Who hasn’t heard one of their painfully single friends moan about how there’s no ‘nice guys’ out there anymore? That all they seem to meet in today’s gay digital hook-up culture is a load of selfish guys with superiority complexes, or at least trying to aspire to have one instead of the natural disposition they were born with.
And for someone who identifies as a ‘nice guy’ it can be quite hard when you’re submerged in that selfish culture. As a non-alpha male, it’s difficult to get ahead in life and relationships without having to put aside who we truly are.
The struggle is real, people. 😉
We find what we want in those aren’t willing to offer it
Most of us have just accepted that it’s part of life that we’ll eventually become hurt, disappointed, taken advantage of or even lied to when it comes to finding love, and because of this we’ve build up barriers around our hearts to distance ourselves. A pattern of disconnection, if you will.
Unfortunately, nice guys continue to see the best in those they meet by living in the present instead of the past. This means they’re more likely to get hurt when they think they’ve found what their looking for in someone who’s not willing to open up their damaged heart and soul. It’s hard to continually find the best in the wrong people.
Where’s the catch?
Since when did being nice or willing to open your heart equate to being weak, inferior or naïve? When a nice guy does something nice for another, it’s just because they wanted to, not because there’s some ‘hidden agenda’ behind their actions. But yet society seems to think instead that means you’re easy prey or don’t have balls to stand up for yourself, so some may go out of their way to rile you up.
We’re not willing to compete for someone’s affection
In the world of dating and wooing the pants off the object of your affection, nice guys aren’t naturally inclined to compete for a mate so tend to be looked on as weak or not ‘man enough’. Even if deep down the nice guy does desperately want to fight for what they want.
Instead, nice guys are more willing to show their crush-du-jour who they are through their actions, to truly show their inner self with dignity. They want to attract their potential mate because of who they are, not some artifice they’ve piled on to impress some cutie at the bar.
We hate playing games
It seems all people on the dating scene do these days is play mind games, mostly with them pretending they’re always unavailable as a way to pique some guy’s interest. It’s a game of hard to get that nice guys just aren’t willing to playing, and are seen as being too ‘available’.
Instead nice guys just tell the truth and tell a guy when we want to see them, instead of being childish and acting like we want nothing to do with them to see if they approach us first. It’s basically a power play where the one who approaches first loses, and is one nice guys just aren’t willing to play. We’d rather be honest.
We’re exactly what you’re looking for, but…
Why is it in this day and age there’s always a ‘but’ whenever someone tells you they like you? Who hasn’t been seeing a guy they absolutely click with, but instead of seeing where things lead they’d rather look for something more or someone they think is just a smidge better than you. Or they want you to change a part of who you are to suit their preconceived ideals.
Yet you hear these guys moan how they just want ‘Mr Nice Guy’ but just keep meeting assholes. That’s because they tend to dump the nice guys in favour of some new cutie that they think they’d be a better match with and really aren’t.
We’ve been ‘friend-zoned’
Oh, who hasn’t had this happen to them really? All too often, nice guys are set aside to be BFF’s instead of just BF’s because the other person doesn’t want to complicate or risk the friendship. Or they’ve gotten so used to having you by their side to hear and watch their drama, that they stop thinking of you as a potential suitor.
All too often, those whinging drama queens complaining about the lack of nice guys out in the dating world are just blind to the the friends they’re dragging along for the ride. As much as they say they want to meet a nice guy, they really think that nice guy behaviour should be reserved for their BFF.
We’ve been taken advantage of
Eventually all nice guy BFF’s get taken advantage of one way or another. It could start small like being asked to watch someone’s jacket while they chat up some bubble butt cutie at the bar, but could eventually lead to larger more inconvenient favours. Which are basically assumptions.
And if as a nice guy you say no to said ‘little’ favours, it’s like you’re crazy to even consider not helping a friend out. Because who doesn’t love going an hour out of your way to make sure some drunk friend’s friend gets home okay, while your friend is copping off with Mr Bubble Butt from the bar.
There are times when a nice guy has to weigh the pressures they’re put under to be liked against maintaining their morals. Which could sometimes mean going against our natural character to fit in with the rest of the world around us.
In order to fit in, sometimes you’ll have to do things and go places you wouldn’t normally.. like accompanying a friend to an underwear party when you’re not that comfortable standing around in your skivvies. Or covering for a partnered friend who’s off getting their dick sucked in the loo.
We just want everyone to have fun
All too often, nice guys are perceived as trying to ‘please’ everyone, when that’s actually much farther from the truth. In reality, we literally just want everyone to have fun and get along. We just want to share the joie-de-vive we have inside with other, and hope they’ll share it as well with others in their lives. We allow our love out into the world, but sadly most don’t appreciate or reciprocate it.
We just want to help
Most nice guys tend to be so focused on helping others around them, that they forget to take care of their own happiness. We’ll listen, heal, share, and love others to the point where their lives are in a better place, but we haven’t moved forward ourselves.
The truth is we usually think we don’t need as much help as others do, so put our own happiness to the side to help others move forward. Sometimes we’ll even give a crush relationship and dating advise while secretly wanting to date them, only to have to sit back and smile when they have a new boyfriend.
And man, does that ever suck!
This post was inspired by: 10 Struggles of Being a Nice Guy in the Gay Hookup Culture – GayGuys.com