Ok, what is it with partnered guys and them regularly saying something along the lines that it’s easier to be single.
Or when they find out you’re single, saying to you that you should stay that way, cause relationships just aren’t worth it.
I’m sorry, if your relationship is that horrible, then why the fuck are you still in it? To me that seems like a complete waste of time, and like they’re only desperately holding onto that failing relationship because they’re afraid they’ll be alone for the rest of the lives.
Ummm… welcome to my world?
I’ve worried that for years now. And the closer I get to 40 next year (oh fuck.. how’d that happen so quickly??), the more I realise that truly could be a possibility. As I’ve written about many times previously, it’s not easy living alone and eternally single.
But these partners guys who cling to that dying relationship make me sad.. for them. They obviously aren’t willing to do one of two things:
- Fix whatever is wrong in the relationship so that both people are happy; or
- Be willing to walk away from something that clearly isn’t working.
It’s like what I wrote recently questioning the existence of gay monogamy, about guys who stay in sex-less relationships instead of being single again and having to start all over. There possibly could be something wrong within the relationship that makes them want to have their cake and eat it too… or perhaps the idea of an open relationship for them is just easier than dealing with whatever issue could be there.
(Let me note that I’m not saying it’s like this for all relationships, or even that there are always issues with those who choose an open relationship. I’m just going with the stuff I’ve seen and heard from some partnered guys I’ve chatted to.)
I think a good example is my friend ‘M’ who’s fairly decently known on the scene for some work he does occasionally. Him and his partner have been together for a few years now and I think are fairly monogamous, but he flirts shameless with me online and in person. He’s even gone so far to suggest getting together for some fun.. but this never happens. And probably never will.
Occasionally he’ll tell me about some problems him and his partner are having, mostly about how different their sociability needs are (my friend is very extroverted and likes to meet new people, and from what he’s told me, his partner just prefers quiet nights at home).
Though when you look at their Facebook photos, they look very happy with each other and seem to enjoy each others company. I even commented on that, stating he should enjoy that happiness as not everyone finds that .. and all he could respond was ‘it’s not easy’.
I’ve get the feeling (again, just my opinion) that perhaps ‘M’ just enjoys the attention and flirtations from guys when he’s out and about, as perhaps maybe his partner doesn’t give him that sort of attention at home. Or perhaps those ‘happy’ pics on Facebook are a bit contrived, with them just doing their best to put their best face forward for the sake of their business.
Or who knows.. In the end it’s really none of my business what’s going on in their relationship, and perhaps I shouldn’t even be trying to analyze it. If he wants to talk to me about it, great because I’m always there to listen when people need it.
I suppose in the end there will always be partnered people who are envious of the single lifestyle (yes, I’d like a table for 1 please…), and vice versa.
Though you just know the second those partnered guys become single again, they’ll be complaining about being alone and asking their friends to set them up.
Just no pleasing people these days, huh? 😉