Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships

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For anyone who knows me fairly well or for those who’ve been following my blog for some time now, you probably already know that I’m not the most confident person in the world.  In fact, I’m probably a lot more insecure than I really should be.

I can’t help but feel insecure about myself, regardless of the situation I’m in.  This insecurity has always been there and has affected every part of my life, and usually ends up with me unintentionally getting down on myself because I can’t perceive why others would want to interact with me.

It’s admittedly sad, but true.  And sometimes I can’t help myself.  It rears it’s ugly head when I least expect it, usually when I’m feeling particularly happy or content in my life, and I end up back on a downward spiral to usual semi-depressed self.

It’s something I definitely need to work on.  And hopefully the below pointers, courtesy of the original article on Marc and Angel Hack Life (link at bottom of page), will help me move past this insecurity.

At some point.

You can’t read their minds

thinkingLet’s be honest, we all do it.  We take what people say or do and try to interpret what they actually mean, guessing what that other person is thinking or feeling.  When you do this, you open yourself up to misreading what they mean and opening up that can of insecurity, which can eventually lead to stress or depression if not hampered.

Ultimately you should just mean what you say, and say what you mean.  And at the same time, just take what people say at face value until they prove you otherwise through their later actions.  If someone says they really care for you but then goes off with someone else for a bit of ‘fun’, only then should you start to question how they truly feel about you.

But don’t overthink it, cause then you’ll just end up in the same place if you’d misinterpreted what they’ve said.

Nobody’s perfect

We’re all flawed human beings, and it’s those flaws that make us interesting and who we are as people.  But unfortunately, too many of us spend our lives looking for that ‘perfect’ person to complete us, and that’s just hopeless as it doesn’t exist.  If you carry on like this for too long, it could eventually drive you mad and make you feel even more insecure than you already were because you’ve spent all your time questioning why you can’t find that ‘perfect’ person.

Ultimately you want to find someone who will balance out your own flaws, or perhaps compliment them.  Someone who gets you for being you, and doesn’t expect you to be something you’re not.

Leave the past in the past

thinking_of_you_by_eyeramfosTo be fair, we’ve all gained baggage of some sort as we’ve moved through life, but if you continue to let those past experiences colour your current relationship or friendship, then it is doomed to fail.  You’ll continue to allow yourself to be pulled into the same negative relationships or behaviours that caused your previous relationship to fail.

When you meet someone new, enjoy them for who they are, not for who your ex was or how your ex behaved.  Don’t let yourself be pulled into a never ending circuit causing your relationship to fail because you respond defensively to anyone who gets close to you, and you could possibly be causing them to act in the way you expect them to act based on that past relationship.

Break the cycle and move towards something new.

Some problems only exist in your head

Too often insecure people will make themselves unnecessarily anxious by inventing problems in their head, and lead themselves down the road to self-sabotage, be it intentionally or unintentionally.  We will overthink situations and deceive ourselves with negative thoughts, which can only lead you to ignoring what’s right in front of you – the truth.

This is never a good thing, as it will cause your relationships to suffer.  By overthinking things and not realising your own self-worth, you could be unintentionally pushing away those who actually care for you, and potentially missing out on some amazing friendships or relationships.

Don’t freak out, and don’t let it overrun you.  Just relax, take a moment to breath and honestly contemplate the situation.  In the end you’ll be able to honestly understand that the problem only exists in your head, and isn’t actually happening in life.

Stop being a negative-Nancy

Regardless of how things are going at any particular time, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of always focusing on the negatives or on the things you don’t like about your relationship.  If you do, you’ll constantly be missing out on the great things that occur and on the opportunity to be genuinely happy with your life.

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No relationship is perfect, and you shouldn’t expect it to be.  There will always be ups and downs, and when it’s down you can’t allow yourself to colour the entire thing with your negativity.

You have to appreciate the people around you for who they are, and celebrate their good qualities, those that make you realise how amazing they are.  That appreciation can only lead you to somewhere good and fulfilling.

