It’s remarkable how easy it is to stay indoors for a long period of time without leaving the house. We all have times in our lives where we just want to stay in the comforts of our home, and then there are other times when we’re somehow stuck at home for one reason or another.
And sometimes, at least for me, I find myself becoming anxious about being around other people or even out in public in general. It could be a form of agoraphobia, though that could just be me being overly self-analytical about whatever situation I’m about to put myself into.
So, I haven’t been out of the house all week.
Since last Saturday or Sunday, I have been dealing with an ongoing sinus headache/migraine and a bout of insomnia, the combination of which has become a viscous circle where one is causing the other. I’ve spent several nights awake until quite late unable to sleep, which in turn is causing the headaches to continue.
This of course has caused me to miss an entire week of work, which is never a good thing. Even if I don’t particularly like my job.
Yeah I know, it’s probably all in my head, or psychosomatic or whatever you want to call it, but the pain in my head has been real. The headaches have been bordering on becoming migraines, which are most likely stress-caused even if that stress might be self-created.
So despite the headaches continuing today, I’ve made myself get out of the house and take my laptop to a cafe in Brixton just so I’m not sitting at home like I have been all week.
Probably the worst part of it is how helpless it’s made me feel all week, like I was trapped in this never-ending cycle that wasn’t allowing me to sleep properly and making me seemingly incapable of getting up for work everyday.
Or maybe that’s just a cop-out so I didn’t have to go into work.
So I took a page out of my recent post ‘The Health of Stress‘, and discussed what’s been going on with a friend of mine to see if that would help with the ‘stress’ I’d been feeling. In fact while chatting to him about all this, it was him who said maybe it was my subconscious hate of my job that was causing the headaches and insomnia to continue, instead of subsiding after a day or so.
And yeah, perhaps that’s exactly what’s going on.
The next day (Thursday I think) I got up feeling more motivated than I’ve felt in awhile, and I spend a good part of the afternoon going over my CV, updating my job hunting profile on a couple sites, and even applying for a few jobs. I haven’t heard anything back from the jobs I’d applied for yet, but I did get a call from an agency I’d dealt with last year when I was job hunting full time.
On her advice, I modified my CV for a specific job they were recruiting for, so fingers are crossed I get something out of it. It’s not what I’d truly love to be doing (writing full-time) but at least it’s something I know I’d be good at and would hopefully feel fulfilled by doing.
I also finally got around to writing some fiction, the first piece in quite awhile. It was only a short story (about 2000 words or so), but it felt good to be creative in a different way from how I write here on this blog. And I think it’s gotten my creative juices flowing a bit, so I definitely need to make find time to keep writing more stories, perhaps make it a series of some sort.
I may eventually post some of it on here, but based on the content of what I’ve written, I may not.. It’s more in the vein of erotic M2M fiction, so wouldn’t exactly fit with the format and feel of my blog here. But we’ll see how it goes. May just have to start a sister blog just for those stories.
So, here’s to (hopefully) getting myself back on track and back to work this coming week, regardless if I enjoy the job or not.
And yeah, to getting out of the house more, even if I feel trapped or whatever about going out in public.