We’ve all had times in our lives where we’ve felt especially needy for whatever reason, and felt that if we just had a bit of attention then we’d feel better. It’s a fairly normal reaction when you’ve had an especially stressful day, or something has happened that you just need to talk over with someone.
But what if you’re at the point when people are actively avoiding you because you’re continually coming across as too needy? That you’re constantly acting like the whole world is abandoning you.
I know I do feel like this at times.. ok, a lot of the time really. But perhaps that’s just my perception of how people view me, that they’re purposely avoiding me. At times, it can stop me from reaching out to others when I’m feeling down or lonely because I don’t want them to think of me as being overly needy.
Could it still come across that way even when I’m trying not to let it? Sure it can.. and it’s regularly made me wonder how I can change that perception.
Being Too Available
I generally never have anything planned when it gets to the weekend. So I find myself trying last minute to find out what others are up to, which is usually met with a series of ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’ve already got plans’ responses.
But to be honest, how unattractive is always being available to do things when someone messages last minute? Well, it’s time to stop that, hard as that may seems at times.
Focus on yourself and what you want out of life, instead of continually moaning about how boring your life is because you’ve got nothing planned. Set yourself some personal goals and lead your life in the direction you want it to go in.
If someone else wants to be there to join you in your journey, then that’s just a bonus.
Communicate Too Much
There’s a reason they say communication is a two-way street. If you feel like you’re doing all the work to start a conversation, or even keep one going, then maybe you need to determine if you’re communicating too much.
It’s all too easy to feel like you’re chasing after the other person to be part of your life, but maybe that’s what should clue you in that maybe your neediness by regularly messaging the other person is what’s causing them not to want to reply back to you.
The last thing you need is for the other person to feel like if they don’t reply back to you right away, that you’ll get all stroppy. You don’t want to become an obligation.
Instead of constantly checking your mobile for messages from that new crush or that friend you’d love to hang out with, go out and have some fun yourself. That way you’ll have some fun stories to tell them the next time you get together.
Whatever They Want
There’s compromise in making decisions, and then there’s being completely passive. Someone who’s overly needy will tend to always capitulate to whatever the other person wants to do.
This is perhaps down to some insanely ridiculous fear of losing the other person over suggesting something they might not enjoy but you would.
Silly, huh? Who wants to be with someone who isn’t willing to state their needs and wants? We all want someone in our lives who’s confident, who knows what they want, and is willing to fight for something they feel strongly for.
So why not be that person in your own life? Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from being you.
Lose Yourself Outside Of The Relationship
We all have certain expectations in life, be it while dating someone or while spending time with friends.
But when you stop doing things that make you truly happy and allow your own expectations go unfulfilled, you may find yourself trying to fill that void by spending more or all of your time with that other person.
This can only lead to resentment on both sides – theirs because you’re always there and expecting them to spend all their spare time with you; yours because you’ve stopped allowing yourself to enjoy life with or without that other person.
Don’t allow yourself to become distant from your friends or doing what you love. You need to maintain a life of your own, outside of your dating activities.
Needy people seem to continually need external validation that they’re good enough, or that people truly like them. And those people tend to become disappointed when they don’t get it.
The only person that can tell you that you’re good enough is yourself. You carry your own acceptance within you, and no other person can tell you whether you’re good enough or not.
Work towards becoming your own ideal version of yourself, and share that gift of self-acceptance with the only person that matters – you.