Where Does the Future Lead?

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Sometimes I can’t help but wonder (and worry) about what the future has in store for me and where my life is going.  It worries me because I don’t feel like I have a plan or a goal to work towards, or have any real set destination in mind for my life going forward.

A lot of the time I just feel like I’m floating through life, letting the world around me flow by.  Or when I’m feeling a bit down, like I’m paddling against the currents trying to get somewhere unreachable.

But why is that?  Why do I constantly feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle just to have the life (I think) I want?  Why does it feel like I’m watching the world pass me by as I see others enjoy and (sometimes) squander what I would truly like to have?

Interestingly I know if I put a plan in place, I can carry it out successfully.  Hell, just look at what I went through planning and preparing when I first moved to London over six years ago.  I had a goal in mind, and I created a plan to get me here.. and I did it (albeit 2 months later than planned lol).

Hopes and DreamsSo I know I can do what I need to when I want to get somewhere in life, but why am I not doing it any more?  What is it that is holding me back?  Am I that afraid of failing?

Or is it more that I’m afraid of actually succeeding, so I don’t even try?  Or that I don’t think myself worthy enough to succeed?  Why won’t I take that leap of faith and just go for it?

But I suppose the real question here is what is it that I truly want out of life?

And the answer is  – I honestly don’t know anymore.  Sure, I can easily say I’d love to have an amazing relationship, a fulfilling career, a healthier more fulfilling life, or a dozen other vague and ambiguous ‘goals’.

Realistically I need to decide what exactly each of those things mean for me and how I can work to building what I want in life.  Sure, a relationship isn’t exactly something I can make happen as it’s dependant on another person, but career and lifestyle changes are solely within my own hands to make happen.

I’ve said many times before how I’d love to write full time, to be a published author or perhaps write a regular column for a magazine.  But why am I not doing it?  Why am I holding myself back from actually taking a chance in life?

Holding-Self-Back_HeaderPure and simple it all comes down to confidence, in myself and my abilities.  To be confident that people would actually pay money to read something I’ve written, be it a novel or something else.  To believe in myself enough to take that step and put my words out there .. although I kind of already do that here, to an extent.

I’m still not sure what the future holds for me, but I hope it’s full of success, happiness and love.. and that it would show up already.  LOL

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On a side note – please see my new ‘Contact Me‘ page if you’d like to drop me a line but aren’t comfortable leaving a comment on a post.  Spammers need not apply. :D

Learning to Love Yourself

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Let’s be frank – before someone else can love how amazing you are, you need to learn to love yourself first.  Despite what you may think, self-love is not a crime..

And no, that’s not some naughty joke about masturbation.  ;-)

Being happy with yourself and loving who you are as a person is the first step towards fulfilling your dreams, achieving personal growth, and yes even finding that ultimate happy relationship with someone special.

SELF_LOVE_by_DesignADPDespite what some may think, loving oneself is not about being narcissistic or being so totally selfish that you think life revolves around you.  In fact it’s about finding a balance in your life, without neglecting your own feelings.

And at the same time we need to recognise that living for the positive feedback from others to bolster their sense of being ‘good enough’ is no substitute for loving yourself. Sure, it’s important to help others, especially loved ones, but it shouldn’t be your sole reason for living.

It’s about finding a balance between selfishness and selflessness.  You would become more emotionally balanced due to a healthier sense of what it means to be accepting of yourself – the good, bad and everything in between.

It ultimately helps if you can understand that you’re just as important as anyone else, and that your thoughts and feelings are valid.  It doesn’t matter if you grew up thinking others were better than you, because you can break the cycle and start learning to love yourself just the way you are.

Self-love involves the following (via Self-Love is Not a Crime: Learning to Love Yourself | World of Psychology):

Self-care.

Self-care means you treat yourself just as kindly and thoughtfully as you would anyone else. If you are uncomfortable doing something, then you don’t do it and that’s OK. Just because somebody might be disappointed that you didn’t help him or her, that’s his or her choice to feel that way.

