Beyond the stresses I’ve been having at work (read my previous post HERE), I’ve been feeling a bit stressed in my personal life.
Well, maybe stressed isn’t the right word. Frustrated doesn’t quite cut it either.. or maybe I’m just confused or a bit bewildered at some things that have been happening.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve been spending time with this guy I’ve known for well over a year. The first few times were dinners at his place, with cuddles and kisses on the sofa afterwards.. Plus a bit of half-naked fun one of the times I went over.
You see, he’s a bear. A big, chubby/chunky guy who’s into other big guys… I’m generally attracted to more cubby or chaser type guys who may have a little bit of a belly (I’m realistic that I’m not going to attract a guy with a six-pack lol), but not big like me.
I was flattered and he was well aware that I wasn’t into other bears, so didn’t really press the matter.
Though we did have a bit of virtual fun one day last summer… but nevermind, that’s a completely different story. 😉
Anyway, what was surprising to me was how easy and comfortable it was to spend time with him. He’s a lovely guy, a great cuddler,an amazing kisser (very very important lol) and he’s all over me in bed. Not a bad thing lol.
And above all, I’ve really been enjoying his company.
In fact, after helping him move into his new place last month with a bunch of his friends, I ended up being his first overnight guest.. much to the surprise of his flatmate (a mutual mate I’m attracted to but never done anything with). It was the first time we’d spent the night together.
But here is where I’m a bit concerned – Am I just using his generosity and his attraction to me as a way to boost my self-confidence? Am I using him to just feel better about myself? Am I using him for cuddles and some sexual fun to get myself past the sexual sabbatical I’ve had since the summer?
I do like him as a person. Obviously the last thing I want to do is to lead him on, or let him think there’s something more there than just a bit of casual fun. He’s a lovely, generous, sweet guy who’d make any guy a terrific boyfriend. I just don’t know if that’s me.
I’ve been trying to not over-think it like I usually do, and just enjoy it for what it is. And for the most part this has been working.
So.. since moving to the new place, I spent the night again the following weekend and then went over for dinner again the following weekend.
But imagine my surprise and frustration when he invited me over for dinner that following weekend to arrive at a mini dinner party with two of his other friends, and then he was going out to a club with one of them afterwards.
You see, I’d been feeling a bit down that day and had mentioned I probably wasn’t good company because of it. But he insisted I come over for dinner, so was expecting it just be the two of us for dinner, and then cuddling up to watch a movie.
And I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be sociable. *sigh*
Guess it goes to show you really shouldn’t assume anything these days. Now if only I knew where this was going, if anywhere…