When to stop hoping for love

When is it time to stop looking for love?

I don’t mean that old cliché about how when you stop looking for love, love will find you.  Personally I think that’s a load of bollocks.

What I mean is, at what point in your life do you stop hoping and dreaming of ever finding love and happiness?  When do you stop dreaming of that Prince Charming that’s going to sweep you off your feet, and make you the happiest person alive?

OK, that last example is a bit too fairy tale and unrealistic, but I think you get my drift.

Sure, finding a partner won’t complete a person or make them truly feel better about themselves, but let’s be honest – we all want someone special in our lives and sometimes that becomes a bigger priority than a better job or more money.  Having someone special to share things with makes the other stuff seem insignificant.

Obviously this is different for everybody, and not everyone wants or needs someone in their life.  As a society, we’ve instilled this desire to be happy in each other that it makes us do stupid things to find someone special, or makes us act irrationally.

I know personally I do it too.  I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve dropped everything I’m doing just so I could hang out with some guy I’ve recently met, only to find myself getting attached and getting my feelings hurt when they say they only want something casual, regardless of the connect between us.  It’s not a situation I purposely put myself in, just usually find myself in it once it’s too late.

Now by doing this I’ve found myself in a very lonely position, where I don’t really have any good close friends to spent my free time with.  And since I am a fairly shy person and a homebody, I find I rarely leave my flat on my days off unless I have somewhere specific to go to, or have someone to spend time with.  There’s nothing more depressing than going out to dinner, to the movies, hanging out in a pub or a club all by yourself with nobody to talk to.

Sure, it’s always good to have some alone time to treat yourself to something special, but when it gets to the point that’s how you’re spending your entire life, it kinda gets to you.

I’ve never been a person who’s had a lot of close friends, and at 37 I find myself still waiting for something special to happen romantically.  I’ve dated a couple of guys over the years, but the second it starts to get too intimate, regardless of your physical and emotional connection, they pull away.

A good friend of mine said to me recently that I can come across as a bit too intense for some guys even when I’m trying to hold back or take it easy, and that scares them off. In general, I can come across as a fairly closed person, but when I like someone, I tend to open myself up too much or come across as too needy when I don’t mean to.

Fair enough, but at what point do I stop even trying?  I’ve never been the type of person who has some great passion in life, be it work, sport, or other activity.  All I’ve ever wanted in life is to have someone to give my love to.

It also gets me thinking, with those guys basically rejecting me for any kind of relationship other than a physical one, that maybe I’m one of those people who are destined to be alone forever.  That maybe there’s something about me that makes me undesirable as a boyfriend.  Something that makes them look at me and think I’d be fun to screw around with but that’s it.

I’m probably over thinking it all like I usually do, but this has been happening all my life.  I try to take it easy and not rush myself into anything, but it doesn’t stop it from happening (meaning I’m probably doing it without realising).  And when I do try to live life casually and not think about dating or boyfriends, I tend to find lots of guys who want to sleep with me, but then that leaves me feeling empty and just as low about myself.

I just wish, for once, when a guy says they like me that they’d be willing to see where it takes us.  Honestly, where’s the harm in trying?

Repost: Choices

Note: This is something I originally posted here, and was written a couple years ago as a self-motivational tool.  Thought I’d share it once more.

 

Choices. Life is all about them. They are all around us. You choose what to wear everyday, or whether to hit the snooze button in the morning, or even if you are going to be nice to the person behind the counter making your daily latte. You choose; nobody else.

It’s too easy these days to place blame on other people for the choices we make in life. Admit it; we all do it even when we try not to, or even when we don’t realize we’re doing it. An example would be blaming a friend for not watching out for you at a club and you end getting wasted, making an ass of yourself. Is that truly the friend’s fault? Did that friend make you drink, or get up on the speaker and drop your pants? No, the only person you can blame for your mistakes is you.

Here’s another example: You’re trying for a promotion at work, but the position is given to someone else that everyone knows isn’t qualified for the job but killed in the interview. Moreover, you’re informed that you need to show more confidence and leadership skills in order to get a promotion in the future. Who’s to blame for you not getting the job? Is it the boss’s fault for not seeing those qualities in you when you haven’t shown it to them? Is it the other applicant’s fault that they’re better in an interview setting? No, it’s all you. Who else? Be honest, you can have the best employee file in the world, the best attendance record, the best work evaluations, but if you can’t show to other people that you can do the job then why should it be given to you?

Choices are everywhere, and there’s no way to get away from them. Even if you try to get someone else to decide what movie to go see or which restaurant to go to, that in itself is a choice. You’ve just chosen to not make a choice, to try to put the choice on someone else’s shoulders.