Click here to read the original article –> 5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships.

Knowing When You Can Trust Someone With Your Heart

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Falling in love and opening yourself up to someone you care about can be a scary and beautiful thing.  It’s about allowing yourself to let this other person into your heart (and life, obviously).

But when should you take that not-so-little step of saying those three magical words – I. Love. You.

Of course, I’m no expert on love as I’ve never been in an actual relationship or gotten to the point with a guy where I could truly open up my heart to him.  In fact, the few times in the past when I’ve started to open up a little bit has gotten my heart crushed because they weren’t in the same place as me.  Or they were just looking for a casual sex buddy, not a boyfriend or a relationship.

And in case anyone is wondering, no I’m not in love or think I’m falling in love. If only. ;-)

Mostly I think we’ve all forgotten how to fall in love, and what to look for before we allow ourselves to open up to someone else.

But as with anything in life, it’s all relative depending on who you are and who you are with.  If there were actual rules and steps for falling in love, I think there’d be a lot more happy couples out there.

Getting to know each other

All too often these days, people aren’t taking the time to actually get to know each other before moving on to the relationship part.  They’re jumping past the dating and courting stages to go right to living together or sometimes even getting married.

If you don’t take the time to truly get to know each other, then how can you truly know if this is someone you can/want to spend the rest of your life with?  Make sure you know who you’re getting into bed with.  Pun intended of course.  ;-)

Building trust

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Trust is an extremely important thing in any relationship, be it a friendship, a casual lover, or a lifelong partner.  And trust is not something that can be given or found immediately, or easily rebuilt once it’s been lost.  And the last thing you want is a relationship built on a pack of lies.

Once you’re able to totally trust this person with yourself and your secrets (if any), then you can allow yourself to open up your heart to loving them and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.  You need to be sure you can rely on them and count on them to catch you when you fall.

They’re there for you

Too often we have to chase after people to be part of our lives, especially with how busy everyone seems to be with their own lives these days.  An important thing to be aware of before you open up your heart to someone is whether they’re there for you without you having to really go looking for them, that they actually enjoy being with you.

Of course the reverse is true as well – if they’re always available and want to spend every waking moment with you, then that can become stifling.  There needs to be a good balance between being there for each other and being there for yourself.

They make you feel safe

When someone says to you ‘I’m not going anywhere’, it helps you feel safe with them and chip away at the barriers you’ve erected around your heart.  And when you believe they actually mean it, it’s definitely a step down the road towards creating a life together and opening yourself up to them.

Respect is important

The last thing you want in a partner is someone who doesn’t respect you as a person or who treats you like you’re their ‘property’.  Respect is a fickle thing, and can sometimes take years to build.  And even longer to rebuild once it’s lost.  If they treat you poorly, then they’re not the person you should be with.

They keep their promises

cake promiseFinding someone who’s going to be there for you, through the thick and thin, isn’t always an easy thing.  But like true friendships, a partner who is there for you, who doesn’t leave you stranded, and doesn’t give up on you is someone you should love.

Unfortunately there are too many out there who will talk a good game and make all sorts of promises, but are ultimately nowhere to be found when you truly need them.  You want someone in your life you can rely on, who isn’t just all talk and no action.

They’re willing to sacrifice

Obviously you don’t want a totally selfless partner who’s constantly putting your needs in front of their own, but at the same time you do want someone who’s willing to go out of their comfort zones to do things or go places because you want to from time to time.  And the reverse is true as well, as you can’t be totally rigid in your own comfort zones.

Are you ready for this?

Most importantly, after looking at all the possible reasons why you should open yourself up to your partner, you need to ask yourself if you’re actually ready to allow this person into your heart.  To completely open yourself to this other person.

We all tend to overlook and overthink this part, or worry about those we’re falling for to think of our own readiness.  Regardless if your partner is already to take the relationship to the next level.

