Dating in the Gay World: Extinct…or Evolving?


business-men-in-coffee-shop-300x235So this is a subject I’ve been wondering and worrying over for ages now – do gay guys even bother with dating any more?  Or is the idea of meeting someone for a coffee, dinner, or a walk in the park to get to know each other such an archaic form of meeting guys that it’s practically extinct?

Being a single and gay in London, I’ve find it increasingly difficult to meet other single guys, be it online or in person.  Personally, all I find are partnered guys who are in open relationships looking for a bit of fun on the side.  Or guys visiting London looking for a hookup while on holiday.

I’ve tried talking to some friends about this on many occasions, and they all say I shouldn’t worry about it, that it’ll happen when it happens.  Like I’ve never heard that before.  lol

I’ve even talked to a couple partnered friends about introducing me to some of their single friends.  But they all said the same thing – that they don’t know any single guys who are looking to date.  In fact, the few single guys they do know are only looking for something casual or a bit of fun.

GrindrSo what is a single guy like me to do when I’m bored of the casual shags or hookups?  Especially when it seems like I’m not even getting those any more.

To be honest, I haven’t a fucking clue.  LOL

The odd thing is it didn’t used to be this way for me.  A few years back, before the job issues and such, I used to go on dates fairly regularly.  Sure a lot of them ended up just being shags, good or bad, but at least I was getting interest from some really cute and sexy men.

Ok, so I had periods where I was just a downright slut, but I was enjoying myself and meeting some interesting guys.  And I was getting out of the house.

But it makes me wonder if the way guys are using these apps have changed and I didn’t notice or change with them.  That I’m perhaps still looking at things from several years ago and they’ve moved on.

Or perhaps I’m the one who’s changed.  Maybe because I know I’m not that interested in casual hookups and want to find a boyfriend that I’m looking at things in a different way.

I used to be somewhat more forward (despite being a shy guy) about approaching guys online.  I’d send a quick hello or message saying the guy was cute/handsome/sexy/etc, even if it didn’t lead to a possible shag or meeting for a drink.

But now I just seem to wait for them to message me first.  There are load of guys online that I’m attracted to, but perhaps my self-confidence has taken such a hit that I couldn’t stand the possible rejection.  Or perhaps it’s that all the guys I do find attractive are partnered or are just looking for sex.

Side note – it’s scary how many profiles I’ve seen lately that are looking for bareback sex, ‘FF’ (aka fisting), or ‘poz’ guys.  Or a dozen other things that don’t turn my crank.

It could be because of where I’m living now – in the burbs, far away from Central London.  Meaning guys who might be interested in me aren’t seeing my profile.  Sometimes it feels like I’m living in a no-gay zone of a sort.  😉

Fantasyblog1So, what’s the answer to all of this?

I’m not sure there is one to be honest.  Maybe I need to centrally more often to ensure my profile can be found.  Or maybe it’s just a matter of stopping being so darn shy and start messaging guys I think are cute again.

Or maybe it’s time to take a more drastic approach – give up completely and delete all the apps/profiles since I’m not getting any messages or interest anyway.  What’s the point of doing something that isn’t getting any results?

Yes, I know that’s a negative way of looking at it, but it may be a more pragmatic approach as well.  Sure, I could just change my profile and picture again for the millionth time to see if that gets any interest, but I’ve done that so many times and it hasn’t helped any.

But is becoming celibate the answer?  Should I give up on my silly fantasy of ever finding a boyfriend or having a relationship?  Is it possible to be happy being single for the rest of my life?

Or is there some happy medium in between?  Where I can concentrate on other things in life while still meeting the occasional nice guy and stop obsessing over it all.

brasil-gay-beachDon’t get me wrong.  Despite the apparent negativity in this posting, I am trying my hardest to stay positive about everything.  But it makes me wonder why I obsess over finding a boyfriend when I’ve got more pressing matters to worry about, like finding a job.

Or perhaps I’m just over-thinking things as a result of how my job-hunt is going, and it’s having a domino effect.

I suppose only time will tell.

6 thoughts on “Dating in the Gay World: Extinct…or Evolving?

  1. aguywithoutboxers

    Hey buddy, I don’t think there’s a magical formula for meeting someone. At least, one that is guaranteed 100% effective. For whatever it’s worth, Aaron and I met quite by accident. It wasn’t planned, orchestrated or arranged. It just happened, both of us being accidentally in the same place at the same time. Best wishes to you, friend! Much love and naked hugs! 🙂

    • And if there was some magical formula then everyone would be using it and would probably lose it’s effectiveness. lol I just wish it was something I could not think or worry about, and just get on with life. Easier said than done I suppose.

  2. We hear you on the bareback thing… If you have time, have a dig into our site for In Search of Seroconversion – a blog about guys wanted to become HIV+. Terrifying stuff.

    Also, come to Edinburgh – we know tons of single gay men that want to date with a view to settling down.


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