Sometimes I just don’t understand gay men .. and I definitely include myself in that statement!
Over the past little while, my social (aka – sex) life has gotten a bit complicated. Or at least it seems more complicated than I’d like it to be to me.
As I mentioned in a previous post (click HERE to read), I’ve been spending a bit of time over the past couple months with a sweet Italian bear. Mostly it’s about enjoying each other’s company, hanging out, watching movies, and getting lots of cuddles. I’d known for awhile that he fancied me, and although I don’t feel the same for him, I have enjoyed his company.
Then came the house-warming party a few weeks back (he and a couple friends recently moved into a new place)…
Basically it was one of those connections where we were attracted to each other, but just ended up as ships passing in the night.
As soon as I arrived at the party, the chaser was on me like a house on fire. I’d barely taken off my coat before his hand was on my ass and his tongue was down my throat.
Oh man.. that first kiss was so damn electric!!
Long story short, we spent the rest of the night sneaking kisses, with me being overly conscious of whose house we were in. The last thing I wanted to do was to upset our mutual friend.
But eventually as we both got a bit tipsy, caution was thrown to the wind and we were full on making out in the middle of the kitchen. Some of the other guests joked that we should ‘get a room’.
Since the party, the chaser and I have met up a couple times, and the electricity from that first kiss carried into the bedroom (sorry, no gory details.. not that type of blog lol). I found being in his company quite easy and comfortable.. and I think he felt the same, but who knows with some guys.
I haven’t talked to the Italian bear about all this yet, but apparently the chaser has told him we’ve spent some time together. I may be over-thinking it, but am just a bit worried that he’ll feel hurt that I’m now sleeping with his friend.. though he knows we both like each other.
Oh who knows.
Now here’s where I’m getting confused in regards to the chaser.. and myself I suppose.
There’s been no discussion as to what this is between us, whether it’s just a bit of fun or if there’s possibility of something more. Sure, he’s vaguely mentioned about getting together again, but nothing’s been set in stone.
As I left his place Friday night, he said I could come along the next night to a 80’s synth-pop night in the city. For some reason, I took that as an invite, but he clarified the next day that it was more I could ‘tag along’ if I was interested.
Instead of sitting at home over-analysing it, I went along and we had a great time with a couple of his friends. We danced all night, sang horribly as we tried to remember the words to the music, and generally had a great night.
And he was such a flirt. With both me and another guy with us.
I tried not to, but I starting feeling jealous whenever they were flirty. And a pang of disappointment at the end of the night when I had to find a night bus for the epically long journey home.. and they went off to catch the same bus.
I dunno if they went home together.. and not sure if I want to know.
What I do know is I do like this guy, both in and out of the bedroom. I find him interesting, engaging and sexy as hell. I am trying to just take things as they come, but it’s not easy for me.. I suppose I just wish I knew what he thought about us – or even if there is an ‘us’.
Sometimes it just feels like we’re tiptoeing around each other, playing the gay mating game to some extent (a mate recently said he thought my sex life was starting to sound like a gay ‘Game of Thrones’ lol).
Perhaps I’m over complicating things in my head by letting my thoughts/feelings get away from me. Or perhaps I’m just so desperate to find someone special that I’m jumping at the first guy in a long time that’s shown me any interest (applies to both of the Italians I think..).
*Sigh* Why does being single have to be so damn complicated? LOL