I sometimes wonder if we as gay men have completely forgotten what it’s like to actually date.
You know, meeting for coffee, a meal, a movie, or whatever as a way to get to know someone new. To see if there’s some kind of connection between you, and to see if maybe there’s a possibility of seeing each again. Before jumping into bed together.
You know, things we USED to do to meet new guys.
But now it seems all anyone wants to do is hook up and play casually first as a way to see if there’s some connection there.. and then maybe see if you’re compatible emotionally or intellectually. Or however you gauge a potential mate.
Doesn’t it seem like we’ve turned things upside down? Especially with the increasing use of online apps that basically take all the mystery away – gawd forbid you not send at least half a dozen naked shots upon saying hello. LOL
Maybe it’s the old naive romantic in me that wishes things were like they used to. I’ve always preferred to meet for a drink and a chat to get to know someone before even considering anything sexual.
But when I do suggest doing just that nowadays? Well, I must be crazy to even consider the idea!
And you know what? I don’t care. I’m not going to change how I want to meet people just to satisfy someone else’s need to have loads of anonymous sex. I enjoy sex, but it’s not how I want to first meet people.. well, at least not usually. 😉
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being judgemental of any of those people who just have sex for the sake of having sex. I’ve been there, done that. I’ve just found that right now, that isn’t for me.
I don’t care what someone looks like naked before I agree to meet with them. I don’t care how big their dick is, or how hairy their chest is, or even if they shave their balls or not.
I want to know the person behind the perfectly posed selfie they’ve chosen for a profile picture. I want to know what makes them unique and special. I want to have a conversation with someone that lasts more than a couple messages before agreeing to meet them. I want to know what their interests are, and I don’t mean what they’re into in the bedroom either.
Interestingly I’d started this post back on Friday thinking maybe I needed to change my mentality when it comes to meeting new guys…
.. But then I had a date! An honest to goodness actual date, where we met up at a coffee shop in Greenwich before heading over to a pub along the river. It was nice that there didn’t seem to be any pressure to immediately jump into the sack, but instead it was all about getting to know each other.
Was there an attraction between us? Absolutely although he’s much too young for me (only 26!), but there was some mutual flirting throughout the evening. In fact after we left the pub, he held my hand while we walked down the street to the bus stop.
Ahhhh… how sweet. 🙂
And for the kiss goodbye? It was a quick, chaste peck on the lips.. though we both admitted to each other later online that we’d both wanted a proper kiss. LOL
We’ve talked about meeting up again soon (he’d suggested today but remembered he’d already made plans with his flatmate), and I’m sure there’ll be some kissing involved this time..
All in all it was a lovely evening meeting someone new that brightened up my day. Regardless whether it’s just a flirtation or not.