Nope, that’s sadly not a joke. I actually went on a date last week with an actual clown (and Charlie Chaplin impersonator).
And no, he wasn’t in full make-up at the time. LOL
To be honest, I’d been somewhat hesitant to meet this guy (Argentinian-Italian mix) as there was something about his manner that put me off a bit. We’d been chatting for a couple months at this point, so I figured might as well.
Alarm bells started going off right away when he called me out of the blue last Sunday evening, wanting me to meet him right away. He was just finishing work and didn’t want to go home… so he just assumed I’d be home alone and ‘desparate’ for some company.
I eventually put him off meeting until the next evening after work around 7pm so I could go home to freshen up before meeting. Especially as I hadn’t shaved my head or trimmed my beard in weeks, so I was looking quite shaggy.
But then I got a message from him around 4pm while still at work saying he wanted to meet at 5pm… which was when I finished work. Which meant I didn’t get a chance to go home to freshen up or anything.
I don’t know why, but his eagerness and changing things on me last minute kind of pissed me off. To the point where I almost cancelled on him. Maybe I should have.
I eventually agreed to meet him at the station closest to work (Forest Hill) as I could walk there with time to spare… and ended up actually being about 20 minutes early.
Once he’d arrived, we’d decided to head to the pub across the street (since none of the coffee shops in that area are open past 5pm).. only to find out he doesn’t actually drink. And I got the feeling he was a bit critical of those who do, even if he never came out and said so.
Anyway, we both got soft drinks (booooo…. where’s the vodka??) and sat on the little terrace to chat. And surprisingly, he was quite the charmer throughout the conversation. He kept complimenting me on my eyes and hands for some reason.. and I found myself being drawn to him physically, even though I didn’t necessarily find him that attractive.
And the farmer-joe cover-alls he’d shown up in didn’t help any either. And that made me feel a bit too shallow for my liking..
Anyway, one thing lead to another and he asked if he could see my flat. This was after holding my hands several times and staring deep into my eyes.. And even serenading my on his little eukele.
Like I said before, he was a charmer so I figured ‘what the hell’, and went with it.
I honestly thought I was having sex with the clown from Stephen King’s ‘IT’….
He kept biting me through it all, and not little love bites either. He was biting so hard that I was afraid he was going to break the skin… and he kept doing it after I told him time after time that I wasn’t enjoying it.
Oh.. and he kept talking to me in Spanish and getting me to agree with him by saying ‘Si’ after every statement, even though he knew I didn’t understand what he was saying. For a ‘clown’, he was extremely agressive, rough, and controlling, which I definitely don’t enjoy.
And he absolutely refused to do anything more than just kiss me chastely on the lips. No hot, passionate kissing.. which is one of the things I enjoy the most.
And yes, I did try to stop things several times because of all of the above.. but then he started being sweet and nice, and next thing I knew we were right back to where we were before I’d stopped things.
It was like he didn’t care what I felt as long as he got his rocks off.. which he did while we were standing in the kitchen, against the washing machine … ok, that part was kinda hot. LOL
Afterwards, I walked him to the bus stop to ensure he could get home ok, and then he explained the no kissing thing – he said I had really bad breath (whaaat!?!?!) and that he only kisses when he’s ‘in love’. He then proceeded to criticise my weight (but he’s into chubby guys?), eating habits (based on what little he could see on my kitchen shelves), grooming habits (if I’d been able to go home after work, I would have been able to shave and trim my beard..), and so forth..
Overall it left a very bad taste in my mouth (and I don’t mean from my ‘supposed’ bad breath.. I was chewing gum too). Not to mention the bite marks all over my shoulders, back, and neck, which were quite painful for a couple of days after.
I do NOT respond well to negativity and guys being overly critical of things they have no right to even bring up, especially on a first date. And the more I thought back on our conversation at the pub, the more it makes me realise I should have seen the warning signs sooner.
I’m sure he’s expecting me to come crawling to him to ask for a second date… because in his eyes I don’t have enough self-esteem to want more in my life than a biting, overly-critical clown.
Good thing I don’t like clowns. 😉