‘If only I were single, I would so date you!’
That’s a phrase I’ve heard way too many times to count over the years. Partnered guys who are (sometimes) very lovely and sexy, who’re playing around on their boyfriends (openly, presumably), who seem to think that little phrase will make me feel good about myself or that it’ll keep me interested to see if it ever comes to fruition.
Well it doesn’t.
If fact, the few times these partnered guys have become suddenly single down the line (why leave if you get a free pass to screw around?), not one of them called me up to ask me out on a date or whatever. Instead I usually only found out after they started dating someone new.
Why? Because by then I’d been ‘friend-zoned’. Meaning they ‘valued’ my friendship too much to risk losing it. That means, at least to me, that their feelings or attraction to me somehow changed over time to the point that they no longer saw me as dating material.
To say it sucks is a massive understatement.
I remember this one guy I was sleeping with fairly regularly a few years back who used to place ‘if I were single’ game after sex. He kept describing what-ifs scenarios, wanting me to respond.
All it did was piss me off, as it felt like he was playing mind-games. Like he was trying to emotionally ensnare me so that I’d get attached.. which would have meant my getting hurt when he stayed with his husband, as I’m sure he never had any plans of leaving him. Regardless of how love-less he said the relationship was.
And when the relationship did finally end? Not only did he not tell me, but I only found out via Facebook or some other social media app. And no, he never once asked me out (we’d stopped sleeping together by then) before jumping in a new relationship.
Of course then there’s this one guy from years ago who never once mentioned in the three or four months we were playing around that he had a boyfriend at home.. When talking to me, he’d always mention him as his ‘flatmate’.
I only found out when I was invited overnight to his house for Boxing Day dinner.. And I had to sleep in the ‘flatmate’s room’ which was clearly a storage/spare bedroom, while the ‘flatmate’ slept in his bed like he normally did every night.
When I confronted him about this years later (I’d stopped talking to him after that fiasco), all he did was brush it off. Like I was making a bigger deal about it than it was.
Anyway, whatever. Getting involved with a partnered guy is just asking for trouble. They all say the right things at the time, and maybe even mean it too. Or at least act like they do.
But in the end they’ll always do what’s best for them, not you.
I’ve obviously stopped myself (once again) from even considering playing with partnered guys after realising a few months back that I was falling into the same patterns I always do.
The problem is – when I reject the advances of those partnered guys, it doesn’t leave much behind. In fact, it leaves the gay dating/hookup apps scarily quiet with little to no activity at all.
What’s a single, lonely, horny guy to do??
And people wonder why I’m a wee bit bitter about gay men these days. 😉