Hell, that’s something I’ve been trying to tell myself for years. LOL
When you’re single, the entire world seems intent on reminding you how single you are. All you have to do is step outside, turn on the tv, or even hang out with friends who’ve found someone. Or even worse, the dreaded Valentine’s Day ‘holiday’ that celebrates love and seemingly makes anyone who’s not in a relationship feel bad about themselves.
...everywhere you look, it’s wall to wall happy couples and a constant barrage of messages that tells you that if you’re not in a relationship right now, then there’s something wrong with you. The longer you’ve been single, the greater the feelings of judgement and lack of worth.
Anyone who’s been single a long period of time can definitely relate to that. When you’re single and wishing otherwise, you can’t help to sometimes feel bad about yourself, your life, and yes, feel like you’re worthless or defective.
I know I’ve felt like that many times over the years – still do to be honest – but is this really the best way to deal with being single? Continually beating yourself up just because you haven’t found someone special, or aren’t dating someone at that point in time?
Of course it’s not. It’s self-destructive (trust me, I know..) and counter productive to living your life.
YOUR life, not someone else’s. It’s all yours and only you can be the architect of your own happiness, regardless if you’re in a relationship or not.
Can you tell I’m trying to be more upbeat and positive about life, instead of my usual miserable, negative self? OK, so maybe I’m not there yet, but I am working on it…
I’ve always found it eye-opening to talk with my partnered friends about my eternal singledom. Most just seem to see the positives about being single, and how lucky that makes me in their eyes. Some just see the freedom being single gives me when it comes to planning my free time.. and how it gives me freedom to be with any guy I wanted to.
HA! If only it was that easy. 😉
However when you look at the other side of things (and yes this is me going into my ‘glass half empty’ mode), those things that they feel make me lucky to be single are also the some of the same things that can make being single horrible and extremely lonely.
So, what’s a single guy like me supposed to do? Go to the bars? Join uninteresting social groups? Stay home and cry? Put on a brave face for your partnered friends to show you’re happy for them despite feeling totally green with envy deep down that they’ve found someone (while still actually being happy for them at the same time)?
Or perhaps sit in a coffee shop and write about the pitfalls of being single on your blog. On a Friday night. 😉
Truly there is no right or wrong answer, though some ways to dealing with being single are not healthy mentally (or at least they aren’t for me).
I suppose all us singletons can do is just keep on plowing through life in the hope someone interesting might finally come alone.. And maybe stop spending so much time sitting on the mobile apps looking through profiles of hot guys looking for a bit of fun.
As for that aforementioned article about being single (click the link at the bottom of the page to read it in full), they’ve broken it down into 5 main statements:
- Being Single Isn’t A Reflection On Your Value As A Person
- The Fail State of A Relationship Isn’t “Single”
- Being Alone Doesn’t Mean Being Miserable
- A Relationship Isn’t A Magical Cure
- You’re Allowed To Be Single and Happy
Every single statement is completely and utterly true.. But for some people (me especially) who can’t seem to see past the negative connotations of being single, trying to get your mindset to change to that way of thinking is a lot harder than just flicking a switch.
Personally, I wish I could just enjoy my life as it is, and spend my energy on more important things like looking for a new job, improving my health/going to the gym, and writing my (not so) little ass off. 😉
Just like anything else, it’s a work in progress.