Friends With Benefits – Can It Work?


Life can be difficult and lonely when you’re single, regardless if you’re happy with singledom or not.  Sometimes it’s nice to just have someone to cuddle up to once in awhile, because deep down we all need a bit of human interaction.

Ok.. so it’s sometimes more about getting that ‘itch’ scratched, and you don’t necessarily want some impersonal hookup from one of those dating/chat apps some of us use.

So could finding a friend-with-benefits (FWB) be the answer to all your carnal and cuddly needs? Or is that just tempting fate too much?

And are there any actual rules in a FWB sexual situation?

I keep asking myself these questions a lot lately, mostly in regards to things with the Italian chaser.  Because let’s be honest, that’s exactly what we are – friends who sleep together.  I think..

We only seem to hookup once a month or so due to his busy schedule. We last got together after work one evening, going for dinner and then back to his to ‘relax’ naked.

Gay_Couple_togetherness_in_bed_01But it’s made me wonder if there were any rules of engagement (so to speak) for this sort of thing.

It’s been interesting and amusing reading ‘rules’ online, most of which are generally made up by the author themselves.  Though a few were downright impersonal.

One thing I noticed is that each of them drew the line between friends, FWB, and a relationship differently.. so maybe there isn’t a distinctive or comprehensive set of rules.

Emotional Attachments

The whole point of being in a friends-with-benefits situation is that it allows you the freedom to enjoy carnal desires with another person without worrying about the emotional needs of that other person. You can just bump uglies (so to speak lol) and get on with your lives, right?

But what if at some point will one or both of you develop an attachment to the other? Can you really have a sexual relationship with someone and maintain a cold, uncaring attitude towards them and their life?

Dinner & A Movie?

When meeting up with your FWB, should it solely be for sex or can you add in dinner, a movie or some other activity to your time together?  Or is that more of a date than just a shag?

The thing is if you were friends before the sex and not just a recurring hook-up, then I’d think other activities other than sex should happen as it would have anyway before you started sleeping together.

Public Persona

The difficult thing to figure out is how do you react to each other when out in social situations.

Man being comfortedDo you pretend you’re not having hot, sweaty monkey sex every couple weeks?  Do you flirt with each other as you usually do in private?  Or do you quietly suppress jealousy when they start flirting with someone else, while outwardly act like it’s no big deal.

It’s really hard when you’re used to being intimate with someone but feel like you can’t be affectionate with them amongst others.  Even if there’s nothing romantic between you, it can still be difficult to watch them flirt or go home with someone else.. or maybe that’s a sign that maybe a FWB situation isn’t for you.

Sharing Isn’t Always Caring

At what point are you over-sharing things with your FWB? It can’t only be about sex, right?  So maybe it’s good to chat occasionally, telling each other little things going on in your lives.  But at what point are you saying too much?

Not only are you pushing the boundaries between FWB and a relationship where you tell each other everything, you’re also running the risk of turning them off sexually. And let’s be honest, sex is the main reason for the two of you hanging out so maybe keep the details of your anxieties to yourself. It’s definitely not an aphrodisiac.

To Cuddle, Or Not To Cuddle…

In general, everyone loves a good cuddle.  It makes us feel better about ourselves, and it’s a great precursor to another hot session between the sheets. But is it too intimate or too romantic?

Men in Bed_thumb[7]Or perhaps it’s all about the connection between you and your own natural inclinations.  If you both normally cuddle afterwards, then what’s the harm?  It would feel odd to not cuddle afterwards if you didn’t.

I suppose in the end only you and your buddy can decide what the rules are, if any.  Best to keep things simple, light and most importantly, fun!

Here are a couple of other sites that wrote about this topic as well:

17 Rules For Friends With Benefits | Carlen Costa.

Rules for Friends with Benefits | Everyone Is Gay.

8 thoughts on “Friends With Benefits – Can It Work?

  1. tpcsufian

    I have been asking myself the same question. My fwb and I talk about the guidelines up front. That’s the easiest and most effective way to establish a fwb.

    • Absolutely, if you don’t talk about things then how are you going to know where the boundaries are between you. It’s also important to ensure you’re both on the same page and looking to get the same thing out of it all. Communication is key, though too many just assume the other is already on the same wavelength.

      • tpcsufian

        I used to think that too. But no two people can be on the same wavelength without communication. Without it, your sexual relationship is based on guessing.

  2. A Guy Without Boxers

    Having “been there, done that” I agree that communication is important. It’s best to establish the ground rules or parameters in the beginning. And both need to be comfortable in saying “that’s outside our boundaries.” Socializing is fine as long as both agree. When out together, why not introduce the other as “my friend with benefits?” That’s exactly what you both are. There’s no shame in admitting that.

    Honest communication is what keeps any type of friendship vibrant and alive. In being honest, it reduces the risk of any hurt feelings.

    It’s important that the rules established cover the topic of “safe sex” and that both understand what behaviors that entails.

    Great post, Martin! Thank you for introducing this topic for discussion! Much love and many naked hugs, my friend! 🙂

    • Thanks Roger! I’d had another section on discussing safe sex practices and establishing boundaries. . But ran out of space lol Or maybe I thought that should be a given..
      I suppose it all depends on the two people involved and how much they’re comfortable talking about it all.. And if you’re already sleeping together then it shouldn’t be that hard.

  3. As someone who is not into relationships, friends with benefits has always been part of my life.
    The key is to ensure before doing the deed that there won’t be any “weirdness” afterwards.

    • Very true. Though hard to predict how people will react afterwards or if there’ll be any weirdness.. at least for me. Especially when you’re within a similar social circle. Lol

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