Back in October I wrote about how I had suddenly had two different guys from my past message me, and whether it was a good thing to let them back into my life (click HERE for previous post).
Luckily the second guy who’d popped up from the near past has become a dear close friend, and I’m thankful that he’s come back into my life. Along with my best mate in Scotland and a couple others in London, he’s one of those people I know I could talk to about anything. And I value his friendship just as much as the others.
But it’s the first guy I’d ‘reconnected’ with that I wanted to write about, as he’s recently popped back up.. AGAIN.
When he’d messaged me last Autumn, we’d met up a couple of times to chat, have a couple drinks, go for dinner.. and yes, flirt and kiss a bit. I’d promised myself with him that I’d let him contact me if he wanted to meet up, as he seemed to be the one chasing me, but after several weeks and a text that was meant for someone else, I stopped hearing from him.
And I kept thinking to myself that it was for the best.
Whenever I was with this guy, I felt like I was trying to pry things out of him, mostly around what his intentions were for reconnecting with me – he’d vaguely said something about not just wanting to meet me for sex, whatever that meant. And whenever we were together, he was constantly flirting with me (which was nice, of course), but it seemed like he didn’t seem bothered if it went anywhere.
Which was a similar feeling I’d had several years ago when we’d been sort-of seeing each other for a bit. I would regularly be wondering if I was wasting my time with him, as he continually wanted to keep things casual despite the amazing connection we had with each other. At one point after hearing about another guy I’d played with (we’d agreed to no commitments), he got super jealous about it but then a few days later called to slow things down because he felt I was getting too attached!
Mostly I found it frustrating that he was so closed emotionally (except for that one bout of drunken jealousy). I’m the type of person who wears their emotions and feelings on their sleeve for the most part, even when I’m trying to hold things in. I continually felt like I was trying to figure out where he was coming from and where things were going.
Even now I’m still a bit confused as to how they know each other, and how the hell I came up in their conversation enough that they thought it be ‘fun’ to call me with the other guy on the phone.
It wasn’t an unpleasant conversation by any means, but it sort of put me off-kilter a bit. Why now, after almost six months of no contact, is he contacting me suggesting we meet up for dinner sometime soon. If he had been that interested in keeping in contact, why hasn’t he?
And how did this make me feel? Do I want to rekindle anything with him, or just brush him off once and for good?
Funnily at one point in the conversation, he said something about me disappearing and not messaging him anymore, to which I replied the last I’d heard from him was a message he’d meant for someone else he knew named ‘Martin’.. which he tried to pretend he didn’t remember.
Perhaps it’s a coping mechanism of his, but he never seems to want to ‘recall’ anything negative or bad, and when he does acknowledge something, he tries to quickly brush it off like it was no big deal now. It’s almost like he wants to only remember the happy stuff as if it makes him feel better about his life or something. Who knows.
I’m still a bit ambivalent whether I want to let him back into my life in any shape or form, so I’m going to let him contact me. I’m not going to go chasing after him like some desperate fool, because I’m not (even with my lackluster love life hahaha). It may sound like I’m playing some sort of game with him by not messaging him, but I think it’s more that I need him to prove to me that he actually wants to be a part of my life before I’d be willing to even possibly consider it.
Or maybe I’d just like to be chased for once. LOL