Considering your needs.

If that means others don’t get all of you, all the time, then that’s also OK. People can learn to adjust and be responsible for themselves.

Caring for yourself with the same level of effort that you do for others.

That might mean you don’t always fulfill your goal of helping others because you’d prefer to spend time doing something for yourself. That’s not selfish.

Accepting yourself for all that you are —

Both your positive aspects and your human fallibility.You cannot be all good all the time. That’s OK. You can work on self-improvement, but that doesn’t mean you discount the parts of yourself you don’t like as much. Those aspects are still part of your whole.

Saying no to others’ requests. Its-Ok-To-Love-Yourself

That’s OK. You are not totally responsible for everybody else’s needs.

Working toward self-love and acceptance can take time. If you are somebody who has little regard for yourself, then you might want to start with self-like-a-little, working up to self-like. In time, you’ll learn to self-love and accept yourself for all that you are.

Read the full article at –> Self-Love is Not a Crime: Learning to Love Yourself | World of Psychology

More Dating Debacles – The Second Date

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It’s such a lovely feeling when you’ve met up with someone nice or interesting and you’ve agreed to meet them for a second date.  Sometimes things just never progress past a first date, which is fine as not everyone is compatible.

But let’s be honest, sometimes there really shouldn’t be a second date regardless of how well the first one went.  And sometimes the second date with someone mediocre could be even better than the first.

Not too long ago, I met a kinda sexy Italian guy for a couple drinks on a Friday night, and despite having trouble understanding him at times (very thick accent), we’d ended the night have a bit of a snog on the sidewalk after we’d left the pub.

About a month or so later and several text conversations about going for a drink again, we finally agreed to meet for drinks one Friday after work.

However alarm bells should have been ringing in my head as we were arranging things when he (presumably) joked asking if I was going to bring a friend with me.. Because he would love to have a threesome with me.

Ummm.. huh???  Where did that come from?  Especially since we hadn’t really chatted about sex at all.

Playing along a bit, I asked ‘Am I not enough for you?’ (loaded question, I know..), to which he quickly back-pedalled, stating of course I was.

beardy threesomeI just brushed it off as some harmless joking and flirting…

…Until the morning of the day we were to meet, when he messaged me asking if it was ok if he brought a friend with him.

Seriously?!?  WTF??

Sure, there’s the old stereotypical joke about what does a gay man bring on a second date – they bring a second date.  But was that what he was really hoping would happen, that this ‘drink’ would turn into a threesome?

Instead of running for the hills, I told him it was fine if he brought his ‘friend’ as long as he wasn’t expecting some crazy threesome.  I made sure that he understood that, because I don’t just jump into bed with just anyone, especially not someone I’ve never met.

He once again tried to play it off as a joke, saying something along the lines of two guys for him.  Then tried to play it off as him being a silly Italian, as if that somehow explained it all, and then said he just wanted to invite his friend out as he was ‘new’.

This made me think that maybe he was inviting the guy out because he’s new in town or doesn’t know a lot of people, which is admirable to an extent.  But if you’re going out with someone on a date (at least that’s how I was looking at it..), bringing someone else along doesn’t exactly give a lot of confidence in your interest.

But maybe that’s just me.

So, time came to meet up for the drink, and the friend didn’t show up until about an hour later.  And even then, he only stayed for one drink before heading home because he had to get up early for work.

It wasn’t awkward or anything, and there was no mention of anything happening between the three of us (and it wouldn’t have, as I didn’t find the friend attractive at all), but I can’t help but wonder what the Italian’s motives were behind it all.

Afterwards the two of us went to my place for a bit of fun, but I got the impression that he wasn’t all that interested or was somehow disappointed with how the evening went.  It wasn’t anything he said, but when we were playing around there was a definite lack of physical reaction on his part, if you know what I mean.  ;-)

disappointmentWho am I kidding, there just wasn’t any passion between us.  At least not on my part.

