For the Love of Cuddles..

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Beyond the stresses I’ve been having at work (read my previous post HERE), I’ve been feeling a bit stressed in my personal life.

Well, maybe stressed isn’t the right word.  Frustrated doesn’t quite cut it either.. or maybe I’m just confused or a bit bewildered at some things that have been happening.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been spending time with this guy I’ve known for well over a year.  The first few times were dinners at his place, with cuddles and kisses on the sofa afterwards.. Plus a bit of half-naked fun one of the times I went over.

tumblr_mexioueaij1qami9to4_1280Now as I said, we’ve known each other for awhile, but I’d never considered him more than a friend despite my knowing he’s had the hots for me since we met.. mostly because he’s not my usual type.

You see, he’s a bear.  A big, chubby/chunky guy who’s into other big guys… I’m generally attracted to more cubby or chaser type guys who may have a little bit of a belly (I’m realistic that I’m not going to attract a guy with a six-pack lol), but not big like me.

I was flattered and he was well aware that I wasn’t into other bears, so didn’t really press the matter.

Though we did have a bit of virtual fun one day last summer… but nevermind, that’s a completely different story. 😉

Anyway, what was surprising to me was how easy and comfortable it was to spend time with him.  He’s a lovely guy, a great cuddler,an amazing kisser (very very important lol) and he’s all over me in bed.  Not a bad thing lol.

And above all, I’ve really been enjoying his company.

In fact, after helping him move into his new place last month with a bunch of his friends, I ended up being his first overnight guest.. much to the surprise of his flatmate (a mutual mate I’m attracted to but never done anything with).  It was the first time we’d spent the night together.

beardy kissBut here is where I’m a bit concerned – Am I just using his generosity and his attraction to me as a way to boost my self-confidence?  Am I using him to just feel better about myself?  Am I using him for cuddles and some sexual fun to get myself past the sexual sabbatical I’ve had since the summer?

I do like him as a person.  Obviously the last thing I want to do is to lead him on, or let him think there’s something more there than just a bit of casual fun.  He’s a lovely, generous, sweet guy who’d make any guy a terrific boyfriend.  I just don’t know if that’s me.

I’ve been trying to not over-think it like I usually do, and just enjoy it for what it is.  And for the most part this has been working.

So.. since moving to the new place, I spent the night again the following weekend and then went over for dinner again the following weekend.

But imagine my surprise and frustration when he invited me over for dinner that following weekend to arrive at a mini dinner party with two of his other friends, and then he was going out to a club with one of them afterwards.

TheNewYorker-Cover-BertErnieMarriageEquality-(2013-07-08+15)None of which he’d told me before I’d agreed to come over.

You see, I’d been feeling a bit down that day and had mentioned I probably wasn’t good company because of it.  But he insisted I come over for dinner, so was expecting it just be the two of us for dinner, and then cuddling up to watch a movie.

And I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be sociable.  *sigh*

Guess it goes to show you really shouldn’t assume anything these days.  Now if only I knew where this was going, if anywhere…

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10 thoughts on “For the Love of Cuddles..

  1. This is something that is happening right now with me. Expect for me, the guy is 54, and I am 32. When I first meant him he told me was 45 and then told me afterwards his real age. We go out to dinner or make dinner at his place, we cuddle have some amazing sex, but in the end I do not know what to do. Part of me says stay but part of me says nothing more can be because of the age difference, especially in the years to come. Age is just a number to me, but this one is hard for me.

    It sounds like you to really do enjoy each others company and I know you are not his type, but maybe you owe it to yourself to see where it goes? Everyone deserves their happy ending. As for the dinner party, it happens, would it have been nice if he told you ahead of time, yes, but I think maybe he was trying to make you feel better.

    • Think you got it backwards.. I AM his type, but he’s not mine. I just generally don’t find other chubby guys attractive, whereas he’s a total ‘lesbian-bear’ (bear who likes other bears). I just wonder if we did date or whatever that it wouldn’t work because of my attraction to fitter guys. Or if I would think that I’m settling..

      And as for your age gap, I say go for it and enjoy it! I casually saw an older guy for awhile a few years back and it was probably the best sex I’d ever had because it look us places I’d never been before sexually (get your minds out of the dungeons.. didn’t go THERE! lol).

      The interesting thing was how he had the harder time with the age gap (14 yrs) whereas I didn’t. My parents are 12 yrs apart and have been together for 40 years now, so it’s no big deal to me.

      • Hmmm. Well, I guess the question is, do you want to settle? So he’s not your type, but like I said, maybe you deserve to see where it goes. You just never know.

        As for my situation, I am enjoying it, but in the end I don’t know if he wants anything. He said let’s take easy, but the fact is I can’t even get a simple hello text when I message him in the morning. It just leads me to think he might not want more. I could be wrong, I know he is busy with looking for a new job and all that, but a simple hello or hope you are okay would be nice.

  2. aguywithoutboxers

    Hey buddy, what is a “type?” If you’ve never had a cheesecake and always claimed it wasn’t your liking, does that mean you’d never try cheesecake? If the both of you enjoy what you have, then why not see where it goes?

    Sit him down and ask him where he sees the two of you in a year. Ask what he would like to see evolve. Ask yourself the same and share with him you vision of the two of you. Honesty is always best and the conversation is better now rather than later. This way, you’ll at least know if it’s a mutual feeling or if you’re walking down a one-way street.

    Best wishes, Martin! Who knows, this may be “the one!” Much love and many naked hugs, my friend! 😉

    • Thanks Roger, though think ‘the one’ might be a bit of a stretch at this point. Lol He’s lovely and I look forward to spending time with him, but dunno if he makes my heart go a-flutter. But like you said, never know until you’ve tried (I’ve tried ‘cheesecake’ before in the past, and was a tasty variation from the norm… 😉) and gotta be open in life or it’ll pass you by.

  3. So as JK Rowling says I am giddy with delight like any gay wizard. Okay she did not that word for word. That feeling of missing a heart beat may not be there, maybe it will with time, or maybe it will not with this guy. From my limited experienced this is how I see it: My first boyfriend had all the ticks on the check list, looks, charm, money, incredibly sexy ( a great ass as well). Inteligious etc. and yes he did make my heart start racing. However my checklist was not real. The Bottomline was he never loved me the way I deserved. He broke my heart as I fell for him in a big way.
    When I gave up looking, William arrived in my life, not at the best time, I was not at my best, it was actully all wrong. However when I stopped fighting and threw away my precious checklist and got real, it was how it was meant to be. William I belived was not in my league, my mind can be one overated energy. The turning pont for us was when we after 2 months went on holiday. Outside of our comfort zone, our home city, we liked being together and not just one sexual level. We are polar opposites but we can be together in complete harmony, no drama queen Drama. William is younger, a tall not a badly built guy , with a couple of extra kg since I met him still has a great ass, but that’s all immaterial, William loves cares for me and would never put me yards way and allows me to still be me.

    Great post and take a road trip, he he. Ivan

    • I suppose perhaps some of it is just letting go of our preconceived ideas of what our ‘ideal’ partner would look like, and not putting blinders on to what may be right in front of us. Thanks as always Ivan, and I love your giddy-ness lol

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