Repeatedly over the past several years, I’ve written many times about my lackluster dating life and the pitfalls of looking for a boyfriend or some new people to spend my free time with.
I tend to read article after article about finding more dates, a lot of which I have shared on my blog or have written about myself. A lot of them give some great advise, while others just rehash the same tired advice.
I’m not sure if this is helping me any in my dating life (still no dates or many messages lately), but maybe some of it will eventually sink in and I’ll actually start putting the advice into practice. LOL
It’s all in the marketing.
Let’s be honest, the dating scene (gay or otherwise) is all about image and how you project yourself. If you’re showing a positive attitude, confidence and charisma, then you’ll attract a lot more guys than if you standing stone-faced in the corner with those needy, ‘please love me’, desperation eyes.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of tweeking your outgoing signals – smiling when a guy looks at you instead of scowling; letting yourself be relaxed instead of exuding an air of arrogance. Be more aware of the image your projecting, and change it where necessary to bring more boys to the yard. 😉
Fine tune your search.
Everyone has their own tastes in men, but how can you find the right guy is you don’t have a vision of what he looks like or how he acts? It’s not necessarily all about the physical side of things (though feeling attracted to the guy definitely helps.. a lot lol), but is also about the qualities you’re looking for in a potential date or partner.
However don’t be so overly specific that only the perfect man could fit your criteria.. Let’s be honest, there’s no such thing as a perfect man, but instead you should be looking for someone who’s perfectly suited to you and what you’re looking for. Keep your vision specific but not too narrow-minded, and you just may be surprised how many guys fit your criteria you might have missed out on previously.
Go where they go.
When the proclivity of gay bars out there, each servicing a specific section of the community, there’s always a bar for guys you’d go for, and who’d go for you. For instance, if you’re into bears or chubby guys, then go hang out at the local bear bar instead of regularly visiting twink-central.
But finding dates is most definitely not all about being in the bars or clubs, and in fact you’ll probably have better luck outside of them if you join social groups that cater to the type of guy you like. If you’re into hiking and other outdoor activities, then going a group that specialises in that. If you like guys who are into the arts, then join a theatre group or one that does regular trips to the local museums. It’s a great way to meet guys you wouldn’t normally meet if you just stick to the bars or the online sites.
Seek and enjoy!
Let’s be honest, most of us tend to sit back and wait on the other guy to make the first move.. And generally leaves us feeling frustrated the object of your desire didn’t take the chance to chat you, despite all the smoldering looks back and forth.
It isn’t easy, but sometimes you need to take the bulls by the horns and be willing to make the first move. See a guy at the bar you think is cute? Then go say hi, or maybe send him a drink (does anyone do that anymore??).
Be willing to take a chance and see where things could lead. What’s the worst that could happen really?
Find something in common.
Once you’ve approached that sexy guy in the corner, it’s time to figure out what the hell you’re going to talk about. Some guys tend to use cliched approaches like ‘Hey handsome’, ‘Woof’ (anyone around the bear community will understand..), or some such, but why not make it specific to the person them that makes them stand out to you. It may come across as cheesy or corny, but as long as you’re approaching it with a bit of humour, it should help strike up a conversation.
Of course once you’ve broken the ice, you need to find something more interested to chat about than how well his shirt fits him. Try finding out something you have in common and go with it. Once you’ve gotten past that initial hump, it should be easier as the conversation goes on.
Control your emotional valve.
Way too often some guys shoot themselves in the foot by revealing too much about themselves or their baggage way too soon. You’re having problems at work? Well, sorry to hear that, but when first meeting somebody, do you think that’s not going to overwhelm them to the point of running away from you as fast as possible?
The whole point of first contact (so to speak) is to get to know each other a bit, not tell each other your life stories. You need to spend sometime with this new person before you start telling them your tales of woe over your ex-boyfriend, that bizarre rash you had last week that seemed to go away (eeewwww), or any other thing that could be deemed negative or off-putting. Ease into it, man!
Play the odds.
It may sound slightly simplistic, but if you don’t get out there and make an effort, then you’re not likely to find anyone interesting. That’s not to say you need to be a scene queen to find a few dates (if anything that would probably hamper it), but don’t be afraid to get out there and mingle.
And make the first move. Sure, it may not always work out, but you’ve got to keep trying. The more comfortable you become with approaching new people, the easier it’ll get.. and eventually you may just get the results you’re looking for.
Or better yet, the man you’ve been looking for that you didn’t realise existed. 😀