Click the link to read the original article –> 9 Signs You Know You Can Trust Someone With Your Heart

Ice Bucket Challenge

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For those who haven’t been living under a rock the past month or so, you’ve probably been inundated with video after video of all sorts of people pouring buckets of ice over their heads, all in the name of charity.

The Ice Bucket Challenge dares nominated participants to be filmed having a bucket of ice water poured on their heads and challenging others to do the same. A common stipulation is that nominated people have 24 hours to comply or forfeit by way of a charitable financial donation.

The charity in question does vary somewhat depending on where in the world you’re living. Most notably in the US, the challenge is being done to raise awareness of the disease amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS, more commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease).  In the United Kingdom, people also participate in the challenge for the Motor Neurone Disease Association or for Macmillan Cancer Support.

And wouldn’t you know it, a dear friend of mine nominated me through Facebook to complete the Macmillan Ice Bucket Challenge.. but I didn’t do it.  I wimped out.

Instead of doing the actual challenge and posting yet another video of someone pouring water over their head, I sent a donation to the charity and posted on Facebook asking for others to complete the challenge on my behalf.

Ice bucket donationAnd surprise surprise, I totally got the piss taken out of me by a couple friends for not doing the challenge, although they did commend me for still sending a donation.

I could come up with all sorts of excuses why I didn’t do it – I’ve had a bit of a sore throat past couple of days, it was too chilly outside, I didn’t have anyone to film it for me, and so forth.

But to be honest, I just didn’t want to do it.  To stand out in my garden and pour a bucket of ice water over my head while filming it for others to laugh at.  It just seemed a lot of silliness to add another video to the already massive number on the internet.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the whole premise behind the challenge (regardless of which charity it’s being done for) is terrific and a fun way to raise awareness for these diseases, and to further educate those who are unaware of what they are.

But for me, I felt I could do more than just pour ice water over my head.  Like write a blog post about it all to help promote the different charities, and to ask those who can to give to either of them.  As well as the donation I did send in myself.

Doing the challenge is great and all, but I think some of the videos out there are just people following along with this summer’s ‘trend’.  I’ve seen many videos online where people don’t even mention the charity, why they’re doing it, or whether they’ve made a donation themselves. And that’s not helping the charities at all, but instead just giving people a funny video to laugh at.

Of course, it’s the end result that matters most – increasing each charity’s funds so they can do more research and work towards prevention of the diseases.  And by talking about it to get more information out there we can help even more than just pouring water over our heads.

And in the end, isn’t that the most important thing?

Click the links below to find out more about each of the charities, the work they’re doing and the challenges themselves.  Please give if you can.

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge – http://www.alsa.org/fight-als/ice-bucket-challenge.html

Macmillan Ice Bucket Challenge (UK) – http://www.macmillan.org.uk/ice-nominate.html

As well watch the below video to see what sufferers of ALS go through.  It’s an emotional and beautifully made video once you get past the super funny part at the beginning.

It’s the only ALS Ice Bucket video you really need to watch.

Soooooo Tired…

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*YAWN*

I’ve been so tired lately, and am barely staying awake as I write this… though today’s tiredness is probably a lot more to do with not getting home until well after 3am last night after going dancing in Vauxhall with a mate.  ;-)

I’m not sure if my tiredness is a result of a lack of sleep or of my new job keeping me super busy all day.. or a combination of the two.  Most days when I come home from work, all I want to do is curl up on the sofa and read on my Kindle.

Which would explain, for those who visit here regularly, why I’ve only been posting about once a week lately.  I just don’t seem to have the energy in the evenings.  Hell, in the past couple weeks I think I’ve turned my laptop on maybe 3 or 4 times?  In fact, my previous post was done from my iPad, cause that way I could get comfy instead of sitting at the desk with the laptop.

