Where Does the Future Lead?


Sometimes I can’t help but wonder (and worry) about what the future has in store for me and where my life is going.  It worries me because I don’t feel like I have a plan or a goal to work towards, or have any real set destination in mind for my life going forward.

A lot of the time I just feel like I’m floating through life, letting the world around me flow by.  Or when I’m feeling a bit down, like I’m paddling against the currents trying to get somewhere unreachable.

But why is that?  Why do I constantly feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle just to have the life (I think) I want?  Why does it feel like I’m watching the world pass me by as I see others enjoy and (sometimes) squander what I would truly like to have?

Interestingly I know if I put a plan in place, I can carry it out successfully.  Hell, just look at what I went through planning and preparing when I first moved to London over six years ago.  I had a goal in mind, and I created a plan to get me here.. and I did it (albeit 2 months later than planned lol).

Hopes and DreamsSo I know I can do what I need to when I want to get somewhere in life, but why am I not doing it any more?  What is it that is holding me back?  Am I that afraid of failing?

Or is it more that I’m afraid of actually succeeding, so I don’t even try?  Or that I don’t think myself worthy enough to succeed?  Why won’t I take that leap of faith and just go for it?

But I suppose the real question here is what is it that I truly want out of life?

And the answer is  – I honestly don’t know anymore.  Sure, I can easily say I’d love to have an amazing relationship, a fulfilling career, a healthier more fulfilling life, or a dozen other vague and ambiguous ‘goals’.

Realistically I need to decide what exactly each of those things mean for me and how I can work to building what I want in life.  Sure, a relationship isn’t exactly something I can make happen as it’s dependant on another person, but career and lifestyle changes are solely within my own hands to make happen.

I’ve said many times before how I’d love to write full time, to be a published author or perhaps write a regular column for a magazine.  But why am I not doing it?  Why am I holding myself back from actually taking a chance in life?

Holding-Self-Back_HeaderPure and simple it all comes down to confidence, in myself and my abilities.  To be confident that people would actually pay money to read something I’ve written, be it a novel or something else.  To believe in myself enough to take that step and put my words out there .. although I kind of already do that here, to an extent.

I’m still not sure what the future holds for me, but I hope it’s full of success, happiness and love.. and that it would show up already.  LOL

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On a side note – please see my new ‘Contact Me‘ page if you’d like to drop me a line but aren’t comfortable leaving a comment on a post.  Spammers need not apply. 😀

9 thoughts on “Where Does the Future Lead?

  1. aguywithoutboxers

    Whenever I feel like I’m drifting, I return to the basics. Instead of a long-range master-plan, I create a series of short-term mini-plans to use until I feel as though I can again attempt a major goal. Much love and naked hugs, Martin! 🙂

    • Thanks Roger, and I agree. Focusing on a series of short-term goals is probably the best course of action, because as you reach each mini-goal, you’re that much closer to reaching your main goal. I’ve already put something in motion that I’m going to work on over the next little bit to see if it’ll turn into something bigger, just have to keep motivating myself to do it.

  2. ivansblogworld

    Great read. Interesting topic. Maybe go back to what you really wanted. What I always wanted was a home of my own, away from my family. Now that I have it I somehow lost that desire, dream. Now I relive this goal, and I suddenyly feel different about things. My plan never worked out as what it was in blueprint stage. However for me I need to stand back and see what my life is. I have my own crap, I am very distanced from my family, and that huts but it’s the way it is.

    I also never pictured this day. A couple of years back my life was a mess. I allowed myself to become a Mr fix-it, I was looking after others people crap and not my own. Trying to please all, that time is now passed and I have lost some very good friends, part of my family, but I am more Ivan than before. Do we need a plan, or is it better to live in today as well as planning our tomorrow. Some interesting questions. I am still struggling with the dark olace, but doing better. Ivan.

    • Glad to hear you are doing better and that you’re struggling with the dark place instead of just giving in to it.

      I think for me it’s a matter of remembering where I’ve been and how far I’ve come since then, focusing on the positives that have happened instead of focusing on the ‘what-ifs’.

  3. Maybe it is more fear of success, than fear of failure. I struggled with that in my forties. It still leers its ugly head from time to time. Maybe rather than trying to draft a plan for what you want, make a list of the positive things you’ve accomplished since you came to London.

    • Great idea. I’d like to think I’ve accomplished a lot since I came to London. Hell, even moving to London itself is a major accomplishment in itself. I believe it’s more of a matter of just going for it and seeing where it leads me instead of sitting back and wondering if something would work.

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