Digital Dating – The Profile

Standard

Let’s be realistic – many guys who use apps like Scruff, Grindr, or Growlr don’t even bother to read the profiles.  Most of the time, all they seem to do is look at the pictures and decide whether you’re worth chatting to based on that.mW2us1dJ-M-x9tHixXtCfGg

The profile description is important, as it allows other users to get to know a bit about you.  A lot can be figured out about a guy based on his description of himself and what he’s looking for.. if he’s bothered to fill it in.

But what truly makes a good profile description?  How much is too much information, and at what point do you draw the line between likes and negativity?

Here are some ramblings about what you should (or shouldn’t) put into your profiles.. and a few that kind of annoy me.

Who are you?

It should seem obvious, but a profile description should tell the potential date/shag/whatever a bit about yourself.. but you’d be surprised how many guys don’t even bother.  650_HiImAwesome_xlargeOr if they do, it’s solely around their physical appearance – good looking, fit, hung, hairy/smooth, etc.

But what about you as a person?  A physical description doesn’t tell me anything about you or about your personality (other than you’re a bit narcissistic lol).  I don’t want to read your life story or an in depth breakdown of your psyche, but a bit more than A/S/L would be good.

(FYI: Age/Sex/Location used to be the standard first question when chatting online waaaaayyy back in the day lol)

Another thing most guys put in this part is whether they’re partnered, single, or even if they just looking for something discreet (read: in the closet).  I still find it funny when I read a profile that says ‘happily partnered, looking for a bit of fun’.  Such a contradiction…

What are you looking for?

This is a standard question when looking for dates online because let’s be honest – if you’re not stating what you’re looking for, how are you going to find it?

tumblr_mexioueaij1qami9to4_1280Most guys will put something generic like ‘mates & dates’, or ‘whatever comes my way’ – both of which are ways of saying they’re basically looking for a shag – while others will go into way too much detail about what they want out of a potential life or sexual partner.

Personally, I keep it a bit in between (or at least that’s what it seems to me) by putting that I’m basically looking for friends or dates but that I’m also open to seeing where things lead.  If I read that on a profile, that would mean to me the person is looking to have some fun along the way to finding something more down the line, like a boyfriend or relationship.

I also try to keep things somewhat vague and as upbeat as I can… and try not to make myself sound like some desperate bunny-boiler who’ll start thinking of marriage the moment you start talking.  LOL

Likes

This can be taken in several different ways.  Personally I’ve put things I enjoy doing on my profiles – reading, writing, travel, movies, chats over coffee, etc.  Things that show a bit about me and what activities I enjoy doing in life (though reading through my profiles, a lot of those activities are quite solitary..).

Other guys use this to give a long list of either what type of guys they like or what they like sexually.  At times some of the profiles out there start sounding like a checklist, and it’s clear there’s no point messaging that person if you don’t check all the boxes.. meaning they’re looking for their ideal man, which doesn’t exist so they’re setting themselves up for disappointment in the long run.

Dislikes

I don’t know about all of you, but I am totally sick of reading profiles that have a long list of things or types of people they do not like or what to chat to – no fats, fems, smokers, asians, and so forth.

grindr

I can understand the ‘no pic = no chat’ you see on a lot of profile these days… to an extent.  If someone with a faceless profile messages me, hopefully they send a face pic along with their first message.  It’s only fair; they can see me, so what can’t I see them?

There’s nothing worse than having an amazing flirty chat with some faceless, unknown person online where you’re really getting along until they finally send you that all important face pic.. And you can’t even imagine being out in public with that person, let alone kissing them or staring into their eyes during sex.

(Ok, so maybe that’s pretty conceited way of saying you think they’re absolutely fugly and wouldn’t touch them with someone else’s dick.  LOL)

Got any more pics?

Although you have a profile pic (or you should anyway.. it is 2014 after all, and most mobiles have cameras these days), there are a lot of app trolls out there who are only interested in seeing more pics.  More specifically they want to see as many pics of you naked, hard, and throbbing.Photo 15-02-2014 23 19 48

It’s like everyone has had to turn into an amateur porn star just to find dates online.  And it’s astounding how many guys will just stop chatting to you when you refuse to send them anything naughtier than a pic taken while sunbathing (ie: only showing your bare shoulders and maybe a bit of chest).

