These days pretty much everyone has a smart phone of some sort, and most single gay men (and way too many partnered ones as well) usually have at least one ‘dating’ app installed on their phone as well.
There are some out there who would applaud the advent of these apps as it makes dating so much easier… or at least easier to find some no-strings fun. If anything it’s taken a lot of the leg work out of ‘dating’ and allowed us gays (and the straights too) to bypass all the usual boring ‘getting to know you’ stuff before being able to jump right into the fun stuff.
But is this really a good thing?
Before these apps and websites became a common thing, you had to physically go out to meet people, be it at your local pub, a coffee shop, or perhaps browsing for produce at the local grocery.
Instead we’re now snuggled comfy at home or on the go, scrolling through a grid of tiny pictures trying to determine if they’re cute enough to click on the pic to begin with (since most apps have a ‘viewed’ functionality), and then cute enough to even chat to. And once you’ve started chatting to some cutie, you’re usually sharing pics and desires quicker than you can order a latte at the local cafe.
But hasn’t this taken all the fun out of dating? Where’s the mystery? Where’s the thrill in getting to know a guy before jumping right into sex? And how is it we’re all (mostly) willing to share naughty pics with strangers so quickly, when you clearly wouldn’t whip it out when meeting in public?
Admittedly for some guys this technology has vastly improved their sex lives and ability to meet new people. I know it has for me in certain respects.
But for others (like myself) who are already super shy when it comes to meeting guys in public, this hiding behind the technology can sometimes be a hindrance. Just like if I saw a cute guy in a pub, when I see someone cute online I’ll look at their profile and check out whatever pics they’ve put up.. and usually that’s it. I won’t make the first move, I’ll wait for them to message me.
Interestingly when a guy does actually message me, it’s mainly the usual chat about sex and what they’d like to do to me, or have me do to them. And on the odd occasion when someone does mention about meeting in person first for a coffee or a drink, the conversation still tends to move towards sex before we’ve even agreed where and when to meet.
Lord knows I’m no prude when it comes to sex, nor am I ignorant to the ways of casual hook ups. But I still get a tad disappointed when a lovely conversation with a guy goes from about life and whatnot to about sex.
For instance, I was recently chatting to a guy on Badoo and we were having a lovely conversation about hopes for a relationship and what we were looking for in a partner, without a word being mentioned about sex. Then suddenly the conversation switched to sex as if the previous conversation hadn’t even happened, like I was just someone he’d started chatting with to find a bit of fun.
Admittedly even before that switch I wasn’t quite feeling the vibe, so that sudden switch helped me realise I wasn’t really that interested in him, but was more interested in the conversation. Which is fine.. there’s nothing wrong with a bit of harmless flirting, but at the same time his grammar and spelling was so bad, I was already getting turned off before the switch happened.
Anyway. I suppose it’s just a matter of being more in control of my own dating destiny by being a bit more bold and adventurous, and being willing to put myself out there without fear of rejection.
On a lighter note, I found the below video a bit ago on another site through Facebook. It’s basically what if we interacted with others like we do on apps like Grindr (the earlier pic of the guy undoing his trousers is from the clip..).
Have a watch and a chuckle. 🙂