Toxic Behaviours that Push People Away


We all have certain behaviours or characteristics that could potentially push others away from us, even if we’re not aware of them.  Nobody is perfect (if only…) and we all fall victim at times of our own toxic mood swings from time to time.

I’ve always wondered if there were things I was doing that was pushing people away from me.  Friends would always reassure me that it was the other person, not me, and that they just weren’t worth my attention.  But when you think of the other side of things, obviously there were things I was doing that they felt were toxic and couldn’t stand being around.

Regardless of the situation, it’s more important to be able to recognise when you’re starting to show a toxic characteristic, and are able to change how you are reacting to whatever situation you’re in at the time.  It’s not easy, but once you recognise the behaviour it should become easier to stop it.


‘Envy Green’ is not your colour

jealousyLet’s be honest, jealousy is not an attractive quality on a person.  When you’re constantly counting someone else’s good fortunes or wishing you had someone else’s life, that means the envy of others has gotten the best of you.

Instead look at what is going well in your own life, and if what you see doesn’t make you happy then change it and strive for what will make you happy.  Your life is just that, YOURS not someone else’s, so live it.

It’s nothing personal

Not everything that people think or feel about you is actually about YOU.  Sometimes it’s just about where they are in their own journey through life, and their own life experiences will affect how they react to you.  Unfortunately there are a lot of people who think everything is about them or a reaction to them is somehow an attack on them personally.  It is much better to take other’s reactions towards you with a grain of salt, and just follow your intuition.

Stop acting the victim

By constantly living in a state of victimisation and persistently complaining about life, you’re setting yourself up to be miserable.  The world is not against you, and only you can stop yourself from being stuck in this state of being.  We all have the power within ourselves to influence our lives and realise we are not helpless to affect our own lives.  Push past the hurt and move forward with your life.

Some-people-push-people-awayLet go of the past

Sometimes through guilt, anger, love or loss of something in your past, you can find yourself holding onto toxic experiences and allowing them to influence your present situation.  Letting go isn’t an easy thing to do, but if you can’t then you’ll continue to have the same situations pop up and bite you on the ass.  Be willing to let go and change for the present and whatever the future may bring you.

Holding onto negativity

Let’s be honest.  It’s extremely hard to be around people who are always negative about life or past experiences and aren’t willing to enjoy the life around them as it happens.  And if you’re that negative person, you may not realise you’re doing it until it’s too late and you’re left alone with your own negativity.  It’s not an easy habit to get out of, but once you do you’ll see a totally different side to life.

Being an overly emotional mess

It’s never fun being around someone who can’t control themselves emotionally.  These people tend to get upset or angry at the smallest slight, and tend to lash out at anyone and everyone around them.  These people generally have some underlying issues that are causing them to be so angry or sad all the time, and may need to get some outside assistance to work through whatever the problems are.

Judging a book by it’s cover

Being consistently judgemental of those around you, be them people you know or not, you’re being toxic in a completely mean or arrogant way.  We’ve all seen people like this.

They try to tear down others around them, sometimes trying to mask it as humour, but in the end all they’re doing is hiding their own insecurities.  They subconsciously (and sometimes actively) try to being others down to their level as a way to make them feel better about themselves.

helping-handThis list could go on and on.. There’s no exhaustive list of behaviours as everyone has different things they personally find toxic.

In the end, some of those people who show these behaviours could just be trying to cry out for help.  So if you can, be there for them and help them move past the toxic behaviours.

There’s nothing worse than when you’re trying to reach out for help and there’s nobody there to take your hand.

5 thoughts on “Toxic Behaviours that Push People Away

  1. ivansblogworld

    Some very interesting points, and some I can relate to. Playing the victim is a learnt behavior I observed from one of my parents. And toxic people need to discharged for a period and then maybe you can take them for what they are. Life is so complicated yet so simply. Great blog. Ivan

    • I found myself relating to many of the points as well, both towards people I’ve known and with my own behaviours. Sometimes it can be hard to self-identify, but once you do you can work towards changing it.

  2. aguywithoutboxers

    Awesome reminders to all of us of some of the stumbling blocks that re-occur throughout our lives. Once we remember our thoughts and feelings in situations such as these, it becomes a little easier to let go and move on. Great post for a new year, Martin. Much love and naked hugs for all of 2015 and beyond! 🙂

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