In the end, this ‘second date’ just left me feeling disappointed and frustrated (on more than one level lol) about the whole thing.

Guess it goes to show that you need to trust your instincts, regardless of how desperate for a date you are.  ;-)

Digital Dating – Private Pics

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As if being a single gay man and looking for love/lust/sex/whatever strikes your fancy through the various smartphones apps and online websites wasn’t daunting enough, but apparently we all need to be amateur porn stars too.

Or at least it can sometimes seem that way at times.

Although it’s really nothing that new, but these days everyone seems to have a few nudie pics of themselves and are sharing them with every Tom, Dick or Harry they chat to.

But is this a good or bad thing?  At what point have we gone from being open about ourselves and our bodies to oversharing?  Have we gone past the point of saving a bit of mystery for later on in the dating process?

Admittedly a large percentage of the guys using these apps are just looking for a hot shag, but is immediately opening your private pics or sending a couple of dick/ass shots the best way to start a new conversation?  Whatever happened to saying ‘Hi’ first at the very least?

Now I don’t mind seeing a bit more of some hot guy at some point in the conversation, but not as an opening line.  Is that supposed to make me fall to my knees and beg for it?  Ummm, I don’t think so.  LOL

I suppose everyone has their own comfort levels when it comes to sharing their naughty pics with whomever they’re chatting to, and that’s cool.  For me, I want to get to know someone a bit more before I start seeing parts of them I’d rather discover in the bedroom.

And to be fair, I’m more interested in how they kiss and cuddle than if they’ve got a monster shlong, or pictures of them performing/receiving either oral or anal sex, or even what they look like when they’ve reached orgasm.

Yes, it’s happened on many occasions.. usually in video form lol.

As for my own pictures, I tend to only send them to those guys I’m actually interested in, if I send them at all.  A few years ago I made the conscious decision to remove most (if not all) of my private pictures from the various sites/apps I’m on and replaced them with other pics of myself.  Different face pics, or candid shots when out with friends.  Pictures that I hope would show more about me and my personality.

Oh who am I kidding.  Most of these guys online really aren’t interested in seeing our personalities.  ;-)

I do find it interesting (and more than a little bit sad) how we’ve moved away from actually getting to know each other to seemingly trying to determine sexual compatibility by looking at a few naughty pics.  It’s as if, as gay men, we can’t decide to meet someone unless we’ve seen every naked pic of a guy from every conceivable angle.

Are we so obsessed with sex that we won’t even try to find emotional or mental connections with someone before deciding to exchange bodily fluids?

Or maybe I’m just an old-school hopeless romantic who misses the days when you’d meet people for actual dates before jumping in the sack.  Mostly.  ;-)

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Digital Dating – The Profile Pic

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For anyone who’s ever tried to find dates online, one of the things you need to have is a decent profile picture.  This could be some fun candid shot of yourself while out with friends, or could be something more posed.. or could even be the much lauded ‘selfie’ that pretty much everyone is taking these days.

A good profile picture is important because it’s your ‘calling card’ and it’s what is going to get people initially interested in visiting your profile to find out more about you.  Or at least that’s the hope.

Of course it all depends on what you’re looking for.. some guys out there are only looking for a bit of fun so they’ll put a shirtless pic of themselves, or try to push the boundaries of the nudity rules and post something a bit racier.

Unfortunately for some people they just don’t seem to get the idea behind a good profile pic…

25 Unexplainable Profile Pictures

Here are a few thoughts on picking out a good profile pic.. now if only I could find the right pic for my own profile. ;-)

Post more than 1 pic of yourself

How does posting just one pic of yourself, or several similar pics in the same pose/look, help you garner interest of the guys looking through the profiles?  Let’s be honest – it doesn’t really.  The whole point is to give your prospective date (or whatever) more of an idea of what you look like, and perhaps give them more of an insight into your personality (depending on what you’re doing in the pictures, of course).

