He’s Partnered.. and Getting Attached


I’ve written before about how frustrating it is to me that I only seem to meet partnered guys.  Like, is there something about me (or more accurately, my online profiles) that screams ‘use me and then go home to your hubby’?

Okay, maybe that’s being a wee bit overly dramatic .. but it does feel that way sometimes.

xlarge_gaycoupleOne of the things I’ve made abundantly clear on my profiles is that I’m not looking to meet or hook up with partnered guys, but yet I still get messages from them.  You’d think they’d get the hint when my profiles states ‘Please be single’, or some such thing.

But despite that, I still receive messages from partnered guys and my ‘profile views’ list is full of them as well.

I have partnered friends, so there’s no problem there.  It’s just when it comes to dating/sex, I’d prefer that the person wasn’t already accounted for.  I don’t mind a bit of fun here and there, but it definitely leaves me a bit empty knowing they’re headed home to their hubby afterwards.

Well back in September or October, I met a sweet guy on one of my profiles… and he’s married, so I made it quite clear through our chats that I wasn’t looking to get involved with a partnered guy.  That I was looking to date.  He said he understood, so we agreed to meet for a coffee.

Ok, the coffee didn’t last too long before we were heading back to my place for some ‘fun’.

Yes, sleeping with him wasn’t holding to my rule of not getting involved with a partnered guy .. I never said I always held true to it.  Rules are made to be broken, right?  😉

Anyway, we seemed to get along fairly well sexually, so we started hooking up every so often (though things stopped while I was figuring things out with the guy in Luxembourg.. but that’s another posting later), and it was nice to have a fuck-buddy (FWB?) who liked to cuddle afterwards.

Problem is, over the past couple of months, he’s been saying things like ‘I miss your kisses’, or ‘I miss being with you’ .. or the best one yet, after reminding him it was just a bit of fun, ‘What if I wasn’t married?’.

Or even better, one Friday night he texted me to say he was jealous when I was out with friends (a couple) for dinner and drinks.

Yep.. he was getting attached, whereas I was just looking at it for what it was: SEX.  Plain and simple.

It’s just, for me, there’s no emotional connection to him .. and I don’t think there would be either if he wasn’t married.  I’m usually the one who gets attached when it’s only casual, so this is something new for me.

threesomeI’m not saying that to be mean or anything.. he’s a lovely guy.  I just don’t feel any connection to him that way.  And the last thing I want is for him to ruin his relationship because of me.

Anyway, I’ve purposely not seem him the past few weeks because of all that.. I need to break things off with him I suppose, but just don’t want to hurt his feelings either.

I know, I’m a softie.  Any advice out there?

6 thoughts on “He’s Partnered.. and Getting Attached

  1. ivansblogworld

    If someone who is already in a relationship, is looking for something on the side, they are not worth pursuining long term. They will probably be unfaithful what ever there realtionship status is. Good luck finding that special person, great guys are out there.

    • Thanks 🙂 I’m not looking to pursue anything with him long term at all, that’s the point I’ve been trying to get him to understand. Whatever is going on in his own relationship is none of my business, as long as I’m not brought into it.

  2. ivansblogworld

    I agree with the saying its none of your business as well as its none of OUR business. Relationship, friendships can be so complicated when they should be so simple. What must we always explain ourselfs, me included. Great blog BTW. Ivan

  3. Frankly, I would just enjoy the ride while it lasts. OK, this other dude is getting attached. These things happen. Be truthful. Do not lead him on but feel free to enjoy your life with him, and with everyone else who comes across your way. You cannot be other people’s guardian. They are grown ups and should be able to run their lives, too!


  4. People always want what they can’t have, maybe he knows you’re not into him that much and for that reason he suddenly can’t seem to stay away from you. In any case, it’s a bad situation and you need to remind him it’s just a bit of fun, no need to take it any further than that.

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