Digital Dating – Guys You Meet Online

•April 21, 2014 • 4 Comments

gay men kissing

While looking for love or something more casual on the dating and social media apps, you’re likely to run into a wide variety of people.  Some can be fun and interesting, while others can be annoying or possibly best avoided.

And some just seem to have a Jekyl & Hyde mentality and can change personalities mid-conversation.  Can be very confusing, to say the least.

Here’s a handy-dandy guide to a few of the personality types you may run into online.  It isn’t an exhaustive list, and if anyone has any suggestions to add, please do let me know in the comments.

Stalkers

There’s always a few guys out there who’ll continually look at your profile or your pictures without ever saying hello or interacting with you.  They regularly show up on your visitors/viewers list, but never make a move.  The best thing to do, if you find your ‘stalker’ cute, is to strike up a conversation and see if it leads anywhere.  Otherwise if they’re annoying you by not saying anything, why not just block them?

Flashers

bear flasherIt’s happened to all of us – you get a notification of a new message from someone, and when you log into whatever app you’re using all you get is a face full of cock, ass, or some other body part the messenger thinks will get your attention and make you fall onto your knees drooling.

These pics are (presumably) unsolicited, and these guys think the only way to get a guy’s attention is to show the goods from the start instead of getting to know you as a person.  And they’re hoping you’ll send something naughty in return as well.

Collectors

tumblr_mq99td9qYM1sa60d7o1_500Similar to the flasher, there are the collectors – guys who are only only to swapping pics with guys around the world, and are more interested in you sending them your pics than sending their own.  Their opening messages will be about you unlocking your private pics or sending them every salacious picture you’ve ever taken.  And sending just one or two will never be enough for them, they always want more.

You should also be careful of these guys, as there are those out there whose sole purpose of being online is finding naughty pics they can reshare themselves, be it through their own profiles (see the Imposters below) or through websites like Tumblr where they’ll show your pic to the world without your permission.

Three’s a Crowd

three's a crowdObviously these are guys who are partnered, in open relationships, looking for new ‘friends’, or perhaps looking for a third to join them in bed.  There’s loads of these types of profiles online so it’s hard not to come across them from time to time, and there’s nothing bad or wrong about them being online.  It’s their relationship, so it’s their choice.

However if you’re looking for something more than mates or a possible shag, these guys are obviously unavailable and getting involved with them could potentially become messy down the line.  And the last thing you want to be is some guy’s bit on the side.

Incognitos

You could also call these guys the ‘secret agent’, as they’re all about hiding their identity for any number of reasons.  Usually they’ll have headless profile pics, a generic pic of something unrecognizable or some inanimate object.  It could be they’re still in the closet, in a relationship and sneaking around on their partner (male or female), in a high profile job and afraid of scandal, or what have you.  In the end, they could still be potentially nice people or something special, but tread carefully as they’ll not likely be interested in anything that is too out in the open.

Static Clingers

These guys are all sweet and nice when you first start chatting to them, but after awhile all they have to say to you is something complimentary.  Not that that’s a bad thing per se, but after awhile that sweetness could start to give you cavities and become annoying.

chained togetherAnd they usually want to know every little detail of your day or your plans for the upcoming week, and feel left out when you haven’t let them know where you’re going to be.

These guys could potentially be insecure and think the only way to keep a guy interested is by constantly complimenting them instead of actually having a conversation or getting to know the guy as a person.

Imposters

Yes, even in this day and age, there are still people out there who’ll pretend to be someone they’re not online.  This could be someone maliciously using their ex’s photos to ruin their reputation, someone using other people’s pics to chat up guys, or even women pretending to be guys to find their BFF a soulmate.

Unfortunately there are also a few people out there looking to rape, rob, physically abuse, infect with an STI/STD, or even kill some unsuspecting guy for no reason at all.  We all need to be more careful when online, as sometimes you truly don’t know if the person you’re speaking to is real or not.  Be careful!

Click HERE to read about an online date gone wrong…

The ‘One’

Although most of the guys online these days are just after a bit of fun or something casual, there are the rare few who are out there looking for love.  They’re not the easiest to find, but once you get past all the other profiles out there, you’re all set (fingers crossed).

Who knows, it could the the guy in the profile pic next to you right now.  :D

gay love wedding couple

Note: My previous post Stay Beautiful (a repost) was my 300th post!! Here’s to another 300. :-)

This post has been inspired by the article 8 Guys You Meet on Grindr (and Other Gay Apps) – Social Apps on About.com.

Stay Beautiful

•April 20, 2014 • 2 Comments

mpwilson:

This is a must read for anyone who feels like they’re blindly making their way through life, while constantly looking for something that is missing or that there should be something more to their lives. I know I’ve felt this way many times in the past, and this blogger has encompassed it in a way I never could.

Originally posted on myredabyss:

In the humdrum hours when the faces around me become wallpaper, there’s little to get excited about. The banality of other souls, when the sex on display is nothing more than cheap glitter. It drains me, weighs heavy on my heart that the things that give others pleasure, leaves me feeling nothing but alienated. The drives and desires that should make me happy, produce only headaches and forced smiles. The endless routines, the piss poor outcomes. Day after day, hour after hour. There must be more to life, than mirroring everyone else. The belief, that to climb the ladder means you’re making the most of yourself. That to be successful in your office job, means you’ve achieved something. The conquest of money, or fine homes and holidays in the sun. It drains me to think that this is it. That life has been reduced to such a dreadful blueprint. I…

View original 541 more words

Fitting the Physical Stereotype

•April 18, 2014 • 8 Comments

As a bigger (read: chubby or fat) guy, it’s fairly normal that I get discriminated against due to my size or how I look.  Especially when it comes to going out on the gay club scene.

no fatMost clubs want what they perceive as the ‘pretty people’ to come to their clubs or events.  You’ll be walking down Old Compton Street in Soho some evening and will see the people handing out flyers to this club or that, sometimes even giving free entry.  Heaven/G-A-Y for instance is famous for handing out wristbands in Soho earlier in the evening to get more people to head to their club.

I’m guessing sometimes they’re a bit selective as to who they give their flyers to, as I’m assuming they’ve been instructed to only target a certain demographic – cute, young, fit, muscular, etc.  It’s similar to straight clubs where promoters will advertise ‘ladies nights’ as a way to get more women to come to their clubs.. And in turn, get more guys out to socialise with said ladies.

It’s all about knowing your market and targeting it I suppose.

Well a couple weeks ago, the tables got turned on the ‘usual’ physical discrimination you see at these gay clubs.

The big bear club XXL was advertising free entry if you show your profile on their social/dating app upon entry, so a mate and I decided to go out and shake our booty.  Neither of us have been in years, and figured this would be a good opportunity to get out there and socialise a bit more.

CharacterHowever we should have read the advertisement a bit closer – the free entry was for ‘bears‘ only.  That’s right, for once being a bigger, hairy guy with a shaved head actually worked out for me and I got in free.

But my mate didn’t and he had to pay the full £15 cover.  He did try to halfheartedly argue that it was discrimination as some people may consider themselves bears but don’t fit the physical stereotype.  It wasn’t about the entry fee itself, but more of the principle behind it.

As much as it was great to get in for free, I felt a bit bad for my mate that he had to pay. Though was nice to be on the other end of things for once.

I did find it interesting how some guys tried quite hard to argue their case with the doorman/attendant because they felt it was unfair that the club didn’t consider them a ‘bear’, despite how they may view themselves.  In fact we watched an average sized guy in front of us argue that he was a bear, going so far as to unbutton his shirt to show how hairy he is.

At one point the doorman just looked at him then pointed at me and stated, ‘You need to look like that to get in for free.’  And when he was asked to pay the cover charge because he didn’t fit what they considered the physical bear stereotype, the guy asked for a manager as he felt this was unfair.

I’m not sure if he succeeded in getting in for free or not.tumblr_lnf3j1F61G1qbo6lto1_500_large.png

I used to love going to XXL back when I first arrived in London, as it was fun and friendly(ish), and it was great to find a place that actually catered to guys who looked like me and those who are attracted to them.  I had many terrific nights there dancing the nights away and flirting with cute guys, including my first NYE in London.

But then the club became popular among the twinky and muscle-queen scene, and suddenly there were prissy guys there sneering at the chubby guys, making them feel uncomfortable in what was supposed to be the bear club.  It literally stopped being an inclusive place where bears could let it all hang out (and some did more than others…), and it stopped feeling like a ‘bear’ club.

This changed the attitude of the club, and like a lot of others out there, I stopped going.  Being surrounded by others that looked like yourself and those that were attracted to bigger guys was this club’s appeal.  And they lost it for awhile.

I just hope their current push to bring the bears back to the club works for them, and that feeling of inclusiveness comes back to it.  Only time will tell..

And until then, I may just have to use that free entry again sometime when I’m feeling like dancing my butt off.  ;-)

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Scissor Sisters – Only The Horses

•April 15, 2014 • 1 Comment

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I have no idea why, but this song has been stuck in my head all day long.. Not that it’s a bad thing, cause I quite like this song.

And let’s be honest, anything by Scissors Sisters is always a good thing to have stuck in your head.. especially when you’re thinking about how hot BabyDaddy is.  LOL

Ok.. Jake Shears isn’t too bad himself.  ;-)

Enjoy.

When Did You Choose?

•April 14, 2014 • 2 Comments

There’s always been a lot of debate whether LGBT people choose their sexuality or if it is just a natural part of themselves.

I know for me personally I’ve always felt it’s part of who I am, who I was born to be.  It’s genetics.  And most definitely wasn’t a choice.

The below video turns the table on those who consider being gay a choice, and asks them when they chose their own sexuality.

That Time of the Week Again

•April 14, 2014 • 1 Comment

Hope everyone has a good start to the week.

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Canadian tourist raped, robbed by man he met on Grindr | Gay Star News

•April 13, 2014 • 2 Comments

Quite scary when you consider how often we meet up with someone we’ve never met based on an online conversation…

Click the article link below for the story.

Canadian tourist raped, robbed by man he met on Grindr | Gay Star News.

Love Me Like a Pizza

•April 13, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Well, maybe not exactly like a pizza. Lol

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Stephen King’s ‘Carrie’ – 40th Anniversary

•April 5, 2014 • 5 Comments
Still from Brian De Palma's 1976 film adaption 'Carrie'

Still from Brian De Palma’s 1976 film adaption ‘Carrie’

Love him or leave, you’ve got to admit – Stephen King has done a lot for the modern horror genre over the past several decades.

Not only did his novel ‘Carrie’ grab the world by storm and shake up the ideas of what ‘horror’ writing was, but it started the career of one of the world’s most prolific and widely read authors.  Not to mention one of the most film-adapted authors ever.

Today is the 40th anniversary of ‘Carrie’ (initially published on April 5, 1974), the novel was King’s first to be published, and when he’d first started it, he’d actually tossed it in the bin.

Stephen-King-by-Shane-LeonardI did three single-spaced pages of a first draft, then crumpled them up in disgust and threw them away.

The next night, when I came home from school, my wife Tabby had the pages. She’d spied them while emptying my waste-basket, had shaken the cigarette ashes off the crumpled balls of paper smoothed them out and sat down to read them. She wanted me to go on. She wanted to know the rest of the story. (Source: The Guardian)

Aren’t we all glad she did?

For me, I started reading King’s books as a young teen in the mid 80′s, and was instantly enthralled .. and scared shitless at the same time.  His books were the first to introduce me to the world of horror and suspense.. which eventually lead me to authors such as Anne Rice, Clive Barker, Dean Koontz, and so many others that I still read to this day.

But the thing that got me to stick with his books was how, no matter whether you liked the main character or not, you could always identify with something they were going through in the story.  It could be Carrie White’s feeling of being ostracized from her peers in ‘Carrie’, or the gang’s fear of Pennywise the Clown in ‘IT’, or even Rose’s desire for a new life away from her abusive husband in ‘Rose Madder’.

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If you weren’t afraid of clowns before…

The point is, there is something in each of his characters that makes you want to root for them.  Hell, there’s even some traits in the bad guys that make you want to cheer for (some of) them as well, and that’s a testament to King’s skill at characterization.

A skill I am working on as I foray into fiction myself.

As someone who’s mostly written blog posts or articles from my own perspective, it’s interesting to look at things differently while writing fiction.. and realise that even if I understand the character’s motives or thoughts behind what they’re doing, my reader won’t unless I show them through the writing itself.

Let’s just say it’s a work in progress.  :D

To read more about how King came up with the ideas behind ‘Carrie’, click HERE to read the full article on The Guardian website, or check out his website at stephenking.com.

best Stephen King movies

Best Stephen King film adaptations?

Cyndi Lauper – She’s So Unusual: 30th Anniversary

•April 4, 2014 • 4 Comments

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Can you believe it’s been 30 years since Cyndi Lauper released her debut album ‘She’s So Unusual‘?  Where has the time gone?

At 60, Lauper is rocking fiery red locks, a throwback to her 1983 debut album “She’s So Unusual.” The album broke records with four Top 5 singles, including the angst laden “Time After Time” and the iconically irreverent “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Hailed at the Grammys as that year’s best new artist, Lauper went on to release nine more albums within three decades. Her music’s pop-punk hybrid sound later influenced No Doubt, P!nk and Lady GaGa. Lauper has since founded the True Colors Fund for queer homeless youth, penned her memoir and composed the Tony award winning musical “Kinky Boots.”  (Source: Washington Post)

Upon reading a couple articles regarding the anniversary, I was surprised to hear that her female-empowerment pop anthem ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun‘ was originally written by a man about bedding women!  That definitely would have had a different feel to it if Ms Lauper hadn’t reworked the track to fit her views on women and sexuality, promoting not just equality for all but also equality amongst women themselves.

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“Girls” was engineered to be an anthem of women’s sexual freedom at a time when feminism was becoming a big part of cultural consciousness—and it helped set a template for how future stars would sing about social issues. (Source: The Atlantic)

Some people may look at Ms Lauper’s music and only enjoy it at face value, which is great in itself.  Others will look at her music as anthems for periods in their lives, and that’s even better.  Either way, you really can’t deny the impact she’s had on pop music over the decades and how future artists get their messages across.

But it’s more than that with Ms Lauper.  Anyone who’s ever seen her live will attest that she’s got this amazing energy about her, and that she truly enjoys interacting with her audiences.

Cher_CyndiLauperI remember close to 10 years ago seeing her open for Cher on her (first) farewell tour back in Montreal.  The friends I’d gone with were super excited to watch Cher live (ish), and although I wanted to see her too, I was more excited to see Cyndi Lauper.

Growing up in the 80′s, I’d always loved her music, and continued to follow her career even after she seemingly slipped from the mainstream’s eye.

One of my favourite songs of hers (barring ‘Time After Time’ or ‘True Colors’, of course) was the title song from her delayed 2004 album, ‘Shine‘.  It’s an amazing song with a great dance beat (in the remixes anyway), and a terrific message that ‘I’ll stand by you’ and ‘don’t be afraid, it will all be ok’.  The song and Ms Lauper even featured in an episode of ‘Queer as Folk (US)’.

Click HERE to watch the QAF clip on YouTube

I couldn’t help but get super giddy when she opened that show back in Montreal with that song.. and proceeded to walk through the audience up into the nosebleed seats as she sang it.  Later on in her set, she came down to stand on the front row as she sang another song (can’t remember which one) – which was amazing since we were sitting in the 8th row and had a clear view of her.

But of course, the entire audience went wild when she sang ‘True Colors’ wrapped in a Pride flag, a song she dedicates in her shows to the gay community and to PFLAG, of which she’s a member (her sister is a lesbian I believe).

What can I say.. she knows her audience.  :-)

And of course Ms Lauper doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon.  She’s current on tour with Cher (again.. how many times can this woman retire?), and had a ‘She’s So Unusual’ anniversary tour last summer.

I know I’ll be keeping an eye out in case she comes to London for a show or two, because I’d love to see her again live.

For more Cyndi Lauper news, tour dates, television/film appearances and whatnot, check out her website cyndilauper.com.

 
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