As I’ve written in a past post, whether you chose to share private pics of yourself is your choice alone.  And no app troll should make you feel bad or pressure you to do otherwise.

What are you into?  What’s your scene?

This tired old question.  Every guy who asks this is looking for you to list all the sexual activities you enjoy to (once again) see if you measure up against his own checklist of likes and dislikes.

There are also some other guys who are only into certain types of guys – twinks, bears, otters, chubs, daddies, cubs, and so forth – which is fine as long as they’re not being exclusive of other types.  Just because you have a specific body-type preference, or are out and about on a certain scene, it doesn’t mean you’re always going to find a guy who fits into that specific mold.. or even wants to be put into that ‘box’.

Take me for instance.  I physically look like a stereotypical bear – hairy, bald, chubby, bearded – but I don’t identify with that sub-sect of the gay community.  Sure, I’ll occasionally go to a bear bar or event, and I do use the bear dating apps, but it doesn’t mean I like being called a bear.. and in the end when I meet someone, I want them to like me for me, not for my belly or hairy chest.

Where are you?

This is an obvious thing – it’s always good to know where the person you’re talking to is, as you may not want to waste your time with someone who’s halfway around the world.  It’s also nice when you get surprised and realise you’re talking to someone just down the street.mzl.lmobzorz.320x480-75

But to be honest, with the advent of the GPS features of these apps, you should already have a good idea of how far away these guys are from you.  Though it can get confusing when one app uses the metric system and another uses imperial measurements.  😉

In the end, these apps are meant to find a bit of fun, and possibly someone interesting for the future (once can hope).

Just remember – be safe and be smart when meeting someone you’ve just started chatting to online.  Don’t give out too much personal information, and always try to meet them in a public place, just to be safe.

Douchebags-of-Grindr

What a douche!

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9 thoughts on “Digital Dating – The Profile

  1. Wow you’re such a good writer. I wish I can write like this. It’s so well written, sensible and informative. It should be an article in one of those gay magazines online.

    I got the bunny-boiler reference! I love Fatal Attraction! Glenn Close was robbed of the Oscar for that role.

    I normally like to look at hairy guys, but the guy in the first pic, wow! That sweet innocent expression. And those legs. mmm haha

    • Thank you so much Halim! I only wish I was getting published in some online magazine lol

      Yeah that first guy is just beautiful.. and the guy in the third picture (with his arm covering his face).. WOW. I wouldn’t put the pictures on here if I didn’t think they were hot LOL

  2. *gasp* You mean you haven’t tried to market it to one of them? M, I’m sorry if I come across as presumptious, I just think you’re a nice guy, and it would make me happy if I see a talented fellow blogger do well with his writing. Not to assume you are not doing well, like I said I don’t want to be… oh you know what I mean.

    If I have your writing skill and wrote the post above, I would find out how to submit submissions to the various gay magazines, and I would do it soon, while the subject of Grindr-Scruffr-Growlr is still relevant and red-hot. They might not be so relevant anymore months from now maybe? Also, your post is now public. Some other writer might read it, like it, and copy it to have it publish, not as a whole but ‘in spirit’. I’m worried someone might steal your ideas of this article and all the excellent points you have raised here.

    If I’m not mistaken, it’s not rare to not get paid contributing articles online especially for new writers. But you may consider that it’s something to contribute to your portfolio, to have it there that you have written for so-and-so magazine? Just a thought. Again, please do excuse me if I’m too forward and nosey haha…

  3. aguywithoutboxers

    Very good, my blogging buddy! You are directly on point and I agree with all that you wrote. Most men are in such a hurry to enroll in the social media that they probably just skip as fast as they can through the profile registration in order to hop into the first bed available. LOL!

    I see you published quite a bit while I was away! Cool! I know what I’ll be doing this weekend! Much love and naked hugs! 🙂

    • Yeah I see you’ve been catching up a bit already lol Hope you enjoy 🙂

      And it is true, there are lots of guys who just want to get online and find a shag so don’t bother to fill in their profiles. Or they’ll put ‘will fill in later’ but months or years down the line they still haven’t. It’s not like it’s such a huge job that’s going to take hours of contemplation or anything, they should already know what they like or are looking for. Lazy buggers 😉

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