Tired of Singledom



Being single isn’t as easy or as fun as it should be.

Everyone seems to think that when you’re single, your life is a steady stream of fabulousness and fun, fun fun.  That you’re always out and about, meeting new people all over the place.

Or at least some of the partnered people I’ve known over the years seem to think so.

I recall chatting to a partnered friend years ago who said I was lucky to be single, because I could do what I wanted, who I wanted, when I wanted.  He said he wished he could be single, but the moment he was he’d moan and whine about how he was lonely, which immediately got people to set him up with their single friends.Hairy Naked Man (7)

Something they never tried to do for me, even when I (kinda) joked that they should find me a boyfriend too.. It just went in one ear and out the other.

So here I am now, fully entrenched in my (early) 40’s, still looking for a boyfriend or partner to call my own.

Sure, I’ve casually dated a few guys here and there, but they only wanted a bit of regular fun and would run to hills once they thought I was getting attached (regardless of how they were feeling towards me) so I can’t exactly call them ‘relationships’ let alone boyfriends.

I wouldn’t mind it so much if I had some actual dates here and there, but that be like asking for a miracle these days.  The little bit of interest I do get lately are from guys thousands of miles away, usually looking for a chat buddy (read: pic share), or are coming to town for a few days and want to hook up.

And the few local guys who message me?  They’re all partnered and looking for a bit of fun on the side (dammit, is anyone monogamous anymore?).  And they don’t seem to understand when I ask if they’ve read my profile.. it clearly says ‘single guys only’, but I guess they think that doesn’t actually matter.


What I find absolutely fascinating (and extremely sad) is how my partnered friends seem to have more fun (sex) and go out more than I do.  And I’m the single one.  I’m the one who should be getting the dates, not them, right?

Don’t get me wrong.. I’ve had some fun times with partnered guys over the years, but it’s not the same as getting to actually date someone where there’s a possibility of it going somewhere.  And I’m sure as hell not about to steal someone else’s boyfriend.

OpenRelationship-copyI know a lot of it is confidence and knowing what you want.  With all of these partnered guys out there playing, it’s just that – PLAY.  They (presumably) already have what their looking for waiting at home, so are only out to have a bit of fun, whereas someone like me is still searching.. And not finding anything.

*Sigh*  I’m starting to wonder if I’m the last single guy around (I know I’m not, I’m just being a bit of a drama queen lol).  It just seems all turned around and wrong somehow that the partnered guys, who’ve already found someone special, can go out and find a second or third someone ‘special’ (or special for that day) at the drop of a hat.

Part of the reason I’ve written so much lately about dating tips or being more sociable to meet new people is to motivate myself to get out there more.  And to not give up hope.fuckable bear

But it’s hard when you’re single and lonely.  If you go out to a bar hoping to meet someone, even just for a chat, most of them are there with friends or lovers. And a lot of time, it’s hard to look like you’re not on the prowl when you’re in a pub alone, cause that’s how the others there look at you.

And sure, going out for a couple drinks with a friend or two is brilliant and terrific.  It’s my usual thing to do.. Only whenever I’m out with a good friend, other guys automatically assume we’re there as a couple, so they don’t bother approaching either of us (mutual cock-blocking, such fun lol).  It happens all too often for my liking.

My problem is the type of guys I’m attracted to – fit, handsome, and damn sexy (like the guys in the pictures on my blog..).  There are some chasers/admirers out there who fit that description who like bears like me (I hate that stereotype..), but they seem too far and few between.  And the few I do meet, they are only after one thing – sex.wanting a bf

It’s frustrating to say the least.

Yeah I’m moaning.. I’m allowed to, right?


6 thoughts on “Tired of Singledom

  1. Chris + Ernie

    From reading your perspective, you seem to be a bit disillusioned about relationships, being single, and what is socially acceptable. Perhaps you’re still single because you just choose to have higher standards. Maybe you are still single because you don’t put up with BS enough…because being in a committed relationship, whatever each couples unique infrastructure, will entail BS to some degree. That is how couples attempt to iron out the kinks and learn about one another, by putting up with some sort of BS. None of these couples you speak of are sans problems and demons. And just cause two people decide to share their time with each other, emotionally and physically, doesn’t mean they are living the “better” life…they are just living their chosen life style in the moment.

