When is it time to stop looking for love?
I don’t mean that old cliché about how when you stop looking for love, love will find you. Personally I think that’s a load of bollocks.
What I mean is, at what point in your life do you stop hoping and dreaming of ever finding love and happiness? When do you stop dreaming of that Prince Charming that’s going to sweep you off your feet, and make you the happiest person alive?
OK, that last example is a bit too fairy tale and unrealistic, but I think you get my drift.
Sure, finding a partner won’t complete a person or make them truly feel better about themselves, but let’s be honest – we all want someone special in our lives and sometimes that becomes a bigger priority than a better job or more money. Having someone special to share things with makes the other stuff seem insignificant.
Obviously this is different for everybody, and not everyone wants or needs someone in their life. As a society, we’ve instilled this desire to be happy in each other that it makes us do stupid things to find someone special, or makes us act irrationally.
I know personally I do it too. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve dropped everything I’m doing just so I could hang out with some guy I’ve recently met, only to find myself getting attached and getting my feelings hurt when they say they only want something casual, regardless of the connect between us. It’s not a situation I purposely put myself in, just usually find myself in it once it’s too late.
Now by doing this I’ve found myself in a very lonely position, where I don’t really have any good close friends to spent my free time with. And since I am a fairly shy person and a homebody, I find I rarely leave my flat on my days off unless I have somewhere specific to go to, or have someone to spend time with. There’s nothing more depressing than going out to dinner, to the movies, hanging out in a pub or a club all by yourself with nobody to talk to.
Sure, it’s always good to have some alone time to treat yourself to something special, but when it gets to the point that’s how you’re spending your entire life, it kinda gets to you.
I’ve never been a person who’s had a lot of close friends, and at 37 I find myself still waiting for something special to happen romantically. I’ve dated a couple of guys over the years, but the second it starts to get too intimate, regardless of your physical and emotional connection, they pull away.
A good friend of mine said to me recently that I can come across as a bit too intense for some guys even when I’m trying to hold back or take it easy, and that scares them off. In general, I can come across as a fairly closed person, but when I like someone, I tend to open myself up too much or come across as too needy when I don’t mean to.
Fair enough, but at what point do I stop even trying? I’ve never been the type of person who has some great passion in life, be it work, sport, or other activity. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to have someone to give my love to.
It also gets me thinking, with those guys basically rejecting me for any kind of relationship other than a physical one, that maybe I’m one of those people who are destined to be alone forever. That maybe there’s something about me that makes me undesirable as a boyfriend. Something that makes them look at me and think I’d be fun to screw around with but that’s it.
I’m probably over thinking it all like I usually do, but this has been happening all my life. I try to take it easy and not rush myself into anything, but it doesn’t stop it from happening (meaning I’m probably doing it without realising). And when I do try to live life casually and not think about dating or boyfriends, I tend to find lots of guys who want to sleep with me, but then that leaves me feeling empty and just as low about myself.
I just wish, for once, when a guy says they like me that they’d be willing to see where it takes us. Honestly, where’s the harm in trying?