Too often, as a society, we tend to sit around and whine about being alone, or being broke, or what have you. It’s become a part of everyday life for us. We’ve become a society of pessimists, always focusing on the bad stuff that happens to us. We don’t empower ourselves enough to take charge of our lives and change what we don’t like. At some point, we have to stop playing the blame game and choose to live life to the fullest.

If you’re lonely, you have to do something other than sit at home and complain about it, or sit at some bar playing a video lottery machine all by yourself. That’s just avoiding life. You have to be willing to put yourself out there to meet new people. Smile at a stranger. Stand at the bar instead of against the wall away from everyone else. Dance in the middle of the floor instead of at the edge. Be willing to meet a variety of people, whether you think they’re your type or not, because you never know when one of them may turn out to be the next love of your life, or may introduce you to someone who may be that person. And you have to understand that a meaningful relationship, although very satisfying, will not complete you. Only you can do that.

If you can’t afford to pay your bills because you go out partying every weekend, then don’t go out partying, or at least only take a small amount of money with you so you can’t over do it. Perhaps it’s your spending habits, so make a budget and stick to it. Cut out those things that really don’t matter, like the extra bag of chips or eating out a couple times a week, and use that money for something you truly need like ensuring you have enough airtime on your cell phone for emergencies. Empower yourself to say no to doing what you can’t afford. Ultimately, if you say yes and then you’re broke, what’s going to happen? You’re going to sit at home calling yourself names, putting yourself down for spending what you didn’t have. And that’s not productive.

It’s all about making the right choices in life, and it is true, sometimes we don’t make the right ones, but it’s also about making the best of the situation you’re in. Choose to be upbeat about life, choose to have fun, and choose to show yourself you can do something about it. Take charge of your own life, and lead yourself to where you want to go. Stop waiting for something or someone to come into your life to make it feel complete, and make it happen yourself.

Make a choice. Empower yourself to make that choice. Be bold. Be confident. Lead yourself to what you want in life. Because, in the end, the only person that will benefit from it is you.

Copyright 2007 by Martin P. Wilson

Reteaching Gender and Sexuality

Here’s is an amazing video a friend of mine posted on Facebook.

In this video, it’s not just about making things better as an out LGBT adult when you’re older.

Instead it is about changing the way things are now for the LGBT youth who are going through the bullying and so forth on a day to day basis.

It is about changing how each and every one of us look at gender and sexuality, and about how it really shouldn’t matter in any part of your life.

Please feel free to repost this video, or share it with your friends, family, coworkers, Facebook, MySpace, and so on.  The more we get this message across and change the way the world is thinking, the less of an issue it becomes.

It Gets Better – Pixar Employees

Another in a long line of ‘It Gets Better’ videos, this time from the employees at Pixar.

Can never have enough of these videos, as the message continuously needs to be put out there.

Gays + BJs for Str8 Guys = Cancer Fighting Angels

OK.. this article made me laugh so much.

In it, these so-called ‘doctors’ ran a study to determine if heterosexual men who got regular blowjobs from gay men had a reduced risk of developing testicular and prostate cancer.

Conducted over a period of four years, the research involved 600 men aged 23 to 54 who exclusively identify as heterosexual and enjoy penetrative vaginal sex with women. They were divided into two groups: one received oral sex on a daily basis from a team of experienced homosexual men, while the other did not.

Ummm.. WHAT?!?!?!  This a joke! (No such medical journal.. Google it.)  And what the heck is an ‘experienced’ homosexual? LOL

According to biologists who looked into the study, stating that one man stimulating another man’s genitals results in a ‘positive metabolic effect that is magnified intrinsically by the body and improves its chances of resisting prostate and testicular cancer development’.

Who’d have thunk it?  Gay oral sex could be the cure for cancer! BWAHAHAHAHA

Oh, and by the way, the main ‘doctor’ participated in the study himself.  It doesn’t say which group he was in, though I’m leaning towards the group that got sucked off.

And like the article said, this gives an all new meaning to the pick-up line ‘no one knows how to please a man better than another man’. 

If only it were true! LOL

For the full article, please press the link here or copy the link below.

http://www.bentspud.com/2010/10/30/heterosexual-men-fellated-by-gay-men-have-lower-prostate-and-testicular-cancer-risk-study-says/

Gay Memoirs By Baron Long Winkle

Big thanks to ‘Harry Humper’ (can’t imagine what that’s a euphemism for..) for sending me this link.

Enjoy xx

Nothing – Janet Jackson

Here’s the new single from my favorite singer of all time, Ms Jackson herself.

This is from the soundtrack of Tyler Perry’s ‘Why Did I Get Married Too?’, in which she pulls off an amazingly powerful and emotional performance.

Beautiful Story

Choices

What would you do?….you make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its

dedicated staff, he offered a question:

‘When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?’

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. ‘I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.’

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, ‘Do you think they’ll let me play?’ I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, ‘We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.’

Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do the others let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the

plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, ‘Shay, run to first!

Run to first!’