Obviously put your best face forward for your main profile pic, and then select a couple others that help show who you are as a person, be them just facial pics or full (clothed) body pics.

And smile, damn it!  LOL  You’re not going to get guys messaging you to find out more if you’re looking grumpy or sad in all your pictures.

Selfie or no Selfie?

selfieLet’s be honest, everyone these days has at least one picture of themselves taken while standing in front of a mirror.  It’s become the standard thing when taking pics of yourself.  But is this what you should use for your main dating site profile pic?

It’s never an easy thing to take a decent picture of yourself, be it in the mirror or holding your mobile/camera towards you and hoping you get a good shot.  What you could do is use pictures taken of you by others while out and about, or if you’re willing to shell out the cash, use a professional photographer.. But be careful of that – you don’t want guys to think you’re vain or  self-centered.

No group pics

Let’s be honest – your profile is about you, not about your group of friends.  And the last thing you want to do is to explain which one is you in the picture.  Sure, a group shot can tell a perspective suitor a bit about you and how you interact with your mates, but the guy should ultimately want to date you, not your friends.

Of course this is different if you’re a couple doing a profile together.. but that’s a whole different type of profile.  ;-)

Use a current picture

Come on guys.. How hard is it to have something that is a bit up to date?  Sure, you may like that picture of you from 10 years ago, but is that what you actually look like now?  Unless you’re somehow been able to freeze time for when you looked your hottest at 25, it really is better to show how you look now.

There’s nothing worse than chatting to some amazing, sexy guy online, and when you meet in person they look nothing like the pic anymore.  That may seem shallow, but if what initially interested him in you was your beautiful smile and you show up with some disfiguring scar that makes you look like Quasimoto, that prospective date is going to end pretty quickly.

Have a proper face pic

There’s nothing worse than clicking on a profile to see what a guy looks like, and only being able to barely make out their face.  How hard is it these days with smart phones and webcams to get a decent pic of yourself that isn’t fuzzy, blurry, or so far away you can barely tell what colour your hair is or if you have any hair at all.

Naughty or nice?

sexy hairy chestWhether you want your profile pic to be naughty or not is dependent on what you’re really online looking for.  But should a full body nudie shot be what the guys looking at your profile be the first thing you see?  Most websites or dating apps won’t allow you to post anything naughty in your profile pic, so anything more adult in nature would need to be put into a private pics section, and you’d have to unlock them for whomever you’re talking to.

Best rule of thumb could be to have your main pics fun and sexy without them being full-on porn shots.. and save those more salacious pictures for once you’ve gotten to know them a bit more than just ‘Hi’.

Show your face

We’ve all encountered numerous online profiles where there’s either no pic at all, there’s a pic of some beautiful meadow, or some headless torso.  It’s 2014.. are there really still that many people out there who are more interested in guarding their privacy or hiding inside the closet?

And let’s be honest, if you’re looking to find someone to date (as compared to finding a shag), shouldn’t a face pic be the first thing they see of you?

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Value of Friendship

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It never stops to amaze me how some people just don’t know how to be a friend, or how to properly treat their friends.  Our friends are like our families, and it’s important to cultivate these relationships to ensure they thrive and grow over the years.

This is especially important in the gay community, as there are a lot of us out there whose friends ARE their families for one reason or another.  And without that network of dear friends to support and guide us through life, a lot of us wouldn’t have gotten to where we are today, wherever that is in each of our individual lives.

For myself, I’ve never been super close to my family even before I came out of the closet.  So over the years I’ve had to rely on dear sweet friends to become my family and support network.  It wasn’t because my family and I didn’t get along, because that’s not the case.  It was more because we’ve just never been that close and I didn’t feel like I could go to them with the issues I was going through.

And that’s too bad.  I would have loved to have had a closer relationship with them (it’s surprisingly a little better these days compared to when I still lived in the same country as them hahaha), but sometimes it’s best to move past what you can’t change and make sure you have people there for you when you need them.  And vice versa obviously.

