Where’d My Drive Go?

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Back when I first moved to London, I seemed to always be on the go.  Checking out new areas, looking to meet new people, and just generally enjoying getting out there and exploring what my new city had to offer.

After reading an article a mate posted on Facebook this morning, it’s made me wonder where that person went.  Where that inquisitive and adventurous person disappeared to.

When did I become so complacent in my day to day life?

Basically, I’ve settled in and become a fixture on my own sofa.  I’ve lost that innate desire to explore the city and to try new things that I had when I first moved here.  I’ve lost my drive to make my life interesting and exciting.

But is that a bad thing?  We all get into routines from time to time,and sometimes life gets so busy that you just need that quiet time recharging on the sofa.  And boy, do I love my downtime!

airplane windowOr perhaps this is my subconscious telling me I need to try somewhere new to get those adventurous juices flowing again.  Maybe I just need to take a trip (preferably abroad, and somewhere sunny) to jump-start that desire within myself while living in London.

Or maybe it’s time to think about leaving London…

As my bestie P keeps asking me what’s really keeping me in London?  It’s not like I’ve some fantastic social life here, or tons of friends to spend time with, or some fantastic lover who’s career keeps them in town.  And it’s not like I myself have some amazing job that I can’t get anywhere else…

So what is it that’s preventing me from making such a big change?

Probably more than anything it’s nerves and being scared of the unknown.. which is a lame excuse considering the HUGE change I made when I first moved to London 6 1/2 years ago. All by myself.  I really can’t excuse being scared of such a change, when it pales in comparison to that.

Is it finances?  Yeah, that’s possibly part of it as well.  It costs money to move to a new city, and if you don’t already have a job lined up then you need enough to live on until you find something.

Before I moved to London I saved my pennies for most of a year, allowing me to move here with a nice little nest-egg that afforded me a month or two without working.  Luckily I found a job and a place to live within my first month here, so it all worked out.

However based on my current financial status, I’m barely scraping by each month.  So that doesn’t leave much breathing space to start saving for some big move.

Not that I have any clue where I’d want to move to …

A couple of years ago when I was first made redundant, I did consider moving south to Brighton.  I was doing alright financially at the time, and could afford the move itself.

I was so adamant that it was going to happen that I spent a bunch of time down there looking at flats and rooms to rent, but never really found anything I truly liked.  So I stopped trying.. and ended up staying in London, living through a year of unemployment and depression.

where nextI’m under no allusions that my life would have been better if I’d gone ahead with the move south.  Or even that I’d have found a job right away, let alone an actual social life.  But it does make me wonder what could have been…

Anyway… no point looking back on that when it’s time to look to the future.

Now just to figure out where the hell that future will take place.  😉

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8 thoughts on “Where’d My Drive Go?

  1. aguywithoutboxers

    Well, there’s an adage that tells us the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. I remember when I first moved to the Washington, DC, metro area. Even though I attended university here, I was now a resident! It was all familiar yet exciting and new because now I belonged! Now, I am a complacent fixture.

    I think it all comes with the territory. What was once new is now old and routine.

    It’s not just you, Martin. I think it’s universal.

    Much love and many naked hugs, buddy! 🙂

    • I think more than anything, that old and routine can be good when you’ve got a good routine going. But what I’m feeling these days is that there’s nothing worth doing anymore, despite living in one of the most amazing cities, both culturally and socially.

      Would things be different if I had an interesting career and an engaging social life? Of course it would, but would moving to another city really change that? Or would it move the problem to somewhere new?

      *Sigh* Truly there is no real right or wrong answer to this, and only time will tell if anything changes I guess.

      Thanks as always for your wonderful words.. just sorry for the late response. 🙂

  2. Giddy with you posting.

    They way I see it from very hazed glasses ( yes I am geek now full time with glasses). Change scared us all, I think how I survived all on my own without any safety net when I was younger. How I was able to get on long haul flights all on my own. Now I am still terrified of flying but lack that confidence to do it on my own without a panic attach. William is a person who absolutely resists change with full force. How he moved from a small town to a big city I cannot comprehend. Maybe it’s when we younger and know shit about life we are fearless.

    Living in an amzing place like LondonTown is a huge plus. However maybe the romantic notion of that has brought you down to reality. Big cities can be so unfriendly, cruel and have the ability to change who we actually are. It’s not always that bleak. If I could, I would move to a much smaller city, or town however financially we would suffer. Catch 22. William is a city boy and having come from a small rural olace he cannot go back to that. Hell life is complicated.

    Moving is maybe not a bad idea and you have obviously thought this idea with all the outcomes. Not sure what I would do. Maybe the saying don’t let fear stop you from living, makes sense. Maybe the simply life is better. Ivan.

    • Firstly, geeks rule!! I wear glasses most of the time myself, mostly when using the computer or watching tv.

      Secondly, I too grew up in a small town and over the years, moved to bigger and bigger cities. That had always been the dream, to live in the big city and have the big city life. But sometimes reality is different from our dreams.

      I know my romantic notions of what life would be like in London have definitely worn away over the years, and I’m left with the usual drudgery of day-to-day life.. And of course, watching other people’s seemingly exciting lives via Facebook and such doesn’t help any.

      Oh well.. we’ll have to wait and see how things go and where the future takes me.

      And thanks as always for your enthusiastic response.. and sorry for the late reply. 🙂

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