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, ‘Run to second, run to second!’

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, ‘Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay’

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, ‘Run to third!

Shay, run to third!’

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, ‘Shay, run home! Run home!’

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

‘That day’, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, ‘the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world’.

Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day !

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you’re thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you’re probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren’t the ‘appropriate’ ones to receive this type of message Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.

We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the ‘natural order of things.’

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least fortunate amongst them.

Colton Ford – Losing My Religion

Since my previous post about Colton Ford and his music has been so popular (one of the highest searched terms/subjects for people clicking onto my blog), I figured it was high time to post something new from the sexy singer.

For those that don’t know (or haven’t read the previous post about him..), Colton Ford is a former gay porn star who’s be trying to break through in the music industry.

This time he’s done a cover of R.E.M.’s ‘Losing my Religion’.  The more I hear this version, the more I like it.  The video itself is a bit odd, and some of the costumes Mr Ford wears throughout don’t seem to have anything to do with the song (like what’s with the superhero spandex??), however I do recommend it.

And as always, Colton Ford looks smoking hot in this video.  It’s always my pleasure to have him as my eye-candy. 

For more info on Colton Ford’s music and career, please visit his MySpace page here.

Oscar Nominations 2010

Well, it’s that time of year again, when Hollywood decrees what they consider to be good entertainment.  As usual, it isn’t necessarily about talent, box-office draw, and so on.. though sometimes it does surprise us.  That’s right, it’s time for the Academy Awards.

Personally, I love award show season.. and I’ve missed it big time now that I live in the UK.  Over here, there isn’t a big a deal made of it all, probably because unlike Americans the Brits aren’t as celeb-obsessed.  Well, as far as I can tell anyway.

This year’s Academy Awards will be held on March 7th, 2010.. and will be hosted by both Steve Martin and Alex Baldwin.  This is definitely something new, as there’s usually only one host.  Steve Martin has hosted the show twice before, but this will be a first for Alex Baldwin.

Another new change for this year’s show is the Best Picture Category.  Instead of the standard 5 nominations, they’ve allowed 10 instead.  I’m still not sure what I think about it, but it’s apparently to allow a wider variety of films to vie for the big prize.  But then again, it could split the votes, and allow a film that normally wouldn’t get a shot to win.

As for the nominated films themselves, there seems to be two movies everyone’s been talking about, and they couldn’t be more different:  Avatar and The Hurt Locker.

Avatar has somehow become this huge world-wide phenomenon and is poised (or has already) to become the highest grossing movie of all time.. just like James Cameron’s last film, Titanic, did several years ago.  I honestly wasn’t a fan of Titanic, and have no immediate plans to see Avatar, despite all the praise and hype.

As for The Hurt Locker, I’d never even heard of it until the nominations, and was mildly amused to hear it was directed by Cameron’s ex, Katheryn Bigelow.  Am sure they’re both happy for each other, but I’m silently pulling for Ms Bigelow.  LOL

Funny enough, even with 10 films nominated, I have only actually seen one of them, District 9.  This amazing Sci-Fi movie from South Africa is about a government worker attempting to relocate the aliens in the refugee camps and ends up getting infected with an alien substance.  The initial premise about the refugee camps comes directly from South Africa’s own history with Apartheid.

Looking at the acting awards, there are a lot of familiar faces and a few new ones.

First of all, massive kudos go to Meryl Streep who has earned her 16th (!?!) nomination.  This time, she is nominated for playing none other than Julia Child, an infamous cook and television presenter, in Julie & Julia.

However, Ms Streep isn’t the favorite to win this year.  Surprisingly, it’s rom-com queen Sandra Bullock for her role in The Blind Side.  In this, she plays a suburban mom who takes in a homeless African-American teenager and encourages his talents as a football player.  It’s great to see her do something different for once.

As for Best Actor, the odds-on favorite to win is Jeff Bridges for his role in Crazy Heart as Bad Blake, a washed-up country-western singer whose meeting with a young journalist may help him to turn his life around.

This year’s Best Actor category is very strong too, with noms for George Clooney (Up In The Air), Colin Firth (A Single Man), and Morgan Freeman (Invictus).  It could be anyone’s to take home.

The surprise nominations for me definitely come from the Supporting Actor and Actress categories in the noms for Woody Harrelson (The Messenger) and Mo’Nique (Precious).  Neither actor is known for their dramatic acting abilites, but both have garnered praise, especially Mo’Nique’s performance as an abusive mother in Precious has made her the front-runner for the golden statue.  Who’d a thunk it?

Most of all though, in the run up to the big show, I’ll  miss watching it with Shawn, a good friend and old roommate from Montreal.  Every year we’d get together to watch the show, get take-out and snacks, and not move unless it was a commercial.  For us, the Oscars are an event not to be missed.

And now just to find a way to watch them live from London.. hmmm.