Best_FriendsAdmittedly there has been times over the years when I didn’t have many friends to lean on, as some people tend to fade away when things aren’t going well.  And that’s okay, because it shows you who your true friends are.

For me, I’d do anything for my friends.  They’re always there for me, so of course I’d always return the favour when they’re feeling down or going through a rough time.  That’s the whole point of being friends, right?

Unfortunately there are too many out there who would take advantage of someone’s generous nature or their trust, all in the name of friendship.  They are only there for their own selfishness, be it intentional or not, and can’t seem to see how their actions can affect their ‘friends’.

The thing is when you’re on the receiving end of this behaviour, you can only take it for so long before you can’t do anything else but walk away for your own sanity.  Friends need to be there to support each other, not for one to act the ‘parent’ so the other (child) can continue to do what they want, safe in the knowledge their ‘parent’ is there to clean things up for them.

why-friends-are-important1That is not a healthy relationship.

We are all adults, whether we want to be or not, so we need to grow up and take responsibility for our own lives.  That doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have fun, but instead means you have to be aware of your own actions.  And accept the consequences of them.

And if you’re not happy with your behaviour, then you need to do something to change it and soon.  Because if you don’t or if you wait too long, those loving friends may not be there any more.

Understanding Depression Better

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Living in a state of depression is never a fun or easy thing to have to deal with.  It’s something that can truly take over your life and leave you feeling like an empty husk inside.

As many who’ve visited here before know, I’ve dealt with my own bouts of depression over the years, and have wrote about it several times in the past.

Although I’m not particularly feeling depressed these days, the shadow of it enveloping me once again is always on the edge of my consciousness, and is something I battle to prevent happening on almost a daily basis.

Too many are afraid to talk about what their going through, and many others are loath to be there to listen as if it was contagious.  Talking about it more will help de-stigmatise how others perceive those with depression, and will encourage those dealing with it to be more willing to open up about it or to seek treatment.

Here are some key facts about depression (ref – World Health Organisation):

  • Depression is a common mental disorder. Globally, more than 350 million people of all ages suffer from depression.
  • Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and is a major contributor to the global burden of disease.
  • More women are affected by depression than men.
  • At its worst, depression can lead to suicide.
  • There are effective treatments for depression.

Here are a few things to help all of us understand depression better, from the point of view of things someone with depression will understand.

‘Snap out of it!’

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This is probably the most useless and unsupportive thing you could say to someone with depression.  It’s not as if you could just wake up one morning and decide to not be depressed anymore.

Depression is not just emotional, but can also be physical, and saying something like this just shows a person’s lack of understanding of what depression actually is.

Sadness does NOT equal depression

Feeling down or sad is not the same as living in a state of depression, though some people do misconstrue one for the other.  Depression is a clinical term, and is caused by underlying illnesses and chemical abnormalities that cause a person’s mental health to deteriorate.  Depression goes beyond just being sad or upset, and we need to stop confusing the two.

understanding-depression-5Little victories are really big ones

When you’re suffering from depression, sometimes something as simple and little as getting out of bed in the morning can be a huge victory.

Most tasks and activities become an ordeal, and just getting through a few of them can make someone with depression feel like they’ve conquered something.  Like they’ve accomplished something substantial, even if it’s something more people take for granted on a daily basis.

Beyond lack of motivation

Most of us feel that 3pm slump when you need a little pick-me-up to get you through the rest of the work day.  For someone who’s depressed, it’s like that pretty much all of the time.  Depression can sometimes make you feel like your muscles doesn’t work anymore, and it’s difficult to maintain the focus we all need to get through the day.

There’s physical symptoms as well

Most people think depression as just an emotional or mental problem, but to help dispel this misconception, you also need to understand the physical symptoms.  And these physical symptoms can sometimes lead people to misunderstand what is going wrong with their body, and pre-existing issues could be made worse.  Other physical symptoms can include restlessness, indigestion, nausea, headaches, and joint and muscle fatigue to name a few.