    Searching is also taboo in attainment of love. Is being unconditionally loved what you are searching for…or is it a partnership for which you are searching?

    Also, you have to keep in mind about the type of guys you feel as though you want. If you ideally want to be cuddled up next to a guy every night that is like those you show in photos, seeking to sustain a committed relationship and hoping to be everything that person needs and desires in reciprocation – then you must look the part just to even get yourself in the door to something higher. And that takes work. However, if you lower your standards a bit, and be more openminded to guys that are more on your physical level, you open doors for an greater opportunity to meet energies that parallel your own.

    It’s a tough plight, but we all go through it. And there is no need to feel bitter towards the manner in which a couple feels they want to manage their own relationship. Respectfully, why do you care? Lessening the judgements may be what you need to create harmony in your own peace and self acceptance.

    Single is fun, boring, exhilarating and disappointing. Equally, relationships are fun, boring, exhilarating and disappointing. It’s about what are you ready to endure.

    I think it’s time to start thinking outside of the pink triangle mister.

    • Hmm.. though I do agree with some of what you say (yes I’m disillusioned, yes I’m feeling bitter, yes I feel like I’m the one left out of something).. when I posted this on Sunday I was in a bit of a foul mood and usually when something is on my mind, it helps to write about it (it didn’t.. this time).

      I think it’s interesting you say I should ‘lower my standards’ and go for guys ‘more on my physical level’. So I’m guessing you’d give the same advise to a slim/fit chaser guy who likes bears? Because based on what you’ve said, everyone should only go for others that look like themselves (whether they find that attractive or not), not the opposites (which do attract, let me tell you). There is no hard set rule about attraction.. and let’s be honest, I wouldn’t even approach guys like the ones in the pictures on my blog, because I’d be too intimidated. And on the very odd occasion when some super fit guy does hit on me, I get super nervous and act like a tit, which scares him away… Can’t win I suppose LOL

      As for putting up with BS.. we all have to put with our fair share of it, single or not. It’s not something that is exclusive to being in a relationship, since singletons have different BS to put up with than partnered people, and vice versa. I never implied that being in a relationship was a utopia or anything… Just like being single isn’t either.

      What I was trying to imply is how frustrating it is for someone like me, who’s wanted a bf/partner since day one but has never had one, to watch others in relationships (good and bad) and feel jealous that they’ve found each other. To always be wondering what it’s like on the other side of the coin… to always feel like I’ve been missing out on something.

      Let’s be honest, when it’s something you’ve never had but always wanted and yearned for, it’s hard not to feel bitter or disillusioned towards it. Especially when it starts to seem more and more likely to never happen.. not because of my view or attitude towards it, but because maybe there isn’t someone special out there for me.. and this will be how I get to live the rest of my life.

      And that fucking sucks. lol

      • Chris + Ernie

        We can understand your vent session. Too bad the write session didn’t make you feel any better.

        In reply, we are basically realists. Sure, feel free to go after whom ever you feel is worth it to you. Of course there is the possibility of you meeting a slim/fit man in shining armor that lives for bears. But also, at your age, is that really worth while of a search? Only you can determine that.

        Given how frustrated you seem to be about it, leads us to believe that happiness more in the moment with someone “not quite so idealistically perfect” could be a better use of your years. Clearly it’s a perspective playing devil’s advocate. Cause one should attempt to look at all sides of the cube. Not saying that is your solution. Ultimately do what makes your life happier and more fulfilling – even if that involves dreaming about what could be.

        Yes, at times, opposites in human interaction attracts, but not all the time. We (Chris and Ernie) definitely are opposite in looks and build, to a degree, yet are still within the same lines physically. Contrary, we still are a lot more the same in mentality and life perspectives which leads us to believe the more one has in common, the better the pairing for longevity.

        Your situation can be very much frustrating. But keep in mind that timing is everything and like what was said before, maybe it’s time to think a bit differently about your love conundrum in some manner. Perspective change and be a catalyst for reality change – given hope stays strong.

  2. aguywithoutboxers

    My friend, with the arrival of Spring, get yourself out and be you FOR you! It is often said that the moment you stop looking…BAM…love hits you right between the eyes. Don’t compare what you don’t have, celebrate what you DO have! Much love and naked hugs, buddy! 🙂

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