Although this past year has been quite difficult, I was totally looking forward to the recent holiday season to celebrate how far I’ve come in the past year and look towards the new year with a more optimistic point of view. I’d booked the week between Christmas and New Year’s off, so was hoping to enjoy the time off and perhaps have a bit of fun.
Well, that didn’t happen. 😦
As some are aware, I ended up spending Christmas Day alone (Click HERE for previous post). This wasn’t much of a surprise as a more conscious decision after not really getting much in the way of invites or interest from people to spend the day together.
What I didn’t expect was to come down with the flu on Boxing Day, and for it to completely knock me out for the entire week I was off work. I spent several days just curled up on the sofa or in bed wheezing and sneezing while feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. I had zero energy to do anything.
As crap as that was, I was doing all I could to try and make myself feel better before New Year’s Eve so I could go out and dance my ass off. I felt a need to make up for being sick all week and missing out on opportunities to have fun.
Instead, I spent the night sitting at home alone, eating takeaway Chinese food, watching cheesy movies on tv, and doing my best to finish off that bottle of Jack Daniels I’d cracked open on Christmas Day.
Don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone.
The initial plan was for my mate ‘P’ and I to go down to Brighton for NYE, but we scrapped that plan once we found out how expensive the hotel would be and decided to spend it in London instead. Only problem was ‘P’ didn’t find out until the day before New Year’s that he wouldn’t be able to come down from Scotland for it, as he had to work during the day of the 31st.
At the same time, both my Italian mate (and his partner) and my mate ‘C’ expressed interest in doing something for the big night. In the end, it was only ‘C’ who could hang out as the others were having dinner with another couple in Essex. ‘C’ and I chatted throughout the evening right up until just after 10pm when he was headed out to a club in Vauxhall.
I’m sure I could have forced myself to go out and join ‘C’ at that club, but with the way I was feeling last night I knew it wouldn’t have been a good idea. I would have spent most of the night feeling like crap and trying to push myself to have ‘fun’, when in fact I wouldn’t have been having fun at all.
Instead I spent the evening at home, bored out of my mind and wishing I had some company. It was probably best that I had stayed in, as I kept alternating between being feverish and cold & clammy, with a migraine and an achy body.
2013 was probably one of the worst and most depressing (literally) years of my life, and has truly affected my ability to enjoy life, not to mention my confidence in myself. Some part of me still feels cheated, like I’ve had the life I had before stolen from me, but again that’s me being pessimistic and perhaps trying to live in the past.
And of course this past holiday season didn’t help this in any way.
I’m doing my best to try and look forward to 2014 with an open and positive outlook on life, and to look towards all the potentially amazing things that may happen this year. It won’t be an easy thing for me despite what other people may think, but I guess we’ll just have to see how things go.
Wishing you all the best for the New Year.