My So-Called Love Life

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Well, I’d call it a love life if it actually existed somewhere other than in my mind.  Or on my iPhone.  Or my computer.

I’ve talked several times about the troubles I’ve had in my dating (or sex) life and lack of any sort of relationship happening.  Ever.

I’d seriously thought that all this would change when I moved to London.  That my silly man-child romantic dream of finding Prince Charming living in a quaint little flat near the Thames would actually come true.

HA!  Oh man, what the fuck was I smoking back then?

On a side note, it is interesting to realise that since moving to London I’ve rarely dated/shagged anyone British.  Funny that..

Anyway, after a recent acceptance that Prince Charming doesn’t exist, and that perhaps I’m just one of those people who’s destined to be alone their entire lives, I’ve literally given up on finding anything.  Including shags.

Again.

I guess I’m just at the point that, if there’s never going to be any great love (or any love for that matter) in my life, then why should I even bother to keep trying?  What’s the point in being online or going out and being sociable all in the hopes to meet someone interesting?

Of course the advent of all those new and shiny mobile apps that allow you to see what guys are online in your area haven’t helped any either.  To me that’s just instant rejection, and allows you to cut out the part where you head to the pub to get snubbed or ignored.

Sure.. I should just be enjoying my time hanging out with friends and having a few laughs.  And I would, if any of them ever bothered to come hang out with me.  Or lived in the same city as me.  Or even bothered to return my messages.

(Of course the best are those people who say ‘You should have called me to hang out’ but you know from Facebook and stuff they would have just been too busy with their actual social life to sit and listen to you moan about your lack of one.. and god forbid they actually try to include you in their plans.)

That’s right.. I’m that lonely guy leaning at the end of the bar looking around wishing someone would talk to them.  Or I’m sitting on the couches, bored and playing on my mobile.  I’m shy, so I have a really hard time making a first move.

Lord knows I’ve met so many people over the years who always ask the same question: ‘What’s a nice guy like you doing single?’… Of course underneath it all you just know they’re really wondering ‘What’s wrong with you?’

And maybe there truly is something broken inside of me, some part of me that’s holding me back from truly getting out there and enjoying life, regardless of who’s around me.  I just wish I knew what it was so I could fix it.

Cause in the end, I need this solitude to change.  It’s bad enough I’m sitting at home on a Saturday night, but what’s even worse is it’s Jubilee weekend (4 day weekend) and I have zero plans with anyone..

Not that that’s anything new.. I never get invited places really.  It’s my usual weekend thing – spend it alone, and mostly in front of my computer cause at least that doesn’t ignore me.

Le sigh…

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2 thoughts on “My So-Called Love Life

  1. nancy piette

    Martin I wish you never moved away. I miss you. You are and will always be a true friend to me. My life is changing with a baby on the way soon and I wish you were here to see it happen. Just know that when your alone on the computer …an ocean away I’m doing the same thing….well playing games to pass the time…If ever you need a shoulder to lean on…think of me. Big hug from ontario!

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