpg

‘You’re Not Special’

Standard

That was the message give by David McCullough Jr., a Boston-area English teacher, to the graduating class of Wellesley High.

And he was right.

The point he was trying to make to the graduates, as they sat in matching, formless robes with matching diplomas, that all the accolades and awards growing up are meaningless if everyone else has gotten one.  He continued to say, “You see, if everyone is special, then no one is. If everyone gets a trophy, trophies become meaningless. … We have of late, we Americans, to our detriment, come to love accolades more than genuine achievement.”

He added: “Even if you’re one in a million, on a planet of 6.8 billion that means there are nearly 7,000 people just like you.”

To read the full article about this teacher’s inspirational speech, please click HERE.

The point he made in his commencement speech was about going out into the world and live their lives to their fullest, without looking for the accolades.

To resist the easy comforts of complacency.  To dream big and think for yourself.

To climb the mountain because you want to see the view, and not because you want others to see you accomplish it.

Instead of ‘You only live once’ it should be ‘You live only once’.

McCullough’s address does push students to recognize real achievement: “The fulfilling life, the distinctive life, the relevant life is an achievement,” and he encourages graduates “to do whatever you do for no reason other than you love it and believe in its importance.”

His message also was about being selfless, exercising free will and independent thought.  And making for themselves extraordinary lives.

I think everyone should listen to this speech over and over, regardless of where you are in your life.. as it has a lot of great advice and makes a LOT of sense.  It is inspiring and thought provoking.. and I wish I’d heard it when I was graduating high school 20 years ago (oh man.. has it been 20 years already??).

In a day and age where parents are more concerned about a child’s self-esteem and confidence instead of their abilities to learn (I read somewhere that the US ranks around 28th in the world in math and science achievement but rank #1 in “self-esteem”), society needs to stop awarding people even when they fail.  It seems like you can get an award for anything these days.

Personally I think parents need to show their children that they’re special to them, but that the child needs to earn their place in the world.  That there are no free rides in life, and that regardless of how well you’ve done previously, you still need to continually earn respect as you move forward in the world.

Today’s youth (and I can’t believe how old that made me feel writing that…) have a sense of entitlement, and are more concerned with their social status, having the coolest electronic gear, or how to get rich and famous.  They’re looking for the easy way out.

I actually recently overheard a young guy on the train to work say to his mate that he was so tired and didn’t know how he could work full-time for the rest of his life, and that he needed to get famous… and his mate, shocked, said to him, ‘You haven’t even been working for a year yet!’

I think that kind of says it all.