Where’d You Go?

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I think it’s fairly obvious to say that some friends will come and go out of your life, and then there’ll be others that will be there for the long haul.  Not to mention the ones that you can go months and months without talking to, but when you reconnect it’s like no time has passed.

It’s a natural thing in life for certain people to slide in and out of your life, and that’s fine.  But what about those you thought were in it for the long haul who suddenly disappear?  It can be devastating and confusing as you wonder why they’re no longer a part of your life.

Well.. I’ve been feeling that myself for quite awhile now about someone I’d relied upon over the years to regularly being there to talk to when I needed someone … and vice versa, of course.

And you know what?  It hurts that they’re not there anymore to talk to, especially if you’re in need of a shoulder to cry on or someone to cheer you on when something really good is happening.

sad-man-2But at the same time it makes me wonder if perhaps I was expecting too much from our friendship?  I would always make myself available to listen if they needed someone to talk to, and they’d do the same for me as needed.  That’s part of friendship.

As well it’s about just being there, being present.  Bored on a Friday night?  Call the bestie and hit the pub, right?  Or if they don’t live in the same city, hop on Skype and chat the evening away.  It’s not always about being there for the good and bad times, but just being around.

Of course things do change when one of you starts dating someone new (gay or straight, it’s all the same really).  Obviously now more of their free time will be spent with their new sweetie, and that’s okay.  It’s expected and it would be weird if that didn’t happen.

But what chafes me is how sometimes when they’ve found that new boy/girlfriend, they just drop off the face of the earth.  Text messages go unanswered.  Facebook comments go unliked or not responded to.  Requests for advice are left hanging in the wind.  And it basically feels like you’re not part of their life anymore.

And you know what?  That’s shit.  It’s a horrible way to treat someone who was there through all the good and bad times, and perhaps was even there at the beginning encouraging them to ask out the cutie who’d caught their attention.  Who was there helping debate all the pro’s and con’s of starting anything new with their new love, and whether it was worth it to even try.

(It always is, by the way.  I’d never stand in the way of love.)

And as someone who’s been left behind many a time, it fucking hurts.  It hurts that you’re not there to talk to anymore.  It hurts that the first person I used to text when something interesting would happen probably wouldn’t even respond now.

It hurts that you brought your new squeeze to town for a couple of days and didn’t even suggest meeting up so I could meet them.  It hurts that maybe you wouldn’t want me to meet your new sweetie, as if I was some dirty secret.

It hurts so much that it feels like you’ve forgotten all about me.  Because I’ve never forgotten about you.

But at least I know for awhile I had you in my life, and I’ll be forever grateful for that.  We had some amazing times over the years, and that’s never something I’d ever regret, regardless of where I am in my life.

Sigh … *rant over*

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4 thoughts on “Where’d You Go?

  1. Your past is your present, and your future. I don’t get it why we are soon forgotten when you become “coupled”. What about the crazy times when you both spend it together. The good, bad and even the ugly. You cannot allow your friends to be muted out and then up tye volume when you need the, pisses me off, but have slowly got rid of those ” your my friend now as I need you NOW” type of people in my life. Great post as always. Ivan.

    • Thanks Ivan and you’re right. Those ‘I need you now’ sort of friends aren’t worth their time.. thing is the friend I wrote about has never been that type… until now it seems. Will wait and see what happens… but not holding my breath.

  2. It seems like you have had a lot of experience with the struggles of gay friends. This is a bit forward and cheeky haha, but would you be interested in doing a guest post about what it takes to make and maintain ‘gay friendship’?
    It’s something that I find really strange, when I meet a guy I automatically put them in either the friend or hookup category…

    • Not sure if I’ve lots of ‘experience’ or loads of ‘struggles’ regarding gay friendships.. and I’m definitely no expert! If only! Hahaha
      But yeah.. a guest post sounds great. Send me something through my ‘Contact Me’ link and I’ll see what I come up with 😊

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