What’s in a Number?


One of the things I love is to float around the web and read other blogs similar to my own, or those that touch upon topics I’m interested in or sometimes write about.numbers_xlarge  And how reading that other blog can get me thinking on a topic you hadn’t considered before and get you thinking about it a different way.

Well the other day I was reading a blog from a UK-based gay man (sorry, I didn’t think to note down their web address to link back) and one of their posts was about playing the numbers game when it comes to dating or hooking up with other gay men.

When I say the ‘numbers’ game, it’s about how you would rate yourself out of 10 and the limitations of who you could potentially go out.  For instance, if you’re a 7 then you should be dating someone between a 6 and a 8, with another 7 being a perfect match.  Certain things, like if you’re having a bad hair day or feeling especially confident, could potentially fluctuate your ‘number’ to a certain extent.

Hdont-label-me-orphan-widow-widowermmm.. although this is kind of true in the gay world, I have to say this is absolutely ridiculous how as gay men we can find yet another way to judge and label ourselves even further.

We already have labeled ourselves into further smaller sub-sects within our own community, so why should we go even further by defining who a person could go out with based solely on their looks (I’ve assumed that blogger was only talking about physical appearance, as no other criteria were mentioned..).

Now let me be frank here – at no point am I judging what that other blogger has written (if you’re reading this, please know your post inspired this one) or anyone who buys into this type of thing.  I just personally think by doing this we are being completely unfair to ourselves as a community by limiting who we can date (and presumably be friends with) based solely on looks and how others would ‘rate’ us.

And to quote an oft used cliche – ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’.  What I find attractive in a man could make him seem like a 6 in your eyes, but to me he might be a 8 or 9.. or even a 10.

Attractiveness and beauty is entirely subjective, and we’ve all heard the jokes made about ‘being blind’ or having ‘beer goggles’ when you find someone attractive that your mates don’t.fuckable bear

For me there has to be more to life and dating than just how someone looks.  Sure, it definitely helps, but when it comes to finding a potential boyfriend there has to be other factors involved, specifically how the two of you click personality-wise.  Physical attraction does come into play here at some point, but it’s not the sole factor.

At least not to me.

Of course it’s all different when looking at someone for just a shag.. then it’s definitely all about the physical attraction.  Who doesn’t like to spend some quality time between the sheets with some hot guy with a chiseled six-pack.  😉

5 thoughts on “What’s in a Number?

  1. I agree with you in principle … however, the libido is a powerful animal force within us. However kind, gentle and good a man is … well, if he doesn’t push my animal passion button, it just isn’t going to happen. In dating, I do try to be widely inclusive, but my no-go zone is anyone who isn’t fit. I don’t mean a gym bunny, I just mean that he needs to be in good trim. That sort of thing lasts, night unto the grave (I’m think of my grandfathers).

    If it wouldn’t bore us all to tears, I’d go off on the Maslowian archetypes of love …

    The bottom line is that appearance matters, like it or not, in dating, job hunting, making it into Les Gardes Republicaines or … or …

    • Oh absolutely, appearance does matter. We all prejudge guys we meet based on their appearance, I was just saying it seems wrong that we put people in further boxes based on their looks..

      But at the same time, we all have our types and what physical traits matter, which isn’t a bad thing… and ultimately it is what gets our libido’s running. 😉

  2. thehowlingfantogs

    I think it is my post you are referring too. I agree that it is absolutely insane judging someone by looks. That was the point I was trying to make at the end. When I was young I was alk about the gay scene. Things like that mattered. Now I am older, and in a long term relationship (11 years so far, so I must be doing sonething right) I realise that it doesn’t matter. My boyfriend is a ten on every level. Not because he is perfect, but because he is perfect for me. That’s what I was trying to put across anyway. Thanks for reading it :0)

    • Thanks for that! And I definitely understood that’s what you were trying to say, and that’s exactly how it should be when you’re with someone who’s perfect for you.. to you he’ll be your perfect 10. This post came about because the idea of rating guys kept sticking in my head lol

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