Life just isn’t fun anymore

shutterstock_94195759Depression can make your life dramatically different, as you can lose interest in those activities you’ve always enjoyed – hanging with friends, reading your favourite book, enjoying a night out, or even romantic activities all seem less exciting.

This lack of interest can be a major red-flag when identifying the condition, and it something to look out for in yourself and others.  Be supportive and approach them with an open mind.

It’s hard to put into words

Some people think that those with depression can talk about how their feeling until the cows come home, but in reality it’s much different.  For a lot of people dealing with depression, it can be agony to describe to someone else how their feeling – especially when there’s a stigma around your illness.  When you’re looking at life through dark-coloured glasses, it can be hard to put that into words and believe that someone else can understand what you’re going through.

It’s different for everyone

There’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ experience or approach when it comes to depression.  Everyone’s experiences and ordeals are unique to them, and there’s no one method to help fight the illness.  That’s what makes depression so difficult to deal with because everyone’s journey is different.

Understanding-Depression-666x372Everyone needs to take their own path to healing and getting past the depression in order to continue on with life.  The important thing is to make sure you’re getting the help you need if you’re depressed, and you’re being supportive of those suffering from it.

Be open.  Be understanding.  Be there for each other.

This post was inspired by ‘9 Things Only People With Depression Can Truly Understand‘ over on The Huffington Post.

Where’s My Motivation Gone?

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Sometimes we go through periods of feeling completely unmotivated, and just floating through life.  Day after day, it feels like we’re not accomplishing anything and the longer we let things lay to the wayside, the harder it is to pick it up again.  And to stick to it.

That’s the way I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks, like I have no motivation to do anything.  Or at least anything productive.

And that’s not a bad thing either.  Most of us have fairly busy lives and don’t take the time to relax or unwind.  Sometimes when life gets super busy, we just need a break from everything to relax and enjoy a bit of time doing absolutely nothing.

And trust me, I’m an expert at doing absolutely nothing.  ;-)

The thing is though, after awhile it can become mind-numbingly boring and you end up feeling listless.  You float through your days, doing as little as possible, and in the end you can sometimes feel like you’ve wasted your time doing nothing.

no-motivationAt least that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.  I’ve barely been writing at all, I haven’t been to the gym in well over a month, and despite a bit of activity on the social side, I still tend to spend my days off with my butt fully entrenched on the sofa.

Obviously I’ve needed the break, but it isn’t really any different than how I usually spend my weekends when I’m busy.  It’s scary how easily I can spend a full weekend without leaving the house (other than sitting in the back garden), and having the days fly by while surfing the net or watching movies/tv.

And barely talking to anyone.

Funnily when I am busy and out of the house a lot, all I can think of is having some time to myself, alone at home so I can read or relax on the sofa (think there’s a permanent butt print taking shape..).

And when I have one of those weekends where I don’t leave the house or talk to anyone, I get desperately lonely for some company.  Not just someone to chat to, but someone to cuddle up with while sinking further into that comfy sofa.  But that’s a totally different issue to feeling unmotivated..

I suppose the point of all this is I need to get back to motivating myself to do things I enjoy, be them at home or out and about.  Alone or with a few mates, it doesn’t matter, as long as I’m getting somewhere.

CarrotAnd I suppose some of this feeling of floating through life comes from this feeling I’ve had for many years of not having a direction to push towards.  Of not having an end goal in sight.  Of feeling like I’m just marking time until something happens, instead of making things happen.

And that’s the key right there – I need to make things happen in my life for me and not because I think it’s what I should be doing.  I need to find something to strive towards, and not spend so much time moaning or bitching about what I don’t have in my life.

But how to decide on a course of action or what path to take?  What do I truly want to accomplish in life, or at least over the next couple of years?  What self-imposed barrier have I erected to stop myself from taking that leap of faith and going for what I truly want?  Why haven’t I finished that novel, that online course I started ages ago, or that series of erotic short stories?

Why am I so afraid I might fail?

