Changing the Stigma of Being Single and Alone

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We’ve all been there.  Single, alone and wishing we had someone special in our lives.  And for some of us, this wanting of the ‘perfect partner’ can sometimes get in the way of living our actual lives.

Sometimes it can get to the point where we can’t see what’s actually around us that makes our lives amazing to begin with.

And of course, the stigma of being ‘alone’ can be a difficult one to get past.  Instead of relishing the freedom of our lives, we wallow in self-pity that nobody will ever love us or that we’ll die alone.

Perhaps that self-pity is what is actually stopping us from enjoying life on a daily basis, and even preventing us from meeting that special person.  And perhaps that self-pity is what’s making our friends not want to be around us at times.

no boyfriend no problemSadly in our society, we view people who aren’t in relationships as somehow inferior or damaged in some way, when in fact it’s probably the opposite.  Those who are happy being single tend to have more fulfilling and rewarding lives than those who may be in an unhappy relationship.

Instead, we need to revel in our singledom and enjoy each day as it comes, so let’s flip our perceptions of what it’s like to be single.

Coming home to an empty flat/bed

Yes, as nice as it would be to have someone at home waiting for you, instead you need to view your home as your sanctuary.  Use it as a place to recharge and pamper yourself.  cater to your own needs and wants.

Cook yourself a nice meal instead of something quick in the microwave.  Put on some soothing music while you relax in a nice bubble bath.  Make yourself your favourite drink and curl up on the sofa to read your favourite book.  Enjoy your time home alone to the fullest.

Nobody to comfort you after a ‘bad day’

Let’s be honest, we all have bad days from time to time.  And although it be nice to have someone at home to rehash what went wrong, you just don’t have that luxury when you’re single.

Instead use the time to go over what happened and look for the positives in the situation, your strengths and what you can do to improve.  And plan ahead for the next time something similar happens.  Build up the skills you use to deal with these ‘bad days’ so the next time it won’t affect you deeply.

A schedule for one

Since when is this a bad thing?  It’s your schedule, which means only you get to decide what you’ll do and when.  You’re in control and there’s no need to plan your life around a partner’s schedule.  There’s no compromising your own freedom.  Plan your schedule around your own goals, dreams and desires.

single_and_happy-166847You’ve got to pay all the bills yourself

It would certainly be nice to have a second income around to help pay the bills and all the day to day expenses that pop up.  But that also means you’re held accountable to another person for any sudden expenditures you make.

Instead look at it as you’re in control of your wallet and only you get to decide what you spend your money on and when.  There’s nobody there to criticise your purchases or to take you to task when they’re balancing the cheque book (does anyone still do that? lol).  Enjoy the financial control and freedom this allows you.

You’ve got to do all the chores yourself

Life can get busy as we all have loads of things piling up on our daily ‘to-do’ lists.  And although it be great if someone could help you with these tasks, instead look at it as only you will know if you haven’t completed something on the list.  You get to decide when you do things

You feel awkward at social events or around couples

happy-single-quotes-7This is more about how sometimes partnered people will give you that look of pity when they find out you’re single, and how you have to answer the question ‘why are you single?’  It can become frustrating and annoying, but it’s not something that should prevent you from going out and socialising.

Instead it gives you an opportunity to recount tales of your singledom (depending on the company, be careful what intimate details you give hehe), and show them how amazing your life is.

Show them how you’re accomplishing life on your own, how much stronger it makes you, how independent you are.

There’s nobody checking up on you when you’re running late

How is this a bad thing?  This means you can come and go when you feel like it, without the feeling that ‘nobody cares’.  Just like having the freedom to make your own schedule, this means you can do what you want, when you want it.  You don’t owe your time to anyone but yourself.

There’s nobody to focus focus your love and adoration upon

Now that’s just bullshit.  There’s always one person who needs your love and adoration – YOU.  You are the one person in the world who will always be there for you, so show yourself some appreciation and love.

This obviously doesn’t take anything away from dear friends or family members, as they’re people you can show affection for as well.  And well you should.  But ultimately, you’ve got to shower yourself with love first before others, otherwise there won’t be anything left for yourself.

You have nobody to be spontaneous with

Now that’s just not true.  In fact, it’s the absolute opposite!!  By yourself, you’re always able to be spontaneous and do things off the cuff.  You’re in control of your life, so if you suddenly get the idea to hop on a train to the coast for the day, who’s to stop you?  Cater to your own impulsiveness.

happy-man1

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5 thoughts on “Changing the Stigma of Being Single and Alone

  1. Excellent read. Now the way I see it… When william was on bad benders I was more alone. So being in a relationship can also make you feel alone. The healthy-ness was actully toxic, it was more of bad dream than a dream come too. Now being sober nearly 5 years it’s a completely different live a more joined one. And william does actully balance the cheque book, especially with me around. He. He. Sometimes in a relationship I like my own time and it’s great for one night when he is away or I take a days leave, too much of focusining on our life’s and not my own is also not healthy. I just got Damn lucky when I met William. Being thru our bad times and the boring ones but one thing I will say, is that we have had some speculator times and we like being with each other and no one else. Sacrifice, and sometimes your need to not vocalize everything. Two men, both strong willed, however it’s works and for that my friend I have hope for lots of others. Ivan.

    • Whether you’re single or partnered, you always have to have some ‘me’ time. Difference is when you’re partnered, it’s mostly ‘we’ time and it’s hard to find some for just yourself. I suppose it’s a balancing act of sorts.

  2. aguywithoutboxers

    Wow, Martin! You have really done a spin on this and that’s a terrific way to end 2014! Excellent and sound observations on controlling your own destiny, buddy. One to add about performing all the household chores…you’re also the only one creating the mess! No one else to tidy up behind! Great advice! Much love and naked hugs! 🙂

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