On top of it, I haven’t been to the gym since I started my new job.  It’s no longer on my way home from work, so would take me well out of my way to get there then head home… In fact, in half the time it would take me to get to the gym from work, I could be home relaxing on the sofa.

lazy-monday-8Yep… I’m being lazy.  I know it, I admit it, and I’m enjoying it.  LOL

And what are my plans to change this laziness?  How am I going to perk myself up a bit to rid myself of the regular tiredness?  To be honest, I haven’t thought about it at all.

Lately I’ve just been enjoying life as it happens and not thinking too far ahead.  See where each day takes me without worrying if it’s where I should be.

In the past week, I’ve been out a couple times – last night dancing in Vauxhall as mentioned, and Wednesday night to the monthly bear bowling night in Elephant & Castle – and I spent last weekend with my new Kurdish ‘friend’ in Guildford.

In fact, I think I’ve been out at least once a week/weekend for the past month or so.  When did I become so social?  LOL

A mate of mine said to me a couple times recently how happy I look these days.  I don’t know if I feel particularly happy lately, but I don’t feel UN-happy, which is a very nice change for me. I suppose if I had to label how I’ve been feel lately (besides tired lol), I would call it content –  I’ve got an interesting and demanding job that keeps me on my toes, and I’ve been getting out of the house a bit.

My life isn’t perfect.  I’m still single.  I don’t have my dream job.  I’m not being waited on by a gorgeous hunky man while lounging on a sandy beach… oh oops.  Wrong dream.  ;-)

Guess what I’m saying is I am happy with where my life is at the moment, regardless of where I would like it to be.  I’m enjoying it right now, and I’m going to continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

Now.. think it’s time to curl up on that comfy sofa of mine to read.. or maybe take a nap.  :D

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Looking on the Bright Side of Life

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There are loads of people out there who consistently and constantly are able to look at life in a positive light, even when something negative happens in their life.  They remain upbeat and cheerful regardless of what’s going on around them.

Most of the time I can’t help but wonder how the hell they do it, especially when I’m going through dark period after dark period and wishing something good would happen in my life.

Luckily things have actually been going really good lately and I’ve shockingly been feeling something I haven’t in a long time – contentment bordering on actually feeling happy!

It’s not like I’ve found the perfect job or met the perfect man (though that one is still up in the air lol). It’s more that I don’t really have a reason to NOT feel happy at the moment.

I don’t LOVE my new job, but it’ll do for the foreseeable future and I think it’s something I could be good at.. as long as I don’t get sucked into the existing staff’s negativity. It’s shocking how much bitching and moaning about the place I overhear in the smoking area.

Although I might get sick of the 8am starts each morning at some point.. But on the bright side, I get to finish at 5:30 and am home just after 6pm because it’s so close. So that’s a bonus at the moment. :-)

As for my dating life, it amazes me how quickly that can change. Over the past while I’d started to feel like the troll under the bridge due to the lack of attention.

Then that coin flip happened, and things seemed to change.

Not only have I continued seeing the sexy Kurdish guy (I’m travelling to Guildford today to spend the night..), but I also had a date with a kinda cute Italian guy last Friday who wants to meet up again .. Although I don’t think I’m interested since he wasn’t that good of a kisser. Lol

As for sexy Kurd, do I think it’s love? Do I think this is me finally meeting my perfect match? Who knows and frankly, who cares. All I know is I enjoy his company, he makes me laugh and smile, and I still think he’s sexy when he’s being goofy or in a grumpy mood.

Are there warning signs with him that should be telling me to walk away from him? Sure there is, but then again nobody’s perfect. Obviously I’m not thrilled that he’s already partnered (long-distance, and rarely see each other) or that he doesn’t live in London and is moving further south.

But at the moment I’m not going to worry about any of that and am just going to continue to enjoy his company. I’m not thinking about the future or any ‘what ifs’, but instead am concentrating on the here and now.

Basically I’m trying to just enjoy life as it comes along… For once in my life.

