As someone who’s never had much luck on the dating scene, I tend to look around at different websites for some helpful hints on how to be more successful at it. For someone like myself who’s more of an introvert, meeting and dating guys isn’t always an easy thing.
Ok, who am I kidding. I’m lazy when it comes to meeting some new guys, so I look at these sites as a way to try and motivate myself… and maybe one of these days I’ll actually put them into practice. LOL
So here are a few tips I’ve found.. hope they help.
They do say a picture is worth a thousand words.. but what do they say when you’ve posted a bad picture of yourself on a dating site? Or is your profile too negative, or gives the wrong impression of yourself? Do you come across as confident or insecure?
Dating is all about the image you project about yourself to those around you, as this is what will attract them to you. And if you seem to be attracting the wrong type of guy(s), then maybe it’s time to change your approach and project something different. Maybe tweak your image a bit, get a new haircut, smile if you normally frown.. you get the drift.
Defining Mr Right
Let’s be honest, how can you find Mr Right when you don’t even know what qualities you’re looking for in him? And this isn’t just about physical appearance, though it does play a part, but it’s also about the values you’re looking for in a partner/boyfriend. Kindness, family background/upbringing, personality type, sense of humour, and so forth.
If you solely focus on the physical qualities you’re looking for (hair colour, ethnicity, height, body type, hairiness, etc) then you’ll find that a very wide range of guys will fall into that description. Or that you’ll be more willing to push the outer boundaries of that target guy-type, and you end up letting guys in you’d normally not be attracted to (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…).
Know your scene
If you’re looking for a certain type of guy, then know where that type of guy hangs out.. and go there. You wouldn’t necessarily look for a twink-ish guy hanging out at a bear bar, or a super fit muscle queen stuffing their face at the all-you-can-eat buffet, or a theater buff stretching it out at the nude yoga class. There’s nothing worse than trying to find your type of guy amongst a sea of the complete opposite… Though it would help them stick out, and who says guys can’t be multifaceted and have more than one interest?
However.. don’t be so completely exclusive of other places or bars that you become a scene-queen, and will only go to certain types of places. There’s nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit, putting yourself in different surroundings once in a while. Will it help you find dates? Maybe, maybe not.. but you never know just where you’re going to meet that next special guy, so keep an open mind.
Don’t wait, go for it!
More often than not, most gay men will wait for the other guy to make the first move (I know I do). You may catch each others eye across the room, looking over at each other every so often.. but guess what, he’s probably waiting for you to do the same thing – get off the bar stool and come over to say hi.
We all complain how the gays will only stay in their cliques and not approach anyone outside of it, but maybe it’s because they’re afraid to and they’re waiting for the other guy to make the first move. Maybe they stay within their cliques because it’s safe.. It’s time to get ourselves out of our comfort zones, and actually get out there and start conversations with the cuties in the corner. You just never know..
Breaking the ice
The common fear when approaching a guy is not having anything to talk about. Do you immediate go for a complement a la ‘You’re cute’ or ‘Looking good, handsome’, or do you try to find something less superficial that will help you start a conversation?
Sometimes it’s as simple as noticing something about them or their appearance and making a comment on it.. For instance, if you’re approaching a guy who clearly works out, why not break the ice asking him about how he gets his arms so big? Or maybe if they’re wearing a particularly nice jacket, maybe start a conversation about shopping? It’s only an ice breaker, and hopefully you’ll move onto more interesting conversation topics.
If not, could always just buy him a drink. 😀
Keep it to yourself
There’s nothing worse when meeting a guy for the first time, be it a date or someone you’ve started chatting to in a pub, and they totally unload all their emotional baggage on you. What a complete turn off.. so don’t do it yourself. That guy you’re chatting up doesn’t need to know about the work stress you’re going through, or how you’re struggling with your finances, or how your parents were emotionally distant growing up, or what have you. He most definitely doesn’t need or want to know it right from the get go.
Instead take your time getting to know each other, and keep your emotional baggage to yourself. Over time if you start dating or becoming part of each others lives, then these things will naturally come out. And you won’t send him running for the hills because you’ve just told him your life story in 5 minutes flat.
Get off your ass
Let’s be honest, sitting at home in front of the telly scrolling through profiles on the gay apps really won’t find you a boyfriend, and usually not even a date (unless you call a shag a date lol). In order to meet new guys, you need to get out of the house and actually be social.
And let’s be honest, you’ll (potentially) have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince Charming, so don’t be afraid to go out on a variety of dates. Sure most of them won’t lead to anything, but you never know who may become your new BFF.. or introduce you to the man of your dreams. Be open to new experiences and just go for it.
Now just to implement this advice into my own dating life. 😉
Note: This post was inspired by an article I recently read on About.com called Gay Dating (click HERE to read the original).