I suppose it all boils down to a lack of self-confidence in my own abilities or feelings of worth.  And that anything I put out there would truly be worthy of others wanting to actually pay money for.  That since there’s not a huge amount of traffic on this site, that others wouldn’t want to buy something I put out there when they could come here to read for free..

I just need to take a leap of faith and go for it at some point.  Otherwise I’ll spend the rest of my life wishing I’d taken a chance or wondering if it would have been worth it.

Besides, isn’t it better to regret trying and failing, than never trying in the first place?

Words-of-Encouragement

Itching to Fly Away

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*Sigh*

I so need a f&*%ing holiday!!

I’ve so missed travelling the past couple years.  The feeling of excitement when you arrive at the airport and check in.  The anxiousness to arrive at your destination as the plane takes off.  The annoyance of the passenger beside you snoring into your shoulder.

(seriously?? it’s only an hour’s flight!!)

And of course the dread as you realise your holiday is over as you head back to the airport.  And that within 24 hours you’ll be back at work, chained to your desk until the next time you can get away.

*Sigh*  I miss it all, the good and the bad.la-nina-hotel

The past couple of years hasn’t allowed much opportunity for me to go travelling around Europe at all.  I love nothing better than to explore a new country/city, soak in the culture, admire the architecture, and just get away from the daily grind of life in London.

The last actual holiday (read: going to another country) I had was when I spent NYE with my friend in Luxembourg back in December 2012.. almost 2 years ago!!  That just seems so long ago!

The only ‘trip’ I’ve done in the past couple years was an extended weekend with my Scottish best mate back in June when we went to Brighton for the weekend for the bear weekend.  Yeah it was an amazing weekend and was good to get away from London, but it’s not the same as flying away to some new and interesting city (preferably along the Mediterranean, with a kickass beach lol).

Of course the main reason for the lack of travelling or holidays has been money.  I was unemployed for the better part of a year, and then took jobs at companies (including my current one) that were paying a lot less than I was used to before I was unemployed.

I’m not moaning about it.. much.  I know the situation didn’t exactly allow me the funds or opportunity to go gallivanting around Europe like I might have liked.  Sometimes life makes you prioritise what’s truly important, and sometimes that’s just keeping your head above water on a daily basis.

hot naked bear beachI suppose I’ve started thinking about it lately because I’m seeing all sorts of people going away on holidays as the summer comes to a close.  Squeezing in that last bit of fun in the sun while they can, before the usual grey Autumn and Winter sneaks in over the next couple months.

Many guys I know have all travelled to Sitges this weekend for their annual bear week.  A week in the sun and sand, with tons of hot bears, cubs, chasers, and all sorts around.  And spending the days relaxing on the nude beach.

*Sigh*  Maybe next year.

My Scottish mate was supposed to come down this month so we could do another weekend in Brighton before the weather got too cold, but his work has gotten crazy busy and can’t get any time off.  He’s said he probably won’t be able to make it back down here until just before Christmas time now.

Boooooooooo

(though we have talked about me going up there for the BearScots event in October.. but we’ll see)

I do know that I probably won’t be able to take any time off between Christmas and New Years as our office remains open, and it’s apparently quite busy. Which is fine, since I don’t really do much for Christmas and can’t afford to travel back to Canada for the holidays to see my family.

joe-manganiello-beachSo this leaves me thinking of maybe planning some extended weekend away, probably by myself, somewhere warm and sunny.  Sure, I still can’t really afford it but I think it might do me some good, especially if I can find something relatively cheap but nice.

As much as I’d love to have someone to go on holiday with me, I don’t mind travelling by myself.  At least that way I can do what I want, when I want to, and not have to worry about the other person.  It allows me to wander around a city with no agenda or any pressing need to get somewhere in particular.

Anyway, we’ll see how it goes.  Maybe I’ll just take a few days off and spend them at home sleeping.  LOL

Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships

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For anyone who knows me fairly well or for those who’ve been following my blog for some time now, you probably already know that I’m not the most confident person in the world.  In fact, I’m probably a lot more insecure than I really should be.