Fingers crossed it lasts for awhile. :-)

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Flip of a Coin

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We’ve all done it, flipped a coin to decide on a course of action for any number of things.  We do it so much without thinking that it’s just part of our lives and don’t really think of it.

But what if YOU were what the coin was being flipped for?

That’s what happened to me recently on a night out.  I’d spent a lovely day at home, mostly in the back garden trying to get some sun, but come the evening I was feeling a bit restless.  So off I went into Soho for a couple drinks at the King’s Arms (the bear pub) and just to see who was around.

In general, I’m not a big fan of Soho or the King’s Arms, especially not when I’m on my own (I find it hard to approach people I don’t know), but I just had a need to go out.  Earlier I’d been chatting for a bit with a cute Italian and he mentioned he was going out with friends for dinner and drinks, and somehow it made me want to go out too.

It was also the weekend before I started my new job.  Other than a enjoying a bottle of wine by myself the night before, I hadn’t really celebrated the new job and felt the itch to get out of the house.  Even if the guys I normally hang out with weren’t available (damn partnered friends, always busy with their hubbies LOL).

So off I went into Central London by myself, thinking if it’s crap I’ll just have a couple drinks and then come home.  Usually when I go out to places like that I don’t run into people I know, let alone like. ;-)

But regardless I still went, and guess who was standing outside chatting with friends as I walked up?  The Italian I had been chatting to earlier.  Yay!!

So of course once I got a drink and went back outside to join them, he was flirting outrageously with me right in front of a couple of his friends, one of whom seemed particularly interested.. in me.  At one point he said he was jealous that the Italian got to flirt with me because he thought I was cute too.

Within no time both of them were flirting with me at the same time, almost like it was a competition and I was the grand prize.

This was definitely something I wasn’t used to.  I rarely get one guy flirting with me when I go out, let alone anyone showing any interest at all other than a glance across the room.  Admittedly it is rare that I go out these days, but when I did from time to time I never had this happen.

In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had two guys flirting with me at the same time.  And if I had, it sure as hell wasn’t in front of each other.  LOL

The two guys couldn’t be any more different – the Italian is a ginger chaser who’s a bit taller (or average if you’re not short like me lol) with an average body and a lovely smile; the other guy, a Kurdish-British cub/chaser, is my height with a slight belly, a full dark beard and very sexy.

Well anyway, at some point in the flirting they decided to flip a coin – to see which one of them would ‘get me’ since they were both attracted to me.  Some might find that insulting, as if I didn’t have a say in the matter, but I found it quite funny that these guys were flipping a coin about me.. and even joked several times they shouldn’t fight, that they could both have me.  ;-)

In the end, the Italian won the coin toss, but somehow I ended up leaving with the Kurdish guy instead…

And we’ve seen each other again since. ;-)

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Settling In

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As per my previous post, I started a new job this past Monday with a property management company doing administrative work.  Well, I will be once we finally have training which will be this coming week.

Thank goodness, cause it was a bit boring watching everyone else work. lol

So far I’m liking the place, although I wasn’t so sure the first day or so.  Because they deal with a lot of tradespeople (builders, electricians, installation engineers, etc), there seemed to more of a blue-collar feel to the office.  A lot of the upper managerial staff used to work in the field themselves as contractors, so there’s a definite lad’s lad feel about them.  Something I’m not used to.

Or maybe that’s just my inner snob rearing it’s ugly head.

But after a few days and getting to know some of the existing staff, the atmosphere has definitely grown on me.  They’re down to earth, there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of office politics (thank fuck lol), and they genuinely seem friendly.  And a large percentage of them are older (ie: 40+) so it’s more about getting the work done than joking around, though there are a few laughs here and there.

But with the type of environment it is and the type of people working in it, it’s made me be cautious about one specific thing – being out at work.  And I’m a bit surprised by that, as I can’t recall a single workplace I haven’t been open in since I came out.

To be fair, it doesn’t matter as I’m just going to be myself, regardless of where I am, who I’m around and so forth.  Which is how I’ve been living my life for many many years, and I’ve learned when it’s appropriate to be ‘out & proud’ and when to just be me.

Anyway, work seems to be going well, and I’m certain once I’m up to speed on the processes and computer systems, I’ll be flying along.  Already this week I got a load of praise from some of the managers thanks to a simple spreadsheet I was asked to create for one of the contracts.  It was just a simple, colour-coded schedule for contractors in a specific area, and the one who asked me to create it couldn’t stop praising how amazing it was.. even though it wasn’t anything fancy or particularly complicated (wasn’t a single formula in it haha).

20acbbb9cd76f89b1a2eda12ad8d9a9fBut just that got me thinking about the place, and the type of staff they usually get (it’s a regional office above a plumbing centre).  Maybe the staff they’d hired before were more inclined to be from or looking to go into a building trade, and not from more of an office background.  And just maybe this could give me an opportunity to really show what I can do with this sort of thing.

We’ll just have to see how things go, though I’m feeling quite positive about the place.  It’s going to be a complete change of pace for me, since it’s not a call centre (YAY!!), I’ll be learning about boiler installations (which I know nothing about), and it’s only a quick bus journey from home.

And hopefully there’ll be some hunky builder who has to come into the office from time to time.. I need something nice to look at.  ;-)

Life is a Rollercoaster

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Isn’t it amazing how quickly things in your life can change.  One moment you can be happy as a clam and one little incident could change that, be it losing a job, breaking off a relationship, a family emergency, or any number of things that can affect your life for the worse.

And of course the opposite is true as well.  When you’re feeling down and something good happens to you, it can be such an amazing ego boost that you just want to run down the road laughing like an idiot.  Or something like that.  ;-)

Well.. I’ve got some good news – I got a new job!!  YAY!!!

Man_streaking_after_skinnydipping*runs naked down the street, laughing like a maniac*

So as I mentioned in my previous post, I had three different interviews lined up over the course of the next week, with the first one being yesterday.  And surprisingly, they called my agency back within half an hour of me leaving the interview to offer me the job.

Brilliant!!

To be honest, I wasn’t 100% certain about this job or company, because it’s an industry I know nothing about, and it’s more of an admin role than the call centre work I’ve done previously – all of which are also good things, since I wanted to change sectors anyway.

But at the same time, I went into this interview (despite the usual nervous tummy) feeling really confident and sure of myself.  I knew what the company did, I could quote things from their website, I knew what the job was about, and I knew how my skills could fit into what they were looking for.

And they obviously did too.  In fact, the interviewer actually said to me before I left that he was recommending me to be hired, and would possibly see about placing me in a more billing/invoicing role (which the HR person knew nothing about when my agency asked about that lol).

I’ve never had an interviewer come out and say that to me before, and to to be so interested in making sure I became part of their company.

Which of course comes to my confidence boost… And makes me think I might have got my mojo back as well (see previous post).  And that a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders once I got the callback (while picking up groceries, still dressed for the interview lol).

I’m not sure what I truly did that was different, but I do know I was completely determined to get this job (or one of the other two scheduled for next week).  The interesting thing is normally when I’m that determined, I usually get super nervous and come across like a blubbering idiot who can’t string two thoughts together.

Confidentiality-250x250But this time I was calm and cool.. and very confident.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so confident in an interview before, and it was an amazing feeling.  A feeling I’d love to have continue into other parts of my life.

This whole thing has definitely helped restore my confidence in myself a bit, that my skills and abilities truly are amazing and any employer would be stupid to not recognise that.  That I really should believe in myself, because I’m fucking amazing at what I can do, even when it’s learning something new.

Things most definitely are looking up.  *phew!!*

Are Things Looking Up?

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So here I am, just over 2 weeks into my unemployment and job hunt, and I’ve yet to have an actual interview.  I mean an honest to god, face-to-face, get all dressed up and try not to sweat through your suit interview.

Sure, I’ve had a couple of chats with recruiters over Skype or Facetime, but those weren’t actual interviews.  Instead they were more prospecting calls to get to know more about me and my experience, and to to determine if they would put me forward for the role in question (I didn’t reach the interview stage for either role, unfortunately).

It doesn’t feel like it’s only been two weeks since I left my job.  Somehow it feels like I’ve been job hunting forever.  But perhaps that’s more to do with how much I’m looking for a new job, not so much as the actual time that’s passed.

economy-usa-sack-sacking-firings-outsourced-redundant-cwan85l.jpgSo far I think I’ve been averaging at least 50 to 60 applications a week.  I’m keeping track of them all through my Job Seekers online profile (because I have to or else I don’t get any benefits..), but I haven’t really been counting.  Much.

The main frustration I’ve been having is that I’m not getting many replies back.. still.

Just this past Monday alone, I sent out about 30 applications to a variety of roles, with different companies, through different websites.  I spent all day job hunting, taking a break to go to the gym (YA!), and then heading to the coffee shop around the corner with my laptop to do some writing.. But before I realised it, I was filling in more applications.  And then I did some writing (the post To Beard or Not To Beard in case you’re wondering lol).

Well apparently all that hard work might be starting to pay off – Tuesday alone I had calls from at least SIX different recruiters!  This resulted in:

  • A phone interview Wednesday morning for a role near London Bridge;
  • Registered in person in the afternoon with an agency in the city for a role not far from home;
  • A call from another company to invite me to an assessment day next Wednesday;
  • A returned call from one agency to let me know the role in Central London they thought had been filled hadn’t been, so would now be putting me forward for it;
  • And an ACTUAL INTERVIEW next Friday from an application I’d sent off a week or so ago – where if I got the job, a good friend of mine would be my BOSS!!

Phew!! It’s been busy couple of days!Dressing_for_success_tips_on_dressing_for_an_interview_330x330

UPDATE – Received a call back from the agency I’d registered with yesterday and I’ve been invited to an interview tomorrow afternoon for the job not far from my house! :D

Although I’m very VERY hopeful that something comes from all these calls, meetings and invitations, I’m trying to not get my hopes up in case none of them pan out.  Mostly because I know myself – when I get excited that something is going to work out, I start thinking what it would be like working at such-and-such place, which leads me to become absolutely crestfallen if it doesn’t happen.

Or if I screw up the interview.  Trust me, it’s happened before where I’ve been super psyched to get a specific job, thinking I had it in the bag.. only to be a blubbering mess at the interview.

What I will do is remain positive and confident that I can get any one of these jobs.  None of them are at the same level I was at before the redundancy a couple years ago, but who cares.  It’s a JOB, and I need one as my bills won’t pay them self.  LOL

Mostly I’m just happy that I’m finally seeing some movement from my applications.  Let’s just keep our fingers crossed that something comes out of one of them.

And pray that I’m not jinxing anything by writing about it here. ;-)

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How To Get Your Mojo Back | LinkedIn

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Layout 1When most people think of someone losing their ‘mojo’, they generally think of that scene from Austin Powers when he’s lost his sex drive.

More generally, losing your mojo means you’ve lost your self-confidence and belief in your own abilities, and not just when it comes to sex.  That you’ve lost your ability to bounce back from a debilitating trauma and negative attitude.

Like when you’ve lost a job and you’re left feeling adrift or with no idea of what to do next.

Yep, that’s been me for most of the past 2 years.  The longer my unemployment went on, the less confident I was in my own abilities.  And I couldn’t stop the negative thoughts creeping into my head – that maybe I wasn’t that good at my job, or that maybe my past successes were just a fluke.

And despite friends trying to bolster my confidence by reminding me of all the great things I’d done, all I could muster was something non-committal.  Because in my head, all I could think was ‘I suck’.  Even though I didn’t.

Basically when you’re in this situation and your mojo seems to be playing the most annoying game of hide-and-seek ever, you need to take it as a sign from the universe that it’s time for a change.  That maybe you need to go in a different direction, and soften your usual rushed go-go-go approach to life.

Here are a few helpful tips gleaned from an article on LinkedIn a friend posted on Facebook (click the link at the bottom for the full article).

Write it out

As evident by this very blog, I like to write out what I’m feeling and thinking instead of letting it bounce around my poor head.  By journalling your thoughts, it allows you to look deeper into yourself, find ideas your conscious mind might not have normally thought of, and allows you to guide your own reinvention.

Change it up a bit

If-you-do-not-change-directionSometimes you just need a break from what you’ve been doing or trying to do and take things in a different direction.  A lot of people tend to get a survivor job while looking for more gainful employment, and this allows them to do something completely different. It can help you stay focused mentally, as well as keep an income coming in.

In fact some people continue to work a second, part-time job once or twice a week just as a way to shift their attention.

Get Out of Your Head

This is advice I need to take – stop trying to ‘solve’ everything like a logic puzzle, because you’re not a puzzle.  Instead you need to look at this as a time for reinvention, like the physical transformation when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly.

So the best advice for this is to do something fun and possibly artistic (like working on that damn novel I started a few months ago).  Go dancing.  Enjoy the sunshine.  The more you care and respect your body by letting your brain have downtime from the normal job hunt, the faster your mojo could return.

You’ve come a long way, baby!

We’ve all gone through rough times and came out of them flying like the wind.  You need to remember where you’ve been and how you’ve gotten to where you are, as it’ll paint a picture of your path and remind you of how far you’ve come.

Whenever I start to think life is crap, I try remembering how I got here in the first place.  And by here, I mean London.  I was living in Montreal, bored with life, and I decided one day to do something about it.. and spent the next year planning, organising and saving to move to London.  It wasn’t easy, but I put all the naysayers behind me and achieved something I never thought was possible before.

It reminds me that anything is possible if I want it hard enough and actively move towards it.

impossible1Move your booty

Get off your ass and step away from the computer!!  Or at least that’s what I tell myself when I’ve spent untold hours every day sitting at the laptop looking through job ads.  So I’ve been making myself leave the house and going for a walk, or forcing myself to go to the gym (I’ve been quite lazy about that lately..).

You can’t force your mojo back by sheer brain power itself, so you need to let your body take over and take care of you.

Helping others

A great way to boost your own mojo is to help someone else in need, be it through volunteer work, listening to your mate’s boyfriend troubles, or helping a fellow job seeker with some advice.  By helping someone else, you’re boosting your own sense of self as you’ll realise you have more wisdom and knowledge than you ever thought before.

Be aware of what’s around you.

When looking to reinvent yourself, you need to remember it doesn’t happen in a linear process.  Instead you need to keep an eye and ear out for the little messages around you.  It could be something overheard on the bus, something you notice sitting in the coffee shop, or even something that pops up in a dream.  Whatever it is, it could lead you to your next adventure, so listen up and enjoy the ride.

Un-define yourself from your past

I felt lost and confused when I first went through my redundancy, as I’d defined so much of my life based on my job.  Those feeling caused me to become unsure about myself and who I was as a person.  What I needed was to remember that a job is just a job, and it isn’t the whole of my existence.  And it most definitely didn’t define me as a person.

You need to remember that bigger adventures are always on the horizon, and that you are fine and amazing.  You need to give up on that perceived fixed identity and be ready for the possibilities.  You don’t need some high-paying, powerful job with a fancy business card to be amazing, because you’re already there.

Be yourself and let life take you where it’s supposed to.  Trust me, you’ll enjoy the ride all the better.  You just need to give it time for your mojo to come back to you.

dilbert_cartoon_powerlessnessClick here to read the original article - How To Get Your Mojo Back | LinkedIn.