Dating Debacles


I’ve never been all that lucky in the world of dating or having a steady/regular love life.  I know a big part of it comes from my shyness and inability to approach someone new. Gay-Men-Holding-Hands

There just seems to be so many barriers or difficulties when it comes to meeting new people.. and I wonder how many of them are real or I have created for myself.

For instance, at what point during a date do you realise that things just aren’t going to work, and how do you communicate this without hurting the other person’s feelings or without allowing things to go to far.

That’s exactly what I was thinking and going through last week on a date with a guy I’d been chatting to online all week.  We seemed to get along personality-wise so meeting for a drink (date?) seemed like a natural step… unfortunately, things didn’t end too well, and I felt like a complete asshole afterwards.

We were having a really nice time while we chatted over a couple glasses of wine near Marble Arch.  The conversation was easy with no awkward silences, and yes, there was a little bit of mutual flirting eventually leading to a couple tentative kiss

Well, one thing lead to another and I’d agreed to go back to his place in North London.  At the time I figured why not, he seemed like a nice guy and it couldn’t hurt to see if there was something between us, despite me not particularly finding him overly attractive (read: very average).  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but for whatever reason, once we started playing around something inside of me switched off and I suddenly didn’t want to be there anymore.

It’s kinda hard to describe.. one moment I’m enjoying myself and then the next I’m thinking ‘What the fuck am I doing here?’.  It wasn’t any one particular thing that suddenly turned me off.. in fact there were several things but I’m not going to go into them here.  It was more of that sense that it didn’t feel right to me, that there wasn’t the right chemistry between us.

Well, for me anyway.. he seemed to be really enjoying himself so was truly surprised when I stopped things and said it wasn’t working for me.  And then I went home, choosing to not go through with things and spend the night as originally planned.beary breakfast

I admittedly felt like a complete ass on the almost 2 hour bus ride home, but in the end it was probably better to leave than pretend I was having fun.  It really is too bad things didn’t turn out better that night as he truly did seem like a nice guy, but it just wasn’t going to work for me.

I also find the other main barrier to meeting guys, or at least when it comes to repeat dates, is the lack of free time everyone seems to have.  As discussed in a previous post (Click HERE to read), I’ve recently reconnected with an old flame from a few years back, and we’ve gone out a couple times for dinner and drinks.

The problem with him is twofold – firstly, he’s only in London during the week as he lives out near Cambridge; and secondly, it seems like I continuously have to message him first.  I last saw him about 3 weeks ago, and since then I’ve initiated every conversation we’ve had (via text message), with no mention of us meeting up again.

It’s that last thing that I find so surprising.  When we first reconnected, he stated he wanted to see me for more than just a shag, which I took to mean he wanted to get to know each other again and possibly even date or something.  But instead it’s starting to feel like I’m chasing him down to chat to me, let alone possibly meeting up.

I don’t know.. perhaps I’m wasting my time with this guy, like even something so simple as meeting for a coffee or a quick drink after work is too much to ask.  It also makes me wonder what this guy is playing at, like he’s got his own agenda that he hasn’t bothered to clue me into.

Not-returning-my-phone-calls-150x150I think it’s more frustrating than anything how I can’t seem to meet someone interesting that is interested in me as much as I’m interested in them.. and vice versa.  It’s not like I’m making any of them a priority in my life or even sitting by the phone waiting for them to call me, but it be nice for once if someone was going out of their way to want to spent time with me.

And it not just be about having a shag.. but that’s a whole other story. 😉

5 thoughts on “Dating Debacles

  1. aguywithoutboxers

    As difficult as it may be, perhaps being honest is the best way to roll. I think in the first situation, you told him it wasn’t working for you, so there’s no need to feel guilty. You were being truthful and not wasting his, or your, time. As to your ex-, why not just tell him that you feel it’s you doing all the work to rekindle the relationship. Give him a chance to explain. Best wishes, my blogging buddy! I hope things work out for you! Much love and naked hugs! 🙂

    • Interestingly, the first guy has messaged me since wanting to meet for coffee because he enjoyed talking to me.. never expected to hear back from him to be honest.

      As for the ‘ex’ (if he can be called that), once again this week he hasn’t even talked about meeting up, just the usual flirting by text.. and when I invited him over Friday night he said he looks forward to being back in Cambridge on the weekends.. which says to me that he’s only interested in meeting during the week.. Not expecting anything from him anytime soon.

  2. Jamez

    I’ve had this same thing happen to me – one minute I was really getting in to a guy and the next it was just gone. It was unexplainable to me. Its one thing to really be into a guy and then have him do somethings stupid, but this was just boom – all the fun had gone. Good luck out there handsome.

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