I can’t help but feel insecure about myself, regardless of the situation I’m in.  This insecurity has always been there and has affected every part of my life, and usually ends up with me unintentionally getting down on myself because I can’t perceive why others would want to interact with me.

It’s admittedly sad, but true.  And sometimes I can’t help myself.  It rears it’s ugly head when I least expect it, usually when I’m feeling particularly happy or content in my life, and I end up back on a downward spiral to usual semi-depressed self.

It’s something I definitely need to work on.  And hopefully the below pointers, courtesy of the original article on Marc and Angel Hack Life (link at bottom of page), will help me move past this insecurity.

At some point.

You can’t read their minds

thinkingLet’s be honest, we all do it.  We take what people say or do and try to interpret what they actually mean, guessing what that other person is thinking or feeling.  When you do this, you open yourself up to misreading what they mean and opening up that can of insecurity, which can eventually lead to stress or depression if not hampered.

Ultimately you should just mean what you say, and say what you mean.  And at the same time, just take what people say at face value until they prove you otherwise through their later actions.  If someone says they really care for you but then goes off with someone else for a bit of ‘fun’, only then should you start to question how they truly feel about you.

But don’t overthink it, cause then you’ll just end up in the same place if you’d misinterpreted what they’ve said.

Nobody’s perfect

We’re all flawed human beings, and it’s those flaws that make us interesting and who we are as people.  But unfortunately, too many of us spend our lives looking for that ‘perfect’ person to complete us, and that’s just hopeless as it doesn’t exist.  If you carry on like this for too long, it could eventually drive you mad and make you feel even more insecure than you already were because you’ve spent all your time questioning why you can’t find that ‘perfect’ person.

Ultimately you want to find someone who will balance out your own flaws, or perhaps compliment them.  Someone who gets you for being you, and doesn’t expect you to be something you’re not.

Leave the past in the past

thinking_of_you_by_eyeramfosTo be fair, we’ve all gained baggage of some sort as we’ve moved through life, but if you continue to let those past experiences colour your current relationship or friendship, then it is doomed to fail.  You’ll continue to allow yourself to be pulled into the same negative relationships or behaviours that caused your previous relationship to fail.

When you meet someone new, enjoy them for who they are, not for who your ex was or how your ex behaved.  Don’t let yourself be pulled into a never ending circuit causing your relationship to fail because you respond defensively to anyone who gets close to you, and you could possibly be causing them to act in the way you expect them to act based on that past relationship.

Break the cycle and move towards something new.

Some problems only exist in your head

Too often insecure people will make themselves unnecessarily anxious by inventing problems in their head, and lead themselves down the road to self-sabotage, be it intentionally or unintentionally.  We will overthink situations and deceive ourselves with negative thoughts, which can only lead you to ignoring what’s right in front of you – the truth.

This is never a good thing, as it will cause your relationships to suffer.  By overthinking things and not realising your own self-worth, you could be unintentionally pushing away those who actually care for you, and potentially missing out on some amazing friendships or relationships.

Don’t freak out, and don’t let it overrun you.  Just relax, take a moment to breath and honestly contemplate the situation.  In the end you’ll be able to honestly understand that the problem only exists in your head, and isn’t actually happening in life.

Stop being a negative-Nancy

Regardless of how things are going at any particular time, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of always focusing on the negatives or on the things you don’t like about your relationship.  If you do, you’ll constantly be missing out on the great things that occur and on the opportunity to be genuinely happy with your life.

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No relationship is perfect, and you shouldn’t expect it to be.  There will always be ups and downs, and when it’s down you can’t allow yourself to colour the entire thing with your negativity.

You have to appreciate the people around you for who they are, and celebrate their good qualities, those that make you realise how amazing they are.  That appreciation can only lead you to somewhere good and fulfilling.

Click here to read the original article –> 5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships.