Self-Help (Article) Overload

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Over the past couple of years, I’d gotten into the habit of posting re-hashed versions of self-help articles that others had written. I would read them, and then rewrite them from my perspective.

It works to an extent, as it allowed me to give my opinion on a wide range of topics, most of them being things I felt I was going through at the time. So in my mind, I was sort of doing a bit of self therapy by writing my version of these pieces.

I honestly can’t say if it was a good thing or not, or even it was anything remotely original. Sometimes it even felt like I was just rewording what had already been said instead of actually giving my option on the topic.

But as well, I noticed after awhile that I tended towards two main types of topics – gay dating tips and mental health issues.

And I’m by no means an expert in either subject.

It probably gave a contrasting and possibly confusing blend for those reading my site – one day I’d post about the joys of online dating profiles, and then the next about needing to build up self-esteem.

Or perhaps (to some) it gave them more of an insight into how I viewed the world.. and that’s the perspective I’m REALLY hoping people went for. 😉

For awhile I found myself constantly searching the internet for interesting articles about whatever idea had popped into my head, or whatever depressive or anxiety-ridden ‘symptom’ I’d convinced myself I had that day .. and then any links I didn’t use that day, I would save them in my blog drafts to use another day.

So today (or is it last night now..), I was scrolling through the saved drafts, and it’s a plethora of cheesy and almost ridiculous sounding articles. Though, some could be helpful…

  • 7 Obvious Signs He Wants to Hook Up and Not Date
  • The Thirst is Real (kinda don’t want to know about that…)
  • Secrets of Happily Single Gay Men.. Who Really Want a Boyfriend
  • Writing Your Way to Happiness (I still might read this one..)
  • What Your Friends with Social Anxiety Want You To Know
  • Table For One – The Rise of Solo Dining

And the list goes on and on.. over 100 saved article links or potential post ideas, some even ranging as far back as 2013!!

To be fair, when I was regularly ‘writing’ these posts, it was usually because I wasn’t happy about something in my life so wanted to get some perspective and help myself somehow.

But it was also usually because there really wasn’t much actually going on in my life at that moment (or day), and my own loneliness or insecurities drove me to the keyboard to ‘fix myself’.

I can’t honestly say if that was a good thing or not, if it even helped at the time, or even if I’ll never do it again if I continue to post regularly.

Though I do have to sometimes laugh at myself… posting tips on online dating or maintaining a relationship, when I was sitting home alone and still had never had a boyfriend.

Maybe I was self sabotaging my own personal life by over-thinking it all.

And maybe I still do.. while sitting at home alone. 😉

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Communication is Key

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I think the older I get the less patient I am when it comes to people returning phone calls or messages.  In this day and age, it astounds me how people can’t seem to keep in contact with each other, be it by phone, email, text, Facebook, or any other numerous social media outlets.Not-returning-my-phone-calls-150x150

Living in London can make a lot of people quite busy as they all seem to have full diaries, but can it truly make you so busy that you can’t spend a few moments to send a quick ‘Hi’ to a supposedly dear friend?  Why does it seem like everyone these days is waiting for the other person to contact them first?

Personally I’ve never been that good at going out of my way to contact people just for the sake of it, but instead wait until I actually have something I specifically want to say to that person.  Over the years I’ve noticed that, regardless of our friendship or connection to each other, if I don’t make an effort to contact people, they generally don’t contact me.  A lot of the time, it actually feels like I’m chasing people.

Obviously that doesn’t apply to everyone in my life.  An actual friend wouldn’t be tracking who’s contacted whom first, or be overly concerned if they’re the one seemingly always initiating a conversation as long as the conversation was mutual.

Or at least that’s the way I look at it.

There’s been many times over the years when I’m bored or lonely and I’ll scroll through my contacts list to find someone to talk to.. and most of the time I just can’t seem to bring myself to bother people I haven’t talked to in ages.  If they truly wanted to keep in contact with me, then they’d have messaged me, right?

But perhaps that could be one of the major contributing factors to my recurrent loneliness and how I seem to spend all my time alone, regardless if certain people know I’ve got lots of free time on my hands or not.

Or maybe that’s me expecting too much from people.  Or I’m too open about how lonely I get at times, and that comes across as being overly needy so it scares people away.

I suppose maybe I tend to latch onto people too easily/quickly and perhaps that can come across as suffocating or over-eager.  It’s not like I’m trying to get them to be the entire focus of my life (or vice versa), because that would be entirely unrealistic.  But what is it that I’m actually trying to achieve from the ‘friendship’?

Obviously my mate ‘P’ up in Scotland is an exception to all this.. Sure we only see each other a couple times a year, but we’re very much a part of each others lives.  There’s a couple of other people who almost fall into the same category as ‘P’ but not quite.. I know they try to be there for me when possible, but they’re generally busy as they have partners and their own lives, so a bit hard to hang out on a regular basis.

mobile to foreheadBut one thing I’m definitely tired of is bumping into people and they asking ‘Where have you been lately?’.. If they were truly that concerned or curious, wouldn’t they have gotten in contact with me?

Or even better, the ones that mention something I’d posted on Facebook recently as a way to show how they were ‘up to date’ on stuff in my life.  And then want to talk about it.

*Sigh*

Don’t get me wrong, I love my alone time as it gives me time to relax and get away from people.  I have no problem doing things by myself, like going for walks, for a coffee, out for dinner or a movie, or any other sorts of things.  Over the years, I’ve gone on holidays alone, to the theatre by myself, and let’s be honest, I’m so used to sleeping alone that I can’t relax enough to actually sleep when I have a ‘guest’ spend the night.  lol

It would just be nice if someone called me out of the blue just to chat once in awhile.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask, is it?